This is an episode transcript for The Star of Christmas.
Transcript
Milward (Larry): It's beautiful, isn't it? Another job well done!
(Cavis (Bob) sighs)
Millward: What's wrong, Cavis?
Cavis: Our careers are going nowhere, Millward.
Millward: But our work is up over London! Little children are singing our song and...
Cavis: We're not making a difference. Look at this.
Millward: Ooh, a sale on crumpets!
Cavis: No not that. The rest of it. This isn't a happy place, Millward. I wanted our songs to bring joy and love like respectable songwriters. If I could do one thing, just one thing, I'd teach all of London to love! Is that much? But how? But how? (gasps) Millward, I have an idea. Oh, the best idea I've ever had!
Millward: Better than this silly mustache?
Cavis: This is the break we've been waiting for!
Millward: I'm with ya, Cavis!
Cavis: And just in time for Christmas! (To Mr. Nezzer) It'll be great sir! Uh thank you AGAIN sir! I don't know how we could repay you haha sir!
Mr. Nezzer: Don't worry, I'll think of something. So long, Cavis. Millward.
Millward: Bye, Uncle Nezzer!
Cavis: Millward, is Seymour here yet?
Millward: No" not yet, Cavis.
Cavis: He said he'd be here, right?
Millward: Yep.
Cavis: He's never been late before...right?
Millward: Nope.
Cavis: When's the last time you saw him?
Millward: Yesterday.
Cavis: Maybe the new invention didn't work. Maybe he sold it to someone else. M-m-maybe it blew UP!
Seymour (Pa Grape): Out of the way! Out of the way! Sorry!
Millward: Did you finish it?
Cavis: Yes Seymour, did ya bring it?
Seymour: Yep! Here she is!
Millward: (gasps) It's amazing! So how does it work again?
Seymour: Rocket power! You're looking at the 1st place winner in the queen's horseless carriage competition.
Millward: (gasps) You won?!
Seymour: Uh, no. But I will! Next week!
Millward: That's great!
Cavis: Uh Seymour?
Seymour: Now the germans are working on an eternal combustion engine(Cavis: Millward?). As if. And there's my friend Stanley with his steamer. Fat Chance! No. Rocket power! That's the way its gonna go.
Woman: Yeowch!
Seymour: Sorry!
Millward: Can i take it for a spin?
Seymour: Heh, be my guest.
Cavis: Millward?
Millward: Yes, Cavis?
Cavis: Look at that poster over there.
Millward: That poster?
Cavis: Yes, Millward. That poster. What does it say?
Millward: "The Princess and The Plummer: A Musical Spectacular!"
Cavis: Uh-huh. And what does it say under the title, Millward?
Millward: "By Cavis Appythart and Millward Phelps." That's us.
Cavis: Yes! That's us, Millward. And when does it say the show opens?
Millward: "Christmas Eve." (gasps) Just 3 days.
Cavis: That's right, Millward. The show opens in 3 days, but there's a little problem that Millward. Isn't there?
Millward: A problem?
Cavis: You haven't finshed writing it yet!
Millward: Oh yeah. Well i'm stuck on a rhyme.
Cavis: He's stuck on a rhyme.
Millward: Possum.
Seymour: Possum.
Cavis: Seymour, did you bring the equipment?
Seymour: Yeah, its right here.
Cavis: Millward, I need you to write that script. I need you to write like the wind. Millward: I'll try.
Cavis: No! We're not gonna try Millward. No. We're gonna do it this time! We've never had a chance like this, Millward. If your uncle didn't like you so much, he would have never let us use his theater. But if the show doesnt work, We'll be back to writing ad copies for Durling's Dental Wax. I'm not going back, Millward. No! This is our chance and we're gonna take it!
(Start of Our First Big Break)
{Italic=singing}
This is our big break we may never get a chance again. It's our big break so we're gonna do it right! It's our big break the peas are gonna have to dance again it's our big break just like opening night!
Millward: So what's in the box?
Cavis: Ha Milward! In this modern age it isn't enough just to have a great story anymore, Nooo! you need to show the audience something they've never seen before!
Millward: You've got a monkey that can yodel?
Cavis: No, Milward! Electric lights! Spectacles the name of the game!
Millward: Woah. Cool. But doesn't the Royal Theater across town already have electric lights?
Cavis: Sure on the building that's easy! But we're gonna give him something that's never been done! We're gonna string electric lights on the scenery itself!
Millward: Wow. Can you do that?
Seymour: It's a bit of a fire hazard bu-
Cavis:(interrupting Seymour) But when you get your big break, sometimes you gotta take big chances! Right Winston?
Winston(Jean-Claude): That's Right Misoure Appythart!
Cavis: Cause it’s our big break!
Seymour: So we're gonna take a chance again!
Cavis: It’s our big break cause we’re running out of time!
Millward: It's Our Big Break!
Cavis: Yeah, they want extravagance, my friend!
Millward: It's our big break!
Cavis: Now go find that rhyme! Say Winston, Any luck with the Prince?
Winston:(To Cavis quietly) I'm talking to him right now. (To the prince on the phone) Hello Prince!
Seymour: You mean The Crown prince? Prince Fredrick?
Cavis: Indeed! Heir to the throne, and England's number 1 theater critic a good word from him in the show sure to succeed!
Seymour: So is he coming? Cavis: Ah huhhuh he will be as soon as he hears what a spectacle is it and that it stars his favorite actress, Miss Effie Prickering.
Seymour: Huh? Effie Pickering is in your musical?
Cavis: Well-hehehehe not yet exactly. Winston: But she is in his office.
Cavis: What? (clears his throat. To Effie Pickering) Miss Pickering, its so good of you to come.
Effie Pickering(Madame Blueberry): Let's cut to the chase, Misour Appletart.
Cavis: Appythart.
Effie Pickering: Oui, you have 2 minutes to convince me I should be in this musical "The Princess and the Plum."
Cavis: (chuckles) Its "The Princess and The Plumber." A plum is a fruit, while a plumber is a skilled laborer who works on-uh. Pipes.
Effie Pickering: Ze clock is ticking?
Cavis: Well, its a story about a sad princess and kindly plumber and the power of love. You see on the night before christmas, the princess's sink backs up and so of course as she calls the plumber. Now Unbeknowest to the plumber, the princess's pipes are magic pipes. So as he's working them on christmas eve-
Winston: -he is visited by the 4 fairy peas of christmas!
The 4 peas: Oh, we are the fairy peas! We like to eat strawberry cheese. Oh, we are the fairy peas of christmas!
Millward: Oh that's a good one.
Cavis: (continuing) And the sugarplum fairy. (chuckles) Get it?
Winston: No sir I don't really get it either, but it will have electric lights!! Effie Pickering: Ze Royal Theater has electric lights too.
Cavis: ON THE SCENERY!?!
Effie Pickering: CAN YOU DO ZHAT!?
Cavis: Oh yeah.
Effie Pickering: Well will she crown prince be there? Because you know zis show will fail without a good word from zhe crown prince.
Cavis: Ohhoho but of course! He'll be...uh. You defintely be.....uh. I'll be right back.
Winston: Effie Pickering? Oh oui she's your favorite I know oh oui she would be...most definitely.......PLEASE HOLD!
Millward: Possum....flo-ssom, flo-ssom.
Cavis: Tell me the prince is coming!
Winston: If Miss Pickering is in, zhen ze Prince is in.
Cavis: Well, if the prince is in, I think Miss Pickering is in. So you get the prince, and then I'll get Miss Pickering!
Winston: Okay and you ze pickering and I'll get ze prince!
Cavis: Right.
Millward: Flossom crossom? tralalalalalaosssm?
Cavis: Oh ho rest assured! Prince Frederick will definitely be there!
Effie Pickering: mmmmmm Very intresting, Monsieur Applecart. Let me give some thought.
Cavis: Appythart. So you’ll uh...call me tomorrow?
Effie Pickering: Zat is enough. I will be in ze show, ze lights and ze plums and ze peas.
Cavis: Oh ho ho ho HEY THAT'S GREAT!
Winston: So you can come? Fantastic! You will not be sorry.
Cavis: And the best thing is, that it's all for good cause and you see I've noticed that people in this town don't always seem to love each other well(Millward: dossom?). and it's my theory that a big spectacular show filled with beauty, and and electric lights. THAT'LL TEACH LONDON HOW TO LOVE!!
Effie Pickering: I don't rehearse before 10:00 a.m. and i don't work with animals or children. Good day Monsiur Applecute.
Cavis: Eh heh heh eh Appythart! We did it SHE'S IN ha ha! THE PRINCE?
Winston: He's coming?
Millward: Schlossam....crossam...... picassom.
Cavis: This is great. Now, all we need is that rhyme!
Millward: Fossum...Gossum..b.........BLOSSOM!!! Oh plummer you dropped your possum. Yes princess i think it is true! I was hoping our love might BLOSSOM! But the possum is eating my shoe!
Cavis: Gold, Millward! That's gold! Its Our first big break and if the show is really pretty.
Millward: Its our first big break!
Cavis: Then i do believe!
Millward: Our First Big break!
Cavis: That we're gonna show this city how to really love, starting christmas eve! It's going just as i hoped. What? "All New Christmas Production. Saint Barts Church. Christmas eve?"
(End of Our First Big Break)
Edmond(Junior): Ok you've got Charles Street, Cross Street and Pudding lane.
Annie: That will take all day!
Edmond: Well then, Pack a lunch!
Laura Carrot: Edmond, I can't carry anymore! I need a break.
Edmond: A break? You won't stage the biggest christmas pageant london has ever seen by taking a break?
Percy Pea: Edmond, i don't think i can be a sheep.
Edmond: Why not?
Percy Pea: I think im allergic to-ca-a-a-choo. Cotton balls.
Edmond: Wear a clothes pin on your nose. You'll be fine.
Percy pea; (groans)
Reverend Gillbert(Dad Asparagus): How's it going, Edmond?
Edmond: Pretty good, Dad! With a little behind schedule but you would help out I'm sure we could catch up!
Rev. Gillbert: Edmond, A christmas pageant doesn't have to be huge spectacle you know. The story of christmas is so simple, so powerful. Sometimes a simple presentation is the best way to let message shine through.
Edmond: Oh its gonna shine alright! I've got about 20 pounds of glitter! You think that's enough?
Rev. Gillbert: Well, i'd love to help but i've got an errand to run. There's a family across town. They're out of work. They don't have any food for christmas. I'm taking them so groceries.
Edmond: Oh Dad do you have to do it now? The pageant!
Rev. Gillbert: Isn't as important as helping people in need, Edmond. That's what god did on christmas. He came to us to help us and to show us how much he loved us. "And she shall give birth to a son and they named him emmanuel. God with us." I wanna show this family the love god showed us. Then, I'll be back.
Edmond: Alright. But bring more glitter ok?
Rev. Gillbert: Oh By the way the church committee met and they decided that you could use the star of christmas in your pageant, if your very careful with it. Moyer will put it in the cabinet by the side table for you.
Edmond: Oh thanks dad! This is gonna be GREAT!
Rev. Gillbert: Oh excuse me sir.
Cavis: Oh! E-excuse me! Its just- Just a bunch of kids putting on a church play. I don't know why i was so worried. After all, I am a big-time producer. Twice awarded for exemplary work in the dental wax industry. Wonder what a star of christmas is anyway?
Arthur Rollingshead(Archibald Asparagus): Beg pardon we're you asking about the star of christmas?
Cavis: Uh yeah.
Arthur Rollingshead: Yes indeed The Star of Christmas of Canterbury. One of the finest existing examples of 6th century metalwork. Given by Saint Gregory the great to the monks of Canterbury August 14, 592. His astonishing gold-and-silver five point star later decorated the colts of King Edward the confessor, William The Conqueror and James Amaphobect before coming to rest of the church you see behind you in 1638. (breathes) Why did you ask?
Cavis: Well, it's nothing really. They're just gonna use it in a christmas pageant.
Arthur Rollingshead: Good Heavens! Are you certain?
Cavis: Yeah.
Arthur Rollingshead: That's astonishing! The star hasn't been publicly displayed since February 12, 1804. Due to the perceived security risks from the reigns of King Charles the greedy and Cedric The I'll-eat-anything-star-shaped. That's big news!
Cavis: Who are you exactly?
Arthur Rollingshead: Arthur Rollingshead, Reporter for The London post Gazette. Young man, you've given me a fine story. Here's toppings for your trouble. Stop the presses! I've got a dandy! London needs to know about that pageant!
Cavis: Well, I'm sure a big paper like the Post Gazette is to busy for a story about a little christmas pageant. Right.
Millward: It says here, "The Star of Christmas hasn't been seen in 79 years." It says, "All respectable citizens who want be in attendance for the reunveiling of this priceless artifact at the Christmas pageant at St. Bart's church on christmas eve." Wow! We should go! This sounds great!
Seymour: Hey, that's the same night as your show. Heh. What a coincidence!
Cavis: So this could affect our attendance a bit.
Seymour: A bit? They pretty much said you have to be an uncultured swine to miss out on the star.
Cavis: Well, it may not be as bad as you might think. What have i said all along?
Seymour: You can't do any heavy lifting football injury.
Cavis: No besides that. What's the other thing i've said all along? You know for any show to open successfully-
Millward: -you have to had a good word from the crown prince. I remember!
Cavis: Exactly! All we need for opening night is the prince. He comes, he sees it, he gives it a good word and we're a hit! We've got it made! We don't need an audience! We just need the prince! And unless we hear otherwise, he's coming.
(phone rings)
Millward: I'll get it(answers the phone. to the prince). Hello? Prince Fredrick? Oh hi! Yes? You do? You Will? You are? You won't? I see. All right. Goodbye. That was the prince.
Cavis: And?
Millward: He loved our work on the dental wax ads, but he's always been a f an of the star. He'll be in the front row at the chruch pageant. He's not coming.
Cavis: Okay we can beat this. We're smarter than this. Got any ideas?
Seymour: Uh i've still got the receipts for the lights and the telephone. Maybe its not too late to turn our money back.
Millward: And i think i can return the costumes except for the one winston spilled mustard on.
Cavis: Guys. Guys, this was our big chance. Our Big break remember? We were gonna put on a show so big so beautiful so well lit. It was gonna show london how to love. Now maybe that isn't important to you two. Maybe your thinking, "Oh there's plenty of love out there. This town is full of love!" Well if that's what you think, then's there no need for a show like this. And gentlemen let be the first to show the way out! No wait.
Seymour: Oh cavis, shut the door. We're with ya!
Cavis: Oh that's great guys. The show must go on right? Okay we need the prince to see our show but he's gonna go see the christmas pageant. So what do we do?
Seymour: Kidnap Him! Is that legal?
Millward: Um no.
Cavis: Come on. Let's think.
Millward: Well, i guess the only way the prince would come to our show is if he thinks it is more impressive than the star of christmas.
Seymour: Sure the kidnapping which i hear is illegal now!
Cavis: Wait what'd you say?
Seymour: Sure kidnapping is-
Cavis: No-no-no Millward what'd you say?
Millward: I said the the only way the prince would come to our show is if he thinks it is more impressive than the star. Which it isn't.
Cavis: No, but it could be.
Seymour and Millward: Huh?
Cavis: It's our only chance to save the show. To teach london to love. We've got to make everything more spectacular! We need bigger songs and bigger sets and most of all...(gasps) Lots more lights!
(Flushing in Vain starts)
Millward: Okay from the stop.
Effie Pickering: Thank you sir, for coming i think a have a leak.
Jimmy Gourd: Show me where the trouble is i like to take a peak.
Effie Pickering: Here benath the counter is the place where you'll find the trouble!
Jimmy: I'd like to fix it on the double.
Millward: Great great! Not bad huh?
Cavis: Not bad at all. It could be bigger though. How are we doing on the lights, Seymour?
Seymour: Well, I got more lights and there's no more room on the scenery.
Cavis: Hmmmmm. Who says we can put them on the scenery?
Seymour: (chuckles nervously)
Millward: With Feeling!
Jimmy: Your Pipes are corroded, the water won't drain! Your toilet exploded, your flushing in vain!
Cavis: Great! Seymour? Ha. You'll have those working in no time right Seymour?
Seymour: Eh sure.
Cavis: Then i think its time to call the prince!
(Flushing in vain ends)
Cavis: Heh. It's ringing.
Seymour: Yeah. Put this so i can keep working.
Cavis: Oh yes prince fredrick? Ha yes hello. This is Cavis Appythart. The dental wax guy. Yes. Well, you'll be pleased to hear that our show "The Princess and The Plumber" is significantly more impressive than now. You might say its more impressive than the star of christmas. Oh yes. Well The songs are bigger. Yea and the sets are bigger and get this you will have electric nights on the costumes! Its never been done before and its quite impressive. Yes sir i understand. Yes sir. You wanna hear the song? For happy Jills and happy Jacks, use Durling's Famous Dental Wax. Yes sir it's a winner. Goodbye sir.
Millward: What'd he say?
Cavis: He said the only way he'd come to our show was if we had a star of christmas.
Millward: If we had a star of christmas, how could we have a star of christmas? There's only one.
Cavis: Right.
Millward: The Church has it.
Cavis: Right.
Millward: So if there's only one and they've got it how could we have a star of christmas?
Seymour: Hey, I've got it! What's going on?
Rev. Gillbert: Well Moyer, Thanks for helping out with Ladies Temperance League dinner.
Moyer(Scooter Carrot): Aye Reverend. For being so temporeate they sure can eat.
Rev. Gillbert: (chuckles) Let's just keep that to ourselves. Say did you put The Star of christmas in the cabinet?
Moyer: Aye sir. But i'm awfully nervous about leaving it out all night. There are desperate characters in this town who'd love to get their hands on it.
Rev. Gillbert: Oh Moyer. Have faith in your fellow man. Besides anyone who wanted to have to star would have to go through you.
Moyer: Ah well said.
Rev. Gillbert: Prize fighting champ 1851 world exposition.
Moyer: Ah Second runner-up.
Rev. Gillbert: "Moyer the destroyer."
Moyer: Aye i left me fighting days behind me. No way back there.
Rev. Gillbert: Well, We'll lock up the church real tight tonight just to be safe. Good night, Moyer.
Moyer: Good night, Reverend.
Cavis: (whispering) Millward, You're still here? What are you doing?
Millward: (whispering) I'm praying to be delivered for the mighty and forsome hand moyer the destroyer.