This is the segment transcript for The Forgive-O-Matic.
Transcript[]
Scallion #1: Hey, kids! Have you ever been bad?
(A picture of a broken vase bounces from the ceiling) Do you remember when you broke your mom’s favorite vase and then stapled it back together and hope she wouldn’t notice? That was bad!
(A trumpet blare plays and the picture is yanked up and replaced with a picture of an aunt screaming at the sight of a snake) Do you remember when you put your pet snake in Aunt Millie’s pajamas and she ran 5 miles without ever getting out of bed? That was bad too!
(A trumpet blare plays and the picture is yanked up and replaced with a picture of a teddy bear ripped up in a blender) And do you remember when you stuffed your sister’s teddy bear in the food processor and told her it got chewed up by a "giant bear-eating lizard"? And she believed it? That was really bad!
(A trumpet blare plays and the picture is yanked up, then we see all 3 pictures lined up vertically.) The Bible calls the bad things we do, “sin”. And when we sin, we need to be forgiven. That’s right!
(on TV) So I know what you're thinking. "Jeepers, I've been bad! How do I get forgiven?" Am I right? (onscreen) Well, moms, dads, and kids of all ages, have I got the thing for you! The new WrongCo Forgive-o-Matic. (on TV) Yes, sir! The new WrongCo Forgive-o-Matic slices dices and purees your sins away. It's as easy as this. (O.S.) Just dial up your sin here, press this button, and... bingo! God forgives you of your sin! (onscreen) But wait! There's more! Order now, and you also receive a set of Ginsu II steak knives, the strongest knives on earth! Just listen to this.
(Henry the Potato rises on a platform from the floor)
Henry the Potato: Hi. I'm a miner from West Virginia. In the last 3 weeks, we dug 2 miles through solid granite, all with one Ginsu II steak knife and it’s still going strong.
(Platform sinks down)
Scallion #1: That's right. You get the Forgive-o-Matic and the steak knives all for one low price of just $19.95. You’ve never seen a deal like this before! Isn’t that right?
(Henry rises on a platform from the floor again)
Henry: That's right.
(Platform sinks down again)
Scallion #1: So don't delay, order today. (Junior appears from behind the curtains) Operators are standing by. Remember, you get the Forgive-o-Matic and the steak knives all for just $19.95!
(Music ends and Scallion #1 smiles)
Junior: Ahem.
Scallion #1: (Turns his head to Junior) Not now, kid. Can't you see I'm "busy"?
Junior: But, I know lots of people who’ve been forgiven for bad things they’ve done.
Scallion #1: Oh, yeah? Well, they must have Forgive-o-Matics then. Huh?
Junior: Nope.
Scallion #1: Well, sure! You-you can't be forgiven without a Forgive-o-Matic. Isn't that right?
(Henry rises on a platform from the floor one more time)
Henry: Stop yanking me up and down. I'm getting sick.
(Hops to the right of the screen, then crashes off-screen, causing the set of knifes to dangle, then drop onto the stage. One knife ends up on the rotating stand.)
Junior: The Bible says, if we ask for God to forgive us, then he will.
Scallion #1: Y-you mean, all you have to is... ask?
Junior: (O.S) Yep.
Scallion #1: You don't need a... a Forgive-o-Matic?
Junior: (O.S) Nope.
Scallion #1: Are you sure about this?
Junior: (O.S.) I sure am!
(After hearing the truth, knowing the product will go bad, Scallion #1 tries to improvise to convince the audience.)
Scallion #1: Did I mention that they also make great Julienne fries? Well, just drop a potato in here, uh, push the button, and presto! Out come the best fries you've ever tasted!
Junior: (Faces the camera) Oh look, it's time to go!
Scallion #1: But wait! There's more! (Runs off stage, then comes back with a tray displaying a shrub version of the Forgive-o-Matic) Just spread these seeds on here, and... and in a few weeks... (Pushes the Forgive-o-Matic off the rotating platform) Voila! (Forgive-o-Matic rolls down and hits the floor) Chia Forgive-o-Matic. Isn't that... cute?
Junior: Say "Good night, Gracie".
(Hops off the stage just as the stage lights start to turn off one by one)
Scallion #1: Good night, Gracie.
(A spotlight shines on him, until the two final lights shut off, leaving his eyes visible in the dark, Scallion #1, finally giving up, hops away, but yelps as he ends up tripping and falling onto the floor)