This is an transcript for Madame's Soccer Skills.
Transcript[]
(Scene opens to Madame Blueberry sitting on a bench on a soccer field while knitting a sock, at the same time that some carrot soccer players and Ichabeezer run by, Ichabeezer getting the ball and kicking it directly into the goal.)
Ichabeezer: Goal-in-one! (laughing) Hey, you better up your game, Larry! You're gonna lose to my team of professional soccer players! Isn't that right, guys?
Carrot Players: We are the best!
Larry: Alright, team! Huddle up!
(Larry, Bob, Tina, Bacon Bill, and Captain Mike huddle up.)
Larry: I have a new strategy that's gonna turn this game around! Instead of losing, let's try winning!
Bob: That's not much of a strategy.
Tina: It's brilliant!
Bacon Bill: Yeah!
Larry: Mike, you're our star player. Think you can score, how much we down by?
Bob: Twenty goals?
Larry: Twenty goals in the next thirty seconds?
Captain Mike: No one has ever scored twenty goals in thirty seconds!
Larry: I knew I could count on you!
(The whistle blows as the last half of the game is about to start. Captain Mike goes up to the ball, while everyone is awaiting the outcome. Captain Mike goes out to kick the ball, but ends up cracking his back before is about to do so.)
Captain Mike: Oh, my back!
(Captain Mike then falls down and starts rolling around the field with his body in a curved shape, while everyone watches. Captain Mike continues rolling, until running into the ball, hitting it in the opposite direction towards Larry, who ducks down, as the ball hits the goal he was guarding. The ball then bounces back and hits Larry, knocking him over.)
Ichabeezer: (laughing) You just scored on yourself! (laughing)
Carrot Players: We are victorious!
(Larry is saddened, while Bob, Tina, and Bacon Bill come to him, before Captain Mike rolls up to them as well.)
Captain Mike: Ah, sorry, Larry, I'm out of the game. Can someone roll me off the field? (moans)
(Bacon Bill rolls Captain Mike off the field.)
Larry: Madame B!
Madame Blueberry: Oh!
Larry: You're in!
(Madame Blueberry looks out at Bacon Bill, who is still rolling Captain Mike away.)
Madame Blueberry: Oh, no, no, no. I'm quite alright here on this bench. Thank you.
Larry: We need you!
(Madame Blueberry puts down her knitting and hops onto the field.)
Madame Blueberry: I'm just not very confident, is all.
Larry: Just give it your best. It'll be fun.
Madame Blueberry: I don't understand what's fun about kicking or running or sports in general.
Larry: Why'd you even sign up?
Madame Blueberry: I thought I was signing up for sock-knitting.
(Scene switches to Mayor Archibald blowing the whistle, as Larry's team competes against Ichabeezer's team again. Larry is kicking the ball, but when he approaches the carrot players, he kicks the ball to Madame Blueberry, who doesn't know what to do, as the carrot players start to run towards her.)
Larry: Pass it!
Madame Blueberry: Could someone come get this please?
Larry: (Off-screen) Pass it!
Madame Blueberry: (picking up the ball) Anybody? Bill? Tina?
(One of the carrot players kicks the ball away from Madame Blueberry. The ball gets kicked into Larry's team's goal and hits Bob, knocking him over, as the whistle is heard once again.)
Archibald: Team Ichabeezer wins!
(Scene switches to Bob, Larry, and Madame Blueberry sadly sitting at the gazebo in the town center.)
Larry: Madame Blueberry, you can't just ask one of your teammates to take the ball, you have to pass it.
Madame Blueberry: (chuckles) Next, you'll be telling me you can't touch the ball with your hands either.
Larry: Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
Madame Blueberry: I didn't want to play anyway.
Larry: But we need you! If you don't play, we have to forfeit!
(Madame Blueberry comes up with an idea.)
Madame Blueberry: Or, I can get someone else to play for me! I heard Mr. Lunt is fantastic, I'll ask him!
(Madame Blueberry runs off, while Bob and Larry can only watch.)
Larry: We're never gonna beat Ichabeezer and his carrots.
Bob: Maybe it won't be so bad. We still have Tina and Bill.
(Camera pans over to Tina playing saxophone while Bacon Bill is dancing, before the camera pans back to Bob and Larry.)
Larry: We're never gonna beat Ichabeezer and his carrots!
(Larry falls face-down after that. Scene switches to Madame Blueberry approaching Mr. Lunt's shop, while Mr. Lunt is reading a comic book.)
Madame Blueberry: Hello, Mr. Lunt. Is it true you once won a soccer championship?
Mr. Lunt: Oh yeah! I won that thing so much! Wanna see my trophy?
(Mr. Lunt brings out a bowling ball.)
Madame Blueberry: Why, that's a bowling ball.
Mr. Lunt: Oh no, did I go bowling with my soccer trophy? No wonder I did so bad! Anyway, I won a soccer championship.
Madame Blueberry: Wonderful! How would you like to play in my place on Larry's team?
Mr. Lunt: I don't know, I'm pretty busy at the shop today.
Madame Blueberry: I'll do anything!
Mr. Lunt: I do have a monster truck that needs a new tire. Do that, and I'm in.
(Scene switches to Madame Blueberry struggling to carry a new monster truck tire.)
Madame Blueberry: Who knew monster truck tires were so heavy?
(Madame Blueberry gets squashed by the monster truck tire. Madame Blueberry next tries to pick up the tire again, propping it upright, but when she goes to leave, the tire falls over on top of her again. Madame Blueberry stands up the tire again and rushes over to the other side, but the tire falls over on top of her again. Madame Blueberry next tries rolling on top of the tire, but he ends up getting rolled along with the tire, until stopping next to the monster truck, falling on top of Madame Blueberry again. Scene switches to Madame Blueberry having been successful in getting the monster truck tire screwed on tight, before the monster truck suddenly falls over on top of her after that. Scene switches to back with Mr. Lunt, before the pipe wrench lands in front of him, surprising him.)
Madame Blueberry: Finished!
Mr. Lunt: Great! Just do one more thing for me and we're good.
Madame Blueberry: You said that you're in after the monster truck.
Mr. Lunt: I meant I'm in after that, plus this next thing.
Madame Blueberry: Fine, what is it?
Mr. Lunt: Take my insane hamster for a walk.
(Madame Blueberry is absolutely shocked when Mr. Lunt tells her this. Scene switches to Madame Blueberry getting dragged across town by the hamster.)
Madame Blueberry: (screaming)
(Madame Blueberry gets dragged into the fountain and out again, until getting pulled around a lamppost by the hamster. Scene switches to Mr. Lunt still reading his comic book.)
Mr. Lunt: (laughing)
(The hamster comes up to Mr. Lunt.)
Mr. Lunt: Huh? Hey there, Mr. Whiskerface. Have a nice walk?
Mr. Whiskerface: (squeaking)
(Madame Blueberry comes in while looking rather dizzy, then shakes herself.)
Madame Blueberry: Now you shall play, correct?
Mr. Lunt: That's right! Just after this last thing!
Madame Blueberry: (angrily) You said we were good after the last thing after the original thing!
Mr. Lunt: I meant, we were good as soon as this last thing is done. Was that not clear?
Madame Blueberry: Fine, what is it?
Mr. Lunt: This one's easy. Just pick up a package for me.
Madame Blueberry: That doesn't sound too bad.
Mr. Lunt: ...That I accidentally delivered to the ceiling fan.
Madame Blueberry: (gasps)
(Scene switches to Madame Blueberry getting swung around while on top of the ceiling fan, until running into the side of Mr. Lunt's shop while holding the package then slides down again. Madame Blueberry then approaches the front of the shop and places the package on the counter.)
Madame Blueberry: There!
(Mr. Lunt opens the package, revealing a new hat that is identical to the one he is already wearing, before he swaps out his old hat with his new hat.)
Madame Blueberry: And now, you'll play?
Mr. Lunt: You bet!
Madame Blueberry: You sure?
Mr. Lunt: Yep!
Madame Blueberry: There's nothing else you need me to do?
Mr. Lunt: Nope! Well... Nah, forget it! Let's play soccer!
(Mr. Lunt and Madame Blueberry leave after that. Scene switches to the soccer field, where Larry is kicking the ball.)
Madame Blueberry: I have found my replacement! Mr. Lunt!
(Mr. Lunt is shown balancing on top of a soccer ball but falls off.)
Larry: You know, if you played, you might have some fun.
Madame Blueberry: As much fun as sitting on the bench and avoiding the game completely?
Larry: Yes! A lot more fun!
(The game is about to start.)
Ichabeezer: Ready to lose?
Larry: I am ready to lose, at losing!
Ichabeezer: (confused) Ready to lose, at losing? Lose at losing! Oh! Just start the game already
(Mayor Archibald blows the whistle and tosses the ball, as Larry swipes it before Ichabeezer can.)
Larry: Show us what you got, Lunt!
(Larry kicks the ball to Mr. Lunt, but he just stands there.)
Mr. Lunt: What do I do? Is soccer the one with the hands or the one with the feet.
Larry: What?! Kick it! Kick it!
Mr. Lunt: Okay! No need to shout! Here I go! Kicking!
(One of the carrot players kicks the ball away from Mr. Lunt before he can. The carrot player then kicks the ball right into Larry's team's goal once again. Larry is shocked at what happened before he angrily confronts Mr. Lunt.)
Larry: (angrily) I thought you won a trophy for a soccer championship!
Mr. Lunt: That's right! I was the best sixth-grade waterboy for the best soccer team there ever was!
All: (gasps)
Larry: (angrily) Lunt! You're on the bench!
Mr. Lunt: Great! I'll feel right at home! If anybody needs a water, you know who to ask!
Larry: Madame B! We need you!
(Mayor Archibald blows the whistle again, as Larry is kicking the ball again, before falling forward, the ball landing in front of Madame Blueberry.)
Larry: Kick it!
(Madame Blueberry looks out at Ichabeezer and the carrot players, who are approaching, while unsure of what to do.)
Larry: Just give it your all!
(Ichabeezer and the carrot players still approach Madame Blueberry.)
Madame Blueberry: Oh!
(Madame Blueberry finally kicks the ball, which sends it flying, making it seem like it's on fire, which Ichabeezer and the carrot players are surprised to see, before the ball zooms past them and lands right in Ichabeezer's team's goal. Bob, Bill, Tina, and Larry are surprised when they see what happened, as are Ichabeezer and his team.)
Madame Blueberry: Did I do something wrong?
Larry: Wow! That was amazing! You were all like (grunting, yelling) You're incredible!
Madame Blueberry: That, that was wonderful!
Larry: See? As I've been saying... (singing) When it comes to to playin' sports
Or the game of life
Always give your very best
Nothing less
Play ball
Play ball
Give it your all
Support your team
Cheer each other on
So that win or lose
You can't go wrong
Yes when you do
The best you can do
You can be very, very
Very, very, very, very
Very, very-very-very-very-very
(inhales)
Proud of you
Play ball
Play ball
Give your best, nothing less
Give your all
Even when you zag
When you shoulda done a zig
Even when you're out of breath
And sweatin' like a pig
No matter if you're little
Or you're big
Play ball! Give your best
Nothing less
Give your all!
(The song ends, before Mayor Archibald blows his whistle again.)
Archibald: Foul for Larry's team! Big musical numbers are not allowed on the field!
(Larry once again passes the ball to Madame Blueberry, who is able to kick the ball past the carrot players and into the goal.)
Larry: Way to go, Madame B!
(Ichabeezer is now kicking the ball while Tina is running next to him, before Ichabeezer jumps up with the ball and kicks it into Larry's team's goal.)
Ichabeezer: Ain't gonna be that easy!
(Madame Blueberry next kicks the ball to Bacon Bill, who then kicks it to Larry. Larry is kicking the ball, before one of the carrot players snatches it away from him and kicks it towards Bob, who tries to block, but misses so the ball lands in the goal instead. Larry is kicking the ball once again, just as Ichabeezer comes up to him and snatches the ball away from him. This time, Larry is able to slip in and snatch the ball back from Ichabeezer, then jumps up and kicks the ball directly into Ichabeezer's team's goal again. Mayor Archibald blows his whistle again.)
Archibald: Time is up! And it's a tied game! You all know what that means.
Tina: We all run home and there's no closure?
Ichabeezer: No, it means, penalty kick showdown!
Archibald: Each team gets one shot against a goalie. First to score wins!
(Larry is first up to kick, while Ichabeezer is the goalie.)
Ichabeezer: I've been stopping soccer balls since before you were born, Cucumber!
Larry: Well, I've been scoring goals since before I was born!
Bacon Bill: That's amazing!
(Larry jumps around a bit before making the first kick as the crowd cheers, but Ichabeezer blocks it with ease, as the crowd groans.)
Ichabeezer: (laughing) Oh yeah? So who wants to get scored on?
Larry: This is all you, Madame B.
Madame Blueberry: I... I'm too nervous, Lawrence! I don't have the experience! I can't-
Larry: Just give it your best. That's all I ask.
(Ichabeezer is tossing the ball up and down, as Madame Blueberry takes her place in front of the goal.)
Ichabeezer: Hey, Blueberry! Aren't you late for tea and crumpets?!
Madame Blueberry: As a matter of fact, I am!
(Ichabeezer then kicks the ball forward, as Madame Blueberry jumps up to block it, but unfortunately, she misses as she falls, while the ball lands in the goal, and Madame Blueberry lands on her face.)
Ichabeezer: (laughing) I win! I win again! (laughing)
Larry: Madame B, I'm so sorry. You did great. Don't beat yourself up.
(Madame Blueberry gets up abruptly.)
Madame Blueberry: That was so much fun! Who knew playing soccer could be so exhilirating?
(Ichabeezer stops in surprise when Madame Blueberry says this.)
Ichabeezer: Hey! Hey! You can't be celebrating! You lost! I get to celebrate!
(Bob, Tina, and Bacon Bill also approach Madame Blueberry to congratulate her.)
Ichabeezer: Hip, hip for... me? Three cheers for... hooray? Oh, come on, you lose soccer drones, let's go!
Carrot Player #1: Hey, we're sick of you talking to us like that!
Carrot Player #2: Yeah, just because we're professionals doesn't mean we don't have feelings! (sobbing)
Carrot Player #1: You made Gary cry, I hope you're happy! Let's get out of here, fellas, we quit!
(The carrot players then leave, leaving Ichabeezer behind, before he leaves sadly.)
Bob: You don't care that we lost?
Madame Blueberry: Not one bit!
Larry: And why should she? She gave it her all. Let's hear it for our new soccer star, Madame Blueberry!
All: Yay! Hooray for Blueberry!
Bacon Bill: Hooray!
(The screen goes dark, ending the episode.)