Monkey (also known as The Monkey Song) is the 22nd Silly Songs with Larry. It was featured in The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's.
Bob and Larry are on a photo safari, where Larry continually repeats what he heard from an "expert" about the difference between monkeys and apes ("if it has a tail then it's a monkey, if it doesn't have a tail then it's an ape"), applying such logic to everything he sees. Bob repeatedly tries to correct Larry, but after Larry mistakenly identifies a cow as a monkey, Bob gives up in frustration. Bob then says that he and Larry do not have tails, but Larry utters some disagreement which Bob does not understand, and it is later revealed that Bob does have a tail.
Lyrics
Original
Narrator: And now it’s time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Today, Larry and Bob were on a photo safari. Hot on the trail of a monkey...or an ape. We don’t know which, hence the song.
Larry: If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kinda shape
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Bob: Let’s see if we can catch it on the tape!
Larry: You can very plainly see if it’s a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: Look, there it goes, there it goes,
I don’t know, I can’t tell if it’s a monkey or an ape!
Larry: It’s very simple, Bob...
If it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: Larry, I’m not so sure...
Larry: Ooga Booga, isn’t that a monkey?
Bob: Booga Looga, maybe it’s an ape!
Larry: If it’s a nickel or a salad or a pillow
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: If it doesn’t have a tail?
Larry: It’s not a monkey!
Bob: Are you sure that’s what you really mean to say?
A camera has no tail!
Larry: It’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: ... I think there’s something wrong with your logic, Larry...
Larry: Well Bob, the lady at the zoo said it, and who am I to tell her that she’s wrong? If there’s a tail, it’s a monkey. No tail; ape. It’s easy!
Bob: But Larry, a kite has a tail!
Larry: Then it’s a monkey
Bob: A comet has a tail!
Larry: It’s a monkey
Bob: A bubble doesn’t-
Larry: Then it’s not a monkey,
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey...
Bob: It’s an ape?
Larry: Exactly! I knew you’d catch on!
Bob: Larry, we might need to talk about this. I don’t think the lady at the zoo meant...
Larry: Shh! (they duck down) Look, there it goes!
In the trees, follow me!
It’s gotta be a monkey or an ape!
I can’t believe it’s true
All this time, I’ve searched for you
Snap the picture, Take the shot!
We’re among the lucky few!
We finally did it, Photographer!
We’ve discovered what we’re after!
Let me look!
Is it an ape?
Bob: Larry... this is a disaster. (they are standing next to a cow)
Larry: It’s a monkey!
Bob: Ahem, Larry...that’s a cow. Not a...
Larry: That was exhilarating! Let’s find more!
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kinda shape
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Bob say...
Bob: Larry, you don’t have a tail.
Larry: I don’t?
Bob: Nope. And neither do I.
Larry: I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Bob.
Bob: Uh, what do you mean?
Larry: Oh, nothing.
(Bob starts to walk off...he has a tail)
Live Shows Version
Larry: If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kinda shape
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Bob: Let’s see if we can catch it on the tape!
Larry: You can very plainly see if it’s a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: Look, there it goes, there it goes,
I don’t know, I can’t tell if it’s a monkey or an ape!
Larry: It’s very simple, Bob...
If it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: Larry, I’m not so sure...
Larry: Ooga Booga, isn’t that a monkey?
Bob: Booga Looga, maybe it’s an ape!
Larry: If it’s a nickel or a salad or a pillow
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: If it doesn’t have a tail?
Larry: It’s not a monkey!
Bob: Are you sure that’s what you really mean to say?
A camera has no tail!
Larry: It’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Bob: ... I think there’s something wrong with your logic, Larry...
Larry: Well Bob, the lady at the zoo said it, and who am I to tell her that she’s wrong? If there’s a tail, it’s a monkey. No tail; ape. It’s easy!
Bob: But Larry, a kite has a tail!
Larry: Then it’s a monkey
Bob: A comet has a tail!
Larry: It’s a monkey
Bob: A bubble doesn’t-
Larry: Then it’s not a monkey,
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey...
Bob: It’s an ape?
Larry: Exactly! I knew you’d catch on!
Bob: Larry, we might need to talk about this. I don’t think the lady at the zoo meant...
Larry: Shh! (they duck down) Look, there it goes!
In the trees, follow me!
It’s gotta be a monkey or an ape!
I can’t believe it’s true
All this time, I’ve searched for you
Snap the picture, Take the shot!
We’re among the lucky few!
We finally did it, Photographer!
We’ve discovered what we’re after!
Let me look!
Is it an ape?
Bob: Larry... this is a disaster. (they are standing next to a cow)
Larry: It’s a monkey!
Bob: Ahem, Larry...that’s a cow. Not a...
Larry: That was exhilarating! Let’s find more!
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kinda shape
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey
If it doesn’t have a tail
It’s not a monkey, it’s an ape!
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Bob say...
Bob: Larry, you don’t have a tail.
Larry: I don’t?
Bob: Nope. And neither do I.
Larry: I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Bob.
Bob: Uh, what do you mean?
Larry: Oh, nothing.
(Bob starts to walk off...he has a tail)
Bob: Hey! When did that get there? Get that thing off me! I'm not a monkey!
Characters
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This is the first Silly Song written by Andrew Peterson and Randall Goodgame.
- This song was based after the time when Andrew Peterson and Randall Goodgame went to the zoo and a kid asked about "How you can tell which is a monkey and an ape?".
- The creature that Bob and Larry saw swinging around is actually Pa Grape in his lion costume.
- This song is featured in the Very Veggie Silly Stories episode, Being Responsible.
- This is the final Silly Song for several things:
- The final Silly Song animated by Arc Productions.
- The final Silly Song filmed in 4:3.
- The final Silly Song until Where Have All the Staplers Gone? to not have Mr. Lunt.
Gallery
