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WorldOfWhinersTitleCard

This is the transcript for World of Whiners.

Transcript[]

(Scene opens to Larry, Petunia, and Laura, who are out riding their bikes.)

Petunia: I'm so hungry I could eat a horseradish! Lunch is on me today.

Larry: On you? Hopefully, it's not boiling cheese. Yeesh! Been there!

(Larry, Petunia, and Larry stop at Pa Grape's Store, before entering, where Bob is already sitting at the counter.)

Pa Grape: What'll it be?

Petunia: I'm eating healthy! I'll have the grass-fed lemongrass lettuce wrap.

Larry: I'm eating healthy too! I'll have the same thing as Petunia... but hold everything and add nine tacos!

Laura: And I'll have a cake!

Petunia: You can't have cake for lunch, Laura! Maybe a piece for dessert, but...

Laura: (pouting)

Bob: Why not try the Clam Chowder?

Laura: But I want a whole cake! (cries)

(Laura whines so loud, which can be heard from outside the store.)

Petunia: Was that a whine? Laura! That's not like you!

Laura: I feel like if I don't get cake for lunch, I'll never be happy, so I'm giving whining a shot.

Pa Grape: We all feel like whining sometimes. That's why Bob and I wrote a song about the importance of rejoicing from Psalm 118.

Bob: That's right. To rejoice is to celebrate and be happy about the life God has given us.

Pa Grape: (strumming the guitar, singing) Rejoice-

Ichabeezer: No one wants to hear you two warbling nonsense! Kid, don't let these anti-whiners fool you! I spent my whole life with a whiny attitude! (laughing) And look at me! Why, I eat gold bars for breakfast! Let me tell you a story!

Pa Grape: Oh boy, here we go!

(A flashback starts up, showing Ichabeezer as a young boy.)

Ichabeezer: (V.O.) As a kid, I whined until I got the toy I wanted. And, when I got tired of it, I whined for a bigger one!

(Young Ichabeezer continues whining, until more toys are given to him.)

Ichabeezer: (V.O.) I whined my way, through school, and college. Always striving to be top of the class, graduating early.

(The flashback ends after that.)

Ichabeezer: Why, I whined my way right to the top!

(Bob, Larry, and Petunia are weirded out, but Laura is captivated.)

Ichabeezer: I could go on. In fact, I will!

Bob, Larry and Petunia: We get it! No thanks, that'll do!

Petunia: That is terrible advice, Ichabeezer! Imagine a world full of whiners!

Laura: I like Ichabeezer's life story! You should write a book!

Ichabeezer: A book? Why, that is brilliant! Lunch is on me, kid!

(Ichabeezer pulls out a large cake and gives a piece to Laura, who is happy to get her cake at last.)

Ichabeezer: Have your cake and eat it too! (laughing) I wrote that!

Larry: Lunch is on you?

Ichabeezer: Well, I'm off to write my book! Come, Rooney! (laughing)

Rooney: (barking)

Larry: Now lunch is on me! (places a sandwich on his head)

(Scene switches to Ichabeezer's mansion, before cutting inside, where Ichabeezer has a carrot assistant write down everything he says.)

Ichabeezer: And after I whined some more, the guy says, "Okay! Okay! We'll give you the Diamond Dinosaur Skeleton for your collection!" You gettin' all this?

Carrot Assistant: Yup! Wow, that's over 100 pages. Heh.

Ichabeezer: Chapter 72, my next goal was to buy Australia and turn it into a lawn off of which I should like to keep people! After I bought the moon, I whined my way...

(Scene switches to back at Pa Grape's Store, where Pa is still strumming away on his guitar, playing the song he and Bob wrote, just as a carrot delivery man approaches him.)

Carrot Delivery Man: Just need you to sign here for the new book displayed.

(Pa Grape stops playing, then looks to see Ichabeezer's book on display.)

Pa Grape: Eesh! Ichabeezer's book? That was fast.

Carrot Delivery Man: Already a best seller! I hear he's doing a sign-in today!

Pa Grape: Really? Where?

(A large crowd suddenly runs into the store, running right past Pa Grape and the carrot delivery man, knocking over the carrot delivery man, and causing Pa Grape to get spun around before falling over. Everyone is in line while holding their copies of Ichabeezer's book to get them signed. Ichabeezer approaches the sign-in desk after that.)

Ichabeezer: Alright! Alright! One at a time!

Callie: Can you make it out to my Aunt Judy? She loves these book things!

Ichabeezer: (writing) "To Judy, grab life by the ears and whine loudly into them." Here you go.

(Callie leaves, before Laura is next.)

Ichabeezer: My inspiration! Have a free copy!

Laura: Thanks! Yesterday, my baseball team almost lost, but I got everyone to whine until the other team gave up.

Ichabeezer: That's what I like to hear!

(The carrot assistant gets a call on the cell phone, before giving it to Ichabeezer.)

Ichabeezer: Best Selling Self-Help Book of all time, you say? An interview on Okra? A billion dollars, you say? Stop saying 'you say', you say?

Laura: What did he say?

Ichabeezer: I'm even richer! You know, this book was your idea, Laura. So I'd like to offer you a token of my gratitude. What would you like?

Laura: I want cake for lunch every day! And unlimited dolls! And, and, and cartoons all night forever! And, and...

Ichabeezer: Write this down, Barney. Keep the kid happy.

(The carrot assistant, named Barney, does as Ichabeezer asks him. Scene switches to a news report on TV.)

Corn Reporter: Since Ichabeezer's book has shot to the Number one selling book in history, "A Whiny Attitude" has taken the world by storm!

(Scene switches to Bob and Petunia watching the report.)

Petunia: Someone has to stop this before it gets out of hand.

Corn Reporter: Experts say it can't be stopped and it's already out of hand!

Bob: Maybe they're overexaggerating it. You know how the news is.

Corn Reporter: Breaking news, doctors and scientists agree we are not overexaggerating the situation! If anything, we are underexaggerating it! Back to you, Chuck!

(Bob exits Petunia's house.)

Jimmy: (O.S.) It's not fair!

(Jimmy and Jerry are holding their copies of Ichabeezer's book, while Jimmy is the one who's whining.)

Jimmy: I'm not being entertained! Why can't life be more hilarious and action-packed?!

Jerry: Not happy!

(Bob quickly runs off then runs in front of an alley, where Mayor Archibald and Bacon Bill are also whining.)

Archibald: Being the mayor is too much work! Besides, my monocle is itchy!

Bacon Bill: I don't want to be bacon, I want to be waffles! Why do waffles get to be waffles when that's what I wanted to be?!

(Bob runs off again and runs back inside Petunia's house.)

Bob: (panting) It's a complete disaster!

Petunia: What is it? Drought? Famine? Pestilence?

Bob: Whining! Everyone out there is turning into a whiner! And there's nothing we can do to stop them! It's really annoying!

(The whining still continues from outside. Outside, Laura finds herself chased by several whiners, then runs into a nearby alley, only to meet up with a carrot man and Jerry.)

Carrot Man: It's not fair! My delivery job leaves me no time for my passion to knit little hamster socks!

Jerry: My friends talk too much. Unsatisfying.

Laura: Are you guys okay?

(Jerry and the carrot man start to approach Laura while whining, which prompts Laura to go back the way she came, but stops when Mr. Lunt also approaches her after he started screaming.)

Mr. Lunt: (screaming) I'm freaking out about the injustice I feel, being the only character without visible eyeballs!

(Despite being cornered, Laura escapes the whiners by bouncing off the walls of the alley, then making it to the top of the buildings. From atop the buildings, Laura sees everyone still whining incessantly, before she realizes what she's done. Scene switches to Laura going inside Pa Grape's Store. Once inside, Laura closes the door and barricades it with a cardboard box, a burlap sack, a can of Potted Meat, and a gumball machine. At first, Laura thinks she's safe, but is shocked when she sees that the whiners have already gotten inside the store.)

Granny Asparagus: I can never afford the expensive foot cream! It's not fair! I deserve foot-diddly-cram!

(Laura next approaches Jimmy, who is holding two marshmallows.)

Jimmy: Why aren't marshmallows shaped exactly like my mouth? Nobody even cares about what I want in life!

(Laura takes refuge behind one of the shelves, then sees a copy of Ichabeezer's book on the floor.)

Ichabeezer: So, how's the whining treating ya?

Rooney: (barking)

Ichabeezer: Isn't it everything I said it would be?

Laura: (sadly) Oh, Ichabeezer, I should have listened to Petunia! A world full of whiners is a miserable place!

Ichabeezer: Maybe another suitcase full of toy ponies will make you feel better.

Laura: No! I don't want anything else! I just want my friends back. Friends who see the good in life.

Ichabeezer: Bo-ring!

Barney: Hey, how come she got a suitcase full of toy ponies and I didn't? Eh, don't I deserve it?

Rooney: (whining, howling)

Ichabeezer: Now, wait a minute! Don't you two start whining at me!

Barney: It's not fair! I deserve the most ponies! (whining)

Ichabeezer: No! Back off! Back off!

(Ichabeezer and Laura start backing away from Barney, when Pa Grape shows up and gets Laura's attention.)

Pa Grape: Laura!

(Laura approaches Pa Grape.)

Pa Grape: Follow me! Try to keep up.

(Laura and Pa Grape make their way through the store, dodging whiners by sneaking between shelves, jumping over shelves, and hiding under buckets, until approaching the stack of sardines on display, as Pa Grape looks over at a part of the floor of the store. Pa Grape then pulls on one can of sardines, which actually acts as a lever, which causes the floor of the store to open up, revealing a trap door underneath.)

Laura: That trap door was a secret exit this whole time?

Pa Grape: Shhhh!

Ichabeezer: I wanna go in the secret exit! It's not fair! I love secret exits!

(Laura and Pa Grape quickly jump into the trap door, as it closes after that. Scene switches to outside the House, where Bob, Larry, and Petunia are sitting around the campfire.)

Pa Grape: (clears his throat)

Petunia: Pa Grape!

(Pa and Laura approach them.)

Bob: What's the password?

Pa Grape: The secret word or phrase that must be used to gain access to something.

Bob: Correct. You may enter.

(Pa Grape and Laura approach the group.)

Petunia: Wait! You were followed!

Pa Grape: I was not followed. Remember, I was a Navy Peel. Laura Carrot is with me! She's cured!

Laura: Please let me stay! I promise not to whine!

Bob: Cured? How can we be sure?

Petunia: Test question, you can't have cake for lunch. How do you feel about that?

Laura: That's okay! I don't need to focus only on what I don't have when I have great things to rejoice in already!

Bob: There's hope! Whining can be cured by rejoicing!

Pa Grape: But how do we get the cure out to the whiners who need it?

Laura: You know how whining catches on? What if rejoicing works the same way?

Petunia: Contagious rejoicing? It sounds brilliant! But how?

Laura: I think it's about time Pa Grape and Bob played their song for us.

Pa Grape: Great idea! But we don't have anything to perform it with.

(Petunia gets out of her chair.)

Petunia: Will this box of instruments help?

(Petunia pulls a box of musical instruments from behind her back, then places it on the ground. Bob, Larry, Petunia, Pa, and Laura then acquire the instruments that they will be performing with.)

Laura: It's rejoicing time!

(Scene switches to back in town, where everyone is still whining, before Bob and Laura approaches some whiners.)

Bob: Come on, whiners! We've got just what you need!

(Bob and Laura get the whiners to follow after them. Pa Grape is also leading some whiners while riding on a shopping cart.)

Pa Grape: It seems to be working!

(Larry and Petunia also lead some whiners towards the gazebo, before meeting up with Bob, Laura, and Pa Grape once again.)

Petunia: That's all of them!

(The whiners start to approach the gazebo, before Ichabeezer also starts to approach them.)

Bob: Oh, no! Ichabeezer is here to ruin everything at the last second!

Ichabeezer: No I'm not. I'm here to play saxophone! I'm sick of all this whining!

Pa Grape: Even a whiner can't stand being whined at.

Ichabeezer: Okay, okay, have your moment.

(Everyone still continues whining, before Laura approaches them and brings them to attention.)

Laura: I know you all feel like you have no choice but to have a whiny attitude, but Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." It's your choice to rejoice. Take it away, Bob!

(Bob, Larry, Petunia, Pa Grape, Ichabeezer, and Laura start to play the song.)

All: (singing) La la la la la la la la la

La la la la la la

Laura: (singing) This is the day the Lord has made

I will lift up my voice

This is the day the Lord has made

All: (singing) Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice!

Jerry: Optimism!

Bacon Bill: I rejoice in how bacon-y I am!

Mr. Lunt: You know, my lack of eyes is endearing when you think about it. Being me is great!

Jimmy: I have so much to thank God for!

Laura and Bob: (singing) This is the day the Lord has made

To be glad in it is my choice

This is the day the Lord has made!

All: (singing) Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice!

La la la la la la la la

Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice!

(The song ends as everyone in the crowd has been cured from their whining and starts cheering for the performance, before the screen goes dark, ending the episode.)

(end of Transcript)

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