(The opening starts)
Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain! Welcome to all my fans. I'll be narrating as we watch one of my favorite episodes, "The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka".
Fidgel: (interrupts Zidgel) Huh-hmm! And what are the rest of us here in the studio doing? Watching you adoringly?
Midgel: The show is called "3-2-1 Penguins!", not "3-2-1 Zidgel!".
Zidgel: An unfortunate oversight that I'm sure is correctable. Ron Smith, the director of the show is with us today, too. Ron, is there anything we can do about that title?
Smith: No, these 3D graphics cost a fortune, we'd have to redo this whole title sequence. Listen, this is an ensemble cast. No one is bigger than anyone else.
Kevin: Well, me. I'm bigger.
Smith: Well, technically yes, you're the tallest. But, nobody's important than anyone else. Everybody's part of the team for a purpose. Like the A-Team!
Midgel: Does that make me Mr. T?
Smith: Okay, bad example.
(title card shows up)
Fidgel: If he's not Mr. T, then am I Mr. T?
Smith: Nobody is Mr. T. Why don't you introduce yourselves, and we'll just move on?
Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain!
Midgel: Hey there, mates! Midgel here; ship's pilot!
Fidgel: Ship scientist Fidgel here!
Kevin: Hello! Kevin here! Uh, Ron, what am I?
Smith: Let's call you the utility player.
Zidgel: Now, who are these folks?
Midgel: The tournament, remember?
Zidgel: Oh, right. Our seats just weren't, uh, very good way over there.
Smith: That bulb is from a sphygmanometer.
Fidgel: Uh, who's a what's a huhmeter?
Zidgel: Ah, I've seen those on nature shows. Majestic beasts.
Kevin: Wonder if she ever has trouble with static cling.
Midgel: She's doing her whites.
Fidgel: Shouldn't that be down under where?
Fidgel: Now cut that out.
Zidgel: Underwear. (laughs)
Kevin: The rules for that game are pretty confusing.
Zidgel: It took me about, uh, twelve times to really follow this game.
Fidgel: You've got dainty fingers too, Kevin.
Kevin: Only not as many of them.
Midgel: She's got her game face on.
Kevin: Game hands, too.
Kevin: I remember this part, but it seemed to take much longer at the time.
Zidgel: This spinner is making me dizzy.
Smith: John Woo directed that part.
Smith: Great movement.
Kevin: What crowd?
Zidgel: Nice sound effects there.
Midgel: Did we get the rights to those?
Zidgel: Ooh, there we are crammed in that ship again.
Zidgel: (gasp) She cheated! And I totally missed it before! I was momentarily distracted looking for that Pidgel fellow.
Kevin: There's no Pidgel.
Fidgel: Well not yet.
Zidgel: He doesn't know what's going on.
Zidgel: Boys, I think it's time to teach her a lesson.
Zidgel: Oh, look, they got the Cybill Shepherd Moonlighting filter on there.
Kevin: I think she'll tell us.
Midgel: Five pounds.
Kevin: That's a lot of socks.
Fidgel: Maybe she means quid.
Kevin: A lot of expensive socks.
Smith: She's just making this up to illustrate a point.
Fidgel: Yes, it's an allegory.
Zidgel: Ah, I saw a program on cable all about allegories. Big monsters with long mouths full of sharp teeth.
Midgel: I've got a cat allegory. I sneeze whenever I tell it.
Kevin: Except when you really clean your ear out well with a Q-tip. I like that one.
Midgel: The smell of burnt sponge hung around for days.
Zidgel: I love the smell of burnt sponges in the morning.
Kevin: She did.
Zidgel: Shields on full!
Midgel: Too slow.
Kevin: Made me very dizzy.
Fidgel: That's type-A driving, Midgel.
Midgel: Hey, she attacked us first.
Fidgel: Odd greeting.
Kevin: I've heard that word somewhere before.
Fidgel: See? Too high again.
Zidgel: You're like a rock, Kevin.
Midgel: Except the big asterisk on her shirt.
Zidgel: Yeah, see, the girl's got a point.
Midgel: Hasn't anyone ever heard of contacts?
Fidgel: I think they are rather fetching.
Kevin: Got a standing ovation.
Fidgel: A tea part--? Why haven't we had a tea party in so long?
Kevin: These missions keep coming up.
Fidgel: Now what kind of tree is that?
Midgel: Dustbunnicus minor.
Kevin: I hope you have a spare one.
Kevin: Those guys didn't mind.
Fidgel: Oh, I hate those loops.
Zidgel: You're just showboating here.
Midgel: Opening it up a bit.
Zidgel: Phrase maker.
Midgel: Strange thing is this happened a couple of other times before.
Kevin: We don't usually have the music, though.
Midgel: Good thing there is no Pidgel.
Kevin: You guys go through a lot of socks.
Zidgel: You guys still don't know a good joke when you hear one.
Fidgel: Of course we do, that just isn't a good joke.
Midgel: Thank you.
Zidgel: Hey now.
Fidgel: Say that five times fast.
Zidgel: I think it took me five times to get that one right.
Zidgel: Now that's acting!
Kevin: Oh, that's what that was.
Smith: This is what direct-to-video and rewind buttons were made for.
Midgel: Did you like my woman's voiceover there?
Fidgel: Now, I don't remember this at all. So that's where my quantum pen went.
Kevin: Oh, I've been meaning to give it back to you. Here you go.
Fidgel: Thank you, Kevin.
Kevin: I do windows.
Zidgel: That's not my fault.
Kevin: It also looks pretty Australian.
Fidgel: Makes me want to sing.
Kevin: I don't do well in tests.
Midgel: There's your tea party. Almost.
Midgel: It's amazing how quickly this technology became outdated.
Zidgel: I still say it was a good idea.
Kevin: It's not outdated at this point.
Midgel: We didn't know.
Kevin: Gets outdated right about--here.
Zidgel: Whew! If that hole was just a little big bigger.
Midgel: We'd have had another "incident".
Kevin: Like at the Stockpod Races.
Kevin: Intuitive little girl.
Midgel: I learned later that we were the first penguins they hosted since that hockey team from Pittsburgh was there.
Zidgel: What language is that guy speaking?
Kevin: Who's the mike?
Zidgel: I couldn't understand a word he said.
Fidgel: Got that right.
Fidgel: Those things look scary, but in reality, they just led down to the snack bar on the lower level.
Zidgel: Those two were like that off the set too. That little guy had a temper, and so did that big flappy-necked guy now that I think about it.
Zidgel: Well, it makes perfect sense to me.
Kevin: That makes one of us.
Zidgel: She's kind of pushy for a kid.
Smith: She was supposed to do that, you know, Midgel.
Midgel: Yeah, yeah, no--no worries. Just stepped all over my catchphrase.
Smith: It was in the script.
Kevin: How did I do that?
Fidgel: Remember? You had tuba fingers that day.
Zidgel: Again with the neck! I never got used to that.
Midgel: Oh, yeah.
Kevin: Poor Michelle.
Zidgel: Yeah, that guy had pretty bad breath.
Zidgel: Not the flaps, but just as freaky.
Fidgel: I wouldn't be surprised, with the lines at that snack bar.
Midgel: And the crowd goes wild.
Zidgel: I will never forget that look.
Fidgel: I'll never forget that look.
Kevin: At least I got to play too.
Zidgel: You gotta admit, those were some pretty stirring opening ceremonies.
Midgel: Pretty humiliating, too.
Smith: The, uh, nightmares stopped yet, Fidgel?
Fidgel: All of them, except the four square one.
Zidgel: That fellow in the frog costume seems to have an unfair advantage.
Kevin: I wish the fellow in the squid costume had one.
Zidgel: That thing singed my feathers!
Midgel: So that's what that smell was.
Zidgel: Well, I was very nervous too.
Kevin: I never got a turn.
Fidgel: Yes, but you did take all those trips to the snack bar.
Kevin: Hopping up that cage just made me rather hungry, is all.
Kevin: I did not know they could do that.
Zidgel: Now Ron, why's he trying to file his way out when it's obvious those bars are far enough apart for him?
Smith: It's a cartoon, Zidgel.
Zidgel: You say so.
Midgel: Oh, sure, the banana vendor gets to those guys.
Kevin: And I'd rather wish they hadn't.
Smith: That's why that guy didn't show up for the shoot.
Fidgel: Those fish were surprising amount.
Zidgel: Yeah, they sell them by the pound at that Bullamankan pet shop.
Midgel: Yeah, that's how they get you.
Kevin: They're in cahoots.
Zidgel: Is that what I had in there?
Kevin: Hey, where did that ladder come from?
Midgel: I like to know how he got that past security.
Smith: That's how you look perfectly innocent in a cartoon, whistling toon whistling.
Zidgel: At least that's the only trick up his neck.
Midgel: What about the one up his gloves?
Smith: You'd think he'd have seen that coming.
Zidgel: He caught me totally off guard. Too bad, too. That would've been a nice picture.
Midgel: You'd think we'd look more concerned.
Fidgel: Well, we all knew about the snack shop.
Fidgel: You are a master of understatement, Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you.
Zidgel: Blegh! And he did that knuckle cracking thing too?
Midgel: Remarkably loud, though, for such dainty fingers.
Zidgel: He got a shot of your this side there, Kevin.
Kevin: Wish I'd known. I would've smiled.
Midgel: At least he's honest.
Fidgel: Those koalas were pretty emotional for henchmen.
Penguins: Mmm hmm.
Fidgel: I wasn't aware that Squid Hoppers are marsupials.
Smith: Hey, remember how we had to think of a way to get you from the gurgler back down to the gameboard? One of the guys from the crew came up with that one.
Midgel: You know, we almost got in a lot of trouble with that customs agent for having that bird on board.
Fidgel: I think that's right after we placed the canary.
Midgel: Yes, Zidgel, what was that saying?
Fidgel: I'd like to know too.
Kevin: Oh, I remember it. It's the one about the leopard, or something.
Midgel: That's more like it.
Zidgel: Except for that Toad Roller.
- "The A-Team" was a American action-adventure television series that lasted for four seasons. Mr. T is one of the actors who played B. A. Baracus in the show.
- A sphygmanometer measures blood pressure.