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ThePiratesWhoDon'tDoAnythingTitleCard

This is Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Lunt, Archibald Asparagus and Pa Grape talking about The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie.

Transcript

Larry: (singing) Start at the very beginning
It's a great place to start.
Lunt: So this seems like a good place to start, eh?
Larry: This would be the beginning.
Lunt: The beginning of what?
Larry: (simultaneously) The beginning of the movie!
Lunt: The beginning of a beautiful friendship. Oh right.
Larry: Here we go, this is Larry the Cucumber!
Lunt: And this is Mr. Lunt.
Larry: On our second feature film that we produced.
Lunt: Yes, we co-produced.
Larry: Yeah, along with Jerry Bruckheimer.
Lunt: He helped out a little bit, but we had to fire him halfway through the film because he was a little demanding.
Larry: He wanted to do things with torpedoes. There was no torpedoes in the pirate days.
Lunt: Yeah, and Michael Bay.
Larry: Oh look, here I am!
Lunt: Why aren't I in that logo?
Larry: Well, you know... I don't know. Talk to Bob about it.
Lunt: Yeah, I will. I'll bring that up but good. So this is our second movie that we produced. What's your name?
Larry: Larry the Cucumber.
Lunt: And me, Mr. Lunt. The first one, you know, that said "Universal" on the front, because we did it with Universal this time.
Larry: Yeah.
Lunt: I don't remember why.
Larry: It was kind of hard to get these guys to learn how to swordfight, 'cause, you know, a lot of extras these days, they don't really take fencing.
Lunt: You know, back in the glory days of stage entertainment, everyone, they knew how to do three things. They knew how to sing, they knew how to dance, and they knew swordplay.
Larry: That's right.
Lunt: But kids... kids today, they don't know swordplay like they used to. (fades to Robert stopping Alexander) Do we get breaks while we're doing the commentary? You know, the last commentary, Larry the Cucumber had to go to the bathroom right in the middle of it, and it pretty much ruined the whole thing.
Larry: Rub it in, rub it in!
Lunt: Yeah. So the good news is, he went to the bathroom before the commentary this time. So I think we're in good shape.
Larry: Yeah, hope so.
Lunt: Hey, that guy! That crazy guy in the mecho suit...
Larry: That's right.
Lunt: Yeah, well, he was like, from a Japanese movie, right?
Larry: Yeah, I think he was from, I don't know, one of the Miyazaki films?
Lunt: Probably so.
Larry: Yeah.
Lunt: Because, of course, American films cannot have that kind of technology. We're not that advanced, so we have to borrow it from the world of anime.
Larry: Yeah. So it was pretty fun getting this guy to get the suit to work. Remember that?
Lunt: No.
Larry: Remember Robert trying to get the suit to work for the first time?
Lunt: I was in the bathroom that day.
Larry: Yeah.
Lunt: I had some bad fish. (fades to Eloise and Willory leaving their hideout) Hey, you know who else is watching the show with us?
Larry: Who's that?
Lunt: Archibald is here.
Larry: Oh, yeah! Willory himself!
Archibald: Yes, hello!
Larry: Hey Willory, how's it going?
Archibald: Very fine, thank you. I'm Archibald Asparagus. I play the role of Willory, which was key. But you know, I'm just seeing the film for the first time and I'm realizing something.
Larry: That you're strikingly handsome?
Archibald: I've known that all along, my boy.
Larry: Oh, well...
Archibald: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Larry: So...
Archibald: No, what I'm noticing is that this is not the documentary I thought we were making.
Larry: Oh, you thought this was a documentary?
Archibald: On 18th-century whaling.
Larry: No, it's 17th-century pirating.
Archibald: Yes. Well, obviously, I was a bit deceived.
Larry: Yeah.
Archibald: You will be hearing from my agent.
Larry: You did know that you were a butler, right?
Archibald: In real life, or in the film?
Larry: In the film.
Archibald: Sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing between reality and, whatever this is. Swordplay.

(fades to when the trio are auditioning)

Larry: So uhm, remember this scene? Remember doing the audition?
Lunt: Yup. You remember they had to built that big fake boat in float it in that little pool of water?
Larry: Yup.
Lunt: Remember how dirty that water got?
Larry: Ooh, let's not talk about that.
Lunt: By the end of the movie, I mean, it was like vegetable soup.
Larry: It was a little slimy.
Lunt: It was like alphabet soup-
Larry: Yeah.
Lunt: You can spell things out of the flotsam and jetsam.
Larry: Yeah. They should have stocked it with, like, koi or something to kind of work out the biology in that pond.
Lunt: I don't think a vegetable has ever said "flotsam and jetsam" before.
Larry: Really?
Lunt: I think I just broke new ground.
Larry: You poor, unfortunate soul.
Lunt: Was that inflatable?
Larry: Nope, that's another one of those things... I think we got that at the same store where we got the Labor Saving Device.
Lunt: It came from Japan? Was it RadioShack?
Larry: Radioshack!
Lunt: They couldn't even fit that thing in a RadioShack, 'cause RadioShacks are like, the size of a trailer.
Larry: Well, it came unassembled in those little, uhh, cardboard-backed plastic laminate packages.
Lunt: Oh really? And then it had to be inflated.
Larry: Yeah, once we got it all together-
Lunt Which brings me back to my original question; was that thing inflatable?
Larry: Uh, yes.
Lunt: Okay!
Larry: Yes.
Lunt: Good! I'm glad we established that. You know, we could make a version of that sea monster for kids' birthday parties, and they could bounce on it.

(fades to Sedgewick pulling the cannon cord)

Larry: So did you really think that was a big ring, just like at the gas station.
Lunt: I'm just reading my lines, man, and I don't even memorize them. I just... There's a guy who holds up a cue card, and I just read it. And I try not to think about what I'm reading because it distracts me from an otherwise good day I'm having.
Larry: Remember that one place we worked in production where the bathroom ring was actually on an old one-inch reel?
Lunt: Yeah, that was huge.
Larry: Yeah. Those are really hard to lose.
Lunt: I tried to put it in my pocket once. Man, I lost the whole side of my pants.
Larry: Uh-uh. (fades to the end of Yo Ho Hero) Oh, check out that shot right there. Isn't that a nice shot?
Lunt: That's gorgeous! How did we get that shot? On a helicopter?
Larry: Uh, helicopter. Helicopter, yeah.
Lunt: Who was driving the helicopter?
Larry: Uh, the Peach.
Lunt: Wow, that piece of wood in the front kinda looks like a bicycle seat, like somebody's supposed to sit on it and pedal the boat. You noticed that?
Larry: No, I didn't even notice that.
Lunt: Oh, what a wonderful shot!
Larry: That's a nice shot, too.
Lunt: Look, and the tiny little bird that's like one pixel big. Did you see that, kids? Did you see the one-pixel bird? (fades to the pirates, Eloise and Willory nearing the whirlpool) I have a question for you.
Larry: Yeah?
Lunt: The storm is an optical illusion.
Larry: That's right.
Lunt: Why does it make noise?
Larry: Um... You know that's a- maybe- maybe it's an ora- oral illusion. Is that- how would you- how would you say-
Lunt: Aural, aural-
Larry: Aural? Aural illusion?
Lunt: That was my step brother. Aural illusion.
Larry: You know, I think it was just, it's just, uh, it's just static above the water.
Lunt: Yep, so it was- it was an illusion.
Larry: Can you imagine if it didn't make noise, though? It's, see, it wouldn't be as scary if it didn't make noise.
Lunt: Well, that's what the score is for. You just- if you got- if you don't have money for sound effects, you just play louder. And nobody notices.

(fades to Mr. Lunt being chased by the Cheese Curl monsters)

Larry: Look-look at this.
Lunt: What?
Larry: Did- did this- did this hurt or what?
Lunt: What?
Larry: This.
Lunt: Well no, I fell on an airbag. You think I'm just gonna fall and die, for the sake of a movie?
Larry: Well, what was all that about your sacroiliac?
Lunt: It was fake cheese curls. Why would I do that? With that- It wasn't in the script, I was acting. Acting!
Larry: Oh, acting.
Lunt: Yeah, that's why I'm a shoe-in for the Oscar.
Larry: Ok.
Lunt: Because I was acting, where most people in Hollywood, they don't quite get that, but me. I'm a professional.

(fades to Robert's crew making the rowboat with the king doll blow up)

Larry: You know, you know how we made this boat blow up?
Lunt: How did we make the boat blow up? It was an inflatable boat, right?
Larry: Uh no, that was a real wooden boat.
Lunt: Oh.
Larry: We, we blew up that snow whitewood.
Archibald: I got splinters from that stunt.
Larry: Yeah?
Archibald: Yes, I was on second camera.
Larry: Really?
Archibald: I was trying to do my documentary. I was just behind the boat with my second camera, it's actually a small Camcorder, just videotaping-
Larry: Okay.
Archibald: You know, it was, it was avant garde. And the boat blows up! And I got a splinter right on my forehead. I'm tough. They say I can't have a sword-
Larry: Movie making is, serious business, kids.
Archibald: Because I'm kind of... you know, British. But I'm tough.

(fades to the Rock Monster)

Mr. Lunt: Here comes the Rock Monster. Man, he was a nice guy.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: He was a nice guy.
Larry: This took, like, six takes.
Mr. Lunt: Where did we find him?
Larry: On the island?
Mr. Lunt: He was just there on the island?
Larry: Yeah. He was really, he was really happy for the work. Not many roles that come up for a rock monster.
Mr. Lunt: Not much for rock monsters to do, holy cow, they're going through the- oh, I remember when we did that, I was freaking out!
Larry: Yeah, th-
Mr. Lunt: Cause you had extras pushing the rocks on either side and they said they would stop if it wasn't working out and we were gonna get squashed like bugs. I never believed them.
Larry: Well, we didn't. We were all right.
Mr. Lunt: We made it, well yeah.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: Obviously, we're doing the commentary, so we made it.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: But we might not've.
Larry: Yeah, it was a little risky.
Mr. Lunt: It was very risky and I didn't even get- I should've gotten a fanny pack and a half for doing that. Overtime, hazard pay, something.
Larry: While you're talking hazard pay, let-let's talk about the sea monster for a minute.
Mr. Lunt: Oh yeah, that was fun. That was my favorite part.
Larry: You know how tough it was to actually miss those teeth?
Mr. Lunt: No, how tough?
Larry: That was tough.
Mr. Lunt: How tough?
Larry: If you notice, like when this thing chomps, chomps down on the mass to the ship. His uh, his uh, his uh, big ol' sharp teeth missed me by just inches.
Mr. Lunt: By inches?
Larry: By inches.
Mr. Lunt: Were you grazed?
Larry: No, it missed me completely.
You weren't even grazed.
But it was by inches. No, I wasn't even grazed. But uh, it could've been messy.
Mr. Lunt: "There's bubbles." That's my favorite part in the movie, "There's bubbles", BOOM! Kids are really gonna like that, cause very young children love scary elements. If there's anything I learned from teaching Sunday school...
Larry: Oh yeah?
Mr. Lunt: Oh yeah, 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, they love a good jolt.
Larry: Yep.
Mr. Lunt: Sometimes I would leave them in the Sunday school room alone, and then I would come in and go "AAH!" And just startle them. And then we'd talk about Moses. And Moses was a relief after the great startlement, so they would pay good attention, cause they didn't know when I was gonna startle them again. That's why I suggested we put a really scary sea monster in the movie for the small children.

(fades to Robert threatening the Pirates)

Larry: Wha-what were you thinking, when you had the, uh, the wax drip on your nose?
Pa Grape: When the stuff fell on my nose?
Larry: Yeah.
Pa Grape: Well, my first thought was "Ow, that hurt!"
Larry: Yeah, wax, wax is a little testy.
Pa Grape: Yeah, and I had to pretend-
Larry: Must've been a, so, you probably liked the hot burn on you.
Pa Grape: I had to pretend I didn't notice.
Larry: Yeah.
Pa Grape: But, you know, that's what acting is all about, pretending you don't notice. You got a little crab, who gets his spleen ruptured, he has to pretend he doesn't notice. Noise comes in, bandages him up, he's good to go again. And here I am, with hot, drippy wax on my nose.
Larry: You are a pro.
Pa Grape: I am a pro.
Larry: You're a pro.
Pa Grape: That's what Peter O'Toole said to me, "You are a pro."
Larry: Uup, here comes, here comes the hot WAX!
Pa Grape: OOWW!
Larry: Woohoo!
Pa Grape: That's what I was thinking on the inside.

(fades to the Pirates, Alexander, Willory, and Eloise going down the well)

Mr. Lunt: This is the biggest flushing scene ever in a movie, you know.
Larry: I think so. Yep, I think so.
Mr. Lunt: Which was very hard to do without, you know, with the fake water.
Larry: I often wondered if we were, south of the Ecuador if this would've turned out different.
Mr. Lunt: He-he, you think we would've flushed up?
Larry: Might have.
Mr. Lunt: At the top of the castle?
Larry: Could have.
Mr. Lunt: That would've been fun.
Larry: Might've been a different ending.
Mr. Lunt: That would've been fun, but this is the ride that we'll build for the theme park experience.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: When we do, you know, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: The Theme Park."
Larry: Yep, the water ride.
Mr. Lunt: Everybody wants to take the flush- "flush the rowboat" ride.
Larry: Yep.
Mr. Lunt: Like a whack-a-mole.
Larry: That'll have a long line. Can you imagine the line on that ride?
Mr. Lunt: It'll be very long (fades to the Clapping Pass being opened) Whoa, something big is happening!
Larry: Here comes the boat!
Mr. Lunt: Here comes the big boat, with the king to save the day. "Hello!"
Larry: Hello, king!
Mr. Lunt: "I'm the king! I'm going to save the day!", he says.
Larry: That's why you were not cast as the King.
Mr. Lunt: I thought that was a really good representation.
Larry: You're not- You're a lot of things, but you're not very kingly.

(fades to Pa Grape sending Robert back to his time)

Larry: (simultaneously) There he goes!
Mr. Lunt: (simultaneously) Time to go home! Does this mean I can leave?
Larry: No. No, not yet-
Mr. Lunt: He said it was time to go home!
Larry: He's talking to the bad guy.
Mr. Lunt: Oh.
Larry: Yeah, we gotta stay around for the confetti.
Mr. Lunt: Right, I love the confetti.
Larry: Yep.
Mr. Lunt: I had-
Larry: Have you ever been to the Blue Man Group?
Mr. Lunt: Yeah, I've been to the Blue Man Group.
Larry: Those guys know how to do confetti. You know, and they have toilet paper.
Mr. Lunt: They don't do confetti, they do toilet paper all over the place.
Larry: I- I think I remember confetti, too.
Mr. Lunt: No, you know, the big plastic tubes that spin from the ceiling. But not confetti, they don't have confetti cannons cause, that's hard to clean up. We had to clean this up afterwards.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: You know, cause we were kinda back to being busboys.
Larry: Yep.
Mr. Lunt: So we're mopping. What's really hard is getting the confetti out of the fake water.
Larry: Yeah.
Mr. Lunt: I mean, every show, the fake water in the pool fills up with confetti which is, partly why, it don't smell so good.
Larry: Mmm-mmm.
Mr. Lunt: But look how happy we are.
Larry: We're so happy.
Mr. Lunt: Do you know why?
Larry: Because we're done with the movie, that's why.
Mr. Lunt: That-
Larry: Uh-huh.
Mr. Lunt: And we learned a valuable lesson.
Larry: Bye everybody!
Mr. Lunt: Goodbye.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • Anime is a form of animation done in Japan.
  • Koi is a type of domesticated fish. People often used them as decoration, but they are used to help out with the biology of ponds from getting contaminated.
  • Flotsam is floating wreckage of a ship or cargo, while jetsam is part of a ship equipment that is washed ashore. They're also the names of Ursula's eels from Disney's "The Little Mermaid", which Larry quoted "Poor unfortunate soul".

Trivia

  • This is the last character commentary for VeggieTales to date.

Real-World References

  • Larry mentions that Robert's suit was from one of the Miyazaki films. He was referring to Hayao Miyazaki, a famous Japanese animator who did various films over the years.
  • RadioShack is an American electric retailer.
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