The Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!/Transcript

This is an episode transcript for The Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!.

Transcript

Bob: Okay, Larry, it's time for the theme song.

Larry: Uh, not this time, Bob.

Bob: You better get on out there.

Larry: No really, I'm not doing the theme song.

Bob: W-what do you mean you're not doing the theme song?

Larry: Bob, it's time to wake up and smell the future!

Bob: Where are we?

Larry: The future!

Bob: Wow! The future sure is white.

Larry: Yep. The future's been white since the 70s.

Bob: Wow! I didn't know that. So, what about the theme song?

Larry: Bob, the future holds no theme songs.

Bob: Huh?

Larry: Theme songs are too predictable, too repeatable, too ordinary. The future is about the unpredictable, unordinary, the unexpected. (puts on a chicken head) You know why this is funny, Bob?

Bob: Uh....

Larry: Because its unexpected that's why. That's what makes this chickenhead funny. You weren't expecting me to put on a chickenhead were you, Bob?

Bob: Uh...

Larry: Of course you weren't! If you didn't know I was gonna put on a chickenhead, It wouldn't have been funny.

Bob: Well I don't know about how-

Larry: (interrupts Bob) Comedy is like the future itself, Unexpected. That's why in the future-

Bob: Uh Larry, You can take off the chickenhead now.

Larry Oh right. (takes off the chickenhead) That's why in the future entertainment will be randomly generated.

Bob: Randomly generated?

Larry: Randomly generated! What better way to achieve the unexpected. I've seen the future, Bob, and the future is autotainment!

Male and female singers: The Future is now!

Larry: Hi, Rusty! Hi, Ventrollomatic!

Rusty: Hi, Larry! Hi, Bob!

Ventrollomatic: Greetings!

Bob: Hey, those guys are robots.

Ventrollomatic: Affirmative,

Larry: Not only that, But these guys respresent the hosts of the future. Unlike us, there humor can be truly randomly generated. Right guys?

Ventrollomatic: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Rusty: I don't know. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ventrollomatic: Weed-eater.

(Canned laughter)

Larry: Now THAT'S funny!

Bob: That doesn't make any sense.

Larry: It's funny because its unexpected.

Bob: Well, whatever happened to "It's funny because it's true?"

Larry: 2+2=4 is true but not funny. Guys?

Ventrill-O-Matic: What is the solution to the equation 2+2?

Rusty: I don't know. What does 2+2 equal?

Ventrill-O-Matic: Weed-eater.

(Canned laughter)

Larry: That's a good one.

Bob: I don't know about this! I like my job! I don't wanna give it to a couple of robots!

Larry: You can't stand in the way of progress! It's Veggie vs Machine bob. And the machines got the upper hand.

Bob: The upper hand?

Larry: Yep. Besides if you think kids learn a lot with us, just wait till you see all the great lessons they'll learn from autotainment. Here's how it work. Mr. Lunt?

Mr. Lunt: Hi! I'm the techno-gourd of the future. (whispers to the audience?) I've secured futured employment by becoming one of them.

Larry: We'll engage the Wheel of Veggies and The Swarming Balls of Disorder. The Wheel of Veggies will choose a performer at random and The Swarming Balls of Disorder will determine both the topic and the genre of the song. Okay Robots, Techo-Gourd, take it away!

(Larry's world of autotainment song starts)

Female and male singers: The Future is now!

Larry: And now, coming to you live from the future, its Larry's Wonderful World of Autotainment!

Male singers: Its Larry's Wonderful World of Autotainment!

Female singers: Tainment!(x2)

(male and female singers vocalize)

Bob: Uh larry, I thought you said the future didn't have any theme songs.

Larry: I did. So you didn't expect it and that's what makes it funny!

Bob: Oh boy.

Larry: Starring adorably amusing artificial intelligence units, the Ventrill-O-Matic and Rusty! With the Techno-Gourd of the future, Mr. Lunt!

Mr. Lunt: Hola.

Male singers: The Future is now!

Male and female singers: The Future is now!

(Theme song ends)

Ventrolloamatic: Where does the sheep go to get its haircut?

Rusty: I don't know. Where does the sheep go to get its haircut?

Ventrollomatic: So he says, "What are you talking about?! That’s not my dog!"

(Canned Laughter)

Ventrollamtic: Please began courteous recongnition sequence for...

(Mr. Lunt stops the Wheel Of veggies revealing the french peas)

Rusty: The French peas!

Phillpe: Oh no.

Jean-claude: What is happening?

Both peas: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ventrollomatic: With a song regarding...

(one ball that says nautical is at one side and the other ball that says refuse is at the other side)

Rusty: Nautical. Refuse.

(The song "There's a Whole In The Bottom Of The Sea" begans with Jean Claude and Phillipe.)

Phillipe: Hello, Jean-Claude. It appears zere's a problem in ze sea. Zere's a little hole and it's acumulating a lot of junk!

Jean-claude: Oh ho.

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a hole in the bottom of the sea, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a hole, there's a hole. There's a hole in the bottom of sea.

Phillipe: See? I told you.

Jean-Claude: Wa-hoo!

Phillipe: Uh huh!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a log in the hole in the bottom of the sea, there's a log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a log, there's a log. There's a log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: But that's not all! We've only just begun!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea, there's a bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a bump,

Phillipe: Ooh!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a bump.

Phillipe: Ooh!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: Oh, I love zis song, Jean-Claude!

Jean-Claude: Wonderfully repetitive, Phillipe!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea,

Phillipe: Ha ha!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a frog, there's a frog. There's a frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: Oh boy, zis is crazy!

Jean-Claude: It's getting nuts, no?

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea,

Phillipe: Oh ho!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a fly,

Phillipe: Uh huh!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a fly. There's a fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: Oh, I'm getting dizzy! Ok, again!

Jean-Claude: Oh, here we go!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea,

Phillipe: Oh ho!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a wing, there's a wing. There's a wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: Oh ho, Jean-Claude, you are looking green!

Jean-Claude: But of course!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea, there's a flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a flea,

Jean-Claude: Mm-hm!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: there's a flea,

Jean-Claude: Mm-hm!

Robot kids, Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's a flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a flea, there's a flea. There's a flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

Phillipe: In the bottom of the seeea!

Jean-Claude: Thankfully, ze flea is clean!

Phillipe: Oh yeah!

(Hole in the bottom of the sea song ends)

(Back to Ventrill-O-Matic and Rusty)

Ventrollomatic: The harmonizing peas provide a most entertaining demonstration. Which serves as a reminder, how do you sink a submarine full of peas?

Rusty: I don't know. How do you sink a submarine full of peas?

Ventrollomatic: Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

(Canned Laughter)

Rusty: Oh you're killing me. But seriously folks, next up we have a very talented performer. Please welcome..

(Mr. Lunt stops the wheel of veggies revealing Pa Grape)

Rusty: Pa Grape!

Pa Grape: Huh? Oof!

Ventrollomatic: Performing a song on the topic of...

(Same process as for the The french peas song but with the balls Bibical and dwarfs)

Rusty: Bibical. Dwarves.

(Zacchaeus Starts)

Pa grape: Here we go. Zacchaeus was a wee little man
And a wee little man was he. Very little He climbed up in a sycamore tree
For the Lord he wanted to see. Hello! And as the Savior passed that way
He looked up in the tree And he said, "Zacchaeus, you come down, for I'm going to your house today"
Yes, I'm going to your house today."

Pa grape: Heheh. Huh? What's with the egyptian thing? Hehehee. Here we go. One more time.

Pa grape and the robot kids: Zacchaeus was a wee little man And a wee little man was he(Pa Grape: Very tiny) He climbed up in a sycamore tree For the Lord he wanted to see(Pa grape: Ha! There he is). And as the Savior passed that way He looked up in the tree

Pa grape: And he said, "Zacchaeus, you come down,"

Pa grape and the robot kids: "for I'm going to your house today.(Pa Grape: Ha-hey!) Yes, I'm going to your house today"

Pa Grape: Hayahe. Ohmayastehayahe. hayayahe. Look at me go(x2)

Pa Grape and the robot kids: Zacchaeus was a wee little man and happy little man was he. Zacchaeus saw the LORD that day, and what a happy little man was he(Pa Grape: haha!) 'Cuz as the Savior passed his way he looked up in the tree

Pa grape: And he said "Zacchaeus, you come down,"

Pa grape and the robot kids: What a happy little man was he
What a happy little man was he.

Pa Grape: Asickablackalo. Ashmietapololoyshmeitala. Hey! Hey!

(Zacchaeus song ends)

Rusty: You know, that Zacchaeus and I have a lot in common.

Ventrollomatic: What leads to that correlation?

Rusty: Well, he was a tax collector in a tree and i've got a surge protector in my knees.

(Rim shot)

(canned laughter)

Rusty: Oh.

Bob: Larry, that wasn't a randomly generated joke. It made sense. Kind of corny but made sense.

Larry; Hmm that's odd.

Ventrollomatic: Fascinating! You do share similarities. Perhaps you were originated from the same parts facility.

Rusty: Hey! What did you say about my family?

Ventrollomatic: The inferred insult was unintentional.

Rusty: Oh, I'm just teasing ya, Big Lug.

Ventrollomatic: Oh. And now for a randomly placed, random short film on a random topic.

([An animated Parable] starts)

(Soon after the short film it goes back to Ventrill-o-Matic and rusty)

Rusty: Somebody told me there was ice cream!

Ventril-O-Matic: Negative, that would notify the irony. Please repeat courteous recognition sequence.

(Mr. Lunt stops the Wheel of Veggies revealing Archibald Asparagus)

Rusty: Archibald Asparagus!

Archibald Asparagus: Oh dear. Ah!

Ventrill-O-Matic: Performing the melodious interpretation of...

(Sames proccess as the past 2 songs but with the balls Military and intelligence)

Rusty: Military. Intelligence.

(Modern Major General starts)

Archibald Asparagus: Here we go! I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news. Lot of news, let's see... With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (3x)

Archibald: Alright, hang on! I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I know the scientific names of beings animalculous In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

Chorus: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

Archibald: Alright, now stay with me... (sings slowly) I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news. Lot of news... (sings faster) With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (3x)

Archibald: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I know the scientific names of beings animalculous In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

Chorus: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

Archibald: Ah, splendid! Lovely! Oh, thank you! I'm done.

(Back to Ventrill-O-Matic and rusty)

Ventrill-O-Matic: The Proceding Demostration of accelerated linguistic output certainly emphasizes his purse the cassday.

Rusty: I'll say. Did you hear about the one asparagus who went door to door looking for work?

Ventrill-O-Matic: That data is not on file.

Rusty: Well, he meets this one fella who offers him fifty bucks to paint his porch.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Such a transaction would be deemed equitable.

Rusty: The asparagus comes back in a hour and says, "I'm finished. But i think you should know that your car's a Ferrari not a Porsche.

(Rim shot)

Ventrill-O-Matic: That Asparagus was not clearly as intelligent as the asparagus who performed just moments ago.

Rusty: What do you mean? Of course he is. It would have taken him twice as long to paint the porch.

Ventrill-O-Matic: That would be dishonest.

Rusty: What, are you calling me a cheat? First you insult my family and now you're calling me a cheat?

Ventrill-O-Matic: Is this another instance of one of your teasing?

Rusty: Well I don't know! What do you think?

Ventrill-O-Matic: The intensity of your reaction is unreasonable.

Rusty: Oh! So now I am being classified as unreasonable huh?

(rusty and Ventrill-om-matic are saying this as bob and larry are talking)

Ventrill-O-Matic: A robot's classification is estabished at the time of assembly as if therefore could not be altered after...

Rusty: Are you saying that I was born obnoxious?

Ventrill-O-Matic: Earth is a characteristic unique to living entity.

Larry: Uh oh.

Bob: Larry, What's up with Rusty?

Larry: I think he might be experiencing technical difficulties.

Bob: Technical difficulties? A host can't experience technical difficulties in the middle of a show! What's he so wound up about?

Larry: I don't know. (gasps) I have an idea. Maybe I can cheer him up. Wait here.

Bob: Oh Larry what-

Mr. Lunt: Hey! You're supposed to be randomly selected.

Larry: Its an emergency!

(You Are My Sunshine begins)

Larry: You are my sunshine, My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, friends, how much i love you. You have been my sunshine today.

Larry and The flowers: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, friends, how much I love you. You have been my sunshine today.

Larry, Junior and flowers: A little sunshine, God's love is sunshine. It makes us happy, most every day. Always remember how much He loves you. Then you can give His sunshine away. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, friends, how much I love you. You have been my sunshine today(x2)

Larry and Junior: You have been my sunshine today.

(You are my sunshine ends)

(Back to Ventrill-O-Matic and rusty)

Rusty: I love you.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Your expression of friendship is reciprocated.

Rusty: You're my friend.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Would you like to see an ardvark singing opera?

Rusty: Yeah. I'd like that.

(Barber of Seville begins)

Binky The Opera singer: Bravo, firgaro. Bravo, Bravissimo. Fortunatissimo(x3), Non Mancherà! La(x23) Fortunatissimo(x3), Non Mancheràaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(Barber Seville ends)

(Back to Ventrill-O-Matic and rusty)

Rusty: I'm sorry for getting mad at you.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Apology accepted.

Rusty: You're my friend.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Confirmed.

Bob: What's he doing?

Larry: I don't know. I think i might've cheered him up too much.

Bob: Oh this is just great!

Ventrill-O-Matic: You are making me unconformtable.

Rusty: You are my sunshine.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Incorrect, I am a random joke generating artifical intelligence unit. Please stop hugging me.

Larry: (gasps) Bob, i think Rusty might be experiencing randomly generated emotions.

Bob: Oh for pete's sake. I thought his humor was supposed to be randomly generated.

Larry: Well yeah, but maybe he has a short-curcuit or something.

Bob: The future's not looking so hot, Larry!

Ventrill-O-Matic: Please give enthusiastic acknowledgement to...

(Mr. Lunt stops the wheel of veggies revealing once again pa grape)

Rusty: Pa grape!

Pa grape: Oy not again. Oof!

Ventrill-O-Matic: Performing a song on the topic of.....

(Same process happen like for the hole in the bottom of the sea and modern major general but with the balls Big band and big donkey)

Rusty: Big Band. Big Donkey.

(Erie Canal Starts)

Pa grape: Alright is everybody ready? Did i mention i use to live in Buffalo? Oh yeah Its true. (chuckles) Me and pet mule. Did i mention i have a mule? It goes a little something like this. I've got a mule and her name i sal.

Pa grape and robot kids: 15 years on the erie canal.

Pa grape: She's a good old worker and a good old pal.

Pa grape and robot kids: 15 years on the erie canal. We've hauled some barges in our day. Filled with lumber, coal and hay. And every inch of the way i know from albany to buffalo. Low bridge, everybody down. For its low bridge, when we're coming to a town. You can always tell your neighbor, you can always tell your pal, if you ever navigated on the erie canal.

Pa Grape: (chuckles) Oh yea that was quite a 15 years let me tell you. We threw in a lot mule chow. We better get along on our way, old gal.

Pa grape and robot kids: 15 miles on the erie canal.

Pa Grape: Cause you bet your life, I'd never part with sal.

Pa grape and the robot kids: 15 miles on the erie canal. Get up there mule, here comes a lock, we'll make bout' six o' clock. One more trip and back we'll go right back home to buffalo. Low bridge, everybody down. For its low bridge, when we're coming to a town. You can always tell your neighbor, you can always tell your pal, if you ever navigated on the erie canal. You can always tell your neighbor, you can always tell your pal, if you ever navigated on the erie canal.

Pa Grape: (chuckles) Nice job, Sal. You really know how to carry a tune. Heheh. That would have pulled you apart anyway. Erie Canaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll. Hahahaha. Oh. Uh sal, your on my foot.

(Erie Canal ends)

(Back to Ventrill-O-Matic)

Rusty: (crying)

Ventrill-O-Matic: Why are you crying?

Rusty: I don't know, I'm just sad. (continues crying then starts laughing then starts growling like a tiger)

Ventrill-O-Matic: Ow. ow.

Bob: Alright that's it. I've had enough. I'm putting a stop to this nonsense. Alright everyone, That's the end! I'm sorry but this isn't gonna work. I'm calling off the future! And if i'm looking at it, i don't like what i see.

Rusty: (barking like a dog)

Bob: Randomly generated jokes? Randomly generated emotions? This is a big mess. This has to be the worst day of my showbusiness career!

Larry: I'm sorry, Bob. I was sure this was gonna be the great way to entertain kids and teach them nice lessons.

Bob: Oh like how to tell nonsense jokes and be emotionally unstable?!

Larry: Well no, but they did hear some pretty cool songs.

Mr. Lunt: The cumcumber's got a point.

Bob: Well, okay those were some pretty cool songs. But with all that went wrong, where's the lesson?

Larry: Wait a Minute. I know something we learned. Mr Lunt, Would you mind queuing up Junior?

Mr. Lunt: You've got it. (stops the wheel of veggietales revealing junior)

(larry is talking to junior about doing a song)

Junior: Yeah? Uh-huh. Okay. Sure!

Larry: Ready, Mr Lunt?

Mr. Lunt: Rodger.

Larry: Fire!

Junior: ow.

(The balls aren't use this time unlike the last 4 songs)

(My Day Starts)

Junior: In my bed I start to pray And tell God all about my day... I woke up in my little bed And put my hat upon my head Cleaned my room and cleared my dishes Told mom breakfast was delicious. I went to school, learned something new And tried to follow every rule I studied my vocabulary Had some fun with Bob and Larry. And so, it's good to know How much You love me It’s true, the Bible says You do You really love me Your love was with me all throughout my day. I somehow overlooked my bed It seems my dog is underfed Forgot to change my underclothes Watched one too many T.V. shows. I had some trouble sharing toys And during rest time, made some noise The walls are not for coloring Sometimes, I'm off-key when I sing. And so, it's really good to know How much You love me It’s true, the Bible says You do You really love me Your love was with me all throughout my day. In my bed so quietly I rest in knowing God loves me!

(My Day ends)

Bob: Your right, Larry. We did learn something today. God Loves us no matter what happens.

Larry: Yep. If we have a good day or a bad day even if our robots get all goofy, God still loves us.

Bob: Well Larry, I think its time to go home.

Larry: Yeah let's go home. Goodbye, Future.

Ventrill-O-Matic: Goodbye, Bob. Goodbye, Larry.

Rusty: (snoring)

Mr. lunt: Hey, wait for me! Can i have my old job back in the present? These robots are freaking me out!

(The wonderful world of autotainment theme song and the credits starts)

Male and female singers: The future is now! The present is past! My watch is messed up!

Male singers: It's Larry's Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!

Female singers: Tainment, Tainment!

Male and female singers: It's Larry's Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!

Male singers: The future is now!

Female singers: The present is past!

Male and female singers: It's Larry's Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!

Male singers: The future is now!

Female and male singers: The future is now!

(End of transcript)