The Best Christmas Gift/Transcript

This is the episode transcript to The Best Christmas Gift.

Transcript[]

A Letter From a Kid[]

(Larry opens the doors to the backstage of the theater, with shopping bags full of Christmas decorations.)

Larry: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! It's Christmas, Bob! It feels like it's been a whole year since we had a Christmas!

Bob: Well, it's sort of an annual thing.

Junior: Hi, Larry! Did you bring the Christmas decorations?

Larry: Got em, everything!

Archibald: As assigned, I've assembled an amazing assortment of culinary delights from across the globe!

Larry: What?

Archibald: I brought the food. Christmas food from around the world.

Jimmy: Yay! When do we eat?

Jerry: Eat food.

Bob: Not yet, guys. The Christmas food is for the show.

Jimmy: We love Christmas food.

Jerry: Ready!

Bob: And you've got all the decorations?

Larry: Sure do. I got stockings, tinsel, and teeny, tiny twinkly lights.

Bob: And?

Larry: What?

Bob: Anything else?

Larry: Like what?

Bob: Did you get the tree?

Larry: The what?

Bob: The tree. The Christmas tree!

Larry: The Christmas Tree?

Bob: Yes, the Christmas tree.

Larry: Hmm, was that on my list?

Bob: Yes, it was on your list! It's a big part of Christmas decorations!

Larry: I'll be right back.

(Larry exits the backstage area to go find a Christmas tree.)

Petunia: Bob, we've got the food, decorations, and, we hope a tree, but what's the show about?

Bob: It-

Archibald: It's about Christmas!

Jimmy: Right, Christmas.

Jerry: Christmas!

Petunia: Yes, but what about Christmas? What's our theme?

Junior: That usually comes from a letter, from a kid.

Bob: Have we gotten any letters with questions about Christmas?

Jimmy: Like what's the best Christmas food?

Madame Blueberry: Or the best Christmas music?

Mr. Lunt: Or the best Christmas stunts? Hi-ya!

(Mr. Lunt jumps down to the group, harnessed to the rafters of the building.)

Mr. Lunt: Get this. I climb onto the top of the rafters, and I dive 30 feet straight down into a vat of eggnog. It's never been done before!

(Bob, looking unamused, takes a sip from his mug.)

Bob: As president of the VeggieTales fan club, have you seen any letters about Christmas?

Petunia: We have... one. Just one.

Jimmy: Is it about food?

Madame Blueberry: Decorations?

Mr. Lunt: Eggnog diving?

Petunia: "Dear Bob and Larry, Christmas is coming, and I know I should be happy, but I'm not."

Jimmy: What? How could he not be excited?

Mr. Lunt: Oh, that's too bad.

(The string holding Mr. Lunt's harness breaks, and he falls to the floor.)

Petunia: "My dad lost his job, and his new job is in a new city. It means I have to move away from my friends."

Madame Blueberry: Oh, poor child!

Petunia: "How can I be happy about Christmas when things aren't going very well? Your friend, Arthur."

Bob: Oh, dear.

Jimmy: We need to cheer him up.

Archibald: He needs some Christmas spirit.

Mr. Lunt: We've got our work cut out for us. Who's got an idea?

Mr. Nezzer: Ho-ho-ho, it's time for the show! Curtain's up in ten seconds. I hope it's real Christmas-y.

Bob: Oh, dear.

VeggieTales Theme Song[]

(A shot of the theater's audience is cut to, with Bruce Onion as a conductor directing Khalil as a one-man orchestra to play the VeggieTales Theme Song. As it begins to play, the theater's curtains are drawn to show the cast.)

Bob: If you like to talk to tomatoes

Cast: If a squash can make you smile

If you like to waltz with potatoes

Up and down the produce aisle

Bob: Have we got a show for you!

Cast: VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales

VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales

Bob: Broccoli, celery, gotta be

Cast: VeggieTales!

There's never-ever-ever-ever-ever been a show like VeggieTales

It's time for VeggieTales!

(Khalil falls over, then blows his sousaphone. As confetti falls on the stage, the cast laughs and the audience applauds. The backstage of the theater is then cut to.)

Bob: Good job, everybody.

Junior: What's next, Mr. Bob? How do we start the show?

Mr. Lunt: I almost have enough eggnog for my dive!

Bob: Yeah, I don't think that's gonna cheer up Arthur. I need more time to figure this out. Let's see, Archibald? How are your foods of Christmas coming along?

Archibald: Looking delicious! Ready when you are, maestro!

Bob: Alright, stand by and I'll give you an introduction.

Christmas Foods[]

(Bob hops out to the stage with a spotlight shining on him and he goes up to a microphone.)

Bob: (clears throat) Uh, welcome, everyone, to our "VeggieTales" Christmas show!

(Person claps, then someone coughs)

Bob: (laughs) When we're feeling a little down, nothing cheers us up like Christmas food. I hope. So, here's our own Archibald Asparagus guiding us through Christmas food from around the world.

(Christmas Foods starts, the audience applauds, and the curtain rises to show Archibald, Jimmy, and Jerry onstage with a table of multiple food dishes. Bob exits and the microphone lowers into the stage.)

Archibald: No matter what your grumpy mood,

You can't resist this Christmas food.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Jimmy: We love Christmas food! Bring it on!

Jerry: Ready!

Archibald: Send your taste buds for a loop,

And try this yummy cabbage soup.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Jimmy: Cabbage soup?

Jerry: Not Christmas-y.

Archibald: It is if you live in the Czech Republic!

Jimmy: Not really feeling it. Let's bring on the Christmas food.

Archibald: This Christmastime, you'll get your wish

If you enjoy this Christmas dish.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Jimmy: I hope it's not soup.

(Archibald removes the serving dish to reveal the next food)

Jimmy: What am I looking at?

Jimmy: Looks like jelly.

Archibald: Come on fellows, take a risk.

Have a slurp of lutefisk. Ah-ha!

Jimmy: Which is, what, exactly?

Archibald: Jellied fish!

Jimmy: Ick!

Jerry: Fish jelly.

Jimmy: Oh man, that's not Christmas food.

Archibald: It is if you live in Scandinavia!

Jerry: Fish jiggles.

Jimmy: I want Christmas food!

Archibald: Do not think I'm being rude,

But all of this is Christmas food.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

You did not like dish one or two,

But here's a dish just right for you.

Jimmy: It better be ham or something.

Jerry: Piggy.

(Archibald removes another serving dish)

Jimmy: That's not ham.

Archibald: Now it's time to get your fill-a

Tasty, fried-up caterpillars.

Jerry: Caterpillars?

Archibald: Gonimbrasia belina, a moth species whose caterpillar is harvested in southern Africa around Christmastime and served up fried and crunchy. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Jimmy: Alright fella, you said this was gonna be Christmas food. Ham and turkey and pies and cookies!

Archibald: It's Christmas food from around the world, my friends! We're on an educational journey of discovery!

Jerry: No pies, no cookies.

Jimmy: I'll give you one more chance to give us something Christmas-y. One more chance!

Archibald: I'm thrilled to show you what's in store

Feast your eyes on number four

Fa-la-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la,

Fa-la-la-la-la!

(Jimmy and Jerry look at the next meal, only for it to be the head of a sheep)

Jerry: It's... looking at me.

(The sheep bleats, and Jimmy and Jerry run off of the stage)

Archibald: Roast sheep's head, a Christmas delicacy in Norway.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

(Archibald and the sheep take a bow and the audience cheers, cut to Bob backstage and the gourd brothers running out.)

Jimmy and Jerry: (screaming)

Bob: Where are you going?

Jimmy: Burger Bell. For some real Christmas food.

Jerry: Cheeseburgers.

(Jimmy and Jerry leave out the stage door.)

Bob: Oh, man! Weird Christmas food, no Christmas tree. This show isn't going well at all.

Larry: Did someone ask for a Christmas tree?

(He drops a coat rack decorated with Christmas lights and a star in front of Bob.)

Larry: Ta-da! Nice, huh?

Bob: Larry, that's a coat rack.

Larry: But what is a tree, Bob?

Bob: Are we having this conversation?

Larry: It's tall. It has branches that hold up lights and tinsel, and maybe coats.

Bob: That's a coat rack.

Larry: It's tree-like.

Bob: Look, Arthur is having a tough time. I'm having a tough time. Our show is a disaster. We need a Christmas tree, Larry, or what do we have to celebrate?

Larry: My creativity is so undervalued.

(Pa enters as Larry hops away.)

Pa: Hey, there's a pile of coats next to the door. What happened to the...(sees the decorated coatrack) oh.

Bob: Don't worry, I sent Larry out to get a real tree. We're gonna make Christmas worth celebrating.

Pa: You really think a tree makes Christmas worth celebrating?

Bob: Well, and the food, and the presents...

Pa: None of that stuff will help Arthur celebrate Christmas.

Bob: Well, then, what will?

Pa: Understanding why Christmas is worth celebrating even in tough times. Especially in tough times. I think we need to tell Arthur a story.

Bob: What kind of story? About Christmas morning with snow and Santa and lots of presents and food and stuff?

Pa: Nope. We're gonna tell a story about a shepherd. A junior shepherd. A junior shepherd named Junior.

The First Christmas[]

(The camera cuts to the audience and then it cuts to Bruce beginning to conduct Khalil. Junior Shepherd starts and the curtain rises to show Junior in a shepherd's outfit with 3 sheep by him. The stage is set in a nighttime setting with a tent, a few logs, and a castle in the "distance." The sheep bleat.)

Junior: I'm Junior the junior shepherd

I'm not very happy today

I'm Junior the junior shepherd

My grumpiness won't go away.

Jimmy and Jerry: He's Junior the junior shepherd

He's not very happy, it's true

So why such a gloomy shepherd?

He'll probably explain it to you.

Junior:I live in a time that is not very fun

I don't get to play, and I don't get to run

I work in the field and I bake in the sun

Just so my family can eat

So we don't end up on the streets.

Jimmy and Jerry:He's Junior the junior shepherd

He's not very happy, it's true

Oh, why such a gloomy shepherd?

He just explained it to you.

(applause)

Jimmy: That really is kind of sad.

Jerry: Yeah. Not happy.

(The spotlight shines on Pa, whose dressed in his recolored outfit from Abe and the Amazing Promise.)

Pa: It was sad. Back then, lots of kids didn't have enough to eat. The world was a tough, tough place.

Jimmy: Tough times. Tough times.

(pulley rattling)

Jerry: Hey. Lookit.

Jimmy: What?

(A large star hangs from the ceiling.)

Jerry: Star. Not usually there.

Jimmy: Oh, come on. Stars don't just move around. If a star was doing something crazy, you wouldn't be the only one to notice.

Mr. Lunt: Hey, the star that's doing something crazy.

(Larry, Madame Blueberry, and Mr. Lunt enter the stage dressed as wisemen.)

Larry: There it is!

Madame Blueberry: Don't let it get away.

Jimmy: Who are you guys?

Larry, Mr. Lunt, and Madame Blueberry: We are wisemen from afar

We are following the star

And we think the news is great

Which is why we just can't wait to get to Bethlehem.

Jimmy: Did you say "ham?"

Jerry: Piggy.

Mr. Lunt: No, we said "hem." "Bethlehem."

Jimmy: Oh. 'Cause we though we were getting ham, but they tried to feed us cabbage.

Jerry: And jiggle fish.

Larry: Guys, let's stick with the story.

Jimmy: Right. Got it. Where are you headed, O Wise Men?

Madame Blueberry: I prefer the term "Wise Persons."

(Jimmy and Jerry look at each other)

Jimmy: Where are you headed, O Wise Persons?

Mr. Lunt: To Bethlehem. Didn't you hear our song?

Jimmy: Right. Got it.

Junior: But why? What's happening in Bethlehem that's such great news?

Madame Blueberry: Oh, haven't you heard? A new king is born.

Junior: Oh, we had lots of kings. Roman kings, Persian kings, Assyrian kings... They're all the same.

Larry: But this king is different. This king is the Messiah.

Jimmy: (gasps) Messiah? How do you know all this?

Mr. Lunt: That star told us.

Madame Blueberry: We cannot be late. Perhaps we will see you there?

Jimmy: Uh, yeah. We're probably gonna stay here.

Jerry: Tend sheep.

Larry: Okay. You wanna hear our song again?

Jimmy: Not really.

Larry, Mr. Lunt, and Madame Blueberry: We are wisemen from afar

We are following the star

And we think the news is great

Which is why we just can't wait to get to Bethlehem.

(applause)

Junior: What's Messiah?

Jimmy: I wouldn't worry about it. "The star told us!"

(Jimmy and Jerry laughing)

Jimmy: (sighs) Nope. I wouldn't believe it unless the whole sky lit up and told me.

(The stage lights up dramatically and the three are blinded and start groaning. Jean-Claude and Phillipe come down from the stage dressed as angels. The backdrop is a bunch of other angel peas.)

Phillipe: We are here to tell you something.

(Jimmy and Jerry scream)

Jean-Claude: Do not be afraid, herders of sheep.

Jimmy: I'm not afraid. I just can't see anything.

Jerry: Too bright.

Phillipe: We are here to announce the first Christmas.

(The camera zooms out as angelic singing is heard.)

Junior: Wait. Christmas?

Jimmy: Yeah. What's Christmas?

Jean-Claude: Oh, right. They will not celebrate Christmas for quite some time.

Phillipe: Christmas. "Christ," "mass." A mass is a church service. Christ is the one we celebrate at this service.

Jimmy: And Christ is?

Phillipe: A Greek translation of a Hebrew word.

Jimmy: Look, I'm not trying to pick up a new language. Just give me the news.

Junior: If "Christ" is the Greek word, what's the Hebrew word?

Phillipe: Messiah!

(More angelic singing as the camera zooms out.)

Junior: That's what the Wise Person said! There was a new king, and that king was the Messiah. But what is a Messiah?

Phillipe: Hang on to your hats!

(Let There Be Joy starts.)

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: Let there be joy (let there be joy), let there be joy (let there be joy)

Messiah is here (x4)

No need to mourn, the king is born

So raise a cheer, the Christ is here (Christ is here)

Let there be joy (let there be joy), let there be joy (let there be joy)

Messiah is here

Messiah is here!

(applause)

Jimmy: I don't really know what's going on, but I sure am excited!

Jerry: Yay! Enthusiasm.

Pa: So, the shepherds left their sheep in the fields.

(Pa hops up onto a hill.)

Jimmy: Rhonda, you're in charge. Bed by nine o'clock.

Jerry: No TV.

(sheep bleats)

Pa: And headed off to Bethlehem (the shepherds exit stage left and the sheep stage right) to see this new king. Junior the junior shepherd decided to come along, too. (the shepherds are seen hopping up the hill) He wasn't as excited as the others. What good was a new king? What is a Messiah, and what And what differences does it make for him? And this new thing, this Christmas, why was it worth celebrating when the world was so, so hard.

(Junior hops next to Pa)

Junior: Yeah, I was thinking those same questions.

Pa: And he'll find his answers when we get to Bethlehem.

(Junior and Pa take a bow and the audience cheers and applauds and the curtain closes)

Woman: Yeah!

(The curtain opens back up to show the wisemen going towards a manger with two sheep and Petunia as Archie dressed as Mary and Joseph respectively.)

Pa: Later that night, in Bethlehem, the Wise Persons came to a little stable, and they couldn't believe their eyes.

(The King is Here starts.)

Larry: I can't believe my eyes, we were following the skies

Madame Blueberry: And what a big surprise, the king is here

Larry: Could it be any stranger?

Mr. Lunt: A king in a manger?

Madame Blueberry: I hope he's not in danger!

Larry, Mr. Lunt, and Madame Blueberry: Christ is near, the king is here

(applause, Jimmy and Jerry hop toward the manger.)

Jimmy: Oh, would you look at that? There's a stable, and and those wise guys, and it's all glowing.

Jerry: Shiny.

Jimmy: I tell you, this is something big.

Jerry: Tremendous.

(Pa and Junior hop onstage.)

Pa: Well, what do you think about that?

Junior: I don't know what to think. It's a new king or a Messiah, whatever that is. But what difference does it make to me? Hey, aren't you the narrator? Are you supposed to be talking to me?

Pa: I'm not just the narrator. I'm also in the story.

Junior: What? Are you the new king's grandpa? Or great-grandpa? Or great-great-grandpa?

Pa Hey, I'm not that old. But, no, I'm not any of those things. My name is Simeon, and God promised me something.

Junior: He did?

Pa: Yep. He promised me that before I die, I would see the Messiah.

Junior: I keep hearing that. What is the Messiah?

Pa: Messiah means "chosen one." God's Messiah is the one who has come to save us all.

Junior: Save us from what?

Pa: Have you ever noticed it seems sometimes like the whole world is broken?

Junior: I sure have. But why? Why does it seem like that?

Pa: Why? Well, because it's true.

Junior: The world is broken?

Pa: Yup. By sin.

Junior: And sin is?

Pa: When we put ourselves first. When we say, "I'm not gonna listen to God. I'm gonna do things my way." Sin has broken the whole world.

Junior: (sighs)

Pa: And the Messiah is coming to make it right. To fix it. To heal everything.

Junior: Whoa. But how can one person do that?

Pa: Because that baby in there, that baby isn't just a person. That baby is also God. And he has the power to heal everything.

(Pa and Junior head to the manger.)

Junior: He can make all the bad go away?

Pa: Yup.

Junior: When? Like, tomorrow?

Pa: Uh, not quite. This is just the beginning. The Kingdom of God is here. That baby will grow up to heal people, to make blind people see and lame people walk, to show us what life is like when all the bad stuff is wiped away.

(baby gurgling)

Pa: And we can join him. We can help spread the Kingdom of God. And then one day, when it is time, God will send everything right.

Junior: This baby will make all the bad go away. He'll bring the Kingdom of God. And I can be a part of it.

Pa: The promise of Christmas is God with us in the bad times, and God with us to end the bad times. The Kingdom of God is here.

(sheep bleats, baby laughs)

Pa: And we can all be a part of it.

(Kingdom of God starts)

All: Take the time to listen, take the time to look

The reason for the season is a story in a book

About a baby in a manger, He's gonna be the king

They call him the Messiah, and that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah to the newborn king

Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah to the newborn king

Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Junior: I knew the world was broken, I knew that there was sin

I didn't know the answer was heaven breaking in

Pa Grape: He'll heal the brokenhearted, he'll take away the sting

The answer to the evil is the coming of the kingdom of God

All: Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah, to the coming of the kingdom

Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah, to the coming of the kingdom of God

Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah, to the coming of the kingdom

Hallelujah, that's why the angels sing

Hallelujah, to the coming of the kingdom of God!

Christmas, it's a celebration

Of Jesus, the anticipation of

Christmas, it's a celebration

Of Jesus, it's the coming of the kingdom of God!

(audience applauds and cheers, curtain closes and Bob enters)

Bob: Guys, that was fantastic. And you were right, Pa. We didn't need more food, or a tree, or presents. We needed to understand what Christmas really means. That God is with us. Here in the the tough times, and here to end the tough times.

Archie: I'd say our Christmas show was just right.

O Goliath[]

(Mr. Nezzer enters.)

Mr. Nezzer: Now, Bob. I thought you said there's be a Christmas tree? Now, what kind of a Christmas show doesn't have a Christmas tree?

Larry: Did somebody say "tree?"

Bob: Wait, you got a tree?

Larry: What is a tree, Bob?

Bob: Don't mess with me, Larry.

Larry: No, really. It's big, it's green, it's wide at the bottom and pointy at the top. Am I right?

Bob: Yeah, that's right...

Larry: Fellas?

(Jean-Claude and Phillipe laugh and pull down a lever backstage. The backdrop rises and all the veggies gasp.)

Bob: Goliath?

(Goliath is seen decked out in ornaments, tinsel, a green skirt, and a star.)

Goliath: It's me! A Christmas tree!

Bob: That's about the best Christmas tree I've ever seen.

Larry: Thank you very much.

Goliath: Hmm. (laughs) Tinsel tickles me.

Mr. Nezzer: How about an encore, Bob?

(O Goliath starts, and the audience applauds.)

Cast: O Goliath, O Goliath