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OhMercyTitleCard

This is the episode transcript for Oh, Mercy!.

Transcript[]

(The episode opens with Jason putting a game cartridge in the video game console.)

Video Game Announcer: Bonsai Master 3000!

(Jason says everything the announcer says.)

Jason and Video Game Announcer: The zapmaster of Blast Nebula has escaped and rejoined the league of peril. With your bonsai master and skills of an ace pruner, intercept the enemy and--

(Suddenly, Michelle runs by and accidentally disconnects the controller from the console. Although this doesn't break the cord, Jason still gets upset.)

Jason: Hey! Look what you did!

Michelle: I'm sorry, it was an accident!

Jason: I don't care. You still broke it! You're gonna pay for this! You're gonna have to buy a new one, Michelle!

Grandmum: Oh, my, Jason! Goodness gracious!

Jason: I was minding my own business when Michelle ripped the cord right out of the machine!

Michelle: It was an accident. And I said I was sorry. Can't Jason just forgive me?

Jason: No, I can't! I don't care if you're sorry! It's still broken! And you owe me a new one!

Grandmum: Oh, you poor lad. And you were minding your own business, too. Hmmm, it seems I remember a time when I was minding me own business, and a certain party put a baseball right through me kitchen window. Or how about the time when you karate chopped me living room lamp, or the time you smashed Aunt Emma's pie plate? Or--

Jason: Those were accidents.

(As Grandmum shares her advice, Jason and Michelle give each other dirty looks.)

Grandmum: Listen, before you go handing out blame, you of all people should be more forgiving. "Blessed are those who show mercy, for they shall be shown mercy. Be thou merciful, just as God is merciful." Any of that ring a bell?

Jason: Yes, The Good Book says so.

(Jason goes upstairs to mope before saying to Michelle...)

Jason: You still owe me a new controller!

(Michelle glares angrily. Jason heads up to the attic. As he sits after pushing a box, the Rockhopper roars to life and opens its glass dome.)

Zidgel: Hey, it's about time you showed up. This is the big one! Hop in!

(Fidgel reels Jason into the ship before it flies out of the attic. After the opening theme, cut to the title card.)

Zidgel: Jason, can't you just taste the excitement?!

Jason: Yeah! About what?

Zidgel: We're undertaking a new mission. A secret mission. A huge big deal mission. A--

Midgel: Captain, the admiral said it was a routine mission. Like our mission to the dump.

Zidgel: But the admiral gave us something to deliver. What does that tell you?

Midgel: Another trip to the dump?

(Zidgel looks around for something.)

Jason: Hey, Captain, you lose something?

Zidgel: Alright, where is it?

Jason: Where's what?

Zidgel: My spheroid crystals.

Midgel: You mean, your marbles?

Zidgel: They're called spheroid crystals.

Jason: What's going on?

Zidgel: (sighs) I lost my marbles.

Midgel: Kevin, give 'em back.

(Kevin is shown playing with said marbles.)

Kevin: Sparkly.

(Kevin hands them back to Zidgel.)

Jason: Marbles?

Zidgel: Geniune zirco-q-zonians.

Jason: Are they valuable?

Midgel: He won 'em at the Saturn Carnival. Came in second in the ring toss. First place was a glow-in-the-dark teddy bear.

(Midgel pulls out said toy.)

Zidgel: Hey! I won them just the same.

Jason: Can I see them?

Zidgel: Sorry, Jason, far too valuable, on a...sentimental scale. We're expecting further orders from the big guy any minute. (breathes in as the loudspeaker appears) This could be the one that puts me over the top. Know what I mean?

Admiral Strap: Captain Zidgel!

Zidgel: Admiral! Big guy! Uh, Big Strap! Uh, Captain Zidgel reporting for duty, sir!

Admiral Strap: Good day, Captain. I'm sorry for all the secrecy. You were told this was a routine mission. But, in reality, it's not. This is the big one.

Zidgel: I knew it! How big?

Admiral Strap: Real big. You and your crew will proceed to Mercy Falls to deliver a rather important package to their king.

(Fidgel presents a green box. Zidgel's jaw drops. Inside it is a giant emerald.)

Admiral Strap: It is the crowned jewel, the largest and rarest emerald in the universe. Worth a galaxy's weight in gold. (Everyone else's jaws drop.) Be very, very careful with it.

(Fidgel tries holding up Zidgel's jaw.)

Zidgel: You can count on me, sir. On to Mercy Falls!

(Segue to the ship arriving at Mercy Falls. As it approaches the planet, a giant ducky innertube is activated. However, the ship lands on the ground instead of the water.)

Zidgel: Whew! Perfect. For a moment there, I thought you were gonna hit the water.

(Zidgel is shown holding the box.)

Zidgel: Alright, I've got the emerald. I'm only allowed to take one person into the palace to meet the king.

Jason: How do we decide who goes?

Fidgel: By the official Federation ceremony.

(They all huddle and hold their hands out while doing rock, paper, scissors.)

Fidgel: One, two, three, shoot.

(Jason has his left hand clenched.)

Jason: Rock breaks scissors! I win!

Fidgel: Oh. I must remember to throw something besides scissors.

Kevin: Next time, I'll throw beans.

(Segue to Jason and Zidgel entering the palace. It turns out the inhabitants are all alligators. They approach the Gator King, who has a voice very similar to that of Elvis Presley.)

Zidgel: Okay, Jason, stay close and let me do all the talking.

Gator King: Hey, come on in. Glad you could make it. Welcome to my humble abode.

Zidgel: Your reptile highness, I--

Gator King: So, whaddya bring me? Is that my...rock?

Zidgel: Uh...yes, sir. And let me say that as captain of the U.S.P.F Rockhopper and decorated member of the United Federation, it is my esteem pleasure and great honor to present to you--n-n-no!

(The emerald falls out of the box as Zidgel opens it. And as the scene plays in slow motion, he, Jason and the Gator King scream "no!". Suddenly, the emerald lands on the floor and shatters.)

Gator King: You--you broke my emerald.

Zidgel: I--I--I...

(He smiles innocently.)

Gator King: You know how much that cost?

Zidgel: Well, I--I...

Gator King: I didn't think so, but you sure gonna pay for what you've done. Guards, get 'em!

Zidgel: Huh?

(The guards surround Jason and Zidgel. Zidgel tries thinking of a way to escape.)

Zidgel: Hey look, it's Elvis!

Gator King: (while blowing bubble gum) Where?

(They see no Elvis. Instead they see that Jason and Zidgel are gone.)

Gator King: Where'd he go? Over there! Look under the throne!

(Jason and Zidgel have hidden behind a blue curtain. However, their feet are clearly shown under it. Anyway, they try calling for help,)

Zidgel: Rockhopper, come in. Somebody, anybody, pick up!

Fidgel: Oh, hello, captain! How is the ceremony going? It must be over by now.

Zidgel: Oh yeah, it's all over.

Fidgel: How did he like it? Ooh, was he surprised?

Zidgel: Yeah, big time. Listen, I broke the emerald. Smashed to pieces.

Fidgel: You what?! How?!

Zidgel: I don't know. You gotta help me. Go get help. Go get Admiral Strap. Do you read?

(The Gator King and his guards find them.)

Gator King: Loud and clear, rocket boy. Loud and clear.

(Soon, Zidgel is in prison.)

Zidgel: Alright, let's review, shall we? I get the greatest opportunity of my life, I present the king with the emerald, smash it to pieces, and wind up in jail.

(Zoom out of his cell, which is protected by laser bars.)

Jason: Don't worry, we'll get you out.

Gator King: Not very likely, small fry.

Zidgel: Look, your majesty...ness, this is all a big mistake. I'm really sorry.

Gator King: I don't care if you're sorry.

Jason: But it was an accident!

Gator King: Well, somebody's gotta pay for my emerald. Fair is fair.

Zidgel: So, how long you gonna hold me, your royal reptile?

Gator King: Until you repay me. I'm putting you to work.

Zidgel: Work?

Gator King: Yesiree. You can shine shoes for a nickel down on the corner til that emerald is paid for.

Zidgel: (gasps)

Jason: That will take years! You know you could go easy on him.

Gator King: I suppose you'll tell me how?

Jason: Well...it was an accident after all, your majesty. He said he's sorry. Please, could you show him a little mercy?

Gator King: Mercy? As in "blessed are those who show mercy because they shall be shown mercy"? (breaking the fourth wall) Do I know my Bible or what?

Jason: Yeah, my grandmum said that to me just this morning.

Gator King: Is that a fact?

Zidgel: Oh, please! Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please, oh, please forgive me, your gatorness! I'm really, really, really sorry! I'll never do it again! I'll give you anything else you want! My bobblehead collection, my favorite blow drier! Just please let me go! I'm so sorry! I'm begging you.

Gator King: (shakes head)

(Segue to Fidgel trying to call Admiral Strap.)

Fidgel: Doctor Fidgel to Admiral Strap, come in.

Computer: I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach (Admiral Strap: Admiral Strap) is unavailable. If you would like more information, press 1 now.

(He and Midgel shrug. Fridgel presses button 1.)

Computer: If this is an urgent matter, press 2 now.

(He does just that.)

Computer: If you would like to hear music while you wait, press 3 now.

(He presses said button, which plays the same music Midgel listened to in "Comedy of Errors.")

Midgel: Uh, Fidgel, we got problems, now.

(Fidgel gasps when he sees Cavitus' ship in front of theirs.)

Cavitus: Good day. I hope I'm not intruding. (evil laughter)

(Segue back to the prison as Jason talks things over with the Gator King.)

Gator King: So what did you do to your grandmum that she had to remind you to show mercy?

Jason: I didn't do anything to my grandmum. It was my sister. She ripped out a cord for my video game by mistake.

Gator King: By mistake?

Zidgel: Yes, just like I broke your emerald, by mistake. It could happen to anyone.

Gator King: Right. So did you forgive your sister, Jason?

Jason: Uh...well...not exactly. Maybe I should have.

Gator King: Well, okay. I'll let your friend off for now because I trust you will forgive your sister. Right?

(Jason thinks about this.)

Zidgel: Say yes. Come on, Jason, I can't take being in stir, lock up, the gray bar hotel, er, red bar hotel. I gotta get out of here!

Jason: Okay, I'll forgive her.

Gator King: Hmm, maybe I did overreact a little.

(He turns off the laser bars.)

Zidgel: Really? (As Zidgel starts exiting, the Gator King jokingly turns the bars back on.) Ow!

Gator King: That always cracks me up. (laughs)

(He turns them off again.)

Jason: Thank you, your majesty.

Zidgel: Yes, thank you, your lizard-ness. Well, looks like all our trouble is over.

(Meanwhile, in space, the penguins' troubles have only begun as Cavitus confronts them.)

Cavitus: This is Baron von Cavitus. Escape is impossible.

Midgel: Cavitus, what do you want?

Cavitus: Oh, you penguins are so playful, All right, let's see if you can guess, it's something big and shiny and very valuable.

Kevin: Marbles!

(The marbles spill out of the bag as Kevin holds it up. Kevin then slips on them.)

Fidgel: He's here for the emerald!

Cavitus: Correct! Bob, tell 'em what he's won.

Minion #2: Two marshmallow blasts unless he hands over the emerald.

(Two missiles that resemble marshmallows are brought out.)

Cavitus: You'll be covered in sugary goo. Now hand over the jewel.

Fidgel: How did you know about the emerald?

(Kevin slips by on the marbles.)

Cavitus: Every pirate ship from here to the gas nebula knows about the crown jewel. We've been watching you and now it's time to collect.

Fidgel: But, uh, we don't have it. As a matter of fact, the emerald is--

Midgel: Shhh! If he finds out the emerald is destroyed, he'll blast us for sure.

Cavitus: The emerald is what? What happened to it?

Fidgel: Uh...Zidgel took it to Planet Mercy Falls. Give us a little time and perhaps we can locate it for you.

Cavitus: Hmm...how much time?

Fidgel: Oh, an hour or two?

Cavitus: You have five seconds. Five.

Midgel: No, wait, wait a minute! You're making a mistake!

Cavitus: Four.

Fidgel: Is he serious?

Cavitus: Three.

(As the marshmallows heat up, the rest of the Rockhopper crew slip around on the marbles.)

Cavitus: Two.

Midgel: Kevin!

(Kevin presses a button, which makes the ship duck out of the way of the missiles.)

Cavitus: One.

Bert: Oh, I hate when that happens.

(Midgel and Fidgel scream as the ship spirals out of control past Mercy Falls.)

Jason: Did you hear something?

(Back on the ship, Midgel presses a button that puts the ship back in control.)

Fidgel: Perhaps we should tidy up a little.

Midgel: Oh...fix-bot! Get rid of these marbles pronto!

(The robot vacuums up all the marbles.)

Midgel: Mayday, mayday, we're under attack! Cavitus is after the emerald! Mayday, can anyone read us?

(As Midgel tries calling for help, the robot ejects the marbles through a pipe which leads to the outside of the ship. Midgel watches the marbles float away from the ship.)

Midgel: That's not exactly what I meant.

Kevin: Uh-oh.

Zidgel: Midgel, is that you?

Midgel: Captain, are you alright?

Zidgel: Yeah, we're fine. That king's a nice fellow. He actually forgave me for that little accident I had. I guess you called the admiral for nothing.

Midgel: We never got to the admiral. We had some trouble.

Zidgel: Trouble? It wasn't that burrito you had for lunch, was it? I told you to check the expiration date.

Midgel: No, captain, it was Cavitus. He's after the emerald.

Zidgel: Heh, heh, well, he'll never find it now. (clears throat) Heh, heh. Heh. Yeah. I mean, you should get back here, lickity-split.

Midgel: We're on our way.

(Segue to the ship back on the planet.)

Midgel: Then, out of the blue--

Fidgel: We were surrounded by Cavitus.

Midgel: And then Kevin spilled your bag of marbles and must have hit the vertical stabilizer.

Fidgel: We dropped like a stone with marbles flying everywhere.

Midgel: I tell you, if the fix-bot hadn't jettisoned those marbles, we'd still be--

Zidgel: Wait a minute, what was that? What happened to my marbles? (The crew is silent for a bit before Zidgel blows his top.) You what?! Gone? Gone?! Do you have any idea how valuable those marbles were?! What they meant to me?!

Midgel: We're terribly sorry, Captain, but, they were only marbles.

Zidgel: My lucky marbles. The agony. The shame. First, jail, and now, this? How much is a penguin supposed to take? (cries)

Midgel: So, you forgive us for losing your marbles?

Zidgel: Are you nuts?! You're gonna pay for those marbles if it's the last...Thing...You...Do!

Gator King: Now, that's an interesting idea, coming from you.

(And Zidgel is put in jail again. As he mopes, a guard throws him blue shoes, a box and a brush. Segue back to the ship as the rest of the crew talks about what to do next.)

Midgel: You can be sure Cavitus will be coming any moment to get that emerald.

Jason: Or hunt down Zidgel because he thinks he has it.

Fidgel: And when he doesn't find it, who knows what he'll do?

Kevin: (points to Midgel)

Midgel: You're right. We need to get Zidgel before Cavitus does.

(Segue to Zidgel shining the shoes while singing the blues.)

Zidgel: (sings) Woke up this morning

Gonna polish some shoes

You know I got trouble

I got them broken emerald blues

Mercy!

Well, that's a nickel. One down and 47 bajillion to go.

(Cut to the Gator King thinking about what he did.)

Gator King: I sure hated to do that, but that old boy just took advantage of the mercy I just showed him. Asking me for forgiveness for his mistake, but showing his friends no mercy for theirs. But he sure did a nice job on my blue suede shoes. Hmm.

(Segue back to the prison as Zidgel starts talking to his left hand.)

Zidgel: (yawns) I'm bored.

Zidgel: (as "Handy") Me, too.

Zidgel: What do you want to do?

Zidgel: (as "Handy") I don't know. What do you want to do?

Zidgel: I don't know.

(Suddenly, a grappling hook is brought into the cell and hooks onto the bars of the window.)

Zidgel: (as "Handy") What was that?

Zidgel: Commander Strap, is that you, come to save me?

Cavitus: Not likely, penguin. It is I, Cavitus. I'm going to break you out.

Zidgel: That's very thoughtful of you.

Cavitus: I am not thoughtful! I want that emerald!

Zidgel: Do you think we ought to tell him the emerald's broken? He's going to be awfully disappointed when he finds out.

Zidgel: (as "Handy") Shh, don't say a word. No telling what he might do.

Zidgel: Okay, good idea. You sure come in, handy. (laughs) Get it? Handy?

(Cut to the outside of the palace as the crew plans to free Zidgel. Jason and Fidgel put on shoes with suction cups to climb up the wall.)

Fidgel: We're almost at the prison. No sign of Cavitus. Maybe we beat him.

(As they crawl down the other side of the wall, Zidgel is shown climbing up a rope.)

Zidgel: Hi, boys. What are you doing here?

Fidgel: We came to protect you from Cavitus. How did you get out of prison?

Zidgel: Oh, Cavitus threw me a grappling hook. Is that bad?

Cavitus: It's bad if you don't lead me to that emerald.

(Jason hands an extra pair of wall-walking shoes to Zidgel.)

Jason: Quick, take these!

(Midgel spots Cavitus' ship through his binoculars.)

Midgel: Cavitus!

Gator King: All right, hold it right there. And what do you think you're doing?

Midgel: I know this looks bad, mate, but if you let us explain

(Jason, Fidgel and Zidgel walk back down the wall.)

Jason: Wait!

Zidgel: Ahh! Woah! (screams)

Gator King: So, you're here to bust out your friend with your warship.

Fidgel: Well, actually, that's not our warship. That's Cavitus. He's here for your emerald.

Gator King: What?

(The ship fires marshmallow missiles at everyone. Fidgel's head gets covered by one.)

Fidgel: Oh!

Zidgel: (screams like little girl)

Gator King: Mallow blasts! Run for your lives!

(Kevin just remains standing in place.)

Kevin: Oh! Oh! Me next! Me next!

Cavitus: Surrender the emerald! I want that emerald!

(A light shines from an offscreen Federation ship.)

Admiral Strap: Attention, warship. This is the USS Federation. We have you surrounded. Give yourself up.

Fidgel: Admiral Strap's mothership!

Cavitus: This isn't over, penguins! I shall return!

(Cavitus' ship leaves the planet.)

Admiral Strap: Dr. Fidgel, sorry for the delay. I just got my voicemail.

Fidgel: Oh, no problem, Admiral, you're right on time.

Admiral Strap: Your royal highness, this is Admiral Strap. My sincere apologies for all the confusion. I trust your emerald got there safe and sound.

Gator King: Well, about that. Your man here is in a heap of trouble.

Jason: Admiral, your majesty, I think we can work this out.

(Fade back to the inside of the palace as Jason tries reasoning with everyone. During this, Zidgel is in laser handcuffs.)

Jason: This is all turned into a big mess, and somebody still has to learn a lesson.

Zidgel: Told ya.

Jason: I was talking about you, Captain. And me, too.

Zidgel: Oh.

Jason: You see, like Michelle, you had an accident that affected someone else, but unlike me, the king was kind enough to show you mercy. He didn't have to.

Zidgel: That was awfully kind of him.

Jason: But then your friends made a little mistake, and what did you do?

Zidgel: I'd rather not talk about it.

Gator King: You refused to show your friends any mercy after begging me for forgiveness. It was such bad behavior I couldn't let you off again. You did exactly opposite of what you asked me to do.

Jason: Blessed are those who show mercy, for they shall be shown mercy.

Zidgel: What does that mean?

Jason: It means we all make mistakes, and sooner or later, we're gonna need somebody to show us mercy. So, we should be merciful to others. I understand that now.

Zidgel: Guys? I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you.

Gator King: After all, we all make mistakes, and we need to be forgivin' with each other when that happens. Learned your lesson? (Zidgel nods as the Gator King turns off the handcuffs.) You're free to go.

Zidgel: Thank you. Thank you very much.

(Fade back to Grandmum's cottage as Michelle is shown playing video games.)

Jason: Um...Michelle, I'm sorry I got so angry about the controller, I know it was an accident, and--how are you doing that?

Michelle: You don't need a new controller. It's not broken after all.

Jason: It's not?

Michelle: Nope. It just came unplugged. No big deal.

Grandmum: Oh, now that's what I like to see. You two getting along like two cheery turtledoves cozy in a nest.

Jason: I learned my lesson; show forgiveness because we all make mistakes.

Grandmum: Oh, very good, Jason. I'm proud of you. Alrighty then, I'm off to me garden to trim me floribundas and pollyamfirs.

Michelle: Wait for me!

Jason: What about Bonsai Master?

Michelle: Gardening is more fun.

Video Game Announcer: Nice try, Captain, Your new Bonsai high score is 1 million 32,500. Please enter your name.

(Jason types in Michelle's name.)

Jason: Captain, Michelle. (Jason goes outside.) Hey, can I help?!

(End of transcript.)

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