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PlantdemoniumTitleCard

This is the episode transcript for Plant-demonium!.

Transcript[]

(Scene opens to Petunia's house, before Tina's voice is heard.)

Tina: Beautiful! Yeah, that's awesome! Wow. Jeepers peepers! I can't believe what I'm seeing! Amazing!

Petunia: Thanks. It's nice to have someone notice my accomplishment.

Tina: I mean this camera! It's like six gajillion megapixels or something. I got it for my new blog.

Petunia: Oh. Yeah, it looks expensive.

Tina: (sniffs) Hey, do you smell bacon?

(Bacon Bill pops up in Petunia's house.)

Bacon Bill: Hey, can I hide in here? Larry's giving me my final test in hiding and seeking! You won't even notice me!

Petunia: Okay.

(Bacon Bill hides behind the table where Petunia's Sawtooth flytrap is kept, as Tina gazes at it.)

Tina: This flytrap deserves to be on the cover of Plant Snob Monthly.

Petunia: Wow. What an honor! Me on the cover of Plant Snob Monthly.

(Petunia imagines herself being commended by Gwyneth Hibiscus and Harrison Perennial, the founders of Plant Snob Monthly.)

Harrison: Ooh, I say, this delectable array of shrubbery is marvelous, Ms. Rhubarb!

Gwyneth: Oh, too true, Harrison. These alliums are literally breaktaking! (inhales sharply)

Harrison: I say. Please, do show us more, won't you?

Petunia: How about the flytrap? You shouldn't grow them this big, but I took extreme measures to make this one the biggest.

(Harrison drops his monocle and gasps in surprise as his bowtie starts spinning.)

Gwyneth: Cancel the cover story. We've found the newest superstar of cultivars! It's to die for! Simply to die for. (falls over)

Petunia: Oh, thank you! (imagination ends) I love you all!

Bacon Bill: We love you, too. (chuckles, then hides again)

(Tina hears a beep sound on her laptop before she checks it out.)

Tina: Look! I got a comment on my blog! Oh, it's my aunt! She typed in all caps. She must love it!

Petunia: Oh, well. (sighs) Maybe someday Gwyneth Hibiscus and Harrison Peasmont Perennial will notice me.

Tina: Petunia, I'm sending Plant Snob Monthly my blog entry featuring you and the big, awesome Sawtooth flytrap!

(Scene switches to Harrison reading Tina's blog entry.)

Harrison: Dear, you must observe! I've really dug a diamond from the cyber-rough!

Gwyneth: (sipping her tea) Is that a Sawtooth flytrap? (gasps) What a magnanimous specimen! Oh, surely, it's photo-synthe-shopped?

Harrison: Actually, the bloggist proclaims, "Ms. Petunia Rhubarb's flytrap became huge-gigantic in mere months," with excessive exclamatory punctuations.

Gwyneth: We must visit this savant!

(Scene switches to back at Petunia's house, before cutting to inside, where Tina is watering one of Petunia's flowers, before the flower dies immediately after being watered.)

Tina: Hey, plant master. What am I doing wrong with this thing?

Petunia: Try citrus spray. Twist root just love citrus spray!

Tina: Citrus spray for dinner! Come and get it!

(Tina sprays the withered flower with the citrus spray, which causes the withered flower to become revived instantly.)

Tina: Oh! This is happening!

Petunia: That's how you do it!

Tina: (excited) Yeah! Yaba-daba-zoom! (singing) I'm awesome at plants!

Watch my good-at-plants dance!

You don't stand a chance!

I rock these plants!

(After finishing singing and dancing, Tina gazes at the Sawtooth flytrap.)

Tina: Now I feel like I'm a plant expert! I'm gonna put this citrus stuff on everything!

Petunia: Tina, don't do that! Sawtooth flytraps hate citrus spray!

(Petunia takes the citrus spray from Tina and puts it on the table.)

Petunia: I'll take this and put it here. You no touchy!

Tina: You're the boss, Boss! Sorry, I got excited. Maybe a little prideful. Pride comes before the fall they say, mm? I thought Summer before the Fall. Oh, well, my little ol' blog will keep me humble. (gasps) Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's a thousand? Is that where there's one, two, three, four, five, six zeros?

Bacon Bill: Ready or not, here I come! Oh, um, you can't count like that during hide-and-seek. It messes with my head! (hides again)

Petunia: Six zeros? Tina, that's a million.

Tina: (screams in excitement)

(Tina falls over that after that, before Petunia checks out Tina's blog.)

Petunia: Plant Snob Monthly shared the picture! Tina, over a million people have read this!

Tina: I got an e-mail from Harrison, uh...

Petunia: Perennial! The founder of Plant Snob Monthly wants to interview me! I'm going to make an even bigger giant Sawtooth flytrap. I've got to get to work. I've got to floor it, florally! Ow!

(Petunia trips over Bacon Bill, who is laying on the floor.)

Bacon Bill: Sorry! Is this hiding place okay?

Petunia: Nope! I'm working here!

(Petunia picks up Bacon Bill and throws him onto the shelves.)

Bacon Bill: Ow! Let's mark this shelf the Bacon Bill shelf! I'll live here! Forever!

Petunia: Tina, I need everything on this list! Fertilizer, plant food, and vitamins from Pa Grape's Store!

Tina: Okay, Petunia, just don't do anything too corn-dog-crazy.

(Tina leaves after that, before the camera focuses on Petunia.)

Petunia: Crazy? Me? Oh!

(Petunia picks up a pair of mad scientist goggles and puts them on, before she starts laughing maniacally. Scene switches to Pa Grape's store, where inside a Corn Woman is about to leave the store when Tina busts in, also knocking Ichabeezer into a shopping cart.)

Tina: Excuse me!

(Larry is seen looking around the store.)

Larry: Bacon Bill? Bill? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

(Tina runs past Larry, causing him to get spun around.)

Tina: Excuse me!

Larry: Tina, have you seen Bacon Bill?

Tina: Oh, yeah.

(Tina runs past while knocking over a Carrot Man.)

Tina: Sorry! Sorry!

(Tina runs past Larry again, before rushing out the store after giving the money to Pa Grape.)

Tina: Gotta go!

(Larry comes up to the door.)

Larry: Oh, hey, where is he?

(Scene switches to back at Petunia's house, where electricity is heard crackling while the sound of Petunia laughing is also heard, just as Tina runs up to the house while carrying all of the stuff she bought.)

Tina: I'm coming, boss!

(Tina runs inside Petunia's house.)

Petunia: Get that fertilizer over here, pronto!

Tina: Fertilizer, coming right up!

(Petunia takes the fertilizer from Tina and puts some of it on the flytrap.)

Petunia: Vitamins!

Tina: Right here!

(Tina gives a spray bottle to Petunia, who takes the spray bottle and uses it to spray the flytrap.)

Petunia: Growth serum!

Tina: (pulling out a granola bar) Growth serum!

Petunia: That's a granola bar!

Tina: Oh, my bad! Got a little snack along the way!

Petunia: Give me that!

(Petunia sprays the flytrap with the spray bottle.)

Petunia: They said I couldn't grow plants. They said I didn't add up. Now the world will stand in awe of my amazing plant-growing skills!

Tina: Yeah, boss. You might want to check your pride just a teeny weenie bit.

Petunia: I know what I'm doing.

Tina: They say that pride comes before a-

Petunia: Employee Tina? Yeah. Which of us graduated from Plant Science School?

Tina: You did.

Petunia: Then stand back! It's about to get laser-y in here!

(Petunia turns on the laser as it zaps the flytrap, causing it to grow.)

Petunia: Grow, flytrap! Grow! Grow! Grow!

(Scene switches to back outside of Petunia's house again, while Petunia is heard laughing maniacally once again. From outside, Mr. Lunt is riding on a lobster then stops.)

Mr. Lunt: Now, there's something you don't see every day.

(Mr. Lunt rides off on the lobster once again, while the lobster gives him a marshmallow. Scene switches to back inside Petunia's house again.)

Petunia: Yes! My plan is working! (laughs)

(Petunia suddenly trips over Bacon Bill, who is laying on the floor.)

Petunia: Oof!

Bacon Bill: Doh! Sorry! Am I in the way?

Petunia: Would you get out of-

(Petunia stops when she sees the flytrap come to life and start growling menacingly while growing extra vine-like tentacles. One of the flytrap's vine tentacles grab up Bacon Bill, causing his eyes to bug out comically, before he gets thrown in the air.)

Bacon Bill: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Tina: I got you, Bacon Bill!

(Tina catches Bacon Bill, but drops him in disgust.)

Tina: (yelps) You're greasier than you look!

Bacon Bill: Sorry, I'd shower more, but I always clog up the drain.

(Tina and Bacon Bill jump out of the way when the flytrap's vine tentacle swipes out at them and knocks over some shelves, while Petunia, Tina, and Bacon Bill are backed against the wall.)

Tina: What are you we gonna do, boss?

Petunia: Jump on it!

(Petunia jumps up in the air and lands on top of the flytrap, pushing it into its flower pot, while Tina and Bacon Bill also join her and jump on it repeatedly, before they sigh. Unfortunately, the flytrap throws them in the air with its vine tentacles, as they land on the floor again.)

Petunia: It's just a little out of control.

Tina: Yeah, slightly a lot!

(The flytrap snarls threateningly at Petunia, Tina, and Bacon Bill while waving its vine tentacles. Scene switches to the center of town where Mr. Lunt is still riding on the lobster, when Larry comes up to him.)

Larry: Mr. Lunt! Is Bacon Bill hiding anywhere here?

Mr. Lunt: I haven't seen him. Then again, I have a hat over my eyes.

(Larry lifts up Mr. Lunt and the lobster and looks under them.)

Larry: Bacon Bill? You under here?

Mr. Lunt: I think I'd know if he was under-

Larry: Open your mouth!

Mr. Lunt: Ahhh.

(Mr. Lunt opens his mouth as Larry looks inside.)

Larry: Nothing.

Mr. Lunt: Have you tried to looking at Petunia's place?

Larry: Why would he be there?

Mr. Lunt: Because he knows you wouldn't look there.

Larry: But he'd know I'd look there if I thought he wouldn't be there, so he clearly wouldn't go where he knows I would look where I wouldn't normally look.

Mr. Lunt: You lost me.

(Beat, before Larry leaves.)

Larry: Bacon Bill?

(Scene switches to back at Petunia's house, as the flytrap's vine tentacle grabs up a tree while the flytrap laughs evilly, knocking over flower pots and shelves. A flower pot rolls up to Petunia as she picks it up sadly.)

Petunia: (sadly) I don't understand.

Tina: Listen to me, boss! You just need to stick to gardening and ditch the pride! I've got a little song about it! (singing) It's poison to your perennials

It threatens your roses' safety

Pride chokes and kills your daffodils

It's deadly to your daisies!

It's like a weed

And without a doubt

You must ask the Lord

To help you root it out!

(Petunia and Tina hug each other as the song ends.)

Petunia: You're right, Tina! But what are we going to do with this giant thing?

(The flytrap still snarls while waving its vine tentacles about.)

Tina: Mostly, just run.

(Tina runs off while screaming as she jumps down the stairs, but gets carried back up by the vine tentacle while still screaming and lands on the ground again. Petunia picks up some flower pots.)

Petunia: You stay away from her! Yah! Yah! Yah!

(Petunia throws the flower pots at the flytrap, but it lashes its vine tentacles at Petunia again before grabbing her up. Tina starts hitting the flytrap's vine tentacle with a broom.)

Tina: Don't even think of eating my boss!

(Petunia bites the flytrap's vine tentacle, which causes the flytrap to growl in pain and knock over the spray bottle.)

Petunia: (disgusted) Yuck. Needs salt!

(The spray bottle rolls up to Tina as she picks it up.)

Tina: (gasps) Petunia! I'm not a plant expert scientist botanist and stuff, but this might help! (grunts)

(Tina throws the spray bottle at Petunia, who catches it.)

Petunia: Citrus spray! Tina, you genius!

Tina: Thanks! I'll try not to let it go to my head!

(The flytrap still growls while Petunia sprays the flytrap's vine tentacle with the Citrus Spray, which causes the flytrap to let go of Petunia, who still sprays the flytrap even more, causing the flytrap to shrink while roaring in pain, until it's the size of a mouse, as it croaks like a frog. After the flytrap has been defeated, Petunia and Tina look at the flytrap then at each other.)

Petunia and Tina: (singing) We're awesome at plants!

Yeah, watch our good-at-plants dance!

You don't stand a chance!

We rock the plants!

(The doorbell rings, as the sound of the door opening and closing is heard after that. Gwyneth and Harrison then enter.)

Harrison: (clears throat) Greetings, ladies. We're here from Plant Snob Monthly!

Gwyneth: And where is this giant Sawtooth flytrap?

(Petunia brings out the now-miniaturized flytrap.)

Petunia: Well, it's right here.

Gwyneth: That Sawtooth flytrap looks awful!

Harrison: If that's a giant, I'm a swing set!

(Gwyneth and Harrison leave in a huff.)

Petunia: We had to spray it with citrus so the flytrap would stop trying to eat us.

Harrison: (laughs) That's a good one! Gwyneth, let us exit posthaste.

Gwyneth: Indeed! And, ladies, this place is a mess!

(Harrison and Gwyneth leave.)

Tina: So, that's why it's called Plant Snob Monthly! Sorry, boss.

Petunia: It's okay, Tina. I'd rather be humble than proud anyway.

Tina: You may not be famous enough to be on the cover of their fancy schmancy magazine, but you're the perfect interview for my blog!

(Tina takes a picture of Petunia who holds out the flytrap, before the garden hose starts moving like a snake, as Bacon Bill comes out of it.)

Bacon Bill: Hey, you two haven't seen Larry, have you?

Both: Nope.

Larry: There you are! (jumps out of the flower pot)

Bacon Bill: Eek! (runs off)

Larry: I got you!

Petunia: Whoops!

(Larry bumps into Petunia, causing the flytrap to get thrown in the air until landing on Larry's head.)

Larry: Dig my new hat!

Tina: This is going right up on my blog!

Bacon Bill: Did I pass my hide-and-seek test?

Larry: With flying rainbows!

Tina: Say "Weeds"!

All: Weeds!

(Tina takes a picture of Petunia, Larry, and Bacon Bill, as the episode ends.)

(end of transcript)

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