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ThePaintingTitleCard

This is the transcript for The Painting.

Transcript

(Scene opens to Bob painting a picture of a beautiful sunset and inspecting the painting, when Larry suddenly comes up in front of him.)

Larry: Bob!

Bob: (yelling)

(Bob falls backwards in surprise, but manages to catch his paints and paintbrush.)

Larry: Whatcha doing?

Bob: (chuckling nervously) I'm painting that glorious sunset.

Larry: Why haven't you painted me yet? I would make a handsome painting to hang over anyone's couch.

(Larry makes a goofy smile.)

Bob: Eh, I'm not gonna paint you smiling all goofy like that.

Larry: You need me to be serious? How about this?

(Larry makes a serious face.)

Larry: Serious.

Bob: Eh, no thanks, I'm more of a landscape artist.

Larry: Landscape. To scape the land! Uh, Bob, what's that mean?

(Mayor Archibald abruptly comes up to Bob, pushing Larry away.)

Archibald: Bob, why didn't you tell me you were so talented?

Bob: I am?

Archibald: Let's put your paintings in a gallery!

Bob: But I just paint for joy.

Archibald: Joy? What about praise? Admiration? Being the center of attention?

Bob: Never thought about it. I just want my paintings to please the Lord. That's enough for this tomato.

Archibald: Would you rather be a boring, unimportant tomato or a sheik, artistic genius to-mah-to? (laughing)

Bob: Well, when you put it that way.

Archibald: Wonderful! I'll alert the Cultural Elite! The Art Critics!

Larry: The Upper Crustacean!

Archibald: Our town is having a gallery showing!

(Scene switches to Junior hopping down the sidewalk while bouncing a basketball when he sees Laura painting a picture, but she can't get the picture to look right.)

Laura: Oh, this is no good!

Junior: Hey, Laura! Want to play some hoops with me?

Laura: Hoops? Like hula hoops? Embroidery hoops? Hoop skirts? Jumping through hoops? Anything but-

Junior: Um, basketball hoops.

Laura: I knew what you meant, but no! I'm the middle of something even more fun.

Junior: Ooh, can I help? What do I do?

Laura: (brushing Junior's "hair") I need you to hold still so I can paint a portrait of you! (puts a bow on Junior's head)

Junior: No.

Laura: Bob is painting a masterpiece for a big gallery show. So I thought I would paint something too.

Junior: But that's a great painting of... of a... couch on a-

Laura: It's a painting of a monkey! See? And I'm terrible! I just need you to sit in one place for a few minutes.

Junior: Just as long as I don't have to wear this bow in my hair.

(Junior removes the bow from his head. Scene switches to Laura carrying two cans of paint and setting up a canvas on the easel.)

Laura: Alright, Junior, I need you to pose as a kitty cat.

Junior: What?!

(Camera pans out to a ball standing a few feet from Junior.)

Laura: Pretend that ball is yarn, and pounce on it!

(Junior jumps in front of the ball.)

Junior: (roars) I'm gonna get you, ball! I think you're a mouse! Hiss!

(Junior jumps on the ball, but the ball is actually Mrs. Fuzzyface.)

Mrs. Fuzzyface: (screeches)

Laura: That's good, but I need you to hold still.

(Cut to Junior trying to hold Mrs. Fuzzyface away from him, before she starts attacking him and pulling on his head.)

Junior: Ow! Stop it! That's my eyebrow! My other eybrow! Hold it right there!

(Junior holds a broom in front of him to keep Mrs. Fuzzyface from attacking him further.)

Junior: (rapidly) Paint it! Paint it! Paint it! Paint it! Paint it! Paint it! Paint it!

Laura: Actually, I'd rather do a rainbow.

(Junior stares unimpressed while still holding Mrs. Fuzzyface back. Scene switches to Pa Grape's store, before cutting to the inside, where Mayor Archibald is presenting Bob's painting.)

Archibald: Observe the majesty of this master work! Our own Bob Tomato, my personal friend, painted it with his bare, non-existent hands!

Mr. Lunt: A tour de force!

Phillipe: Marvelous!

Jean-Claude: Ooh! Aah!

Ichabeezer and Jimmy: It speaks to me!

Jerry: A visual feast!

Bob: What can I say? I like to paint.

(Bob and Mayor Archibald then notice Laura setting up her painting.)

Bob: Laura, what have you got there?

Laura: I heard there was a gallery so I brought my finger paintings. See?

(Laura holds up a painting of paint splots in front of Bob.)

Bob: What am I looking at here?

Laura: That's the pony-kitty-corn riding on the pink cloud to Rainbow-Butterfly-Happy-Fluffy-Magic Castle.

(The sound of the door opening is heard.)

Archibald: Brace yourself, Bob! The distinguished art critic has entered the building!

(The art critic is revealed to be Madame Blueberry.)

Madame Blueberry: Make way! I'm here to feast my eyes on the masterpiece!

Bob: Madame Blueberry is a distinguished art critic?

Jimmy: What's a critic? Is that one of those bugs that chirps all night?

Jerry: Critic. Critic. Critic. Critic.

Madame Blueberry: Uh, no. (chuckles) A critic is an expert at telling good art from bad art. Like me.

Archibald: As a gift, I made you my specialty! It's call Special Tea!

Madame Blueberry: I'm quite excited to see- (gasps) What a remarkable work of artistry! (zips off)

Bob: Oh-ho-ho! Thank you. I'm so glad you- Hey! That's not my painting! (a tea cup lands on his nose)

(Cut to Madame Blueberry admiring Laura's painting.)

Madame Blueberry: The simplicity! The impressionism! A symphony of colors!

(Ichabeezer, Mr. Lunt, Jimmy, Jerry, Jean-Claude, and Phillipe run over to see Laura's painting, leaving Bob behind.)

Bob: But that's a finger painting! (pulls the tea cup off his nose) Laura Carrot did that! She's not a seasoned master like me!

Madame Blueberry: Laura Carrot is a savant! This is a modern masterpiece!

Archibald: Uh, yes! Surprise! Meet a real master in residency! Laura Carrot!

Bob: What about me?

Archibald: Security, get this imposter out of here!

Pa Grape: Uh, we don't have security.

Bacon Bill: I'll be security! I love tackling people!

(Bacon Bill jumps out and tackles into Bob, then starts bouncing Bob like a basketball then rolls him towards the door.)

Bob: Hey!

(Bacon Bill then throws Bob out the door.)

Bacon Bill: And stay out!

(Bacon Bill also throws Bob's painting out the door, which hits Bob on the head.)

Bacon Bill: I love being security! You wanna do it again? You can throw me this time!

Bob: No thanks. I'm gonna go mope now.

Bacon Bill: I love moping!

(Bacon Bill runs off then comes back with a mop.)

Bacon Bill: See? I brought my own mope.

(Bob leaves in disgust, before Bacon Bill starts mopping after that. Scene switches to back inside the store.)

Archibald: Laura Carrot has been my favorite artist since I was just a child!

Laura: Hi! I like ponies!

(Scene switches to Bob returning home while carrying his painting, then throws his painting into the trash can, which Larry notices.)

Larry: Bob! Don't crush your masterpiece!

Bob: I'm done oil painting!

Larry: You? Quit painting?

Bob: Yes, me!

Larry: You? Bob? Quit painting? You?

Bob: Enough! The critics thought my painting was garbage!

Larry: But I love your gar- I mean, paintings!

Bob: Well, you're not Madame Blueberry, who can see all the fancy nuances in a finger painting!

Larry: It's too bad you can't finger paint. Then you'd be beloved as Laura.

(Bob stops as Larry says this, as Larry runs into Bob.)

Bob: That's it, Larry!

Larry: What? Where?

Bob: They want finger painting? Pah! I'll give 'em what they want!

(Bob leaves while Larry watches. Scene switches to back at Pa Grape's store, where Laura is painting a picture, while being watched. Beau Rockley faces Phillipe, who is holding the camera.)

Beau: Laura Carrot, the artistic child genius has become a legend for her no-holds-barred finger painting! Laura! What is your artistic process?

Laura: It cannot be described.

(Laura resumes painting again, while everyone watches anxiously.)

Madame Blueberry: Every stroke is a stroke of genius!

(Madame Blueberry falls over.)

Jimmy: It's so... so... what's the word?

Jerry: Painting!

Mr. Lunt: It's so perfect that it looks horrible to the untrained eye!

Archibald: The iconicity resonates, well metaphorically speaking, to the juxtaposed imagery of the social construct, celebrating the fertility of nature, while stringing, uh, uh, sublime, uh, eloquent, and furthermore, uh, subversive and raw, and stuff like that!

Ichabeezer: I'll buy it, for a whole wheelbarrow full of gold!

Rooney: (barks)

(Bob and Larry enter the store, while Bob is carrying his brand new painting.)

Bob: You think that's good? Check out this finger painting!

(Bob holds out his painting, which looks rather abstract. Everyone stares, unimpressed, before Bob hops onto the stage, while Larry is holding a banana peel.)

Larry: That banana was delicious! I'm gonna leave the peel right here.

Bob: This one is called, "The Eternal Struggle"!

Beau: (groans) Would you two move?! You're blocking the genius at work! (shoves Bob away)

Larry: Hey! Watch who you're shoving! Bob is a distinguished artiste!

(Beau still pushes Bob, until Bob slips on the banana peel that Larry left on the stage.)

Bob: (screaming)

(Bob lands onto Ichabeezer's wheelbarrow of gold, which sends Rooney flying, while Bob, Jimmy, and Jerry watch, until Rooney runs into Laura, knocking her over, resulting in Rooney making a mess of all the paints all over everything, before Rooney jumps away after that.)

Phillipe: Wait a minute, I see a new masterpiece!

Ichabeezer: Rooney, you genius!

(Beau picks up the painting and holds it in front of Madame Blueberry.)

Beau: What do you think, Madame? Do we have a new master on our hands?

(Everyone gathers around to see what Madame Blueberry has to say.)

Madame Blueberry: The remarkable handling of negative space deludes the soul and brings spacial clarity to the subversive metaphor of the vegetable existenstialist quandary!

Beau: So it's good, right?

Madame Blueberry: It's powerful! (falls over)

Bob: (groans in frustration)

Jimmy: I want to praise it in dog language! Bow-wow! (falls over)

Jerry: Wow! (falls over)

Bob: (to Larry) Let's get out of here, Larry. I don't want to paint for this scene anymore.

(Bob and Larry go leave, as does Laura, before Bacon Bill appears in front of her.)

Bacon Bill: Ma'am, I'm gonna have to remove you from the premises! You want me to throw you out?

Laura: No thanks, I can walk.

(Laura goes to leave, while Bob and Larry watch, as Laura leaves the store. Bob and Larry also leave the store.)

Larry: Say, what's wrong with Laura?

Bob: I think I know.

(Bob and Larry follow after Laura.)

Bob: Hey! Isn't that Laura Carrot? The famous artiste?

Laura: No, you must have me confused with a talented person. I'm a has-been and I haven't even made it into the second grade.

Bob: You know what? I kinda forgot something back there. What's more important that everyone thinks your art is good or that you do it to please the Lord?

Larry: Hit it, songman!

(Music starts playing.)

Bob: (singing) Pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

We can make what we create

Pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

We can make what we create

Pleasing to the Lord

The pictures that we paint

The poems that we write

Can be works of art that fill the heart

With beauty, truth and light

And pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

We can make what we create

Pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

Pleasing to the Lord

We can make what we create

Pleasing to the Lord

Yes, we can make

What we create

Pleasing to the Lord

(The song ends.)

Laura: Thanks, Bob! Now I feel like painting again!

(Bob and Laura both pull out easels and paints and start painting. Scene switches to inside Pa Grape's store, where Rooney has started working on his new painting.)

Madame Blueberry: So complex in its simplicity!

Mr. Lunt: It's like a dog stepped on a piece of paper to the untrained eye!

(Rooney proudly shows off his newest masterpiece, as the screen irises out on him, ending the episode.)

(end of transcript)

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