This is a commentary on The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka, with the whole penguins crew with Ron Smith.


(The opening starts)

Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain! Welcome to all my fans. I'll be narrating as we watch one of my favorite episodes, "The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka".

Fidgel: (interrupts Zidgel) Huh-hmm! And what are the rest of us here in the studio doing? Watching you adoringly?

Zidgel: Probably.

Midgel: The show is called "3-2-1 Penguins!", not "3-2-1 Zidgel!".

Zidgel: An unfortunate oversight that I'm sure is correctable. Ron Smith, the director of the show is with us today, too. Ron, is there anything we can do about that title?

Smith: No, these 3D graphics cost a fortune, we'd have to redo this whole title sequence. Listen, this is an ensemble cast. No one is bigger than anyone else.

Kevin: Well, me. I'm bigger.

Smith: Well, technically yes, you're the tallest. But, nobody's important than anyone else. Everybody's part of the team for a purpose. Like the A-Team!

Midgel: Does that make me Mr. T?

Smith: Okay, bad example.

(title card shows up)

Fidgel: If he's not Mr. T, then am I Mr. T?

Smith: Nobody is Mr. T. Why don't you introduce yourselves, and we'll just move on?

Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain!

Midgel: Hey there, mates! Midgel here; ship's pilot!

Fidgel: Ship scientist Fidgel here!

Kevin: Hello! Kevin here! Uh, Ron, what am I?

Smith: Let's call you the utility player.

Zidgel: Now, who are these folks?

Midgel: The tournament, remember?

Zidgel: Oh, right. Our seats just weren't, uh, very good way over there.

Smith: That bulb is from a sphygmanometer.

Fidgel: Uh, who's a what's a huhmeter?

Zidgel: Ah, I've seen those on nature shows. Majestic beasts.

Kevin: Wonder if she ever has trouble with static cling.

Midgel: She's doing her whites.

Fidgel: Shouldn't that be down under where?

Zidgel: (laughs)

Kevin: Underwear.

Midgel: (laughs)

Fidgel: Now cut that out.

Zidgel: Underwear. (laughs)

Kevin: The rules for that game are pretty confusing.

Zidgel: It took me about, uh, twelve times to really follow this game.

Fidgel: You've got dainty fingers too, Kevin.

Kevin: Only not as many of them.

Midgel: She's got her game face on.

Kevin: Game hands, too.

Kevin: I remember this part, but it seemed to take much longer at the time.

Zidgel: This spinner is making me dizzy.

Smith: John Woo directed that part.

Smith: Great movement.

Kevin: What crowd?

Zidgel: Nice sound effects there.

Midgel: Did we get the rights to those?

Zidgel: Ooh, there we are crammed in that ship again.

Zidgel: (gasp) She cheated! And I totally missed it before! I was momentarily distracted looking for that Pidgel fellow.

Kevin: There's no Pidgel.

Fidgel: Well not yet.

Zidgel: He doesn't know what's going on.

Midgel: Ugh.

Zidgel: Boys, I think it's time to teach her a lesson.

Zidgel: Oh, look, they got the Cybill Shepherd Moonlighting filter on there.

Kevin: I think she'll tell us.

Midgel: Five pounds.

Kevin: That's a lot of socks.

Fidgel: Maybe she means quid.

Kevin: A lot of expensive socks.

Smith: She's just making this up to illustrate a point.

Fidgel: Yes, it's an allegory.

Zidgel: Ah, I saw a program on cable all about allegories. Big monsters with long mouths full of sharp teeth.

Midgel: I've got a cat allegory. I sneeze whenever I tell it.

Kevin: Except when you really clean your ear out well with a Q-tip. I like that one.

Zidgel: Ah.

Midgel: The smell of burnt sponge hung around for days.

Zidgel: I love the smell of burnt sponges in the morning.

Kevin: She did.

Zidgel: Shields on full!

Midgel: Too slow.

Kevin: Made me very dizzy.

Fidgel: That's type-A driving, Midgel.

Midgel: Hey, she attacked us first.

Fidgel: Odd greeting.

Kevin: I've heard that word somewhere before.

Fidgel: See? Too high again.

Zidgel: You're like a rock, Kevin.

Midgel: Except the big asterisk on her shirt.

Zidgel: Yeah, see, the girl's got a point.

Midgel: Hasn't anyone ever heard of contacts?

Fidgel: I think they are rather fetching.

Kevin: Got a standing ovation.

Fidgel: A tea part--? Why haven't we had a tea party in so long?

Kevin: These missions keep coming up.

Fidgel: Now what kind of tree is that?

Midgel: Dustbunnicus minor.

Kevin: I hope you have a spare one.

Kevin: Those guys didn't mind.

Fidgel: Oh, I hate those loops.

Zidgel: You're just showboating here.

Midgel: Opening it up a bit.

Zidgel: Phrase maker.

Midgel: Strange thing is this happened a couple of other times before.

Kevin: We don't usually have the music, though.

Midgel: Good thing there is no Pidgel.

Kevin: You guys go through a lot of socks.

Zidgel: You guys still don't know a good joke when you hear one.

Fidgel: Of course we do, that just isn't a good joke.

Midgel: Thank you.

Zidgel: Hey now.

Fidgel: Say that five times fast.

Zidgel: I think it took me five times to get that one right.

Zidgel: Now that's acting!

Kevin: Oh, that's what that was.

Smith: This is what direct-to-video and rewind buttons were made for.

Midgel: Did you like my woman's voiceover there?

Fidgel: Now, I don't remember this at all. So that's where my quantum pen went.

Kevin: Oh, I've been meaning to give it back to you. Here you go.

Fidgel: Thank you, Kevin.

Kevin: I do windows.

Zidgel: That's not my fault.

Kevin: It also looks pretty Australian.

Fidgel: Makes me want to sing.

Midgel: Oh.

Fidgel: Well.

Kevin: I don't do well in tests.

Midgel: There's your tea party. Almost.

Midgel: It's amazing how quickly this technology became outdated.

Zidgel: I still say it was a good idea.

Kevin: It's not outdated at this point.

Midgel: We didn't know.

Kevin: Gets outdated right about--here.

Zidgel: Whew! If that hole was just a little big bigger.

Midgel: We'd have had another "incident".

Kevin: Like at the Stockpod Races.

Zidgel: Hmm.

Kevin: Intuitive little girl.

Midgel: I learned later that we were the first penguins they hosted since that hockey team from Pittsburgh was there.

Zidgel: What language is that guy speaking?

Kevin: Who's the mike?

Midgel: Mate.

Zidgel: I couldn't understand a word he said.

Fidgel: Got that right.

Fidgel: Those things look scary, but in reality, they just led down to the snack bar on the lower level.

Zidgel: Those two were like that off the set too. That little guy had a temper, and so did that big flappy-necked guy now that I think about it.

Zidgel: Well, it makes perfect sense to me.

Kevin: That makes one of us.

Zidgel: She's kind of pushy for a kid.

Smith: She was supposed to do that, you know, Midgel.

Midgel: Yeah, yeah, no--no worries. Just stepped all over my catchphrase.

Smith: It was in the script.

Kevin: How did I do that?

Fidgel: Remember? You had tuba fingers that day.

Zidgel: Again with the neck! I never got used to that.

Fidgel: Mmm-hmm.

Midgel: Oh, yeah.

Kevin: Eugh.

Kevin: Poor Michelle.

Zidgel: Yeah, that guy had pretty bad breath.

Zidgel: Not the flaps, but just as freaky.

Fidgel: I wouldn't be surprised, with the lines at that snack bar.

Midgel: And the crowd goes wild.

Zidgel: I will never forget that look.

Fidgel: I'll never forget that look.

Kevin: At least I got to play too.

Zidgel: You gotta admit, those were some pretty stirring opening ceremonies.

Midgel: Pretty humiliating, too.

Smith: The, uh, nightmares stopped yet, Fidgel?

Fidgel: All of them, except the four square one.

Zidgel: That fellow in the frog costume seems to have an unfair advantage.

Kevin: I wish the fellow in the squid costume had one.

Zidgel: That thing singed my feathers!

Midgel: So that's what that smell was.

Zidgel: Well, I was very nervous too.

Kevin: I never got a turn.

Fidgel: Yes, but you did take all those trips to the snack bar.

Kevin: Hopping up that cage just made me rather hungry, is all.

Kevin: I did not know they could do that.

Zidgel: Now Ron, why's he trying to file his way out when it's obvious those bars are far enough apart for him?

Smith: It's a cartoon, Zidgel.

Zidgel: You say so.

Midgel: Oh, sure, the banana vendor gets to those guys.

Kevin: And I'd rather wish they hadn't.

Smith: That's why that guy didn't show up for the shoot.

Fidgel: Those fish were surprising amount.

Zidgel: Yeah, they sell them by the pound at that Bullamankan pet shop.

Midgel: Yeah, that's how they get you.

Kevin: They're in cahoots.

Zidgel: Is that what I had in there?

Kevin: Hey, where did that ladder come from?

Midgel: I like to know how he got that past security.

Smith: That's how you look perfectly innocent in a cartoon, whistling toon whistling.

Zidgel: At least that's the only trick up his neck.

Midgel: What about the one up his gloves?

Smith: You'd think he'd have seen that coming.

Zidgel: He caught me totally off guard. Too bad, too. That would've been a nice picture.

Midgel: You'd think we'd look more concerned.

Fidgel: Well, we all knew about the snack shop.

Fidgel: You are a master of understatement, Kevin.

Kevin: Thank you.

Zidgel: Blegh! And he did that knuckle cracking thing too?

Midgel: Remarkably loud, though, for such dainty fingers.

Zidgel: He got a shot of your this side there, Kevin.

Kevin: Wish I'd known. I would've smiled.

Midgel: At least he's honest.

Fidgel: Those koalas were pretty emotional for henchmen.

Penguins: Mmm hmm.

Fidgel: I wasn't aware that Squid Hoppers are marsupials.

Smith: Hey, remember how we had to think of a way to get you from the gurgler back down to the gameboard? One of the guys from the crew came up with that one.

Midgel: You know, we almost got in a lot of trouble with that customs agent for having that bird on board.

Fidgel: I think that's right after we placed the canary.

Midgel: Yes, Zidgel, what was that saying?

Fidgel: I'd like to know too.

Kevin: Oh, I remember it. It's the one about the leopard, or something.

Midgel: Toy?

Midgel: That's more like it.

Zidgel: Except for that Toad Roller.

Fun Facts

  • "The A-Team" was a American action-adventure television series that lasted for four seasons. Mr. T is one of the actors who played B. A. Baracus in the show.
  • A sphygmanometer measures blood pressure.
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