The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

Phil Vischer

Music by

Kurt Heinecke


Universal Studios


January 11th, 2008


85 minutes

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie is the second VeggieTales feature film.


The film opens somewhere in the late 17th century with two pirate ships fighting. The prince, Alexander of Monterria, is captured by Robert the Terrible, his ruthless uncle. The other pirates search the ship for the princess, Eloise, but miss her hiding spot and leave. When Eloise and her butler Willory (played by Veggie Tale regular Archibald Asparagus) emerge, she sends a device that her father made, a "Helpseeker," to find heroes to save Alexander. It evades the pirates on the ship and jumps into the sea.

The film jumps to the present where best friends George (Pa Grape), Sedgewick (Mr. Lunt), and Elliot (Larry the Cucumber) are working at a pirate-themed dinner theater. Sedgewick, who is very lazy, has invented a remote-controlled toy truck with a claw arm to help him do things he doesn't feel like doing - though when his girlfriend Ellen asks him to get her some barbecue sauce, it is out of range of his toy and he refuses to make the effort himself. Elliot has a list of things he's afraid of, and when his girlfriend Bernadette (Petunia Rhubarb) asks him to get the barbecue sauce, he says the back room is dark and therefore "on his list." George, who lacks self-respect, does what everyone tells him; his children, George Jr and Lucy, idolize the star of the show, Sir Frederick and he is worried that he does not impress his kids.

Elliot, Sedgewick, and George want to be seen as heroes by their loved ones, but since they're only cabin boys, they think that their dream is unattainable. After the show, while they are cleaning up, an old blind man appears out of nowhere, prophesying that an adventure awaits for them and that "the stage is set for the heroes at hand." Elliot thinks this means that if they all audition, they'll be cast in the show. They audition but it backfires and messed up half of the restaurant; as a result they are fired and thrown into the alley, where they find the Helpseeker and are teleported to the 17th century.

Meeting Eloise and Willory, they set off to Jolly Joe's, a known pirate hang-out, where they learn it was Robert who kidnapped the prince in the hopes of exacting revenge on the king, Robert's brother. They also learn that the clues to find Robert's fortress are hidden in a cave past the Rocks of Malabar. They do find the clues there, but Sedgewick happens across what appears to be a pool of cheese curls, his favorite snack, and decides to stay on the island and relax instead of pursuing Robert. When George and Elliot return to the beach, they discover that Robert's men have taken their boat and captured Eloise and Willory. They head out to follow the clues: go east to the isle of walking rocks, and through the clapping pass.

Back in the cave, the cheese curls turn out to be alive - and vicious. Sedgewick is attacked and, in his desperation to escape being eaten by his own favorite food, discovers he can do anything without giving up. When George and Elliot get to the isle, the rocks, which are really large rock-monsters, start to surround them, but then Sedgewick arrives, having now swum across the ocean followed by the cheese curls. The rocks find the curls amusing and start to interact with them.

The pass opens and one of the rock-monsters helps them get through it. Within the hidden bay, they quickly find Robert's fortress, which is apparently unguarded, but a giant serpent attacks their ship. George and Sedgewick are terrified, but Elliot, overcoming his fear, realizes the guardian is actually just a mechanical device; when it "eats him," he is able to shut the machine down from inside and save his friends.

They rescue the prince and princess, with the help of Sedgewick's "labor-saving device," only to be stopped by Robert. Finding his self-respect at last, George uses a chandelier to knock Robert down. They escape through the fortress's cistern, with Robert in hot pursuit. Back in the bay, Robert's ship opens fire on the heroes, but the king shows up just in time, and Robert goes down with his ship.

The king gives them medals for their good work, reminding them that heroes aren't necessarily strong or handsome or dashing, but in fact anyone who does what he or she knows is right no how matter hard the situation. The Helpseeker returns them to the restaurant, just in time for the Friday night show, but Robert has stowed away on their trip back and attacks Sir Frederick, mistaking him for George. A final showdown with Robert sends him back to his own time. The audience cheers wildly, including their loved ones, and George's children respect him at last. Offered a second chance to be in the show, they refuse, saying that life has plenty of adventure of its own... as the Helpseeker blinks once again.

Fun Facts


Real-World References

  • Edward Scissorhands is the title character from the film with the same name.
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.