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This is an episode transcript for The Bucket List.


(The episode begins at Pa Grape's Store, before cutting to the inside, where Bob and Larry are approaching their bikes, which are at the counter.)

Pa: Well, boys, your bikes are ready to ride. I changed the tires. I also fixed the squeak on this one's brakes, and shined them up, no extra charge.

Larry: No extra... (angrily) Are you trying to rip us off?

Bob: No, Larry, that means free. Pa did extra work for free.

Larry: Oh, free? Wow, that is cheap. Thanks, Pa.

Pa: I don't just do my job, I try to be kind, because it's the right thing to do.

Larry: I'm kind... to my friends.

Pa: We learn from the Bible that we should be kind even to people who are not always kind to us.

Bob: Uh, we should work on being more kind, Larry.

Larry: I'm all for it. Let's take kindness to the extreme.

(Larry then gets on his bike and starts riding it all over the store.)

Larry: Whoo-hoo!

Bob: Uh, Larry?

(Larry then balances on the front of his back while on top of one of the shelves. However, Larry then falls off the shelf and crashes.)

Bob: Larry, this is why bikes are not inside toys. How many times must we discuss this?

(Ichabeezer then comes into the store.)

Ichabeezer: Mr. Grape, I came here to buy your best vacuum.

Pa: I'm sorry, Mr. Ichabeezer, but I just sold my last one to Madame Blueberry.

Ichabeezer: What kind of operation are you running here, Grape? You never have anything when I need it. This is the worst store in town!

Pa: I'll call you when we get more vacuums in.

Ichabeezer: Thanks... for nothing.

(Ichabeezer leaves, before Bob comes up with an idea.)

Bob: Get on, Larry. We're going on a mission of kindness. Yahoo!

Larry: Hey, you said that's not an inside toy.

(Ichabeezer gets on his segway and drives away, before Bob rides out from the store after him.)

Bob: Mr. Ichabeezer, wait! Whoa! Larry and I have a vacuum. We could come over and clean your entire house.

Ichabeezer: Wait a minute. Why would you do that?

(Larry then rides up after that.)

Larry: (rapidly) Luke 6:35 says, "Love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting anything back."

Ichabeezer: You'll clean my house and expect nothing in return?

Bob and Larry: Oh, yes, sir!

Ichabeezer: Come over at 5:30 and no sooner! I don't want that noisy vacuum interrupting my golf.

(Ichabeezer then drives off, leaving Bob and Larry in the dust.)

Bob: The 'Beez has never seen kindness like the kind we're gonna show him.

Larry: We're gonna blow his mind with kind. Fist bump.

(Bob and Larry bump their 'fists' afterwards. Scene switches to Bob and Larry, who are now approaching Ichabeezer's mansion while carrying a vacuum cleaner, a broom, and a cardboard box full of cleaning supplies. Bob then rings the doorbell with the broom handle, before Ichabeezer answers the door.)

Ichabeezer: Oh, it's you.

Bob: Hello, Mr. Ichabeezer. I sure hope your favorite golf team won.

Larry: I hope they scored a lot of goal-in-ones.

Ichabeezer: (scoffs) The mess is in my 13th living room. I'll be in my other spare office, so please do not disturb me!

(Bob and Larry then enter the mansion.)

Bob: You know, normally, I'd have a tough time doing so many nice things for such a grumpy guy.

(Bob sweeps the floor while Larry is cleaning a portrait while swinging on the hanging light.)

Larry: His whole life seems so sad. We gotta do something good for him, Bob.

Bob: Let's get to work. I'll alphabetize his socks.

Larry: I'll paint his teeth collection white again.

Bob: I'll sweep the ceiling.

Larry: I'll polish the marshmallows.

(Scene switches to Bob, who is hoeing Ichabeezer's front lawn, while Larry is drying off Rooney after bathing him, though Rooney starts running around, knocking Larry into the air until he lands into the bucket he was using for the bathing. Bob cleans a suit of armor bust with a toothbrush, before the scenes switches to him and Larry sweeping the ceiling. Larry then approaches Ichabeezer's desk with a vacuum cleaner.)

Larry: I'll vacuum the desk supplies, and all the other stuff that looks private and irreplaceable.

(Larry starts vacuuming the desk, until the vacuum nozzle picks up a clipboard, which Larry inspects. On the clipboard is a piece of paper reading "Bucket List".)

Larry: Man, what a mess.

Bob: What have you got there?

Larry: It says: "Get a mohawk, wrestle a bear, parachute, singing in a screamo band..." Bob, I believe we've found the writings of a madman.

Bob: Why do you say that?

Larry: Because it says "Bucket List" at the top and none of the things on this list are buckets.

Bob: Larry, this is a great find! A bucket list is a list of things a person wants to do before the end of their life. These are Ichabeezer's greatest wishes!

Larry: It's like a kindness cheat sheet just for Old Man 'Beez.

Bob: We help Ichabeezer do everything on this list, we will achieve maximum kindosity.

Larry: I don't even know what that means, but I must achieve it at all costs.

Ichabeezer: (chortles) Hey, I have to admit, you two clean up nicely. Eh... OK, how much?

Bob: Like we said, this is a favor, for a friend.

Ichabeezer: Oh, you two have friends, huh? Well, if you really are done, please have a lovely evening nowhere near my presence!

Bob: We're done, for now.

Larry: Yeah, but we have a big surprise!

Bob: Shh! Good-bye, sir. I got to go. Have a great evening.

(Bob and Larry leave after that, leaving Ichabeezer, who is feeling a bit uneasy. The next morning, Ichabeezer hops down the stairs to look at himself in the mirror, before becoming surprised to see that he now has a mustache, just as Bob and Larry show up afterwards.)

Ichabeezer: What is the meaning of this? (sneezes)

Larry: Isn't it great? We glued it to your face in your sleep.

Ichabeezer: (grunts) I'm allergic to mustaches.

Bob: We also made you breakfast.

(Larry shoves a pie into Ichabeezer's face.)

Larry: Sardine-marshmallow pie!

Bob: In a ghost pepper crust.

(Ichabeezer then starts blowing flames from the pie.)

Bob: That's already three things marked off the list, Mr. Icha-sneezer.

(Ichabeezer blows more flames that slightly chars the stem on Bob's head. Ichabeezer is now wrapped up in a bungee cord.)

Bob: (laughs) Time for the adventure of a lifetime!

Ichabeezer: What are you do-

Bob: Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh! Step to the left, just a smidgen.

(Ichabeezer does as Bob asks before becoming surprised to see that the bungee cord that he is wrapped in is wrapped all around the suit of armor bust, the chair, and his work office.)

Larry: Bungee away!

(Ichabeezer then gets sent careening all around the room while still tied to the bungee cord, before getting pulled up the stairs and gets sent flying out the window and into a dumpster full of lobsters. Bob and Larry then come out on the balcony after that.)

Bob: I'd say that counts as doing a cannonball into a dumpster of lobsters. (chuckles) That's two more!

Ichabeezer: Get me out of these lobsters!

(Ichabeezer sneezes again as one of the lobsters pulls the mustache off his face, before the bungee cord comes loose, sending Ichabeezer falling into the dumpster once again. The dumpster is now hooked up to the back of Bob and Larry's cars.)

Bob: Let's take a ride!

(Bob and Larry then drive off into town while towing the dumpster with Ichabeezer in it with them. Ichabeezer peeks out from the dumpster before he gets sent flying and lands on the gazebo, where a microphone is placed. Larry and Mr. Lunt start playing rock music with everyone cheering for them, before Ichabeezer angrily yells into the microphone.)

Ichabeezer: I've never been so insulted! (yells) How dare you?! This is a complete outrage!

(The music continues as everyone still continues cheering, not hearing Ichabeezer's tirade, before the camera pans over to Bob standing next to Archibald.)

Bob: Thanks for helping us set up this surprise party.

Archibald: I was happy to help, but I must admit it seems a bit out of character for Mr. Ichabeezer to want to sing lead vocals in a screamo band?

(Ichabeezer continues yelling into the microphone, before Bob comes up with an idea as he comes up to the gazebo and takes the microphone away from Ichabeezer.)

Bob: Welcome everyone, to Ichabeezer's Bucket List party.

(Music starts playing.)

All: (singing) Bucket list

Bucket list

To make your dreams come true,

Won't you let us assist?

In checking everything off,

We're making sure we don't miss

Everything you're wanting

On your bucket list

Larry: Like rolling around in a hamster ball!

Bob: Granny saw number 12 and knitted you the salmon-colored shawl!

Larry: Number 23 says "Wear a feathered earring."

Bob: And then "Drive a monster truck without any steering"!

Larry: Here-here's number 30, what a fortunate fella:

Bob: The French Peas singing a cappela!

(Scene switches to Jean-Claude and Phillipe.)

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: (singing) Frere jacques

Frere jacques

Dormez vous?

Dormez vous?

(Ichabeezer bowls them over while still in the hamster ball.)

All: (singing) Bucket list

We're making sure we don't miss

Everything you're wanting

On your bucket list

Mr. Lunt: Hey, Mr. Ichabeezer, what a glorious day!

Archibald: Look at your list, we're more than halfway!

Bob: This one's hard without hands, but we're making it happen.

Larry: After everything you say, we'll be cheerin' and clappin'!

All: (singing) Bucket list

Bucket list

To make your dreams come true

Won't you let us assist?

In checking everything off,

We're making sure we don't miss

Everything you're wanting

On your bucket list

(The song ends as Larry sticks the mustache back in Ichabeezer's face, before everyone starts clapping and cheering for the performance. Ichabeezer has finally had enough.)

Ichabeezer: Stop!

(Everyone goes silent in shock.)

Archibald: This is a seriously strange bucket list.

Ichabeezer: Stop it! Enough! Stop clapping!

(Ichabeezer pulls the mustache off, throws it on the ground, and starts stomping on it.)

Bob: But, Mr. Ichabeezer, your bucket list. We were just trying to give you the best day of your life.

Larry: Yeah, so you wouldn't have to be so mad all the time.

Ichabeezer: Read the top one more time.

Bob: It says "Bucket List." Oh, and in very small print, it says, "Of things I never, ever want to do."

(Everyone gasps in surprise at this revelation.)

Bob: (surprised) What? Why would you call it a bucket list when bucket lists are for things people want to do?

Ichabeezer: Because it's my list, and if I say the bucket is full of things I don't want to do, then so be it.

Archibald: Who keeps a list of things they never want to do?

Ichabeezer: Jehoaichim Money Ichabeezer, that's who.

Larry: Wait... your middle name is Money?

Ichabeezer: If you are all finished, I'm missing my golf game. Good day.

(Ichabeezer then starts to leave, before Bob notices that Ichabeezer has a lobster clinging to the back of his head.)

Bob: Uh... There's a lobster on your, uh... head.

(Bob and Larry feel remorseful about what they've done to Ichabeezer. Scene switches to Pa Grape's store, where Bob and Larry are looking for a card to give to Ichabeezer.)

Bob: We have to find the perfect card that says, "We're sorry."

Larry: Maybe you'd like this one. It says "Begging for frog-giveness." And there is the cutest saddest froggy.

(Larry holds out a card with a picture of a frog on it.)

Bob: No, too cheesy. How 'bout this one? It says, "I'm beary sorry."

(Bob holds out a card with a picture of a bear on it.)

Larry: That is brilliant.

(Pa brings out a vacuum cleaner.)

Pa: Bring him this new vacuum cleaner as well.

Bob: That's a great idea.

(Bob and Larry approach Ichabeezer's place as the sound of off-key saxophone music is heard. Bob and Larry enter to see Ichabeezer playing the saxophone off-key.)

Bob: Wait... number 11: "Play the saxophone badly." From your list!

(Bob and Larry come up to Ichabeezer, who is still playing the saxophone badly.)

Ichabeezer: Yes, well, yesterday was awful and you never should have done it. But I see now that you were only trying to be good to me, and even though you did it completely wrong, I'm a better veggie for it. (laughs) You know, it's almost freeing to have done nearly everything on this list. It should have destroyed me, but I feel good. I survived the worst day of my life.

Larry: So you're gonna be happy from now on?

Ichabeezer: I'm always happy, but today I'm in a rare good mood. Which happens about as often as an eclipse.

Bob: Well, we came to apologize. The whole town pitched in to buy you the vacuum cleaner you needed. We're really, really sorry, Mr. Ichabeezer. Can you ever forgive us?

Ichabeezer: Eh, let me add just one more item to my list: "Forgive Bob and Larry."

(Ichabeezer then throws the list and his pen aside, as Bob gives him the vacuum cleaner after that.)

Ichabeezer: Thanks for the vacuum. I can use it to clean up the glitter mess I made.

(Camera pans to show a self-portrait of Ichabeezer made from glitter.)

Larry: Ooh! Sparkly.

Ichabeezer: Now, let's play some video games.

Larry: You like video games?

Ichabeezer: Hate 'em. Let's do this!

(Ichabeezer tosses two video game controllers to Bob and Larry.)

Larry: Let's play Pea Golf.

Ichabeezer: This isn't golf!

Larry: That's upside-down.

Ichabeezer: Just let me do it. Fore!

Larry: He got a goal-in-one!

(The screen goes dark, ending the episode.)