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TheSillyRayTitleCard

This is the episode transcript for The Silly Ray.

Transcript

(Scene opens at Archibald's mayoral office, which is located atop the fireplace of the house.)

Archibald: Ah, Petunia, the world's greatest campaign manager. How are we doing?

Petunia: You're in the can.

Archibald: Yay, we're in the can! That's good, right?

Petunia: The polls show that your voters dislike your speeches. The people want something silly, and keep giving them dry, boring lectures that put them to sleep.

Archibald: Get me my speech writer.

Petunia: Bob? He's supposed to be here by now.

(Bob enters the office after exiting the elevator.)

Bob: I'm on my way! Just a sec! Mayor Archibald, Petunia. I just wrote the speech of speeches. You're gonna get some votes from this one.

Archibald: Forget that!

Bob: I worked all week on that.

Archibald: Tell him about the silly thing, Petunia.

Petunia: The people want silly. Can you write a silly speech for us?

Bob: What if I can't?

Archibald: You'd be fired.

Bob: One silly speech coming up! Is next week okay?

Petunia: We need it this afternoon.

(Bob nervously runs off, before hopping by himself.)

Bob: How am I gonna write a speech by this afternoon? And a silly one at that.

(Jimmy, Jerry, Madame Blueberry, Bacon Bill, Jean-Claude, and Phillipe pass by Bob.)

All: Pool party at Bob and Larry's!

Bob: (surprised) Pool party?

(Scene switches to Bob and Larry's house, where Larry is riding his bike on the ceiling.)

Larry: Whee!

(Larry stops when the doorbell rings.)

Larry: My guests have arrived.

(Larry falls to the floor, then answers the door, finding Jimmy, Jerry, Madame Blueberry, Bacon Bill, Jean-Claude, and Phillipe at the door.)

All: We're here for the pool party!

Larry: (puts on some sunglasses) Hot dog! Let's get this party started!

(The group prepare to have their pool party, but Bob angrily stops them.)

Bob: Ahem! There will be no pool party!

All: (gasping)

Larry: But we planned this all week! Of course, I was too silly to remember to ask you permission. By the way, Bob, can I have a pool party?

Bob: No pool party.

All: (gasp)

Bob: I've got write a new speech for Mayor Archibald, and I need to concentrate. You'll have to come back another time.

Larry: But... pool party!

Bob: But... no pool party!

(The guests stand in stunned silence.)

Jerry: Excuse me.

Madame Blueberry: No pool party? Well, I never!

Bacon Bill: Well, I never either!

(Bacon Bill closes the door, but closes it on his lower body, opens it and closes it again on his lower body as he gives off a muffled scream, opens it again, closes it on his lower body again, but opens it again and leaves after closing the door again.)

Bob: How am I ever gonna write a silly speech by this afternoon?

Larry: You? Write a silly speech? Now, that's silly.

Bob: What I need is something that could zap me and make me instantly silly.

(Larry becomes excited and rushes off before coming back with a large bulky machine.)

Larry: Bob, I invented a silly ray!

Bob: That seems kind of convenient that I need a silly ray and you already invented one.

Larry: Well, I've been wanting to make you silly for quite some time. Do you want a write a silly speech or not?

Bob: Hit it!

(Larry pushes a button on the Silly Ray that shoots out a beam that strikes Bob, leaving Bob disoriented.)

Larry: Hey, Bob, want to read a big, long technical manual?

Bob: Can we...

Larry: Yeah? Yeah?

Bob: ...ride bikes on the ceiling?

(Bob starts riding his bike on the ceiling.)

Bob: Wheeee!

Larry: My life just got awesome!

(Larry puts on his baseball cap and goes over to his bike before he also rides his bike on the ceiling with Bob.)

Larry: Double wheeee!

Bob: We can do this all day!

Larry: Hold on, Bob. You've got to write a silly speech for Mayor Archibald.

Bob: Oh, yeah. I'm so silly, I almost forgot.

(Bob lands on the floor again and starts writing at lightning-quick speed, the papers covering the screen. Scene switches to Archibald hiding in the bushes next to the gazebo as three carrots start to approach the center of town.)

Archibald: The people are coming. Petunia, did Bob deliver my speech?

Petunia: Not yet, but I'm sure he'll be here. Bob never misses a deadline.

(Scene switches to back at Bob and Larry's home, as Bob starts to read the silly speech that he wrote.)

Bob: Ahem. "Ladies and Harold, eat a pony with your eyeball. I should be president of the universe. But on to my real question. What time is it on Jupiter, my people?"

Larry: I gotta admit, I'm pretty silly, and that seems like a silly speech, even for me.

Bob: Ha ha ha! All done! Let's play!

(Bob rushes off to the kitchen and comes back with a helicopter-like device, the propeller made from a mop.)

Bob: Ha ha ha ha! Check it out! Heli-mopter!

(Bob starts to fly through the air.)

Larry: Wow, you can clean the air! Let's go for a spin.

(Bob picks up Larry, as the two fly all around the house. Bob then spins Larry around before throwing him to the floor.)

Larry: This is amazing! We can do anything! We can go crazy! We can--

Bob: Throw a pool party?

Larry: Great idea, Silly Bob.

(Bob bumps Larry back.)

Larry: Aah! Uhh!

Bob: Let's go invite all our friends back.

Larry: You're the best Bob ever!

(Bob picks up Larry again, before the two fly through town.)

Larry: (singing) I like slimy things

Bob: (singing) So do I

Ketchup on my beans

Larry: (singing) Hey so do I

I like baths in the sink

Bob: (singing) So do I

And cheese that stinks

Larry: (singing) Hey you're my kind of guy

Bob: (singing) I want a friend who's just like me

Larry: (singing) Whose friendship depends on harmony

Bob: (singing) If he likes it, I like it

Larry: (singing) If he doesn't, I don't

Bob: (singing) If I do it, I does it

Larry: (singing) If I don't, he won't

Both: (singing) I like a friend

Much better you see

If he's a friend who's a friend

Who's exactly like me

Larry: (singing) I like potted meat

Bob: (singing) Hey so do I

I like invisible feet

Larry: (singing) You're my kind of guy

Both: (singing) It's the way it's supposed to be

When I'm looking at my friend

I'm looking at me

Bob: (singing) If he likes it, I like it

Larry: (singing) If he doesn't, I don't

Bob: (singing) If I do it, I does it

Larry: (singing) If I don't, he won't

Both: (singing) I like a friend

Much better you see

If he's a friend who's a friend

Who's exactly like me

Bob: Ha ha ha!

Larry: Oh, Silly Bob!

Bob: I love you, buddy. Give me a hug.

Larry: Aw, it's like hugging me.

(Bob and Larry approach Jimmy, Jerry, Madame Blueberry, and Bacon Bill.)

Larry: Hey, guys, big party in our swimming pool at now o'clock!

All: (cheering)

(Scene switches to Archibald pacing nervously while behind the gazebo, while the crowd is gathered at the front.)

Crowd: Speech! Speech! Speech!

(The sound of helicopter blades whirring, as Archibald and Petunia look up to see Bob and Larry fly past them. Archibald chases after them from the ground.)

Archibald: Bob, do you have my speech?

Larry: Oh, yeah, the speech.

Bob: Here you go, Archi-boss! One silly speech coming down!

(Bob tosses the speech down as Petunia catches it and starts to read it.)

Archibald: Well, is it any good?

Petunia: Oh, this is silly, all right.

(Archibald approaches the crowd rather nervously.)

Crowd: Speech! Speech! Speech!

Archibald: Oh, here goes nothing.

(Archibald brings the microphone down to his level, as the sound of feedback, before Archibald sees the crowd of three carrots in front of him, as he starts to read the speech.)

Archibald: Ladies and Harold, eat a pony with your eyeball."

Crowd: (scattered chuckles)

Archibald: Oh. "I should be president of the universe. But on to my real question. What times is it on Jupiter?"

Crowd: (laughing)

(Scene switches to a pool at Bob and Larry's home.)

Bacon Bill: Cannonball!

(Bacon Bill does a cannonball into the pool, while he and Jean-Claude are in the pool. Larry passes the pool and passes by Jimmy and Jerry, who are sunbathing.)

Jimmy: Great pool party, Jimmy!

Jerry: Frivolity!

Jean-Claude: Bill, you made a rainbow slick!

Bacon Bill: Behold the power of bacon!

(Madame Blueberry approaches Larry, who puts his sunglasses back on.)

Madame Blueberry: Larry, I've noticed Bob is not being very "Bob" lately.

Larry: Isn't it great? He's just like me.

Madame Blueberry: Don't you miss non-Silly Bob?

Larry: Let me think about that. Nope.

Pa Grape: Silly Bob is draining the pool.

Larry: Especially when he drains the- Drains the pool?!

(The water in the pool starts draining, due to a hose that was placed in the pool and leads to the house.)

Larry: Our pool! Silly Bob, what are you doing?

Bob: You know what's better than a water slide? A water house!

Larry: A water house? Great idea. I mean, you're draining the water into our house?!

Bacon Bill: Silly Bob is being too silly, even for me.

Jimmy: Silly Bob ruined our fun. See you later, Larry.

Jerry: No fun.

(The others leave.)

Bob: Last one in is a rotten eggplant! Whoo-hoo!

(Bob runs into the house.)

Larry: Wait up!

(Inside the now-flooded house, Larry swims after Bob.)

Larry: Silly Bob, you're ruining our house.

Bob: Pulling this handle seems like the silly thing to do.

Larry: No, Silly Bob, not the Larry Cave! No-o-o-o-o!

(Bob and Larry get sent into the Larry Cave, which is also flooded.)

Larry: Whoa!

Bob: You've heard of LarryBoy. But how about...

Larry: Wait!

Bob: ...BobBoy!

Larry: Take that helmet off this instant!

Bob: Don't be so un-silly, Larry. Let's fight some crime!

Larry: I don't wanna. I need to drain this room.

(Larry becomes surprised when he sees Bob get into the Larrymobile.)

Larry: Get out of that!

(Bob starts up the Larrymobile and leaves the Larry Cave, while Larry uses the spare LarryBoy helmet to shoot the Super Suction Ear at the Larrymobile, but gets pulled down.)

Larry: Aaaaah!

(Bob drives the Larrymobile out from under the house, while Larry gets pulled along.)

Larry: Stop the car! Aaaah!

(Scene switches to back in the center of town, where Archibald is still reading the speech.)

Archibald: "If a bean eats beans, does it get gas? These questions plague me. Punch a cricket!"

(The crowd cheers for Archibald's speech.)

Archibald: This silly stuff is working.

(The crowd continues cheering.)

Archibald: "Corn people, lend me your ears! And, in conclusion, flop like a dolphin when you pull a swing set out of your ear!" Thank you!

Crowd: Silly Mayor Archibald! Silly Mayor Archibald!

Petunia: Bob's silly speech is brilliant.

(The Larrymobile drives by, while Larry still gets pulled along from behind.)

Larry: Aaaah! Stop the car!

(The Larrymobile drives past a row of dumpsters, slamming Larry into one of them, before that dumpster gets towed from behind. Larry peeks out from the dumpster and puts on the spare LarryBoy helmet. The dumpster runs into the side of the cabinet, sending Larry flying into the air.)

Larry: Whoa!

(Larry flies back down towards the house. Jimmy and Jerry are seen standing next to their house, laughing while holding several ice cream cones, before a crash is heard that surprises them. Larry takes the LarryBoy helmet off.)

Larry: (sadly) I miss un-silly Bob.

(Bob continues driving the Larrymobile around the house, driving it up the wall.)

Bob: Computer, rock music now!

Computer: Commencing rock music.

(Rock music starts playing, as Bob still continues driving the Larrymobile.)

Bob: Computer, bake me a pie!

Computer: Of course, sir.

(A pie comes out from the Larrymobile's dashboard.)

Bob: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wow, you can do everything. Computer, make the car jump super high!

(The Larrymobile stops before jumps up into the air and lands, as Bob has the pie on his head.)

Bob: Pie on my face! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Pie on my face!

(The Larrymobile pulls up in front of Bob and Larry's house again, before Bob jumps out and starts jumping around while laughing and whooping. Inside the house, Larry is riding his bike on the ceiling, but is rather sad while doing so. Larry sighs before he brings his bike down to the floor again.)

Larry: This house doesn't need me to be so silly now that Silly Bob has "silly" covered so well.

(Bob bounces into the house while chuckling, which Larry is surprised to see.)

Bob: Let's get silly!

(Bob spins while standing on his head on the floor. Larry looks over at the Silly Ray, as he knows what to do.)

Larry: The world needs not-Silly Bob back.

(Larry picks up the Silly Ray and points it at Bob.)

Larry: This is for your own good.

Bob: Bullfrogs are a parachute on a pancake floppy.

(The Silly Ray shoots out another beam that strikes Bob, leaving him disoriented once again.)

Bob: Whoa.

Larry: Bob, is that you? Would you like to... ride bikes on the ceiling?

Bob: Don't even think about it!

Larry: Bob, you're back! I love you, Bob. I'll never silly-ray you ever again. I like Boring Bob.

(The doorbell rings, as Archibald enters the house, while a crowd is gathered around from outside.)

Archibald: Bob, your speech worked! I'll take three more silly speeches, please.

Bob: But I can't write silly anymore.

Larry: What Bob means is that we'll write them together.

Archibald: Oh, thank you, Bob and Larry. Aah!

(Archibald jumps out the window after that. Larry approaches Bob while carrying a pen and some paper.)

Larry: You start writing.

Bob: Yes, and you dictate... from the ceiling.

(Bob brings out Larry's bike, which excites Larry, before he gets on his bike again and starts riding it on the ceiling.)

Larry: Hello, my veggie constituents. Rusty car doors are the flippity-flop of flippity-flop.

Bob: Uh-huh. "Flippity-flop of flippity-flop." Ha ha ha!

(The screen starts to iris out on Larry who is still riding his bike on the ceiling, but stops as Larry makes a silly face, then falls off, before the screen goes dark.)

(End of transcript)

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