Modern Major General is a patter song written by Gilbert and Sullivan in 1879. It was first featured in the comic opera, The Pirates of Penzance.
Archibald Asparagus sings his own rendition of the song in Pirates' Boat Load Of Fun and later in The Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!. It is the third song to be sung in the episode.
Lyrics
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights
Historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters
Mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
Hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
Hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
Hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
Hypotepotenuse
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir
Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for
Paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and
Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of
Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's
Din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinapinafore
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and
"Ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more
Wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by
"Commissariat"
When I have learnt what progress has been made in
Modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a sat a
Gee
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and
Adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the
Century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
Archibald: Here we go!
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the facts historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
about binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news.
Lot of news, let's see...
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse! (2x)
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-potenuse!
Archibald: Alright, hang on!
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!
Chorus: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!
Archibald: Alright, now stay with me...
(at slower tempo) I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical...
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
about binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news.
A lot of news...
(faster tempo) With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse! (2x)
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-potenuse!
Archibald: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus.
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General! (laughs)
Chorus: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!
Archibald: Oh, splendid! Lovely! Oh, thank you!
I'm done.Fun Facts
Trivia
- One line was slightly changed from the original version of the song; the original version had the line "I know the Kings of England and I quote the fights historical", while in this version, the word "fights" was replaced with "facts".
- This song was originally released on Pirates' Boat Load Of Fun and then it was produced into a music video for The Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!.
- This, along with Endangered Love, was featured on the TV version of A Snoodle's Tale.
- This song can be featured in The Wonderful World of Auto-Tainment!, Sing-Alongs: I Love My Lips, and Lessons from the Sock Drawer.
Gallery
