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SumoOfTheOperaTitleCard

This is the episode transcript for Sumo of the Opera.

Transcript

Opening Countertop

(The episode opens with Bob standing alone on the countertop.)

Bob: Hi kids, I'm Bob the Tomato. Welcome to VeggieTales. Now Larry won't be with us today. He's helping out some kids in a toy drive. He agreed to volunteer his time to help kids who normally don't get much and I think that's great. God loves it when we help others. Now Larry thought you might miss him so he asked me to introduce you to his special friend.

Lutfi: Hello, I am Lutfi, the kindly teensy weensy cucumber.

Bob: Well, hi Lutfi, do you want to say hi to the kids?

Lutfi: Oh yes. Hello children. I am friendly and I am kind. And I am teensy weensy.

Bob: That's right. And since Larry is away, you're gonna help with the show. Right, Lutfi?

Lutfi: Oh, yes. Even though I am teensy weensy, I can be a great big helper.

Bob: Well, let's get start-- (phone ringing) Uh, I'm sorry. Will you excuse me for a moment? Cover me, Lutfi.

Lutfi: Um...

Bob: Hello?

Lutfi: Lata da la la la la tada!

Bob: Oh, hi Larry! I was just talking about you! We just started the show. Here, let me put you on "speaker." Can you hear me?

Larry: Yeah, I hear ya. Who's humming?

Lutfi: It is I, Lutfi! The kindly teensy-weensy Cucumber!

Larry: Oh, hi Lutfi! You may be teensy-weensy, but you're a great big helper, aren't you?

Lutfi: Indeed I am!

Bob: Larry, I was just telling the kids about your volunteer work. We're proud of you, buddy! That's a great thing you're doing! God likes it when we...

Larry: Bob, I'm not doing it.

Bob: Uh, not doing what?

Larry: I'm giving up, Bob. I'm coming home. This whole day has been a big mess.

Bob: Huh? What happened?

Larry: I didn't think it would be this hard! I got on the 151 bus and transferred to the 146. But I forgot to buy a transfer on the 151, so the bus driver wanted me to buy a whole new ticket, but I ran out of nickels...

Bob: Ahh...

Larry: So he dropped me off like 12 blocks before I got to the 81 stop. So I hopped 7 blocks and got on the subway, but I was so tired from hopping that I fell asleep.

Bob: But...

Larry: So that's where I am now, Bob. On a pay phone at the end of the subway line. I'm givin' up and comin' home!

Bob: You can't quit now!

Lutfi: Perhaps Lutfi can help!

Bob: Not now, Lutfi. Larry, just think of all the kids you can help today. And, remember, you gave your word! You need to persevere!

Lutfi: Yes! You need to...

Bob: Lutfi. Let me handle this.

Larry: What's that?

Bob: What's what?

Larry: What's persevere?

Bob: Well, perseverance is just a big word that means to "keep on keepin' on" even when it's hard! I know that quitting and coming home would be easier, but many things worth doing take hard work! Don't you want to be a "finisher?"

Larry: ...Uh, yeah... I'm finished riding on the bus. And I'm finished hopping around the whole town.

Lutfi: Lutfi is a great big helper! Lutfi knows a story about perseverance.

Bob: You do?

Lutfi: Yes! A teensy-weensy story.

Bob: Look, Larry, maybe Lutfi's story will help you out. I know you can't see, but try and listen closely.

Larry: Okay, but make it snappy. I'm down to my last 3 quarters and it's cold out here.

Bob: All right, buddy. Hang on!

Lutfi: Once upon a teensy-weensy time...

Going Up

(Going Up starts. Throughout this story, there is no dialogue)

(At Mr. Nezzer's piano delivery, Mr. Nezzer enters the truck before he is met with a surprise when he sees his three employees Larry, Jerry, and Mr. Lunt in the front seat. Mr. Nezzer then tells them to get out of the truck. Soon, Mr. Nezzer is driving down the road, with Larry, Jerry, and Mr. Lunt riding in the back of the truck. Soon, the truck arrives at a mansion on top of a hill as Mr. Nezzer has his employees take a piano out from the back of the truck. Their job is to bring the piano up to the mansion on top of the hill, which they are nervous about, before Mr. Nezzer tells them, via a black screen, "The piano must go up!".)

Jean Claude: The piano must go up!

Phillipe: Mai oui!

(After Mr. Nezzer leaves, Larry, Jerry, and Mr. Lunt have no other choice now but to do as their boss says as they begin to push the piano up the flights of stairs that stand before them. After they make it up the stairs, they think that their job is over when the piano suddenly rolls away down the stairs as they frantically hop after it to try and stop it. The trio is successful in stopping the piano, but they are surprised to find that they are back where they started from. Jerry throws in the towel, not wanting to go back up the stairs, even when Larry and Mr. Lunt tell him, "The piano must go up!")

Jean Claude: The piano must go up!

Phillipe: Oh, up, up, up!

(Because of this, Larry and Mr. Lunt are working hard to try and get the piano up the stairs, but it's too much work for two vegetables alone, before Mr. Lunt notices a penny on one of the steps as he picks it up. Unfortunately, it also causes the piano to slide back down the stairs again, with Larry on it, before he falls into the fountain. Larry then comes up from the fountain as he tries to keep the piano from falling in. Mr. Lunt comes back down the stairs again, just as an ice cream truck approaches the bottom of the stairs. Mr. Lunt and Jerry use the penny to buy some ice cream from the ice cream man (played by Scooter Carrot). The ice cream truck then leaves after that, just as Larry is able to keep the piano from falling into the fountain, before he notices Mr. Lunt and Jerry both eating the ice cream that they had bought. Larry is frustrated with what he sees, before indignantly repeating, "The piano must go up!")

Jean Claude: The piano must go up!

Phillipe: It must!

(Larry then starts hopping up the stairs with the piano tied to his back, even though it's difficult for one vegetable alone. Back down at the bottom of the stairs, Mr. Lunt and Jerry are now sound asleep after having eaten their ice cream, while Larry still tries hard to get up the stairs with the piano. After a great deal of hard work, Larry finally makes it to the mansion, before he is met with Madame Blueberry, who is happy to see that Larry has finally got the piano up the stairs. Larry then triumphantly states, "The piano is up!".)

Jean Claude and Phillipe: The piano is up!

(Madame Blueberry tells him, "My hero".)

Jean Claude and Phillipe: My hero!

(Larry is modest about what he's done, while Madame Blueberry stares lovingly at him. Back down below, Mr. Lunt and Jerry are still asleep, before they are approached by Mr. Nezzer, who is not very happy to see two of his employees sleeping on the job. Mr. Lunt and Jerry wake up after that, but before they can be punished, Larry comes back down with a kiss mark on his cheek, implying that he got a kiss as a reward. Later, Mr. Nezzer has permitted Larry to ride in the front seat with him, while Jerry and Mr. Lunt are still demoted to riding in the back of the truck for not having done any work at all.)

Countertop 2

(Cut back to the Countertop)

(Bob stands next to Lutfi. Bob looks a little perplexed. Lutfi stands tall and proud.)

Larry: Um, you guys gonna start that story?

Bob: That was a silent movie.

Lutfi: But powerful!

Bob: How's he supposed to know what happened?! He's on the phone!

Lutfi: Oh, I did not think of that.

Bob: Look, Larry, we're gonna have to try this again. Hold on for a couple of minutes, I'm gonna go grab another story, with sound.

Larry: I'm down to 2 quarters, Bob.

Bob: (O.S) I'm hurrying! Cover me, Lutfi.

(Lutfi moves back and fourth and wiggles around on the stage again, humming happily as he goes.)

Lutfi: Lata da la la la la tada!

(Fades to black)

Schoolhouse Polka

(Fades to a whiteboard with desk)

Announcer: And now it's time for "Schoolhouse Polka with Larry", the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a schoolhouse polka.

(Larry comes out wearing glasses, a wig, and suit-and-tie outfit while playing the accordion)

Larry: Whether, whether, whether, whether, Whether you like it or not.

Weather, weather, weather, weather, Weather is cold, warm and hot.

Two, two, two, two, Two of my favorite toys.

I’m bringing to, to, to, to A place the first one enjoys and I like it, too!

Background singers and Larry: Homophones!

Homophones!

Where the crews come cruising down the plane!

Homophones!

Homophones!

I need my kneaded biscuits plain!

Larry: I know a pear, pear, pear, pear with a pair of really soft shoes.

He wears them to pare, pare, pare, pare bushes that easily bruise.

I planted rows, rows, rows, rows of a horribly bad smelling rose.

Now no one knows, knows, knows, knows, If the scent will be leaving my nose! But most likely no.

Background singers and Larry: Homophones!

Homophones!

Where the toads are towed out on the plane!

Homophones!

Homophones!

I need my kneaded biscuits plain!

(German Metal break)

(Larry does a guitar like riff with the accordion)

Larry: (slightly faster) Whether, whether, whether, whether, Whether you like it or not.

Weather, weather, weather, weather, Weather is cold, warm and hot.

Announcer: This has been "Schoolhouse Polka with Larry". Tune in next time to hear Larry sing...

Larry: What happened to my preposition?

I took it on an expedition.

Put it by the thing I keep my fish in.

Got infected with a skin condition.

Announcer: ...And...

Larry: I’m a pronoun,

They’re a pronoun,

He’s a pronoun,

She’s a pronoun,

Wouldn’t you like to be a pronoun too?

Announcer: ...And...

Larry: It was the Biggest, bluest, cleanest, brightest, Quickest, newest, roundest, nicest, Softest, tallest, toughest, lightest, Smoothest, kindest, flattest, tightest, Most amazing adjective I’d ever seen!

The Announcer: ...And...

Larry: I’m done.

Announcer: …Interjections? Adverbs?

Larry: …ahh, no.

Announcer: Alrighty.

Countertop 3

(Cut to Countertop)

Lutfi: Bob? Oh Bob? Have you found the story yet?

Bob: (O.S.) Not yet, Lutfi! Just a few more minutes. Buy me some more time!

Lutfi: Ahhhh. Oh! I have just the thing.

The Story of St Patrick

(Lutfi ducks down behind the stage. An art card is lowered in front of the camera, slowly as if attached to a pully.)

Lutfi: And now it's time for Lutfi's Fanciful Flannel Graph - the part of the show where Lutfi comes out... with his fanciful flannel graph... and teaches a most important lesson! (sign lifts up and Lutfi comes out wearing a green hat and a shamrock) Hello children! I am Lutfi and this is my fanciful flannel graph! By the... By the color of my clothes and the shamrock in my hand, I bet you are thinking it is Saint Patrick's Day. If this is March 17th, then you are right! That's because every year on March 17th, people everywhere celebrate Saint Patrick's Day!

(story starts with a stork putting a baby in his cradle)

Lutfi: A long, long time ago, in a country called England, a little baby was born. His name was...

Baby: St. Patrick!

Lutfi: Hold on! You're not old enough to talk... And your name is not yet St. Patrick.

Baby: Sorry.

Lutfi: Your name is Maewyn Succat.

Baby: Hurry up and name me St. Patrick.

Lutfi: Shhhh.

Baby: Sorry.

Lutfi: Maewyn Succat grew up as a normal little boy.

(Maweyn, now a few years older, hops out of the cradle and pushes it aside.)

Maweyn: Can I talk now?

Lutfi: Yes.

Maweyn: Maewyn Succant. I'm a normal boy...A normal boy with a strange name.

Lutfi: Maewyn went to school, he played, and he went to church.

Vicar: No soccer balls in church.

Lutfi: And he was kidnapped by pirates.

(Pirates come in and tie up Maweyn.)

Maweyn: Wait. That's not normal.

Lutfi: If you were too normal, you would not have a holiday named after you.

Maweyn: Good point.

(The pirates take Maewyn to their ship.)

Pirates: Argh, eeeeee, Arrrrr!

Lutfi: The pirates took Maewyn to a country called Ireland. There he was sold as a slave and his name was changed.

Maweyn: Slave bad. Name change good.

(Maweyn looks at his new master who tosses a coin into the sea.)

Maweyn: Hi. I'd like to request, "Saint Patrick."

Lutfi: Not yet. He was now called...

Master: Pig Boy! Feed the pigs, Pig Boy!

Maweyn: Maewyn Succat has a rather nice ring to it.

(He gives the pigs their slop.)

Lutfi: Now this was the land of the Druids, and people there spoke a different Language... But we'll make believe everyone spoke English... like Star Trek.

Pig: Even the pigs?

Lutfi: No. Not the Pigs.

Pig: Okay.

Lutfi: The Druids also did not know about God. They practiced a religion known as paganism.

Maweyn: Paganism?

Lutfi: Yes. Instead of praying to God, Pagans prayed to things like twigs.

Master: Oh, mighty twig, you are powerful and... twig...like.

Lutfi: And pond scum.

Master: Oh, mighty pond scum, you are powerful and... scummy.

Lutfi: And they painted with all the colors of the wind. (he splashes rainbow paint on a tree, which splashes right back on his face) And so it was that pig boy Maewyn Succat went about serving his master. Mopping his floors, feeding his pigs, and learning his language.

Master: Piiiiig.

Maweyn: Piiiiig.

Lutfi: Now, Maewyn was very far from home and very lonely. He remembered what he had learned in church about God loving him and always being with him. So Maewyn began praying and talking to God. (We see a montage of Maewyn doing just that.) He prayed before bedtime, he prayed when he worked, he prayed when he ate...(a pig gives him his meal) in fact, he prayed all the time! Why, in no time at all, he was praying over 100 times a day!

Maweyn: That's a lot. But it's cool.

Master: Would you like to pray to me twig?

Maweyn: No, I'm good.

Lutfi: Maewyn grew very close to God, and God took care of him and kept him safe. And one day, after Maewyn had been in Ireland for six years, God told him it was time to go.

Maweyn: Oh. Alright. Later pigs. (He leaves.)

Master: (gibberish)

Lutfi: Maewyn walked and walked, traveling over 200 miles, before reaching the sea.

(As Maewyn walks to the sea, the pigs follow him. Eventually, he reaches a harbor.)

Maweyn: Good day, captain. My name is Maewyn Succat. I was captured six years ago by pirates and sold into slavery. Since then, I've been feeding pigs and praying 100 times a day. Can I have a lift?

Captain: All right, then.

(As Maewyn and the Captain get on the ship, the pigs get into barrels. As a crew member picks it up, he finds it really heavy. The ship leaves Ireland and sails for France.)

Lutfi: The ship sailed for three days before reaching the coast. They then set off on foot to the nearest town. But their directions were a little off. (We see Maewyn, the Captain and the crew walking slowly and wearily.) After 28 days of walking, their supplies had run out. The men were starving.

Sailor #1: Are you starving?

Sailor #2: I'm starving.

Sailor #1: I'm starving, too.

Sailor #2: We're all going to die if we don't get somethin' to eat.

Captain: Say Maewyn, you said you pray 100 times a day? How about praying for some food?

Sailors: Yeah, come on! Let's have one...

Maweyn: All right! (whispered prayer) Amen.

(The two pigs who have followed Maweyn appear from behind the hill. Sailor #1 looks and smiles.)

Pig: Uh oh.

(Cut to later that night when the crew has eaten the pigs.)

Sailor #1: It's miraculously delicious!

Captain: You know, Maewyn, You've really got something going there. Thanks a lot.

Maweyn: Don't thank me captain, thank God.

Captain: All right then, thank you God.

Sailors: Thank ya, Lord.

(Maweyn eventually makes it back to his home in England.)

Lutfi: Now back home, the years past by and Maewyn continued to grow closer to God. And one night, he had a dream.

(Maewyn is now older and no longer a boy - he's a full grown man. As he sleeps, he dreams of Ireland.)

Irish Voice: We beg of you, holy youth, that you should come and work again among us.

Lutfi: Maewyn dreamed that the people of Ireland were calling him back to come and tell them about God.

Maweyn: Well, but, you mind if I finish school first? I'm doing quite well.

Irish Voice: Ahh...no...no...take your time. No rush.

Maweyn: All right, then.

Lutfi: So Maewyn got his education and because of his hard work and great love for God, he became a bishop; which meant he had a lot of responsibilities in the church and could help many people. It also means that he got a new name. Patrick.

Patrick: Saint Patrick?

Lutfi: Ah, the Saint part comes a little later.

Patrick: Alright, then.

Lutfi: And Patrick made his way back to Ireland. Back to the place where he had been taken by pirates and sold as a slave many years before. Back he went... to tell the people about God.

(Patrick tells the people of Ireland about God as more and more people gather. Patrick then plucks up a shamrock from the ground.)

Patrick: So you see, God is like a shamrock.

Crowd: Oh great shamrock, you are powerful-

Patrick: No, no, no. This is simply a metaphor.

Crowd: Oh great metaphor!

Patrick: No, no, no, no, no! You see, God is like a shamrock because He is three persons in one. He is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost. One God, three persons.

Crowd: Oh, ok. Yeah, that makes sense.

Master: So, are there any ways that God is say like a twig?

Patrick: No, none that come to mind.

Master: Oh, alright. Just asking.

(They all toss their twigs.)

Lutfi: And so it was that through Patrick, the people of Ireland turned to God. And God blessed Patrick as Patrick blessed the people of Ireland. He lived a good long life among the people he loved so much and had been called to serve. On March 17th in the year 460, Patrick died at the age of 73. And his name was changed one last time - this time to Saint Patrick. And that is why every year on March 17th, people everywhere wear a little green - the color of Ireland - and celebrate Saint Patrick's Day. A great man who loved Ireland and who loved God. The end.

Countertop 4

Bob: Alrighty! I found the Film! Larry, are you still with us, buddy?

Larry: Yeah, I'm still here. But did you hear that story about Saint Patrick? That was really cool!

Bob: Ah, no I didn't catch it. But I did find the story about perseverance!

Lutfi: It took a little to find some, no? Hee, hee. Oh, that is a good one!

Larry: One quarter, Bob. That's all I got!

Bob: All right, buddy! Hang on! Roll film!

(Fades to black)

Sumo of the Opera

(We pan out to see a choir exercising.)

Sumo Men Choir: If you want to know who we are,

We are wrestlers of Japan!

On many a mat and ring!

For many a sumo fan!

(We then pan over to a screen door, which opens to reveal Apollo Gourd.)

Behold The Sumo Champion Wrestler

A massive gourd and holder of the title.

Many have tried, but none have beaten him

A fact that is particularly vital.

(Scooter is pushed onto the ring in front of Apollo.)

Defer! Defer!

To the sumo champion wrestler!

(Scooter tries pushing Apollo out of the way as he stands there.)

Defer! Defer! To the champion, to the champion

To the champion sumo wrestler!

(Apollo gives his famous "Belly Ringer" move on Scooter, (which is basically him propelling himself into the air by the ropes, landing next to his opponent, then bumping him) sending him shaking and jumping off the ring.)

Apollo Gourd: (Laughing)

Jim Gourdly (Jimmy Gourd): Champion San! Champion San! Jim Gourdly from ESN, the Emperor Sports Network. Apollo Gourd, you have a championship match coming up to celebrate the year of the scallion. Won't you dare to comment on your opponent, Po Tato.

(We see said opponent, who looks and talks like Mr. T.)

Po Tato: (growls)

Apollo Gourd: Yes, I've got a Haiku for Po Tato. (clears throat) No way Po Tato will stay in the match and linger, when I give him a Belly Ringer.

Jim Gourdly: I don't think that's actually a haiku.

Jerry: Not even close. Tell him.

Jim Gourdly: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him.

Jerry: I'm not gonna tell him, you...

(As they argue, the Italian Scallion (Larry) hops up to the ring.)

Jim Gourdly: Hey, who's the clown climbing in the ring with Po Tato?

Po Tato: I pity the clown!

Scallion: Um... ah... Hey, Po, look.

(Scallion bounces off the ropes and rolls onto the ring.)

Scallion: I'm a spring roll!

Po Tato: Pppttt! (Girly giggle) He, he, he, he...Spring Roll. I get it!

Jim Gourdly: Wait! That's no clown, it's his sparring partner, the Italian Scallion.

Jerry: Italian Scallion? He's a cucumber. How'd he get the name Italian Scallion?

Jim Gourdly: You never heard how that got started? Story goes he was raised by an onion family known as the Scallions.

(A silk screen showing Scallion's family bumps into Jerry.)

Jerry: Hey!

Jim Gourdly: He never realized he was different and grew up thinking he was a scallion.

Jerry: That doesn't make sense.

Jim Gourdly: Sure it does. Plus, "Scallion" only rhymes with like 5 words and "Italian" is the catchiest.

Jerry: No, I mean the silk-screen.

(Archibald slides in wearing a graduation cap.)

Archibald: This silk-screen is a theatrical device used to make exposition more visually interesting. It's avant garde!

(Archibald zooms off-screen. Scallion then breathes on a spoon and sticks it on his nose.)

Po Tato: Ho ho ho! The spoon! Ho heh, that's good! Heh, that's funny!

Mikey (Pa Grape): Quit laughing, Po! You're supposed to be sparring with that joker.

(The janitor, Bobby (played by Bob), enters the scene.)

Bobby: Mikey, you have any recycling today?

Mikey: Eh, help yourself.

(Bobby digs through the recycling bin, throwing out stuff as he goes (e.g., a soda can).)

Scallion: Po, Look!

(Scallion is now wearing Groucho Glasses while hopping around Po Tato.)

Po Tato: Look at that jibber jabber! Oh, that's funny!

(Bobby then throws out a banana peel, not noticing that it lands on the ring, right as Scallion slips on it.)

Scallion: Oops.

(Scallion is sent swinging back and forth across the ring until he finally gets tangled in the ropes. Po Tato stares for a few seconds, then is howling with laughter. As he's backing up, he slips on the same banana peel, and falls head first into the recycling bin.)

Po Tato: Oh, my aching back. Might as well call Workman's Comp. It's thrown out again.

(Po Tato tips over with the recycling bin.)

Jim Gourdly: Now, that's a haiku!

(A silk screen with Po Tato's haiku is shown, as Archibald comes back onscreen.)

Archibad: Haiku - three unrhymed lines of 5,7, and 5 syllables. Haiku.

Mikey: What are you doing, Scallion!? You're supposed to help Po train, not give him a sprain!

Scallion: Sorry. I was just joking around.

(sings to the tune of 'A Wand 'ring Minstrel, I')

Scallion: A Joking Sumo, I

a lad of quips

(honks horn)

and wisecracks

(throws rubber chicken)

who throws his custard pies back

(throws custard pie off-screen)

where whoopee cushions lie.

(starts juggling three balls)

My shenanigans are long

through every antic ranging.

And to your humors changing,

I sing my silly sooooo-OOOOOOOONG.

(nose from mask inflates)

I sing my silly...

(pop!)

...soonnnggg.

(Music ends, Scallion looks on dreamily. Mikey is nonplussed as he's covered with custard pie.)

Mikey: Sit down.

(Scallion sits on a stool, as he sits on a whoopee cushion. The sound lasts for about 6 seconds before it stops.)

Mikey: That's your problem. You're always joking around. Look at you. You said you wanted to be a Sumo. But the minute it got hard you gave up. You got no guts, well, no gut. You're skinny. You could have had seconds, even thirds at the dinner table, you could've been big. You never finish anything, unless it's a punchline.

Scallion: Not finish anything? Name one thing I didn't finish?

Hadrian: Yo, Scallion. Did you finish fixing my bike yet? I need it for my paper route.

Scallion: Uh, uhhh...

Mikey: You wanna list?

(Mikey pulls out a very long scroll, as it goes off the ring. Some of the chorus singers are carrying Po Tato on a stretcher, but trip on the scroll.)

Po Tato: Ohhhhh! I pity the me!

Apollo: What do you mean, Po Tato is hurt? Who did it?!?

Scallion: Ah, it was an accident.

Jim Gourdly: Champion, San, now who will you wrestle for the championship and the prize that goes with it?

(An orange bike shaped like a tiger lowers on wires into the shot. It glistens as if shot through a star filter.)

Sumo Chorus: Hi-yaaaaaaaaaahhh!

Hadrian: Wow! A Tiger Bike!

Apollo: I want the championship! I don't care about the prize!

Scallion: (whispering to self) I won't have to finish fixing Hadrian's bike if I can have that one! (to Jim) Hey, I'll take it!

Phillipe: You?!? Wrestle Apollo for the championship?!?

Scallion: Wrestle Apollo? I was talking about the bike.

Apollo: Hmmm, how about this haiku? "In The Year of the Scallion, how about a bout with the Italian Scallion?"

Jim Gourdly: Closer. The champ's only off by two syllables.

Mikey: No, no, no. Forget it. Apollo's way out of Scallion's league!

Scallion: Hey, I knocked Po Tato out of the ring.

Mikey: He slipped on a banana peel..

Scallion: Well, it was my fault, anyway. (bravely) I owe it to Po. Tell 'em I'll take his place!

All: (Laughter) What are you saying?! You'll take his place?!

Jim Gourdly: Come here. Scallion, you're a hoot. That's the funniest joke I've ever heard. The Italian Scallion in the ring with Apollo Gourd because you want a bike?

Phillipe and Jean Claude: (Laughter)

Jean Claude: He, he, he. That joker won't last 8 seconds in ze ring with Apollo! He, he, he...

Phillipe: (through laughter) Are you alright, Jean Claude?

(Hadrian looks at the Tiger Bike rising back up to the ceiling, then looking back at Scallion.)

Scallion: No, really! I accept the challenge! What could be so hard about staying in the ring for eight seconds? I've got jokes with punch lines longer than that.

(The Sumo chorus slides into the shot and hoists Scallion overhead. They pass him along as they sing a parody of 'Mikado Act two finale.')

Man 1: He's accepted the challenge from Gourd;

Chorus: Done-Done!

Man 1: They say he's a quitter,

He'd better get fitter

or Scallion will surely succumb

Chorus: Cumb-Cumb!

Man 1: So tame your expressions of glee.

Man 2: On this subject we pray you be Mum.

Chorus: Mum-Mum

Man 2: You'll find they're not many.

Who'll fight for a penny?

This bike's worth a rather large sum

Chorus: Sum-Sum

Man 2: A very good bargain indeed

(Both sides of the chorus are pushing and pulling Scallion around.)

Chorus left: On this subject we pray you be mum. Mum-mum!

Chorus right: Oh this bike's worth a rather large sum. Sum-Sum!

Chorus: You'll find there are not many,

Chorus left: not many,

Chorus right: Not many

Chorus left: who'll fight for a penny

Chorus right: It is a very good bargain indeed

Chorus left: It is a very good doctor he'll need

Chorus right: As you can see a good bargain indeed,

Chorus left: As you can see a good doctor he'll need,

Chorus: Yes indeed, yes indeed! Yes indeed, yes indeed!

(The chorus drops Scallion violently.)

Mikey: Kid, why are you doing this?

Scallion: I owe it to Po, and I need that bike! I owe that to Hadrian.

Mikey: But Apollo's the champ. No one's ever stayed in the ring with him longer than eight seconds!

Scallion: There's always a first time.

Mikey: But you only have two weeks to train! How do you expect to stick to it and see it through to the end?

Scallion: You could help me. You could be my trainer!

Mikey: Me?! Oh, you know, kid, in a funny kind of way you remind me of myself when I was your age. Okay, I'll do it. But you gotta promise to do everything I say, no matter how ridiculous it seems at the time. You've got to stick with it and not give up.

Scallion: Okay, I promise.

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

Mikey: Big sweeping circles, big sweeping circles!

(Scallion is mopping in a circle around Mikey.)

Scallion: This is training? I'm mopping the floor.

Mikey: It's an agility drill!

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(Panting heavily, Scallion bounces slowly down the street. Scallion is hopping along, crushing aluminum soda cans on the street. Bobby and Mikey are standing on the side, watching him.)

Bobby: Love your recycling drill, Mikey.

Mikey: It teaches the most important thing any wrestler should have - a keen sense of balance.

(Because he's not looking where he's going, Scallion falls through a man-hole off-screen.)

Scallion: Aaahhh!

(We hear a splash sound effect.)

Mikey: Make that the second most important thing.

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(Scallion is so worn out, he can only eat a few bites of food. He passes out on the table.)

Mikey: You got to keep eating, kid! I told you getting into shape wasn't going to be easy. Here.

(Mikey hands Scallion a glass full of raw egg yolks.)

Scallion: Yuck! I'm supposed to drink this!?

Mikey: Of course not, they're raw! Ya scramble 'em!

(The chef, played by Mr. Lunt dumps out the egg yolks onto a pan and starts chopping them up.)

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(Scallion climbs up the down escalator, which results in him getting bonked on the head by the cane of an old lady gourd. We then cut to the recycling center, as Scallion is trying to endure getting hit by bags of recyclables at the recycling center.)

Bobby: I've never heard of training for a Sumo match in a recycling center.

(Getting hit by the bags wears Scallion out, as he gets knocked out by one of them.)

Mikey: It'll give Scallion a taste of what it's like to go up against Apollo.

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(We then transition back to the training center, as Apollo and the French peas are hopping across.)

Apollo: Have you made all the arrangements for my victory party?

Jean Claude: Oui, oui, Champ, b-but...

Apollo: And, my post game interview with Jim Gourdly?

Phillipe: Oui, Champ, b-b-but...

(Jean Claude and Phillipe bump into Apollo, as he stops.)

Apollo: But? But what?!

Phillipe: Aren't you going to train for the wrestling match?

Apollo: Train? To fight Scallion?!? He's a pushover. I could beat him in my sleep.

Chorus: Oh, the training, he says he'll do none

Chorus left: None-none!

Man with low voice: Thinks Scallion's a quitter,

He won't get much fitter.

In two seconds, the match will be done.

Chorus left: Done-done!

Chorus: Stay tuned, This is just getting fun.

Fun fun! Fun fun! So much fun!

(As the chorus is singing, one of the singers is having a tough time opening his fan, and only gets it open when the chorus is done.)

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(Mikey watches Scallion as he does sit-ups and he stops. Scallion, visibly spent, is at his low point.)

Mikey: What's the matter, kid?

Scallion: Training is tough.

Mikey: I wanna show you something.

(Mikey pulls out a picture, showing his younger self in a clown outfit.)

Scallion: Who's that clown?

Mikey: Me, when I was your age. They called me Mr. Juicy. Yeah, I goofed around like you. I never took anything seriously. But I learned you can change. The key is sticking it out to the end, even when it's hard. That's perseverance. I learned that working hard and finishing well can be very rewarding.

(Mikey pulls out another picture, showing himself now in Roman-esque armor.)

Scallion: (Gasps) Is that you?

Mikey: Yep. Alexander the Grape. Grand Sumo Champion 3 years running. Before my knee injury, of course.

(Scallion glances down at Mikey. Mikey looks down and gives a resigned nod. Scallion has a bit of confused look, but brushes it off.)

Mikey: Look, Scallion, Sometimes there's a good reason to stop and quit, but not just because it's too hard. God asks us to do lots of things that are hard, but they're good things, and they make us better people. Most things worth having take hard work! Perseverance, Scallion, perseverance.

Scallion: That's the problem, Mikey. I don't got what it takes. Maybe that's the reason I'm always clowning around - it's the only thing I'm any good at. I'm no good at training, or wrestling... or finishing. I'm only good at makin' with the jokes. I....I quit!

(Mikey shakes his head and hops off. The set pieces for the training center then slide off-screen, revealing Hadrian hopping towards Scallion on the street. Hadrian is wearing a glove hat.)

Hadrian: Yo, Scallion!

Scallion: Yo Hadrian...

Hadrian: Why aren't you training?

Scallion: I dunno. Look, Hadrian, about the training.. (notices the glove cap) What's with that thing on your head?

Hadrian: Oh, I made it for Show and Tell. It's a Scallion headpiece, like you wear. It felt great to finish it and show everyone, ya know?

Scallion: No, I don't. I never finished any of my Show and Tell projects. Was it hard?

Hadrian: Yeah, but then I figured if you could stick to something, So could I.

Scallion: You figured that?

Hadrian: Mhm.

Sumo Choir: A sumo can't go wrong

when he keeps on keepin' on.

Put up a fight for what is right.

Don't quit until you're done.

Until that final bell,

God loves it when we finish well...

So don't stop.

Just keep on keepin' on!

Just keep on keepin' on!

Sumo Audience: Hey, Scallion, you quit yet? Or are you gonna wait until you get in the ring with Apollo? Nyahahahaha!

(Scallion hops down the street, determined.)

Hadrian: So, what did you wanted to tell me about your training?

Scallion: That I've gotta get back to it! I gotta keep my eye on the tiger!

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(And we're treated to another training montage. Cut back to the escalator that leads up into a mall, only this time Scallion is able to get past the old gourd. Then, Scallion does several sit-ups as Mikey watches, eventually going too fast for Mikey to count. Then, he is shown crushing soda cans at a fast pace. Then he's shown bumping bags at the recycling center, to the point of making one of the bags explode. Mikey watches appreciatively, as the chef tosses sushi into Scallion's mouth, and he gobbles them down quickly. With a mouth full of sushi, Scallion chants.)

Scallion: Eye on the tiger! Eye on the tiger!

(Scallion then hops off with a full stomach, as the chef passes out from exhaustion. Scallion then crushes and tosses a soda can into a recycling bin next to Bobby, who is proud of his recycling. Then, Scallion throws several crushed soda cans into a recycling bin with one hitting Bobby, much to his annoyance. Scallion then mops around Mikey at a fast pace, making him pass out. We then cut back to the escalator, as several people are going down, but Scallion is determined as he pushes past the people.)

Scallion: Eye on the tiger! Eye on the tiger!

(Scallion then jumps for joy at the top of the escalator, but trips. Then he gets back up, ready for the tournament.)

Scallion: It's time!

Sumo Chorus: Hiya!

(We then cut to the tournament, as a few cameras are flashing.)

Jim Gourdly: The match between Apollo Gourd and the Italian Scallion is on! This is Jim Gourdly for ESN, reminding you that the first Sumo to toss his opponent out of the ring wins.

Apollo: I'm going to bounce you out.

Scallion: Go for it!

(The bell dings, and Apollo pushes Scallion towards the edge of the ring.)

Jim Gourdly: Scallion is in trouble already. Apollo is pushing him around the ring. Uh oh! Here it comes, fans, Apollo's infamous Belly Ringer right at the eight second mark.

(Apollo attempts to knock Scallion out of the ring, but Scallion bumps him back, sending him shaking around. The audience gasps.)

Jim Gourdly: Ladies and gentlemen, it did not work! Apollo Gourd's Belly Ringer move didn't work! This is unbelievable! The challenger is still standing! Eight seconds have passed and the Italian Scallion is still in the ring!

(Apollo puts himself together, as Scallion stares at the tiger bike.)

Scallion: Eye on the tiger! Eye on the tiger!

(Scallion then belly bumps Apollo, sending him shaking yet again.)

Jim Gourdly: I can't believe it, the Italian Scallion belly bumped Apollo!

Mikey: Now, kid, mop the floor.

(Scallion hops around Apollo as he tries to keep up.)

Apollo: Woooaahhh....

(Apollo passes out from dizziness.)

Mikey: Up the escalator, kid! Up the escalator!

(Scallion then pushes Apollo towards the edge of the ring.)

Jim Gourdly: Scallion, who was given absolutely no chance of lasting eight seconds is pushing Apollo toward the edge of the ring! He's going for the win!

(Apollo regains consciousness and jolts back up.)

Jim Gourdly: Wait, the champ is back up! Did I say unbelievable!? That's not big enough! This is unconceivable! No, I'm not sure that's a word. It is?... Wait, folks, they're telling me "unconceivable" IS a word, but "inconceivable" is more appropriate in this instance!!

(Apollo pushes Scallion towards the edge, as Scallion tries pushing back. This results in both of them falling out of the ring in slow-motion. They both land outside of the ring at the same time.)

Jim Gourdly: Oh, my. They both fell out of the ring at the same time! It's a tie! It's a tie! That means Apollo is still the champ!

(Apollo smiles, as Scallion looks disappointed.)

Jim Gourdly: But then, no challenger has ever lasted that long.

(Everyone crowds around Scallion, as Apollo (who has his eyes closed) proudly thinks they're congratulating him. Apollo notices and gets surprised.)

Sumo Audience: He went longer than anybody! He's a winner in my book!

Scallion: I did it! I persevered! I feel GREAT!

(sings a parody of 'The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring.')

Scallion: The feeling of finishing,

All: Hiya!

Scallion: Is a blossom that blooms in my heart.

As I merrily dance and I sing,

All: Hiya!

Scallion: I welcome the hope that it brings,

All: Hiya!

Scallion: Of finishing things that I start!

Mikey and Bobby: Of finishing things that he starts.

Apollo: And that's what he means when he says finishing...

Scallion: Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring.

(Hadrian hands Scallion a bouquet of flowers.)

All: Hiya ya ya ya ya-ha, hiya ya ya ya ya-ha!

The flowers that bloom in the spring!

Hiya ya ya ya ya-ha, hiya ya ya ya-ha, hiya ya ya ya ya!

Hiya ya ya ya-ha, hi ya ya ya-haaaaaaaaaaaa....hiya ya ya ya ya!

(The screen cuts to black.)

Jim Gourdly: (O.S) Wait, folks, the story's not over!

Scallion: Yo, Hadrian! I got something for you.

Hadrian: The Tiger Bike? You won the Tiger Bike?

Scallion: No, but they gave me the bell. And finishing is it's own reward! I feel great!

(Hadrian stares disappointingly at the bell.)

Scallion: Oh, uh, one more thing. Since I'm going to be a "finisher" from now on...

Hadrian: You put my bike back together!

Scallion: Yep. It wasn't easy, well, it was easier than wrestling Apollo Gourd - but it still felt great!

(Hadrian smiles broadly as Scallion hands him his bike.)

Sumo Chorus: Hi-Ya!

(The word "The End" appears and fade to black to the countertop)

Closing Countertop

Bob: Well, Larry, what do you think? Are you ready to persevere and keep on keepin' on to the toy drive?

(Telephone busy signal sound effect coming from Bob's phone)

Woman's voice on recording: If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.

Bob: Larry? Larry?! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. I sure hope he...

Larry: Hi Bob!

Bob: Larry! You're back!

Larry: Yep! Here I am!

Bob: Well... What about the kids? I don't know how much of the story you heard, but it was p...

Larry: I pretty much heard the whole thing. Ran out of quarters right near at the end. But I had a great time with the kids, Bob! I helped give away toys, and we had sandwiches, took pictures. You should have seen the look on their faces, it was so cool!

Bob: Huh, when I heard the busy signal, I thought you'd given up.

Larry: Nope! I got right back on the subway, got off at the 81 bus, took that to the 49, grabbed a burrito, got on the 92, hopped 3 more blocks and I was there!

Bob: Wow, sounds complicated.

Larry: But worth it!

Bob: Well, what do you say we talk about what we learned today?

(A Japanese Opera version of the What We Have Learned song begins)

Sumo Chorus: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today,

And God has a lot to say in His book.

(Qwerty starts steaming up and breaking down, startling Bob and Larry.)

Bob: What happened?!

Larry: Qwerty, you okay?!

(Lutfi pops up.)

Lutfi: Sorry.

Bob: Lutfi, what did you do?!

Lutfi: Lutfi fits into tiny places.

Bob: You killed Qwerty!

Lutfi: Oh, no! I did not kill him, I just made him sputter and smoke - and there is a difference.

Bob: Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do?

Lutfi: Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses!

Larry: Memory verses?

Lutfi: Oh, yes! (pops down) You see, we know that God's word is for everyone...

hm hm hm hm hm hm hm...we'll take a look...

(A piece of cardboard with the verse scrawled on drops from behind Qwerty over the screen.)

Lutfi: "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:36."

Larry: Wow, you're one smart teensy-weensy cucumber.

Bob: You see, Larry! God wants us to persevere - to "keep on keepin' on".

Larry: Even when it's hard, right Bob?

Bob: Especially then - that's when we need to decide to be a "finisher!" When we're trying to do something we know God would want us to do, He cares whether we finish or not. God promises that finishing has its rewards!

Larry and Lutfi: Hiya!

Bob: Well that's all the time we have for today kids - remember, God made you special...

Larry: ...And He loves you very much!

Lutfi: This is wonderful! So, what are we doing for our next show?

(Bob and Larry stare at each other, unsure.)

Bob and Larry: Bye!

(Bob and Larry hop off-screen, leaving Lutfi alone.)

Lutfi: Guys? Guys? Fellows?

(End of Transcript)

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