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This is an episode transcript for Saint Nicholas: A Story of Joyful Giving.

Transcript[]

Opening[]

(The episode opens with opening credits, showing who's who in the episode. "Hope It's Gonna Be a Happy Christmas" starts as three kids sled down a snow covered hill)

Kids: Christmastime, oh Christmastime, Oh welcome all to the tinsel and the lights

Grandpa George: Oh Christmastime, it's Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas to you

Grandpa George and Dad Carrot: And to you a good night.

(Dad Carrot drives by his daughter Laura and her friends in his delivery truck.)

Laura Carrot: Hi, Dad!

Dad Carrot: Hi, honey. I'm almost finished.

Laura: We're finally gonna go buy our Christmas tree.

Junior Asparagus: Hey guys! Look at this.

(Junior shows Laura, Annie and Percy a gold coin.)

Laura, Annie Onion and Percy Pea: Oooh.

Junior: Well, I wonder what I'm gonna get for Christmas. Every light that shines reminds me of a toy. Got a new gold penny. And I wanna spend it. Every click and clock and Knickerbocker makes me want one more! On to the store!

(Pan up to Bob putting lights on the Christmas Tree)

Bob: Well, I wonder what I'll get to give at Christmas.

Larry: Every bell that rings sings give my love away.

(Jimmy walks up dressed as Santa.)

Jimmy: Oh my heart is warming with my friends before me.

Larry and Jimmy: On the nicest kindest, Christmas-light shiniest giving-est of days!

Bob, Larry and Jimmy: Give love away!

Mr. Nezzer: I already gave!

Everyone: Glo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo-oria(x2)

(As the townspeople sing, Dad Carrot delivers packages.)

Dad Carrot: A smile on every face! A slower, simpler pace. A spirit we embrace with tidings full of cheer. We give a helping hand to every fellow man. Just try, you'll see you can make every difference here.

Everyone: In Excelsis Deo!

Jimmy: Looking good, guys.

Larry: Thanks, Jimmy.

Bob: How's the collection coming?

Jimmy: Ha. We're gettin' plenty of food to share with the less fortunate.

(The kids are throwing snowballs. Jimmy dodges a snowball, but Bob doesn't)

Junior: Hey, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Hey, Junior. What's up?

Junior: Its the most exciting night before the most exciting day of the year! Santa, gifts, reindeer... I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

Annie: Me too.

Percy: Me three.

Larry: Whatcha guys doing?

Everyone: Glo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo-oria. In Excelsis Deo! (singing while Junior talks to Larry)

Junior: Every Christmas Eve, my grandparents give me one gold coin. And I'm allowed to spend it on whatever I want. (Walks over to the toy store.) There's too much to chose from! And I don't even know what Santa's bring me! Well, I hope it's gonna be a happy Christmas.

Everyone: Ding-dong ding-dong.

Junior: I hope I feel the way I feel tonight.

Everyone: Ding-dong Ding-dong.

Junior: With my gifts around me, Will I be astounded? Will it be the neatest, merriest, greatest best of Christmas days?

Ladies: Best of Christmas Days?

Everyone: Oh, we hope its gonna be a happy Christmas. (Junior: I wonder what I'm gonna get for Christmas) We hope we feel the way we feel tonight!(Junior: Every light that shines reminds me of a toy.) With all our friends around us(Junior: Can't wait!) Will we be astounded?(Junior: This day!) Will it be the neatest, merriest, greatest best of Christmas days?

Junior: I can hardly wait!

Everyone: We can hardly wait! (We can hardly wait!) We can hardly wait!

(The song ends.)

Larry: I'm gonna get some more sheep.

Bob: I can hardly wait.

(A loud noise startles Bob, Larry, and Jimmy. It's Dad Carrot's truck breaking down. The truck sputters as it crawls to the auto repair shop called Gus Auto.)

Gus: Merry Christmas to me. You broke your truck again. This is going to cost you.

(Dad gets out of the truck as Gus pushes it into his garage.)

Dad Carrot: Do you have a loaner I could borrow? I've got to deliver those packages tonight or else.

Gus: Oh sure. I have a sleigh with reindeer out back. What do I look like, a Santa Claus?

Dad Carrot: Can you fix it tonight?

Gus: You want me to work on Christmas Eve? Costs you double. Cash only.

Dad Carrot: But I won't get paid until I finish the deliveries. I'll lose my job.

Laura: Dad, what's happening?

Gus: How is this my problem? If you can't pay, then go away. We're closed!

(Gus shuts the garage door.)

Dad Carrot: My truck!

Gus: Come back after Christmas. With cash.

Laura: What about our tree?

Dad Carrot: We have to find your mother.

(Laura goes with her dad to tell her mom the bad news. Cut to Larry, who looks rather upset.)

Junior: I have an idea! Laura's dad should ask Santa for a new truck!

Bob: Uh Junior? I'm not sure you realize how this works.

Larry: No. He's got it right. We have to be good. Santa brings us stuff. Its the circle of Christmas, Bob!

Bob: Let me ask you this first: What's Christmas about?

Junior: Santa!

Percy: Family!

Annie: Presents.

Jimmy: Big turkeys, juicy hams and sweet potatoes with those little marshmallows on top. Haha. I hadn't had dinner yet.

Larry: (Clears throat)

(They look at the nativity, where Larry points to...)

All 4: Oh! Baby Jesus!

Junior: Wait a minute. What does Santa have to do with Baby Jesus?

Bob: Now that's a great question! Let's find out. Do you know what Santa's real name is?

Junior: Santa's real name?

Bob: I'll give you a hint. "Up on the housetop, click click click. Down thought the chimney comes..."

Junior, Percy and Annie: "...Old Saint Nick."

Bob: Or try this one: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that..."

Percy: "...Saint Nicholas would soon be there."

Bob: Right again!

Annie: So, who's this Saint Nicholas?

Bob: That's Santa's real name.

Larry: Uh, Bob. A little heads up: Santa's real name is Santa. Its strangely self-explanatory.

Bob: It looks like I'll need tell you all, "The Story of Saint Nicholas."

Saint Nicholas Act I[]

(Bob opens a pop-up book, where we are transported to a small seaside town in Greece. Focus on a few people selling stuff. A carrot girl walks up to a booth selling candy canes, cookies and aardvarks and chameleons similar to those seen in The Wonderful Wizard of Has. Girl 3 (the one in blue) gives the carrot girl a candy cane.)

Girl 3: Here you go. Take it. It's a gift.

Carrot girl: Oh, really? Thank you, lady.

Bob: Back before the days of Constantine, When the emperors of Rome were nasty mean.

Larry: In a grimy-sounding country that was fairly clean

Chorus: Greece (3x)

Larry: In the land of saganaki and feta cheese

Bob: Of Plato, Aristotle and Socrates

Larry: Where you could have a toga party if you pleased...

Bob: Nice toga.

Larry: Efharisto! That's "Thank you" in...

Chorus: Greece (3x) Greece is the home of Nicholas, (3x) Now we'll end this song before you're sick of us. Greece (3x)

Captain (Pa Grape): Good job.

(Nicholas walks up to Captain.)

Nicholas: Caught a lot of fish, Captain?

Captain: Your father will be pleased.

Nicholas: He and I are gonna catch even more when we go fishing today.

Captain: I bet you will.

(Just like in Josh and the Big Wall!, our hosts imagine themselves in the story. When they see who Saint Nicholas is, Larry is in disbelief.)

Larry: Who's that?

Bob: That's young Saint Nicholas.

Larry: Wait, that's Santa Claus? It can't be. We're nowhere near the North Pole. Ooh, does he go on an adventure? Does he get swept out to sea while trying to save an elf? "Hold on, little elf! I'll save you! Grab hold of my sleigh!"

Bob: Are you done?

Larry: Just trying to move the plot along, Bob.

(Cut to Nicholas' house as friends of his parents walk up to it.)

Bob: Nicholas grew up here, with two parents who loved him very much. He had no need that went unmet and he was happy.

Tona: Nicholas, it's time for church!

Nicholas: Dad and I are gonna go fishing!

Tona: As soon as church is over.

Nicholas: (reluctantly) Oh, alright.

Larry: Does he live in a church?

Bob: In the third century, most people worshipped in homes.

Larry: Did they also have Christmas in the summer? Because it doesn't feel very festive around here.

Bob: Well, it's not Christmastime yet.

Larry: I mean, a wreath or something. (A wreath suddenly appears above the doorway.) Huh? I'm telling you, I said it and it was there.

Bob: Of course it was. It's our story and we're in it.

Larry: Oooh.

Bob: Now quiet. They're praying.

(Cut to everyone praying, lead by Nicholas' father Epiphanus.)

Epiphanus: Please comfort him in this trying time and heal him from his sickness. Amen. And now let us sing.

(As everyone sings, a bored Nicholas goes to sulk as Octavius (played by Mr. Lunt) picks up a plate of fish.)

Octavius: Hey, Nicky-boy. Sneaking out before the party?

Nicholas: This could go on for hours. And don't call me Nicky-boy.

Octavius: I think it's nice, Nickelstick. Your parents are always thinking of others. Always giving.

Nicholas: I guess. I'll be outside.

Octavius: Or you could help me give away... all this fish.

(As everyone finishes singing, Nicholas goes up to his father and tugs his shirt, getting his attention. Epiphanus gives him a wink.)

Churchgoers: Sing we with heart and voice and never cease. To praise with one accord the God of peace.

Epiphanus: Friends, may God's blessings be with you all.

Everyone: And also with you.

Epiphanus: And now, who's hungry?

(Nicholas' parents start serving their guests baklava.)

Tona: I made baklava! Who wants a honey rush?

Epiphanus: So, how about those Olympics, eh?

Tona: You're wasting away. Here.

Octavius: More fish! (He suddenly slips and falls down, spilling the fish.) Whoa!

Epiphanus: Octavius, next time, hold the anchovies.

(Everyone laughs. Nicholas looks for the fishing poles.)

Nicholas: Lets see, shovel, rake, hoe, hoe, hoe, Oh, fishing poles. There they are.

(The guests leave.)

Tona: Blessings to you.

Epiphanus: Blessings be with you all.

Nicholas: Time for fishing?

Epiphanus: Time for fishing.

(Later, father and son are sitting on the pier fishing. Bob and Larry watch closely.)

Larry: Not very Christmas-y, Bob.

Bob: Shh. This conversation is important.

Larry: Needs lights. Twinkling lights.

(Christmas lights appear and hang from the building behind them and on the docked boat. Bob is unamused.)

Epiphanus: You know, Jesus said we are "fishers of men."

Nicholas: I told your captain we'd catch more fish than he did today.

Epiphanus: Nicholas, are you listening to me?

Nicholas: What? Sure. You said something about fishing.

Epiphanus: Nicholas, this is important. We are called to be God's hands and feet on this Earth. (sings) See that widow cleaning laundry? Years ago, she felt quite ill. Had no coin to give the doctor. Someone secret paid her bill. See that merchant selling jewelry? He once trod a treacherous road. Someone came beside the man and helped him bear his heavy load. I can love because God loved us--(stops singing) Nicholas, are you listening to me?

Nicholas: Whoa, get a load of that!

(Epiphanus sees a boat piloted by Gustav, who does not treat his employees very nicely.)

Epiphanus: Looks like Gustav's got himself a fresh batch of workers. I feel sorry for them.

Nicholas: Why?

Epiphanus: Gustav loves nothing but money. He finds folks who run out of money and out of hope. Then he works them to the bone.

Gustav: You there! Pick up those oars! Clean this place up!

Poor father: Yes, Mr. Gustav sir!

(As the father does, his daughters walk up to greet him.)

Girls: Daddy!

(The father accidentally hits his boss in the face with the oars twice.)

Poor father: Oh, no.

Gustav: You're fired!

Father: But how will I feed my family?

Gustav: Get off of my ship, you fool! Get out of my sight!

Girls: Daddy!

(Gustav pushes his former employee off his boat and onto the pier.)

Gustav: Get off of my ship! And make sure you don't take no fish with you!

Girl 3: Are you okay?

Father: Oh, no. It's alright, girls. It's okay.

(Epiphanus generously give a fish he caught to the poor father and his daughters.)

Epiphanus: Good man, if it's food you need, just knock on my door and ask for Octavius. He'll see that you don't leave hungry.

Father: Thank you, kind sir. My family is in your debt.

Gustav: Take his charity while you can get it, little man. (to another employee) What are you looking at?

Nicholas: Dad, if we keep giving away our fish, will I end up working for Gustav?

Epiphanus: God has blessed our family with much, but everything we have belongs to Him. (They both head home.) He wants us to use what we have to help others, not to keep it for ourselves. (As he says this, Nicholas looks back at Gustav mistreating his employees.) Are you listening to me?

Larry: And realizing that all the young children of the world deserved a better life, Saint Nick resolved to gain weight, grow a beard and teach reindeer to fly.

Bob: Not quite.

Larry: Just testin' ya. You can't teach reindeer to fly. They gotta eat magic corn.

(Cut to later that night as Nicholas sees his parents talking with a woman who needs their help.)

Bob: As unfair as it seems, this is the world where young Nicholas found himself.

(His parents follow the woman to her house. Octavius watches them leave.)

Nicholas: Where are they going?

Octavius: Oh, great piles of codfish! You scared me, Nick-Knack.

Nicholas: Don't call me Nick-Knack.

Octavius: The woman's husband is sick. They're going to help. It seems everyone's getting sick these days.

Nicholas: They should stay home. What if they get sick?

Octavius: You know your parents. Wherever there's a need, they'll be there. Now get to sleep, you little halibut.

Nicholas: Don't call me a halibut.

Octavius: Nickerdoodle?

Nicholas: No.

Octavius: Nick Jr.?

Nicholas: Please don't.

Octavius: Nickybopper?

Nicholas: Make it stop!

Octavius: Okay, Nicholas. Back to bed.

(Back to the present as Bob stops narrating.)

Bob: So, anybody up for some hot cocoa?

Junior: Is that the end?

Larry: It's kind of a European ending; we're left with more questions than answers.

Bob: That's not the end of the story. We're just coming up to the...(pause) the sad part.

Junior: The sad part?

(Jimmy comes back with a tray of hot chocolate.)

Annie: What happens?

Larry: Is this the part where they don't let Rudolph play in their reindeer games? That's so insensitive.

Bob: No, it's about Nick's parents.

Larry: Why would Nick's parents wanna play reindeer games?

Bob: Not that, Larry. Something happened to Nick's parents.

Larry: What?

Bob: (hesitant) Well, they did get sick, and they...(pause)

Larry: They what, Bob?

Bob: (still hesitant) Well....

Larry: What happened to Nick's parents, Bob!?

Bob: Well, a great sickness came through their town. They....(one more pause)

Larry: Bob?

Bob: They died. (reopens the book to continue the story) While Nicholas was still a boy, both of his parents died. (fade back to Greece as Nicholas sadly looks at the sea before heading home) He still had plenty of food and a nice house to live in. But he was an orphan, a boy with no parents.

Octavius: Oh, Nicholas, I am so sorry.

Nicholas: What am I gonna do now?

(knock at the door)

Octavius: You could answer the door.

(Nicholas answers the door to see Gustav.)

Gustav: Hello, Nicholas.

Nicholas: What do you want?

Gustav: There's no need to be rude, Nicholas. I'm here to help. (to Octavius) Won't you excuse us? I have some business with the boy.

Octavius: Fine, don't mind me. I'll just be sitting at the dock...of the bay....wasting time.

Gustav: I suppose you know you have to run your father's fishing business now, Nicholas. That's a big job.

Nicholas: What do you mean?

Gustav: I was just thinking about all those poor, sick, hungry people your parents were always helping.

Nicholas: What about them?

Gustav: Well, with your parents gone, who will help them? It's going to take a lot of money and a lot of fish.

(A bunch of people in need approach the house and beg Nicholas for them to help.)

Nicholas: Sure, I, uh, I guess I could give you some.

(He gives one fish to a carrot lady. But before he can give any more, one of Gustav's employees swipes the basket.)

Gustav: How can you help anyone if you give everything you have away?

People: Please, sir./Your parents were always so generous.

Gustav: You'd better find these folks some fish!

Nicholas: I don't have anymore! (he pushes his way through the crowd) I have to get out of here!

(Gustav smiles evilly. As Nicholas runs down to the harbor, he is pursued by the same people.)

Octavius: Hey, Nicholas. Where are you going?

Nicholas: I can't stay here, Octavius! I'm leaving Greece!

Octavius: But Greece is the word!

Nicholas: Weigh anchor, Captain! We're leaving!

Octavius: You can't do this! Is it because of the nicknames?

Nicholas: Don't call me Nicknames!

Octavius: No, "Nicknames" is not a nickname.

(Nicholas pushes the plank off the boat.)

Nicholas: I'm leaving. I have to go.

Octavius: I'll come with you.

Nicholas: No, Octavius. You'll only remind me of my parents.

Captain: So where are we going?

Nicholas: I don't know. Anywhere but here.

Captain: Alright, fellas. You heard the man.

Octavius: Goodbye, Nicholas. I hope you find what you're looking for.

(Cut back to the present as we see Larry has a plastic sheep tied to him.)

Junior: This story isn't very Christmas-y.

Larry: That's because the ship hasn't landed on Peppermint Island yet, inhabited by Herbie the Yodeling Elf.

Bob: There's no such thing, Larry.

Larry: They're sailing to the North Pole. Right, Bob?

Bob: They don't meet elves and they don't sail to the North Pole.

Larry: South Pole?

Bob: No.

Larry: Winter Wonderland?

Bob: Nope.

Larry: Toys-R-Us?

(Bob just continues the story.)

Bob: The happy young boy who had needed nothing now found himself with a great big hole in his heart. (Fade to a map showing a white line showing where Nicholas' journey across the Mediterranean Sea takes him. He sails to Turkey, Italy, Libya, and Israel.) Nick and the crew spent several years sailing the Mediterranean, looking for something that would make him feel happy again. Until finally, right around the end of the year, they came to a place called "the Holy Land," the place where Jesus was born. (Cut to a sign reading "Welcome to Jerusalem. Christmas red tag sale.") Nicholas remembered his father always talking about Jesus, so he decided to go check it out for himself.

(Larry suddenly falls out of the sky, in a toga and with a sheep doll.)

Larry: Alright! Now we're talkin'. It's finally feeling Christmas-y!

(As a now slightly older Nicholas walks through Jerusalem, all the city folk sing.)

Chorus: Deck the halls with sacred knickknacks

Long our robes with righteous kickbacks

Don we holiday apparel

Stroll the holy crate and barrel

(Two people give a wreath to Nicholas, who then heads over to a booth selling Christmas sweaters.)

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" (4x)

Larry: You see, Bob. This is what Christmas is about!

Bob: Ahh... No, Larry I don't think...

Chorus: See the golden grails before us?

(Nicholas buys a bag of candy canes.)

Swipe your card and join the chorus

Follow us in merry measure

Fill your bags with holy treasure

(He receives a Giza pet.)

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" (4x)

(Instrumental break.)

Thank you very much for coming

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la"

Twist the key enjoy the drumming...

Little Drummer Boy Toy: I am a festive plastic toy

To give to girl or boy

I'll bring them peace and joy

Chorus: Awwww!

Bob (deadpan): Oh boy...

Chorus: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" (5x)

(Nicholas leaves. Although he did cheer up, what he got did not really help.)

Nicholas: This stuff doesn't make me feel any happier. I wonder if anything will make me feel happy again?

(He suddenly sees a bright star. He drops the toy and the winter hat and follows the star.)

Larry: Where's he going, Bob?

Bob: Let's see.

(They follow Nicholas as he follows the star. The star leads him to a church.)

Bob: This is a church built on the exact spot in Bethlehem where Jesus was born.

(Larry sees the sign above the door which reads...)

Larry: Nativity Chapel? Wow! I wonder if the shepherds stood right here?

Bob: Larry.

Larry: I can practically see the Wise Men.

(Inside the church, a nun called Sister Claire (Petunia Rhubarb) is handing out bread to the poor.)

Claire: God loves you. Go in peace. (Two carrot people walk up to her and she hands them bread.) God loves you. Go in peace.

Nicholas: Excuse me, ma'am. What are you doing?

Claire: I'm feeding the poor. What are you doing?

Nicholas: I'm, um, just standing here.

Claire: (to another person) God loves you. Go in peace.

Nicholas: Do you do that to feel happy?

(She hands two bread loaves to two peas.)

Claire: No, I do it because I am happy. My love is a gift to them, because God's love was a gift to me.

Nicholas: What do you mean?

(I Can Love starts)

Claire: I can love because God loves me. I can give because God gave. Jesus' love is why I'm smiling; Why I'm giving every day. When the clouds are dark above me, when the world is cold and gray, I remember how He loves me. And again, you'll hear me say. (As she repeats the first verse, we see a flashback of Nicholas' parents doing their good deeds.) I can love because God loves me. I can give because God gave. Jesus' love is why I'm smiling; Why I'm giving every day.

Bob: Sister Claire explained to Nick how Christmas is the time when Jesus came near to us so that He could show everyone how much He loved them.

Claire: So that's why I give to the poor, Nicholas. I'm so happy about the gift God gave me.

Nicholas: And that's why my parents gave too.

Bob: Nicholas realized he wasn't alone, and he didn't feel like an orphan anymore. He believed that God sent Jesus for him, because God loved him so much. And he wanted to share that love by helping others in need. Suddenly, Nicholas knew what he needed to do. It was time to go home.

(Claire gives him a bread loaf for the road.)

Claire: God loves you. Go in peace.

(Larry brings in a muffin pan.)

Larry: Okay, I'm ready too. Check out this Sea of Galilee muffin pan.

Bob: You don't bake.

Larry:...Yet. I don't bake yet.

Donuts for Benny[]

Silly Song Announcer: And now it's time for "Helpful Humanitarian Songs with Mr. Lunt", the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a Helpful Humanitarian Song.

(The song takes place outside a donut shop and focuses on a homeless dog named Benny.)

Lunt: Well he's a mangy old pet.
If you saw him I bet
You'd walk the other way.
So sad and alone,
With his hair overgrown
Like a stinky old toupee.
But doggies have feelings,
And doggies need love.
And doggies like those deep fried treats
That come from up above!
Ohhh! Donuts for Benny (to a woman) Please give
.. a glaze to make him smile. Thank you, ma'am!
Poor troubled beast.
Won't you at least
(Annie gives him some donuts.)
Comfort him awhile? (to a man) Sir, can you spare a
... Donut for Benny?
Please help my doggy friend. Thank you kind sir! (Archibald gives him a donut too.)
A honey dip would really help His broken heart to mend...(2x)

(A heart shaped donut is put back together. Eventually, Benny's mood changes thanks to all the generosity shown by everyone.)

Lunt: Well just look at this pup.
He is brightening up.
He's looking not so weak. Oh Benny!
His outlook was grim
Till you gave pastries to him.
Oh look, he wants to speak... (As Benny is given more donuts, he howls.)
Oh, doggies have feelings!
And doggies need love!
And doggies like sweet, doughy treats
That come from up above!

(Suddenly, Benny gets up on his back legs and starts singing and dancing.)

Benny: Waltz me around again baby!
Around, around, around!

Lunt: Hey, hey, what's going on?

Benny: These donuts are dreamy!
Their filling is creamy!
Oh don't let my feet touch the ground!

Lunt: Hey, what are you...? I didn't know you could...

Benny: I feel like a ship on an ocean of joy.
I just want to holler out loud, "SHIP AHOY!"

(He picks up Mr. Lunt and swings him around.)

Lunt: Stop that! Benny! No, don't do that!

Benny: Waltz me around again baby!
Around, around, around!

(Benny goes back to being a normal dog.)

Lunt: Maybe... you shouldn't have any more donuts.

(It turns out the people liked what they witnessed, so they give him more donuts.)

Townspeople: Oh, doggies have feelings.

Lunt: No no no no! No! Don't give him any more! They make him crazy! Like... Jerry Lewis!

Townspeople: Doggies need love.

Lunt: No! No, no more donuts for the dog! Oh man, this is a terrible idea. What's in these things?

Townspeople: And doggies like sweet, doughy treats
That come from up above!

(Benny, now sporting a top hat, goes anthropomorphic again.)

Benny: Ohhh... Waltz me around again baby!

Lunt: Stop it!

Benny: Around, around, around!

Lunt: No, don't give him donuts! Bad idea!

Benny: These donuts are dreamy!
Their filling is creamy!
Oh don't let my feet touch the ground
I feel like a ship on an ocean of joy.
I just want to holler out loud SHIP AHOY!

(As Benny dances one more time, Mr. Lunt talks to himself, regretful about giving donuts to him in the first place.)

Lunt: I need a new pet.

Benny: Waltz me around again baby!
Around, around, around!

Lunt: Can turtles eat donuts? (continuing under dialogue) What kind of pet doesn't have a mouth? I can give one a balloon.

Announcer: This has been "Helpful Humanitarian Songs with Mr. Lunt", tune in next time to hear Mr. Lunt say...

Lunt: Don't..give...donuts...to dogs!!

Saint Nicholas Act II[]

(Fade back to the story as Nicholas eventually makes it home.)

Nicholas: Thank you for your devoted service, Captain. It's good to be home.

Captain Pa: You're welcome, young Nicholas.

(He hops past the poor father, who's looking rather down.)

Nicholas: It's good to be home. (His smile quickly disappears when he sees that every booth has Gustav's name on it.) Gustav's? Gustav's?! Gustav's! GUSTAV'S!

(Needless to say, all the people at these booths are very unhappy. Nicholas sees the three girls giving a wooden aardvark to another carrot girl.)

Girl 2: Shh. Don't tell anyone I gave this to you.

Carrot girl: Oh, no, ma'am. I won't. Thank you.

Girl 2: You're welcome.

(Two Roman peas, wearing helmets similar to those from Josh and the Big Wall!, blow their trumpets. Everyone turns their attention to them.)

Roman (Jean-Claude): All tremble before the great and mighty mayor Gustav!

Nicholas: Mayor Gustav?

(Gustav enters the scene with a decree he wrote.)

Gustav: Now therefor I, Mayor Gustav, do hereby decree that no citizen shall give from one to another a gift of any kind or any value. Anyone caught in violation of this decree shall be subject to a fine of one gold coin. And if they cannot pay, they will be put in jail...forever!

(The crowd gasps.)

Crowd: No giving presents?!/Do gift certificates count?

(Nicholas heads back to his house.)

Nicholas: This is gonna make it hard for me to help others. (He goes inside where he sees Octavius chopping fish.) Octavius, I'm home.

Octavius: That's great. (He turns to see Nicholas all grown up, but doesn't recognize him.) Who are you?

Nicholas: Ho, ho, ho. That's a good one (he hugs his old friend, who pushes him back.)

Octavius: Get back! (He holds out a fish.) I know how to use this!

Nicholas: It's good to see you, my old friend. (he hugs Octavius again)

Octavius: This would be a lot more tender if I knew who you were.

Nicholas: It's me, Nicholas.

(Octavius slaps him with the fish a la Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie.)

Octavius: That's for not writing!

Nicholas: Octavius, there's so much to tell you, but that can wait.

(Octavius slaps him again.)

Octavius: That's for not calling!

Nicholas: I came home to continue my parents' work. You see, we don't give to others because it makes us happy. We give to others because we are happy. Because Jesus first loved us.

Octavius: That rings a bell.

Nicholas: That's what I learned when I was away.

Octavius: Well, good luck helping people now. Mayor Gustav is making it hard to do all sorts of good things.

Nicholas: I heard. But I believe God will show me how I can help others, even when it's not easy.

Octavius: I think I have something that could help. I've saved it for you. (He hands Nicholas a Bible.) It belonged to your father.

Nicholas: It's a quote from Jesus, from the sixth chapter of Matthew. " But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret."

Octavius: You know, Nicholas, what most people saw from your father was only the tip of the iceberg.

Nicholas: What's an iceberg?

Octavius: I have no idea. The point is he helped people in so may ways, most of which no one knew about.

Nicholas: This is the answer to all of our problems, Octavius. From now on, we help people in secret.

Octavius: Righto. (he slaps him in the face one more time) That's for not bringing me back a souvenir.

(As Nicholas exits the scene, Larry enters and gives Octavius the muffin pan.)

Larry: Here's a muffin pan.

Octavius: Ooh, the Sea of Galilee! Delicious!

(Later, he and Nicholas are trying to help people by giving them fish. However, to avoid being caught, they have to hide them under their shirts. One bites Octavius.)

Octavius: Ow! You didn't tell me fish had teeth!

(Cut to the three girls at their booth as Gustav and a guard watches them.)

Gustav: I know those girls, always giving things away. How are people like me supposed to make an honest living when people are always giving things away? But no more. We just have to be patient. (Girl 2 sees a pea girl walk past and holds up a plate of cookies.) Wait a minute. What's this? (Girl 2 shakes the plate, making one cookie fall off, roll towards the pea girl, who picks it up. Girl 2 gives her a wink, when suddenly...) A-ha! This business is in violation of decree 823603-11.20, no giving gifts! (The pea girl screams and runs away.) Each one of you has three days to pay the fine or all three of you will go to jail!

Girl 2: But we don't have any money to pay.

Gustav: Maybe if you spent more time working and less giving things away, you wouldn't have that problem. Three days! (As he leaves, he bumps into Nicholas.) Nicholas, is that you? Put on some weight during your travels?

Nicholas: Maybe a little. How's business?

Gustav: Fine, as long as you're not back in the giving fish away for free business. I'm the mayor now, you know.

Nicholas: Uhh huh.

(Gustav sees a fish on the ground.)

Gustav: What's this? (Nicholas thinks he and Octavius are busted. However...) That's the third mackerel I've found out here today! Who's got the slippy fishy fingers? Who is dropping fish on my floor? You dropping my fish?

(Nicholas and Octavius quickly leave before they can be busted. Cut to later that night.)

Nicholas: That was way too close. Did you see how Gustav looked at me? (Octavius is shown putting a bandage on the spot where he was bitten.) There's gotta be some better way of giving things in secret. I have to help those girls.

(Behind him, Larry hides in a vase and gives Nicholas advice. During this, Nicholas repeats what Larry suggests.)

Larry: You could hide your real identity.

Nicholas: There's gotta be something I can wear to hide my real identity.

Larry: Maybe make some sort of a disguise.

Nicholas: Maybe some sort of disguise.

Larry: (while presenting postcards featuring Santa Claus.) Like this. Or this. Or maybe this.

Bob: (offscreen) Larry.

Larry: Just moving the plot along, Bob.

Nicholas: I've got it! Octavius, we have work to do.

(Larry tries getting out, but instead he makes the vase fall over. Soon, Nick and Octavius start making costumes to hide their identity. Later that night, Nicholas has dressed himself as a superhero.)

Larry: Lookie there! It's...it's...definitely not Santa.

(Octavius, dressed as Robin, climbs up the roof.)

Octavius: I feel ridiculous.

Nicholas: Come, sidekick! We're off to give in secret. Time to blend in with the night.

Octavius: You call this blending?

(Nick and Octavius jump down from the roof. Octavius lands with a thud.)

Nicholas: Shh.

(As our heroes head off to the house of the girls in need, a song sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells" plays.)

Larry: Dashing through the streets, to do a noble deed

Determined in advance, to help the girls in need

Clad in spandex tights, your sidekick's by your side

If you see a soldier you better run and hide

(Girl 1 hangs a green sock on the windowsill.)

Nicholas, Nicholas, you are quite a sight

Sneaking 'round the streets of Greece to help the girls tonight

Nicholas, Nicholas, you know how to live

You see one who has a need and just like Christ you give

(He throws a coin bag into the sock.)

Nicholas: Quick, throw me another piece of gold.

Octavius: Uh-uh.

(Nicholas sees a Roman soldier)

Nicholas: Oh no!

(The Roman soldier approaches the house)

Girl 1: Father, look! (Nicholas and Octavius leave the area) See what I found in my stocking!

Old Man: This is wonderful. Who did this?

(Fade to the next morning as Nick spots a wanted poster of him, despite the fact no guard saw him.)

Nicholas: I gotta find a new costume.

Father: Nicholas, did you hear? Someone saved my daughter. Now she won't have to go to jail.

Nicholas: That's wonderful news.

Father: I need to find and thank the person responsible.

Nicholas: What? Why?

Father: He saved my daughter! I have to thank him.

(Gustav is shown bossing people around.)

Gustav: Be careful with that tuna! They don't grow on trees, because if they did, that would be one stinky tree.

Nicholas: Well, good luck finding him. Could have been anybody.

Father: Oh, Gustav, there you are. (He gives Gustav the gold.) One gold coin. For my daughter.

Gustav: Ooh! You may have saved one, but you still need a coin for the other two. And they won't be so lucky.

Nicholas: What makes you so sure?

Gustav: I'm posting guards around the old man's house tonight to catch the secret giver. I will not be made a fool.

(Someone throws a fish at him. Fade to later that night as Nicholas is now dressed in red, with a fake beard and a red sock. Octavius has a new disguise too. He's dressed as Wonder Woman.)

Octavius: Don't say a thing.

(As they go to help the second girl, another song plays. This one's sung to the tune of Jolly Old St. Nicholas.)

Larry

Helpful young Saint Nicholas lend your aid this way

Helping girls in danger of being locked away

All the stockings you will find hanging in a row (Octavius: Better luck tomorrow.)

They wait for you expectantly to fill them up with gold

Nicholas: We may need to cause a distraction.

Octavius: Like this outfit isn't distracting enough?

Nicholas: That's it! Show yourself, then run for it. We'll meet back at the house.

Octavius: What if I get caught?

Nicholas: Know that it will be for a good cause.

Octavius: Why does that not make me feel better? (goes to the Roman guards) Oh no! The place is surrounded! I had better run for it! (runs, then comes back) Ahem. I said, I had better run for it! (Runs with the guards giving chase. Nicholas then climbs up the lattice to put another full coin bag into one of the stockings.)

Larry

Gustav wants to catch you to end your helpful ways

So you wear disguises to keep his guards at bay

Girl 1 got a piece of bling, the others need one too

Don't fail us young Nicholas, we all depend-

(Before Nicholas can give the third girl a gold bag, the lattice he's hanging from breaks and he falls)

Larry

Don't fail us young Nicholas, we all depend on you

(He leaves before he can be caught.)

Girl 2: Oh! Father, come quickly!

Father: Where are you? Who are you? I must thank you!

(Fade to the next morning as Nick and Octavius celebrate another job well done with fish on sticks.)

Octavius: Oopa!

Father: Nicholas, there you are! Did you hear? A miracle has happened! Despite my house being surrounded, we've been blessed again. My second daughter is safe!

Nicholas: That's fantastic. Do you, uh, know who did it?

Father: No, but I'm determined to find out.

(Gustav and his guards march by the market.)

Gustav: One, two, three, four, you didn't do your job no more!

Father: Here you go, Gustav. Another gold coin.

Gustav: (frustrated growl) Who is this mystery man? No matter! Tonight, the house will be surrounded by the whole Roman Army! If he wants to succeed, he had better fall from the sky.

(As he says this, the background is blacked out, showing only his eyes just like in an old Disney movie. Fade to later that night. While Nicholas is still wearing the same disguise as last time, Octavius has had a change of wardrobe. Now he looks more like an elf.)

Nicholas: Hey, I kind of like that outfit.

Octavius: Yeah, me too. It fits. The others were so constricting.

Larry: The little guy looks like an elf. Is this how it all started? Is there gonna be snow? I'd love for there to be snow!

Bob: No, Larry. There's not going to be any-- (Suddenly, the town is covered in a thick blanket of snow. Bob is unamused.)

Larry: Imagination. Love it!

Gustav: Snow or no snow, no one here is moving until we catch this mysterious giver!

(Girl 3 is about to put her stocking on the windowsill, but one guard gives her a suspicious look.)

Father: Don't worry, my sweet. Whatever angel God has sent to help us will not fail.

(Instead, she hangs hers by the fireplace.)

Larry: Hey, Bob. Can the youngest girl's stocking be red? Huh, can it?

Bob: No, Larry, her stocking can't be--(it turns red) Why do I even bother?

(Meanwhile, Larry has put strings of lights on a flock of sheep.)

Bob: What are you doing?

Larry: Wait for it...(the lights turn on) Now it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Gustav: Men, be on the alert. We're dealing with a professional.

Octavius: Oh, no! Now what are we going to do?

Nicholas: There's got to be a way. (He looks up at the rooftops and eyes...) The chimney!

Octavius: You have got to be kidding me.

(He's not kidding. Nicholas approaches the house and avoids being caught by the guards. As he walks to the chimney, another song is sung. This one is sung to the tune of Up on the Housetop.)

Larry: Up on the housetop in jolly dress

Out jumps good old Nicholas

Down through a chimney a bag of gold

(He drops the third bag of gold down the chimney.)

Now these girls can be paroled

Girl 3: Father, look!

Father: Saved! All my girls are saved!

Gustav: (breaking down) Impossible! Right under our noses! Spread out! Find him! He can't have gotten far!

Larry: Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.

(The guards spot footprints in the snow.)

Gustav: A-ha! (They follow the footprints.) Over here! They went this way!

(Nicholas and Octavius are now on the run as the guards and Gustav follow them through the town. Because of the snow, the bad guys know where our heroes go.)

Nicholas: He seems to know our every move!

Octavius: You don't think this snow has anything to do with it, do you?

(Larry realizes his mistake.)

Larry: Oops.

Bob: Your imagination is not helping.

Larry: But it's so festive.

(The baddies continue following our heroes.)

Nicholas: Split up!

(Nick and Octavius go two directions. The baddies follow the footprints to the harbor. Gustav looks around and passes a vase that Nick is hiding in.)

Nicholas: I think I've lost them.

Father: There you are!

(This gets Gustav's attention.)

Gustav: There they are!

(Nicholas, still in the vase, hops away.)

Father: Oh. My bad.

(As "Trepak" plays, Nicholas gets out of the vase and climbs up a rope let down by Octavius.)

Nicholas: To the rooftops!

(As our heroes walk across the rooftops, their enemies follow close behind.)

Larry: And that is how Santa got his laugh.

Bob: Uh, Larry.

Larry: Hold on, Bob. Just moving the story forward.

Bob: I think the story is about to move us forward.

(Nick and Octavius fall and run into our hosts, knocking them off the roof, down a few other roofs and into a cart.)

Gustav: They're getting away!

(Snow falls on him, making him look like a snowman. Meanwhile, all four veggies roll down the hill in the cart until it slows down and stops at the top of a hill.)

Larry: (to Nicholas) Would this be a bad time to talk about my Christmas list?

(The cart rolls down the hill again and back into town as Gustav shakes the snow off of him. The cart zips past him.)

Nicholas: Watch out!

(The cart then snags onto the lights still on the sheep. Soon, it's dragging them along.)

Nicholas: Watch out!!

(Civilians get out of the way.)

Octavius: Giving sure is dangerous!

Nicholas: And thrilling! (They leave town and go up another hill.) Quick, aim for the shrubbery!

(They go through the bushes, but they don't slow down. Instead, the sheep pick up twigs.)

Larry: It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.

Bob: Larry, this is no time for-- Ah!

(They dodge a tree, but head for a cliff.)

Larry: Whoa!

(The sheep start running and pulling the cart. They then jump and the cart flies past the moon and across the chasm as Nicholas laughs.)

Father: What to my wondering eyes?

(The cart lands safely on the other side.)

Gustav: A flying sleigh with six tiny reindeer?! I gotta go lie down. (In defeat, he does just that.)

Nicholas: Thank goodness for snow.

Larry: You hear that, Bob? Thank goodness for snow.

Bob: (quoting The Toy that Saved Christmas) You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt.

(The Father catches up with our heroes.)

Father: I beg of you, let me thank you for the brave kindness you have shown to my family.

Nicholas: Ho, ho, ho. Don't give it a second thought, my good man. The pleasure was all ours.

Father: How could I ever repay you?

Nicholas: There's no need. We're just showing you the love God showed us. If you want to repay me, go and do the same thing.

Father: That I will, sir. That I will.

Octavius: You know, I think your father would be proud of you, Nicholas.

Nicholas: Thanks a lot, Octopus.

(As our heroes head home, they give each other nicknames.)

Octavius: Whoa! Hey, watch it, Nickelback.

Nicholas: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it, October?

Octavius: Knick-Knack Paddywack.

Nicholas: Octagon.

Octavius: Nickel Nickel, eat-a-pickle.

Closing[]

(The story ends as we fade back to the present.)

Bob: And that, kids, is the story of Saint Nicholas.

Percy: Wow.

Junior: I had no idea.

Bob: Not many people do.

Larry: Tell us about reindeer, Bob.

(The church bell rings.)

Bob: Another time, Larry. We need to head to the Christmas Eve service.

Annie: Thanks, Bob. I sure learned an awful lot about St. Nicholas tonight.

Bob: I'm glad, Annie.

(Junior looks at the auto repair shop and gets an idea.)

Junior: Hey, Jimmy. (whispers)

(Jimmy nods.)

Larry: Whatch guys doing?

Jimmy: (whispers)

Larry: Seriously? That's a great idea! I'm in! (he looks up at the Christmas tree)

(Cut to the church as everyone enters for the service, including Laura and her family.)

George: Thank you, Mrs. Hubert, for that lovely rendition of "While by my Sheep." You may have noticed that we're not using candles this year due to the unfortunate incident from last year.

(As Joy to the World plays, Junior heads over to the repair shop and knocks on the door.)

Gus: What in the world is all that racket?! I'm coming, I'm coming, Mr. Knock-On-My-Door-When-We're-Closed! (sees Junior) What do you want?!

(Junior presents his coin.)

Junior: Is this enough to fix the truck?

Gus: What kind of a joke is this?! Take your penny someplace else. We're closed!

Bob: Will this help?

(Bob, Annie, Percy and Jimmy put coins on top of a stack of wheels. Cut back to the church as the congregation puts their money into the offertory plate.)

George: If you'll all please get out your hymnals, on this sacred night we're gonna sing a few songs..

(Percy enters to convince everyone to pitch in and help pay for repairs.)

Laura: We have to help others in need, Dad.

(As George continues his sermon, everyone leaves to help Laura's dad.)

George: ....the tidings of gladness, and any--(sees the church is empty, except for Laura's family) Where'd everybody go?

(Everyone puts their money in the wheel.)

Gus: Tell me, why ya doing this? Giving your money to fix a crummy old truck that's not even yours?

Junior: Jesus gave everything. When we know how much Jesus loves us, it makes us want to share his love with others, just like St. Nicholas did.

Archibald: I was going to use this to buy a new pair of Christmas socks. (chuckles) For my collection.

(Gus looks over the money.)

Gus: Well, you're still a dollar short.

(Junior frowns disappointedly. Meanwhile, Larry has brought the tree over to Laura's house.)

Larry: Hey, everybody! Lookee here!

(Jimmy walks up to the front door, but it's locked. Larry looks up at the chimney. Jimmy shakes his head, but he goes up there anyway to push the tree down the chimney. Bob watches as the tree goes down and Jimmy falls down it too. Cut back to the church as Laura and her parents read their hymnals. Junior arrives at Laura's house after Jimmy exits it. Junior gives his friends the same disappointed frown, knowing they did the best they could. Suddenly, Dad Carrot's truck, quickly repaired, rolls up to the house and into the driveway. It turns out that Gus has not only had a change of heart and fixed the truck, but he also delivered the packages.)

Gus: Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

(Junior sees the Carrot family approach the house.)

Junior: Uh, oh. Everybody, hide!

(They do just that.)

Dad Carrot: What? My truck! And somebody delivered all my packages. Wow! I can't believe it. This is amazing. It's a Christmas miracle.

(Everyone watches from behind a tree.)

Laura: Mom, Dad! Look in the house!

(They go in and see the tree in their living room.)

Dad Carrot: It's beautiful.

Laura: Thank you, Daddy.

Dad Carrot: Merry Christmas, sweetie.

Laura: Merry Christmas.

(As the other veggies leave, they sing I Can Love as the episode draws to a close.)

Veggies: I can love because God loves me. I can give because God gave. Jesus' love is why I'm smiling; Why I'm giving every day.

(As the credits roll, "Give This Christmas Away" by Matthew West and Amy Grant plays.)

(End of transcript.)

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