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Sneeze if You Have To! is the 24th Silly Song and was featured in the episode, Abe and the Amazing Promise. It is sung by Bob, Mr. Lunt, Larry, Dirk Evert and The Nurse. In this song, Bob needs to sneeze and visits the Sneeze Doctor (Larry) who tries multiple methods (potpourri, flowers, bright light, a bowling ball, and a toilet plunger) to get Bob to sneeze. Eventually, a cat comes along, which makes Bob sneeze. He is relieved, but then starts sneezing uncontrollably. Meanwhile, the nurse (Mr. Lunt) shares trivia about sneezing.


Announcer: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Bob the Tomato, unable to sneeze. visits the Sneeze Doctor.

Bob: Please, can someone help me? I need to sneeze.

Mr. Lunt: Wait for the Sneeze Doctor.

Just take a seat, he'll be right with you.

Cat: Meow.

Larry: Sneeze if you have to!

Sneeze if you need to!

Don't hold it in, just be sure that you cover your mouth with a tissue.

I will assist you.

Sneeze all your troubles away at up to a hundred and fifty miles an hour!

Mr. Lunt: Interesting fact: The average sneeze travels at a rate of one hundred miles an hour. In 2003, Dirk Evert of Grunholz, Germany clocked in at one-fifty. Way to go, Dirk!

Dirk Evert: Danke! (Translation: Thank you!)

Larry: I think I have a remedy, perhaps in my potpourri,

I bought it from a merchant in Spain!

For ultimate sneeze satisfaction try allergic reaction.

Take a deep breath, if it helps you can squint at the sun.

Or here's some pepper.

Let's see, I know!

Try this feather!

Don't be afraid!

Set it free!

Let it go!



Go, go, go, go!

Mr. Lunt: Interesting fact: The photic sneeze reflex, or sneezing when exposed to bright light is a genetic trait found in twenty-five percent of the population. Including Dirk.

Dirk Evert: Achoo!

Cat: Meow.

Bob: Ah. Ah-ah-ah.


Ah-ah-ah ah ah-ah-ah.

Ah-ah-ah ah ah ah-

Larry: Spain!

Bob: Achoo!

Mr. Lunt: Gesundheit. Which interestingly means "good health" in German.

Dirk Evert: Ja! (Translation: Yeah!)

All: Sneeze if you have to!

Sneeze if you need to!

But apologize if you accidentally sneeze on your neighbor,

do them a favor,

offer them coffee and crumb cake, or maybe a small side of french fries,

soon they will realize it was an accident...

(Bob continues sneezing and knocks over the entire set in the process)

Bob: Ah-choo! A-ah-achoo! Agh! Make it stop! Oh, eh-ehh-choo!! Ow... that–that kinda hurt... Eh... ohhh... daah! Egeh-egeh-ehh-aigehgeh-AHHH-CHOO!!!

Annoucer: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Dirk say:

Dirk Evert: Ich bin ein sneezer! (Translation: I am a sneezer!)