Big Idea Wiki
Advertisement
TheCheatingScalesofBullamankaTitleCard

This is a commentary on The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka, with the whole penguins crew with Ron Smith.

Transcript

(Halfway through the intro, Zidgel speaks)

Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain! Welcome to all my fans. I'll be narrating as we watch one of my favorite episodes, "The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka".

Fidgel: (interrupts Zidgel) Huh-hmm! And what are the rest of us here in the studio doing? Watching you adoringly?

Zidgel: Probably.

Midgel: The show is called "3-2-1 Penguins!", not "3-2-1 Zidgel!".

Zidgel: An unfortunate oversight that I'm sure is correctable. Ron Smith, the director of the show is with us today, too. Ron, is there anything we can do about that title?

(theme song starts)

Smith: No, these 3D graphics cost a fortune, we'd have to redo this whole title sequence. Listen, this is an ensemble cast. No one is bigger than anyone else.

Kevin: Well, me. I'm bigger.

Smith: Well, technically yes, you're the tallest. But, nobody's important than anyone else. Everybody's part of the team for a purpose. Like the A-Team!

Midgel: Does that make me Mr. T?

Smith: Okay, bad example.

Fidgel: If he's not Mr. T, then am I Mr. T?

Smith: Nobody is Mr. T. Why don't you introduce yourselves, and we'll just move on?

Zidgel: Zidgel here; ship's captain!

Midgel: Hey there, mates! Midgel here; ship's pilot!

Fidgel: Ship scientist Fidgel here!

Kevin: Hello! Kevin here! Uh, Ron, what am I?

Smith: Let's call you the utility player.

Fidgel: Very diplomatic!

(title card shows up)

Kevin: Spooky...

Zidgel: Now, who are these folks?

Midgel: The tournament, remember?

Zidgel: Oh, right. Our seats just weren't, uh, very good way over there.

Smith: That bulb is from a sphygmanometer.

Fidgel: Uh, who's a what's a huhmeter?

Zidgel: Ah, I've seen those on nature shows. Majestic beasts.

Kevin: Wonder if she ever has trouble with static cling.

Midgel: She's doing her whites.

Fidgel: Shouldn't that be down under where?

Zidgel: (laughs)

Kevin: Underwear.

Midgel: (laughs)

Fidgel: Now cut that out.

Zidgel: Underwear. (laughs)

Kevin: The rules for that game are pretty confusing.

Zidgel: It took me about, uh, twelve times to really follow this game.

Fidgel: You've got dainty fingers too, Kevin.

Kevin: Only not as many of them.

Midgel: She's got her game face on.

Kevin: Game hands, too.

Kevin: I remember this part, but it seemed to take much longer at the time.

Zidgel: This spinner is making me dizzy.

Smith: John Woo directed that part.

Smith: Great movement.

Kevin: What crowd?

Zidgel: Nice sound effects there.

Midgel: Did we get the rights to those?

Zidgel: Ooh, there we are crammed in that ship again.

Zidgel: (gasp) She cheated! And I totally missed it before! I was momentarily distracted looking for that Pidgel fellow.

Kevin: There's no Pidgel.

Fidgel: Well not yet.

Zidgel: He doesn't know what's going on.

Midgel: Ugh.

Zidgel: Boys, I think it's time to teach her a lesson.

Zidgel: Oh, look, they got the Cybill Shepherd Moonlighting filter on there.

Kevin: I think she'll tell us.

Midgel: Five pounds.

Kevin: That's a lot of socks.

Fidgel: Maybe she means quid.

Kevin: A lot of expensive socks.

Smith: She's just making this up to illustrate a point.

Fidgel: Yes, it's an allegory.

Zidgel: Ah, I saw a program on cable all about allegories. Big monsters with long mouths full of sharp teeth.

Midgel: I've got a cat allegory. I sneeze whenever I tell it.

Kevin: Except when you really clean your ear out well with a Q-tip. I like that one.

Zidgel: Ah.

Midgel: The smell of burnt sponge hung around for days.

Zidgel: I love the smell of burnt sponges in the morning.

Kevin: She did.

Zidgel: Shields on full!

Midgel: Too slow.

Kevin: Made me very dizzy.

Fidgel: That's type-A driving, Midgel.

Midgel: Hey, she attacked us first.

Fidgel: Odd greeting.

Kevin: I've heard that word somewhere before.

Fidgel: See? Too high again.

Zidgel: You're like a rock, Kevin.

Midgel: Except the big asterisk on her shirt.

Zidgel: Yeah, see, the girl's got a point.

Midgel: Hasn't anyone ever heard of contacts?

Fidgel: I think they are rather fetching.

Kevin: Got a standing ovation.

Fidgel: A tea part--? Why haven't we had a tea party in so long?

Kevin: These missions keep coming up.

Fidgel: Now what kind of tree is that?

Midgel: Dustbunnicus minor.

Kevin: I hope you have a spare one.

Kevin: Those guys didn't mind.

Fidgel: Oh, I hate those loops.

Zidgel: You're just showboating here.

Midgel: Opening it up a bit.

Zidgel: Phrase maker.

Midgel: Strange thing is this happened a couple of other times before.

Kevin: We don't usually have the music, though.

Midgel: Good thing there is no Pidgel.

Kevin: You guys go through a lot of socks.

Zidgel: You guys still don't know a good joke when you hear one.

Fidgel: Of course we do, that just isn't a good joke.

Midgel: Thank you.

Zidgel: Hey now.

Fidgel: Say that five times fast.

Zidgel: I think it took me five times to get that one right.

Zidgel: Now that's acting!

Kevin: Oh, that's what that was.

Smith: This is what direct-to-video and rewind buttons were made for.

Midgel: Did you like my woman's voiceover there?

Fidgel: Now, I don't remember this at all. So that's where my quantum pen went.

Kevin: Oh, I've been meaning to give it back to you. Here you go.

Fidgel: Thank you, Kevin.

Kevin: I do windows.

Zidgel: That's not my fault.

Kevin: It also looks pretty Australian.

Fidgel: Makes me want to sing.

Midgel: Oh.

Fidgel: Well.

Kevin: I don't do well in tests.

Midgel: There's your tea party. Almost.

Midgel: It's amazing how quickly this technology became outdated.

Zidgel: I still say it was a good idea.

Kevin: It's not outdated at this point.

Midgel: We didn't know.

Kevin: Gets outdated right about--here.

Zidgel: Whew! If that hole was just a little big bigger.

Midgel: We'd have had another "incident".

Kevin: Like at the Stockpod Races.

Zidgel: Hmm.

Kevin: Intuitive little girl.

Midgel: I learned later that we were the first penguins they hosted since that hockey team from Pittsburgh was there.

Zidgel: What language is that guy speaking?

Kevin: Who's the mike?

Midgel: Mate.

Zidgel: I couldn't understand a word he said.

Fidgel: Got that right.

Fidgel: Those things look scary, but in reality, they just led down to the snack bar on the lower level.

Zidgel: Those two were like that off the set too. That little guy had a temper, and so did that big flappy-necked guy now that I think about it.

Zidgel: Well, it makes perfect sense to me.

Kevin: That makes one of us.

Zidgel: She's kind of pushy for a kid.

Smith: She was supposed to do that, you know, Midgel.

Midgel: Yeah, yeah, no--no worries. Just stepped all over my catchphrase.

Smith: It was in the script.

Kevin: How did I do that?

Fidgel: Remember? You had tuba fingers that day.

Zidgel: Again with the neck! I never got used to that.

Fidgel: Mmm-hmm.

Midgel: Oh, yeah.

Kevin: Eugh.

Kevin: Poor Michelle.

Zidgel: Yeah, that guy had pretty bad breath.

Zidgel: Not the flaps, but just as freaky.

Fidgel: I wouldn't be surprised, with the lines at that snack bar.

Midgel: And the crowd goes wild.

Zidgel: I will never forget that look.

Fidgel: I'll never forget that look.

Kevin: At least I got to play too.

Zidgel: You gotta admit, those were some pretty stirring opening ceremonies.

Midgel: Pretty humiliating, too.

Smith: The, uh, nightmares stopped yet, Fidgel?

Fidgel: All of them, except the four square one.

Zidgel: That fellow in the frog costume seems to have an unfair advantage.

Kevin: I wish the fellow in the squid costume had one.

Zidgel: That thing singed my feathers!

Midgel: So that's what that smell was.

Zidgel: Well, I was very nervous too.

Kevin: I never got a turn.

Fidgel: Yes, but you did take all those trips to the snack bar.

Kevin: Hopping up that cage just made me rather hungry, is all.

Kevin: I did not know they could do that.

Zidgel: Now Ron, why's he trying to file his way out when it's obvious those bars are far enough apart for him?

Smith: It's a cartoon, Zidgel.

Zidgel: You say so.

Midgel: Oh, sure, the banana vendor gets to those guys.

Kevin: And I'd rather wish they hadn't.

Smith: That's why that guy didn't show up for the shoot.

Fidgel: Those fish were surprising amount.

Zidgel: Yeah, they sell them by the pound at that Bullamankan pet shop.

Midgel: Yeah, that's how they get you.

Kevin: They're in cahoots.

Zidgel: Is that what I had in there?

Kevin: Hey, where did that ladder come from?

Midgel: I like to know how he got that past security.

Smith: That's how you look perfectly innocent in a cartoon, whistling toon whistling.

Zidgel: At least that's the only trick up his neck.

Midgel: What about the one up his gloves?

Smith: You'd think he'd have seen that coming.

Zidgel: He caught me totally off guard. Too bad, too. That would've been a nice picture.

Midgel: You'd think we'd look more concerned.

Fidgel: Well, we all knew about the snack shop.

Fidgel: You are a master of understatement, Kevin.

Kevin: Thank you.

Zidgel: Blegh! And he did that knuckle cracking thing too?

Midgel: Remarkably loud, though, for such dainty fingers.

Zidgel: He got a shot of your this side there, Kevin.

Kevin: Wish I'd known. I would've smiled.

Midgel: At least he's honest.

Fidgel: Those koalas were pretty emotional for henchmen.

Penguins: Mmm hmm.

Fidgel: I wasn't aware that Squid Hoppers are marsupials.

Smith: Hey, remember how we had to think of a way to get you from the gurgler back down to the gameboard? One of the guys from the crew came up with that one.

Midgel: You know, we almost got in a lot of trouble with that customs agent for having that bird on board.

Fidgel: I think that's right after we placed the canary.

Midgel: Yes, Zidgel, what was that saying?

Fidgel: I'd like to know too.

Kevin: Oh, I remember it. It's the one about the leopard, or something.

Midgel: Toy?

Midgel: That's more like it.

Zidgel: Except for that Toad Roller.

Fun Facts

  • "The A-Team" was an American action-adventure television series that lasted for four seasons. Mr. T is one of the actors who played B. A. Baracus in the show.
  • A sphygmanometer measures blood pressure.
Advertisement