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This is the episode transcript for Trading Places.


(It is another nice day in town, as all the townspeople converse with each other. Up on the countertop, Bob is doing some studying with a machine while Larry is doing some karate moves while wearing a headband and holding a spoon.)

Larry: Wah!

Bob: Hm...

Larry: (shouting, grunting, mutter indistinctly) Hi-yah!

Bob: Larry, could please be more quiet?

Larry: (softly) Ki-yah! Hah! Hi-yah!

Bob: You know, Larry, you might actually enjoy this. This machine right here can predict the weather very accurately.

(Larry looks up at the sky before becoming surprised.)

Larry: (gasps)

Bob: And then think about all the things we could plan in advance... (continues indistinctly)

Larry: (gasping) Bob, do you see that? That cloud, it looks like... like a frog!

(Camera zooms in on the frog-shaped cloud, as the sound of a frog croaking is heard.)

Bob: Yes, Larry, sometimes clouds look like other-

Larry: Look at it, Bob, a frog! In the sky! Frogs don't belong in the sky, but look, there it is.

(A loud clattering sound is heard, as Larry is laying on top of Bob's machine.)

Larry: Weather is amazing!

Bob: Well, yes, but that's not what-

Larry: Let's talk about the cloud frog for the rest of the day, OK?

Bob: (sighs) Larry, I'm busy. I need to finish these notes. You don't get on the cover of Weatherman Weekly by not-

(The sound of machinery breaking is heard, which surprises Bob, before Larry is still laying on a part of the broken machine.)

Larry: Do you think it was a cloud tadpole first?

(Bob rolls his eyes, before Jimmy and Jerry also come by.)

Jimmy: OK, fine, we can try making cookies again, but don't burn 'em this time. You gotta watch the timer like a hawk. (hops off)

Jerry: (screeches)

(Jerry also hops off as well. Back at Bob and Larry's home...)

Larry: What do you think the cloud frog's name was? Could be Sally. Could be Steve. Could be Bill. Could be Kim. Could be Jim. Could be Alan. Could be Joseph.

(Bob is reading his book while the sound of crickets chirping is heard, as he looks around, but doesn't see Larry anywhere in sight. Bob goes back to reading his book, before Larry suddenly jumps in unexpectedly, surprising him.)

Larry: Ribbit!

Bob: Ah!

(Bob throws his book in the air before it lands in the fireplace. At Jimmy and Jerry's home, a bunch of smoke is pouring out of one of the windows while the smoke alarm is going off, the source of the smoke being the oven.)

Jimmy: Oh, no! Jerry, where are you? You were supposed to set the timer and watch it like a hawk!

(Jimmy opens the oven just as the smoke pours out and fills the entire room, before clearing away as the sound of a hawk screeching is heard. Jimmy is holding a plate of burnt cookies, just as Jerry comes up to him.)

Jerry: Smoky.

Jimmy: (growls)

(Bob and Larry are now seen taking a walk through town, though Larry is riding his bike.)

Larry: Do you think he had cloud friends? Like a cloud bird? Or maybe a cloud llama. Wait, I think I see him again.

(Larry rides his bike right into the path of Ichabeezer, who is taking Rooney out for a walk. Larry ends up running into the leash, which stretches out like the band of a slingshot.)

Larry: Whoo! It's a shoe! It's a jump rope!

Rooney: (yelps)

Larry: It's fantastic! Oh!

(The leash then acts like a slingshot, catapulting Larry backwards and also causing Rooney to get thrown around until he knocks Ichabeezer to the ground. Larry then runs into Bob, sending both of them crashing into the fountain.)

Larry: No, wasn't him.

(Bob looks at the audience in an annoyed manner. At Jimmy and Jerry's home, Jimmy is watching TV, when Jerry approaches him while carrying a plate of cookies.)

Jerry: Here's cookies.

Jimmy: Oh, yay! I can't wait. These look-

(Jimmy becomes surprised when he sees that the cookies have been burned once again, before becoming angry again.)

Jimmy: These are burned to a crisp. Ah! (throws the cookies to the floor) You're a cookie waster!

(Jimmy leaves, at the same time that Jerry picks up one of the cookies off the floor.)

Jerry: Ungrateful.

(Jerry then eats the cookie, despite it being burned, before coughing out some smoke. Back at Bob and Larry's...)

Larry: Could be Alexandra. Could be Chester. Could be Penelope. Could be Abraham. Could be Jonah. Could be Goliath.

Bob: (grumbles)

Larry: Could be Graham. Could be Graham Cracker. Could be Isaiah. Could be Jehoshaphat. Could be Sam.

Bob: I'm going for a walk.

Larry: I'll come with you.

Bob: Oh, no, you won't!

(Bob slams the door after that, leaving Larry all alone.)

Larry: (O.S.) Could be Thomas. Could be Peter.

(In the night, Bob is hopping across the countertop angrily, as is Jimmy.)

Bob: I am so frustrated with that cucumber. I don't know why he doesn't think more like I do...

Jimmy: Jerry just has five words. I'm very upset.

(Bob and Jimmy then pass each other before stopping.)

Both: I just want a different roommate!

(Bob and Jimmy both become surprised that they have the same problem.)

Bob: You too?

Jimmy: I cannot stand Jerry sometimes.

Bob: Tell me about it.

Jimmy: I am. He's so wacky. Too wacky. And always with the two-word sentences. "Me hungry." "Me full." Blah!

Bob: And Larry is so annoying. "Maybe it's Lucy." "Maybe it's Sarah." "Maybe it's Abraham."

(Bob and Jimmy both continue making mocking imitations of Larry and Jerry, then stop, before they both laugh afterwards.)

Jimmy: I had no idea Larry was so annoying.

Bob: Yeah, and I never would have guessed Jerry got on your nerves so much.

Jimmy: He sure does. I'd give anything for a different roommate.

Bob: Hm... if only there was a mutual solution to our problem.

Jimmy: Hm... nope.

(Bob and Jimmy are about to leave, when they suddenly come up with an idea, with the sound of a cash register dinging.)

Bob: There is a solution. We trade roommates!

Jimmy: Oh, yay!

(At home, Bob has packed up all of his things into a suitcase, before passing by Larry, who is laying on the couch while reading a comic book.)

Bob: So, Jerry will be your new roommate now, OK? Did you hear me?

Larry: Yeah, I got a new Jerry-mate. Got it.

(Bob looks sad for a moment before he turns to leave. Meanwhile, Jimmy has packed all of Jerry's things into a suitcase as well, including an ice cream cone, before closing the suitcase.)

Jerry: I'm moving?

Jimmy: Yeah! You're gonna live with Larry. Doesn't that sound fun?

Jerry: Ice cream?

Jimmy: Yes, this ice cream is all for you.

Jerry: OK!

(Jerry picks up the suitcase and leaves as well. Bob and Jerry then pass by each other.)

Bob: Have fun!

Jerry: Have fun.

(Bob meets up with Jimmy afterwards.)

Jimmy: Oh, hi, Bob.

Bob: Whatcha got there?

Jimmy: War and Peas.

Bob: Of Rice and Men for me. I think we're gonna get along just fine.

(Jerry meets up with Larry, who greets him.)

Larry: Hello, Jerry.

Jerry: What do we do first?

(Scene switches to Larry and Jerry, who are both sitting on top of the toaster.)

Both: (giggling)

(The toaster then goes off, propelling the two into the air.)

Jerry: Whoa!

Larry: Whoo-hoo!

Jerry: (laughing)

(A marshmallow then zooms across the screen, before zooming past Larry. Larry throws some marshmallows at Jerry, who ducks, before he also throws another marshmallow at Larry, as a bunch of marshmallows fly all around. Larry then throws another marshmallow that nails Jerry squarely in the mouth, knocking him backwards, before he gets up while eating the marshmallow.)

Jerry: (chews loudly) Marshmallow!

(Bob and Jimmy are sitting on the couch while reading their books before they glance at each other then trade books.)

Both: Trade! (both laughing)

(Larry and Jerry are now standing in the middle of the kitchen sink, both wearing headbands and wielding spoons.)

Larry and Jerry: You're my archnemesis!

Larry: May the archiest nemesis win!

(Larry twirls his spoon, before he and Jerry start swordfighting with their spoons. Jerry lunges out at Larry, but Larry quickly spins out of the way before getting behind Jerry and kicking him from behind, which knocks him into the sink.)

Larry: Hi-yah! Whoo-sah!

(Larry jumps up in celebration, but when he lands, he loses his balance and also falls into the sink as well. Bob and Jimmy are still reading their books.)

Bob: (laughs)

Jimmy: (laughs)

Both: (laughing)

(Bob and Jimmy now make a large cake, as Bob puts an extra layer of frosting on it.)

Bob: Who is this cake for?

(Jimmy is holding two ice cream cones before he spins them and throws them up into the air.)

Jimmy: La-la-la!

(The ice cream cones fly into the air before landing ice cream first on top of the cake. Jimmy turns to Bob with a grin afterwards.)

Jimmy: Our stomachs.

Both: (laughing)

(Larry is seen riding on top of a sardine, while Jerry is riding on top of a lobster.)

Larry: Whee!

Jerry: Whee!

(Larry and Jerry then run into each other, knocking them both onto their backs. Larry gets back up before jumping onto the sardine again.)

Larry: Whoo-hoo! (laughs)

(Jerry also gets back up before jumping onto the lobster, which whinnies like a horse, before riding off as well. Bob and Jimmy are now eating sandwiches. Bob is interested to start a casual conversation with Jimmy, while Jimmy wants he and Bob to be concentrated with their meals.)

Bob: You know, I had a really great day today. It's nice to finally have someone I can converse with without-

Jimmy: (trying to concentrate with his food) Shh! I'm eating. Talk later.

Bob: I just wanted to say I-

Jimmy: (insisting) Shh!

Bob: Had a really great-

Jimmy: (interrupts again) Sshh! Eat!

(Jimmy then eats his sandwich in one bite.)

Jimmy: (yawns) That was great! Uh, what were you saying?

Bob: Well, I was trying-

Jimmy: You know what? Let's take a break. A donut-five.

Bob: What's a donut-five?

Jimmy: It's a break where you eat five donuts in five seconds.

Bob: Hm... I don't really like donuts.

(Jimmy is both shocked and horrified when he hears that Bob doesn't like donuts.)

Jimmy: You don't like donuts?

Bob: Not really.

(Bob and Jimmy are silent for a few seconds, except for the sound of crickets chirping.)

Bob: I miss Larry.

Jimmy: Yeah, I miss Jerry. Did we make a mistake? Should we switch back?!

(Jimmy then eyes Bob's sandwich, before he snags Bob's sandwich and eats it in one bite.)

Bob: I have a plan.

(Nighttime, Larry and Jerry are hopping across the counter.)

Larry: Boy, it sure was nice of Bob and Jimmy to invite us over to watch a Plantasaurus marathon.

Jerry: I'm Plantasaurus!

Both: (laughing)

(Larry knocks on the door after he and Jerry approach the place. The door opens as Bob becomes excited before he grabs Larry and Jerry, pulling them inside, before the door closes again after that.)

Larry: Thanks for having us over, guys.

Bob: Of course! I can't wait to watch Plantasaurus vs. Shark with you. What do you think's gonna happen? I hear the Shark has cool ninja moves. Hi-yah! (grunting)

(Bob starts jumping all over the room, much to Larry's surprise.)

Bob: Thwing! Wah-ha-ha! Come on, Larry!

Jerry: Throwing stars.

Jimmy: Jerry, my favorite brother. Take a seat. Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything? Popcorn? Soda? A donut? Ten donuts? Thirty donuts?

(Jerry is also surprised by Jimmy's behavior.)

Larry: I thought we were just gonna watch a movie. These guys are acting too nice.

Jerry: Such-picious.

Larry: I think you mean "suspicious". Yeah, they're acting suspi-shush. I mean, suspicious.

Jerry: Such-spicious.

Larry: Let me come up with some excuse to get us out of here. So, sorry, fellas, but we can't stay.

(Bob and Jimmy approach Larry and Jerry, who are about to leave. Jimmy is carrying a plate with four cans of root beer with some cookies on top.)

Larry: We forgot, uh, we already have plans tonight.

Bob: What?

Larry: Yeah, uh, we have to go cloud hunting.

Jerry: Make cookies.

Larry: Uh, yeah, make cookies. Something like that. Bye!

(Larry and Jerry leave after that, while Bob and Jimmy can only watch in surprise and frustration that their plan failed.)

Jimmy: Oh, man!

Bob: It didn't work.

Jimmy: We really messed this up, Bob.

(Jimmy sees a cookie that fell on the floor, before using his tongue to snag the cookie.)

Jimmy: (gulps)

(Larry and Jerry arrive home afterwards.)

Larry: That was weird.

Jerry: Super weird.

Larry: Now let's go cloud hunting.

Jerry: Make cookies.

Larry: Whoa! But... clouds.

Jerry: But... cookies.

(Jerry hops off towards the direction of the kitchen, before he turns towards Larry, who gives him a sad look, with Jerry giving off an uncertain look before he enters the kitchen. Larry hops into the living room, before a thought balloon appears, which shows Bob holding a weather machine while followed afterwards by Larry.)

Bob: Oh, there's a wonderful cumulus cloud over here.

Larry: I love hunting clouds with you, Bob. You're the best cloud-hunting-est pal ever.

(The thought bubble then disappears after that, as country rock music starts playing, while Larry is still saddened about missing Bob.)

Larry: (singing) He may have his flaws

But I'll take warts and all

He's my very best friend

Bob: (singing) Though good times and bad

When I'm happy or sad

He's my very best friend (sighs)

Larry: (singing) We're two sides

Of the very same coin

Bob: (singing) I'm stubborn and he's pretty annoying

Both: (singing) But through all our rough-going

Yes, through thick and thin

It's plain to see

Forever we'll be

Very best friends

(Bob hops up to the side of the house and peeks around the corner in time to see Larry and Jerry playing checkers. This saddens Bob as he hops away, before a flashback starts.)

Bob: (singing) It seems he's inclined

To bug me sometimes

Still, he's my very best friend

Larry: (singing) Though we both have our quirks

Somehow it works

He's my very best friend

Bob: (singing) He says I've got all these habits

That are driving him crazy

Larry: (singing) He says I tend to be sloppy

And a little bit lazy

Bob: (singing) He doesn't always

Smell fresh as a daisy

Both: (singing) But that's okay

(Flashback ends)

Both: (singing) We'll always stay

Larry: (singing) Very best friends

Bob: (singing) He's my very best friend

Both: (singing) My very best friend


(The song ends as Bob hops up to the house. Inside, Larry is still sad about missing Bob, at the same time that Jerry is preparing to eat a sandwich that he made.)

Jerry: Eating.

(Jerry eats the sandwich in one bite.)

Larry: (sighs)

Bob: Hey, Larry.

Larry: Bob!

(Larry excitedly hops up to see Bob.)

Bob: I was wondering if you wanted to maybe measure some weather?

Larry: Um...

Bob: Proverbs 17 says, "A friend loves at all times." And right now is one of those "all times".

Larry: Thinking about it.

Bob: We can hunting for frog clouds, (Larry becomes excited) and you can even name them.

(Larry rushes off them comes back while holding a small weather machine.)

Larry: Uh! Ribbit!

Both: (laughing)

(Scene switches to Jimmy and Jerry's home, as Jerry enters the house before coming up to Jimmy who looks up at him uncertainly while holding a cookie. Suddenly, Jimmy then opens his mouth and smiles, revealing that he has a bunch of cookies where his top teeth are.)

Jimmy: Huh?!

Jerry: I want cookie teeth, too!

(Jerry gets a few cookies tossed into his mouth as he catches them, before he also has cookies for teeth as well.)

Both: (laughing)

(The two gourd brothers are still laughing while pretending to have cookies for teeth, before the screen does a double iris out on them, ending the episode.)