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This is the transcript for You, Me and Tiny Pea.


(Scene opens to Junior, who is playing with his toy monster truck, which has a toy ducky perched on top of it, while also playing with a toy robot, which knocks the ducky off the monster truck. Junior picks up the ducky and starts playing with it.)

Junior: Whoa-whoa!

Captain Mike: Good morning, Junior. Having fun with those great toys?

Junior: Sure am, Dad.

Captain Mike: I got a little surprise for you. It's a hat that shows the world that you are my little guy.

(Captain Mike shows a hat that has a picture of him giving Junior a piggy back ride.)

Junior: Little?!

Captain Mike: Yeah, little. As in, you're my little guy.

(Captain Mike places the first hat on Junior's head, before placing the second one on his own head.)

Junior: Whoa! Uh... Gee, thanks, Dad. (takes the hat off) Can I wear it... tomorrow?

Captain Mike: Sure, you can wear it today, you can wear it tomorrow. It can be our thing.

Junior: Yeah. I'll wear it tomorrow. Bye! (starts to leave)

Captain Mike: Don't forget, we have story time at the library this afternoon.

(Captain Mike trips on the toy monster truck and falls down before it hits him on the head.)

Captain Mike: (sighs)

(Scene switches to Bob and Larry coming through town.)

Larry: (singing) Gonna buy some oatmeal

It's oatmeal-buying day

Gonna buy some oatmeal

(Bob and Larry then approach Junior afterwards.)

Larry: Oh, hello, Junior. Guess what I'm doing.

Junior: Going to buy some oatmeal?

Larry: No, I don't care for oatmeal. I'm going to Pa Grape's store to get some hot sauce.

Junior: Larry, we need to work on the content of the random songs you sing.

Larry: Too many words.

Junior: For instance, if you're going to Pa Grape's store to buy some hot sauce, you should sing about-

Larry: Chainsaws.

Junior: Exactly.

(A pea wearing a blue ball cap rides through town on his bicycle, as Larry gets out of the way, before the pea rides around Bob and Junior, then stops.)

Pea: Hey, everyone!

Bob: Who's the tiny pea?

Junior: He's Tiny Pea.

Bob: I know he's a tiny pea, but what's his name?

Junior: I told you. He's Tiny Pea.

Bob: I know he's a- Never mind.

Junior: He's in my third-grade class.

(Bob faces Tiny Pea after that.)

Bob: Hey, little guy. What's up today?

Tiny Pea: I'm gonna do big things! Important things! Thrilling and dangerous things!

(Music starts to play.)

Tiny Pea: (singing) Although outside to you

I must look very small

But inside of me

I'm not too small at all

So they call me Tiny Pea

I'm taller than a tree

Not on my outside

But on my inside

I can lift airplanes

I'm faster than a train

Not on my outside

But on my inside

The ocean isn't round enough

For me to take a bath

Mountains form and cities shake

Every time I laugh

The Grand Canyon's not a canyon

It's just a tiny path

You ask how many feet I stand

(speaking) Well, it's one million-trillion and a half.

(singing) I'm sure the world will one day be

Always looking up to me

Outside and inside

They will know

Just wait and see

I'm the biggest pea in history

Not on the outside

But on the inside

(The song ends.)

Junior: Oh... all I was gonna do was go to story time with my dad.

(Bob and Petunia look up.)

Petunia: Larry, it's just a tiny pea.

(Scene switches to show Larry hiding on top of the gazebo fearfully.)

Petunia: You can come down now.

Larry: How tiny?

Bob: He's quite small and harmless.

Larry: Okay.

(Larry starts to climb down from the gazebo, but falls off and lands on the ground.)

Junior: Hey, I'm gonna be big when I grow up, too.

Tiny Pea: Yeah! It's gonna be great!

Junior: But my dad still thinks I'm just a little guy. He has me do babyish stuff, like story time at the library.

Tiny Pea: Well, what's the biggest most grown-up thing you can think of?

Junior: Uh... grow a mustache?

Tiny Pea: Okay, not that.

Junior: Go to the lake and boat across the dangerous part, guarded by a giant lobster, instead of going to story time?

Tiny Pea: (excited) Yeah!

(Scene switches to Pa Grape's Store, before cutting to the inside where Larry picks out a bottle of hot sauce.)

Larry: One bottle of flaming hot hot sauce.

Bob: Why are you getting hot sauce again?

Larry: You know how I can't grow a mustache? My lack of facial hair makes it hard for others to see that I'm grown up, so I'm gonna gargle hot sauce instead.

Bob: I don't think you need to gargle hot sauce to show that you're grown up. Instead of growing a mustache or gargling hot sauce, what else can you think of that a grown-up does?

Larry: Hmm. Eat oatmeal?

Bob: He drives a car, Larry.

Larry: Whew, that's a relief. I don't care for oatmeal.

Bob: So let's go for a drive.

Larry: I don't have time for that, Bob. I've got something to prove with this hot sauce.

Bob: (groans)

(Scene switches to the Asparagus household, where Captain Mike is drinking coffee, when Junior skateboards by.)

Junior: Tiny Pea and I were talking, and Tiny Pea is a tiny pea, yeah, but he has this really cool truck with a really cool boom box on it, and it makes really cool sounds, and, yeah, he may be tiny, but he's gonna be big one day, and he's got a big personality, and he's gonna do big things, great things, important and dangerous things. And so I'd like-

Captain Mike: Well, son, growing up and growing big aren't the same thing.

Junior: Well, anyway, Tiny Pea- even though he's small, you can tell he's really big- we're gonna go off and do impressive stuff and everyone will think I'm all big like Tiny Pea. And I want to go to the lake instead of going to story time at the library. Is that okay, Dad?

Captain Mike: Well, okay, Junior, but don't go in the area with that giant lobster, okay?

Junior: You can count on me! Thanks! See ya! Bye!

(Junior skateboards away, while Captain Mike watches. Junior skateboards through town, where Larry is now standing at the gazebo, where a crowd has gathered up front.)

Larry: People of the house, a lot of you have been saying recently that your life lacks spectacle-acle. I mean... spect-alacle. I mean, your life lacks something awesome.

Archibald: No one's been saying that.

Madame Blueberry: I don't even know what he's talking about.

Larry: Hold on, let me finish. For I am going to gargle hot sauce.

Phillipe: This is not something awesome.

Archibald: No, wait. I think he's on to something.

Madame Blueberry: Let's see where this goes.

Larry: Behold the hot sauce gargle of doom!

Bob: Larry, that's gonna hurt. You don't have to do this.

Larry: You're not the boss of me.

Bob: I'm not trying to be your boss. Sometimes you just have to-

Larry: Gargle hot sauce.

(Larry then pours the hot sauce into his mouth.)

Larry: (gargling, singing) If you like

To talk to tomatoes-

(Larry suddenly stops before he suddenly starts blowing flames.)

Bob: Quick, someone get something to cool off his mouth!

Archibald: Here's an ice cream!

(Archibald tosses an ice cream cone as Larry catches it in his mouth and eats it.)

Larry: Good! More, more!

Petunia: Juice pop!

(Petunia throws a juice pop, which Larry also catches in his mouth.)

Larry: Yes, yes! It's working!

Madame Blueberry: Ice water!

(Madame Blueberry holds up a cup of ice water and gives it to Larry as he drinks it.)

Larry: Yes, more!

Phillipe: Hot sauce?

Larry: Yes!

(Larry takes the hot sauce from Phillipe and drinks it again, before he realizes what happened.)

Larry: I mean no! Waaaaah!

(Larry blows flames from the hot sauce again as he jumps off the gazebo. Scene switches to Junior and Tiny Pea leaving the house via the back door.)

Junior: Well, here it is. But are you sure you want to go out on it? My dad says it's dangerous.

Tiny Pea: Well, he goes on it, and he's a big person, right?

Junior: Yeah.

Tiny Pea: And we want to be big people, right?

Junior: Of course.

Tiny Pea: Well, then let's do it!

(Junior and Tiny Pea are now hopping along the edge of the lake, as Junior stares uneasily at the lake waters, before Tiny Pea comes up to him.)

Tiny Pea: This is our first step.

(Scene switches to the center of town, where Larry is now standing in front of a huge pile of marshmallows stacked up on top of each other.)

Bob: What's with the giant pile of marshmallows, Larry?

Larry: I'm going to attempt to eat all the marshmallows in the world.

Bob: It sounds kind of just a little bit impossible.

Larry: It's kind of just a little bit a personal challenge.

Bob: You sound childish.

Larry: You sound adult-ish. Besides, I may be youthful, but I'm not a kid anymore. You can't make me not eat every marshmallow in the world.

(Larry then proceeds to eat all of the marshmallows, much to Bob's surprise.)

Bob: Oh, dear.

(Larry gains a huge belly from eating the marshmallows.)

Larry: I did it, Bob. I ate every marshmallow in the world. (burps) And now I feel terrible. Never eat every marshmallow in the world, kids.

Bob: And what did we learn today?

Larry: I learned that I have to do something even bigger than eating marshmallows to prove I'm not a child.

(Bob falls face down in frustration.)

Bob: Why do I even try?

Larry: I'm gonna jump my skateboard off a ramp and leap over the sun.

(Scene switches to Archibald and Petunia fishing at the lake.)

Archibald: Thank you for teaching me how to fish, Petunia. But shouldn't fishing somehow involve actual fish at some point?

Petunia: You have to be patient, Mayor.

Archibald: I'm tired of being patient.

(Junior and Tiny Pea approach the dangerous part of the lake, where a sign stands.)

Tiny Pea: Yeah!

Junior: "Warning, dangerous waters. Only big people allowed." Oh, boy. Are you sure about this? I was supposed to go meet my dad for story time.

Tiny Pea: If you want to be big, you gotta do big things.

(Tiny Pea jumps into a boat.)

Junior: Right. Story time is for babies.

(Junior jumps into the boat with Tiny Pea, before the two then start to row out across the lake, while Archibald and Petunia watch them from afar.)

Archibald: Captain Mike would want to know that Junior is out on the dangerous part of the lake.

(Archibald gives his fishing pole to Petunia and runs off, leaving Petunia alone. Scene switches to Larry standing next to a ramp next to the lake, where a small crowd has gathered at the lake.)

Bob: Larry, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Larry: Of course. Larry the Cucumber never backs out of anything. Well, there was that one time, and that other time.

Bob: And that other time?

Larry: Yes, yes.

Bob: And that time you won the gold medal at the backing-out-of-things competition?

Larry: Yes, yes, but this time, there will be any backing out like the many, many times before.

(Larry pulls out a helmet before hopping up the ladder.)

Bob: Last chance, Larry. There's no shame in-

Larry: (O.S.) Bob!

Bob: Yes, Larry?

(Camera pans to show how high up on the ramp Larry is.)

Larry: I think I'm gonna back out of this stunt.

Bob: Hooray! That's a good choice, Larry.

Larry: I'll be right dow-

(Larry trips on his skateboard before skateboarding down the ramp.)

Larry: Aah! Talk to you in a minute, Bob.

Bob: Larry!

(Scene switches to Junior and Tiny Pea still rowing on the dangerous part of the lake.)

Tiny Pea: Danger? Ha ha! This is a piece of carrot cake.

(A giant lobster claw rises out of the lake and follows after the boat.)

Junior: Right. Is there anything we can't handle? Huh?

(Camera pans to show Tiny Pea looking afraid before Junior also turns around.)

Tiny Pea: Aah!

(Junior and Tiny Pea look to see the giant lobster coming towards them as they scream.)

Tiny Pea: Row! Back to the shore!

(Scene switches to Larry who is still rolling down the ramp on the skateboard.)

Larry: Must get control.

(Larry jumps up, appearing right side up for a minute.)

Larry: Aha!

(Camera turns around to show that Larry is still upside down on the skateboard. Larry then zooms off the ramp and into the sky.)

Larry: I'm gonna make it to the sun. I'm not gonna make it to the sun. I learned that being big isn't just doing whatever I wanted to do! Oh, look. There's Junior and Tiny Pea. They have a boat. How convenient.

(Larry lands in the boat, breaking it in half, and causing one half to catapult Tiny Pea as he lands back on the shore once again. Everyone is shocked when they see that Larry and Junior are now trapped in the broken boat on the dangerous part of the lake. The lobster still inches closer towards Larry and Junior. Scene switches to Archibald approaching Captain Mike who is about to eat a sandwich.)

Archibald: Captain Mike! I just saw Junior taking a boat out on the dangerous part of the koi pond!

Captain Mike: (shocked) No! The giant lobster!

(Captain Mike leaves, leaving his sandwich with Archibald.)

Archibald: Can I eat this?

(Scene switches to back on the lake, where Larry and Junior are still trapped by the giant lobster.)

Larry: Help! He's gonna give us such a pinch.

Petunia: Oh, if only I had a fishing pole.

(Petunia remembers that she does have a fishing pole. Tiny Pea picks himself up, just as Petunia casts the line on her fishing pole forward.)

Junior: I don't feel so big now.

(The line anchors itself to the back of the boat, as Petunia, with help from Tiny Pea, starts to reel Larry and Junior across the lake, with the lobster still chasing after them.

Petunia: Pull, Tiny Pea, pull!

(Jimmy, Jerry, and Mr. Lunt also help Petunia and Tiny Pea reel in the boat, as Larry and Junior get pulled back to shore, before everyone approaches them to see if they're alright.)

Bob: Oh, that was close. Glad you're okay, pal.

(Captain Mike approaches the crowd after that.)

Captain Mike: What did I miss? What's going on?

Junior: I'm sorry, Dad. I shouldn't have disobeyed you.

Captain Mike: You're okay, and that's what's important.

All: Aww!

Junior: Hey, Dad, how about we go to story time at the library together?

Captain Mike: That's my big guy.

(Captain Mike turns to face Tiny Pea, who is looking left out.)

Captain Mike: And, you know, we have room for one more big guy. You want to come along, Tiny?

Tiny Pea: You know it! Story time sounds like big fun to me.

(The screen irises out, ending the episode.)

(End of Transcript)