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This is the episode transcript for Lyle the Kindly Viking.


Opening Countertop

Bob: Hi kids, I'm Bob the Tomato.

Larry: And I'm Larry the Cucumber.

Bob: Welcome to VeggieTales! Now Larry and I have gotten a lot of letters with questions about sharing.

Larry: We sure have. "When do I have to share?" "Why do I have to share?" "Whatever happened to Sonny and Cher?" Questions, questions, questions!

Bob: Uh, yeah. Anyway, we decided to tackle all your sharing questions in one show, so...

Archibald: (entering) Oh, yes! Yes, Bob! Bob!

Bob: Uh, what is it, Archibald? We're in the middle of a show.

Archibald: Oh, yes exactly. I couldn't help but notice that in "King George and the Ducky", you let Jimmy and Jerry put on a show.

Bob: Uhh, yeah, but it didn't work out very well.

Archibald: Understandably so, them being them and all. Uh, you see, I noticed that to date, VeggieTales has been something lacking in the taste and culture department.

Bob: Your point?

Archibald: I'd like to do a show!

(Moment of silence. Bob and Larry stare at him confused.)

Archibald: It'll be great. You'll love it.

(Bob looks to Larry.)

Larry: It's about sharing, Bob.

Bob: Oh, all right. But if you get any trouble, uh, let us know, okay? (he and Larry exit)

Archibald: Oh, don't worry about a thing! (increasingly excited) Prepare to be dazzled! All right, fellows. Bring out the set! Oh, you're really in for a treat!

(Jean Claude and Phillipe enter.)

Jean Claude: Fireplace!

Phillipe: Fireplace!

Jean Claude: The chair!

Phillipe: The chair!

Jean Claude: The wardrobe!

Phillipe: Wardrobing!

Jean Claude: Ambiance!

Phillipe: Ambiance!

(The light turns off, and classy music plays. Archibald looks around delighted.)

Jean Claude: Oh-ho, it's just like you wanted.

Phillipe: Exactly.

Archibald: Oh yes, lovely. (As Archie sits) Thank you for joining us this evening forward promises to be a cultural tour de force of veggie programming. For our first story we present the world's first all vegetable staging of Shakespeare's classic, "Hamlet". Uh, did you get the script?

Jean Claude: Well, actually this Hamlet, she very hard to find. but we found something very similar.

Phillipe: Oh-ho, similar!

Archibald: Omelet?!

Jean Claude: Just the name, she makes you hungry I know.

Archibald: (freaking out) What?! That's the-

Bob: (O.S.) Uh, Archibald? Is anything all right?

Archibald: What? Oh yes, of course. Ahem. Then, well, off we go! (laughing nervously) Presenting Shakespeare's classic.........Omelet. (Archibald looks embarrassed.)


(Fades to the black background. Then, to the show of Omelet, the curtains being opened. Scooter gets bumped by Jean Claude and Phillipe.)

Jean-Claude: His majesty, the troubled Prince Omelet! Request his daily eggs!

Phillipe: Cooked light and fluffy!

Horatio (Scooter): Doth not the troubled prince know these are the last eggs in the entire kingdom?

Jean-Claude: But of course! Why do you think that he's troubled?

Horatio: Will the prince not share his eggs with the starving people?

Phillipe: Perhaps he'll think about that over lunch.

Horatio: (sighs) The prince's eggs coming up.

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd): Ow! (Struggling, then the curtain opens.) Woe is me! I am troubled! Alas forsooth the country is rapidly running out of eggs! The people are starving and I am helpless to help them. What will become of my kingdom? (Sniffs thrice) Aha! Something's cooking in the state of Denmark.

Horatio: (entering with a platter) Your eggs, Prince Omelet! Cooked light & fluffy. The last eggs in the kingdom!

Omelet: The last poor yolks! I'll chew them well, Horatio.

(Horatio leaves)

Omelet: But soft, it is Ophelia. But soft, it is Ophelia!

(Mr. Lunt, playing the role of Ophelia, is reluctant to go on stage.)

Ophelia: But I don't want to do it! It's embarrassing!

Archibald: Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition. In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men!

(Archibald pushes Ophelia out on stage. The lid flies off Omelet's platter...and Omelet stares at "her" shocked.)

Ophelia: I think we're going to get letters about this. (The lid lands and closes.) It is I, the fair Ophelia.

Omelet: (coming to his senses) Uh...P-Pray thee! What news, fair Ophelia? I beseech thee...mmmmy lady.

Ophelia: Oh! My lord! I come with disparaging news!

Omelet: More bad news?

Ophelia: (chewing the scenery) The PEOPLE m'lord, they're starving! There are not enough eggs for them. Meanwhile you feast on eggs everyday, cooked light and fluffy. 'Tis rottenness that has beset our fair kingdom.

Omelet: And on top of that my eggs are getting cold.

(Omelet covers his eggs up)

Ophelia: Oh! My troubled prince! I beseech and implore thee. Please share, share your eggs with the people.

Omelet , confused: Share my eggs? Share my eggs!? Then I won't have any! What are you thinking, fair Ophelia?

Ophelia: (gasps) Simply this. God says He likes it when we share our blessings. Goodbye. (exits. O.S) Can I take this off now?

(Lights turn off. Spotlight on Omelet.)

Omelet: To eat or not to eat? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs, cooked light and fluffy... or just scarf down the whole thing myself! To share or not to share?

(Light switches back on and the background changes, Omelet loses the lid of his platter. Percy shows up playing a game of Battleship)

Omelet: Whatcha doing there, young lad?

Percy: Just playing, your highness.

Omelet: Uh. Are you just gonna keep playing like that, uh... alone?

Percy: Uh I don't know. Would you like to share my game?

Omelet: Well sure. Playing's the thing.

Percy: Great! Just guess where you think my ships are.

Omelet: Oh, okay. 2-B.

Percy: Not 2-B.

Omelet: Drat! Your turn.

Percy: (sees the platter) Wait, what's that?

Omelet: Oh, that would be mine eggs. Cooked light & fluffy.

Percy: It lookist quite yummy. Might I try a bite?

Omelet: I.. (stammering) well um... s-s-sure. Sure you can. (Percy takes a bite out of the omelet) Hey!

Percy: What?

Omelet: Methinks I just shared with you, didn't I?

Percy: Methinks you did.

Omelet: Ha! Sharing, you know that that wasn't so bad. Actually it felt pretty good.

Percy: Your highness? The things God wants us to do for others usually makes us feel good too.

Jean-Claude: (entering) You called, your highness?

Archibald: (O.S.) No, not yet!

Jean-Claude: My mistake. (exits)

Omelet: Oh, servant!

Jean-Claude: (reenters) You called, your highness?

Omelet: Oh, yes. Call everyone together, I have an announcement to make!

Jean-Claude: Mais oui, your highness.

(The scene switches to a street in Denmark, as a wooden stand is brought down along with hanging cardboard cutouts and the town's inhabitants.)

Omelet: Good people of Denmark! I have decided to share my eggs with you!

Crowd: Yay!

Omelet: Because God likes it when we share our blessings!

Crowd: ...yay!

Horatio: But Sire! There aren't enough eggs to go around!

Jerry: Where do you find these eggs anyway?

Omelet: You know, they're those little white round things that come out of chickens.

Jerry: What? We thought those were ping pong balls. (Jerry hits the egg with a ping pong paddle. Cut to an egg yolk covered ping pong table.) We've got plenty of those.

Omelet: Eggs cooked light & fluffy for everyone!

Crowd: YAY!!

Horatio: Hey! I have an idea. Why don't we name these light & fluffy eggs after our beloved prince? I give you ... the omelet!

Crowd: YAAY!!

Ophelia: Hey boss, where might I find some toast?

(Curtain closes)

Omelet: (O.S) Get thee to a bakery.

(Cut to a Larry and Junior, who are apparently the only ones in attendance, confused.)

Larry: Did you understand any of that?

Junior: Not a word.

(Omelet ends, Silly Song starts.)

Larry's High Silk Hat

(The opening title card shows Larry in a clown outfit.)

Announcer: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show...

Archibald: (storms to the title card in frustration) Stop! Stop! Don't even think about it! As if Omelet wasn't bad enough. Ahem. Phillipe, Jean-Claude?!

Jean Claude and Phillipe: Oui, oui!

(Pushes the background and a title card is placed there)

Archibald: And now it is time for Classy Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a classy song.

(Song intro, as a feather falls from the sky just like the film Forrest Gump. It lands onto Larry's hat. He blows the feather off his hat and it falls to the ground. The song is sung to the tune of Funiculi Funicula.)

Archibald: One day, while he was waiting for the trolley, he had a hat.

Larry: My high silk hat.

Archibald: He wore it high upon his head so proudly, a beautiful hat.

Larry: My high silk hat.

Archibald: A hat like this just makes him feel so grandly

Now fancy this, and fancy that.

The splendor of his hat in all its majesty.

Larry: Like a king, in a royal cap!

I feel so swell and handsome in my hat.

(Art Bigotti walks up and sits on the bench. He looks at Larry, confused)

I bet that others wish they had in fact...

Larry and Archibald: A hat as this, a hat as that, a hat so fine, a high silk hat!

Larry: Oh, Mr. Art Bigotti,

Now what do you think of that?

(Art Bigotti rolls his eyes, gets up from the bench, and walks until he gets behind the bench.)

Archibald and Chorus: Now his hat was not all he wore so proudly,

Archibald: I must in fact share more than that.

Archibald and Chorus: For upon his lap there sat a treat so fondly, of chocolate this.

Larry: And chocolate that.

Archibald: Deliciousness that makes him feel so dandy, a chocolate bliss.

Larry: A chocolate snack.

(Mr. Nezzer walks up and sits on the bench, then notices Larry's box of chocolates.)

Chorus: Confections such as these are more than candy, somewhat like life, a box of that.

Larry: I have my chocolate placed upon my lap.

I feel so good you just cannot top that.

Larry and Chorus: I have my snack, a chocolate pack of chocolate this and chocolate that!

Larry: Oh golly, Mr. Nezzer, now what do you think of that?

(Mr. Nezzer gets up from the bench and walks until he gets behind the bench. A cardboard cutout of the sun appears.)

Archibald: Now time was passing and the sun grew hotter upon his hat.

Chorus: And chocolate snack.

(Jean Claude and Phillipe pass by riding a bike)

Archibald: So beneath his hat he thought and pondered:

Larry: What should I do to save my hat?

Archibald: He thought and contemplated as he perspired, beneath his hat.

(Jean Claude and Philippe pass by on their bike again, this time, from the opposite direction; Jean Claude hops off the bike near the bench and looks surprisingly at Larry and his chocolates)

Chorus: Upon his lap.

Archibald: He feared his chocolate treats would soon retire into a pool.

Chorus: A chocolate vat.

Larry and Chorus: I won't feel grand if I take off my hat.

The sun's getting hot and my hat just might go flat.

My hat, it might go flat, and my sweets will melt like that!

Larry: Oh, hurry Mr. Trolley, before my dapperness goes flat!

Archibald and Chorus: He decided to forgo his looks so dashing to save his hat.

Jean-Claude: And little snack!

Archibald and Chorus: So he placed the treats upon the seat beside him.

Mr. Nezzer: And put his hat on top of that.

(Miss Achmetha walks up to the bench and sits)

Larry: Oh please.

Chorus: Oh please, oh please!

Larry: Don't anybody sit close to me, upon my hat.

Larry and Chorus: I ask if all of you could be so kindly

Larry: and just stand back, away from my snack!

(Apollo Gourd sits on Larry's hat and chocolates, wearing a shirt saying "GOURD'S GYM".)

Larry: A great big squash just sat upon my hat!

A great big squash just squished my hat real flat!

He squashed my hat, he made it flat, he squished my snack, oh what of that?

Oh, tell me, anybody, now what do you think of that?

All: A great big squash just sat upon his hat!

A great big enormous squash squished his hat real flat!

He squashed his hat, he made it flat, he squished his snack, oh what of that?

(The trolley arrives and all get on except Larry. Scallion #1 then walks up.)

Larry: Oh, golly! (Spoken) Uh, what's your name?

Scallion #1: They've never given me a name. I've been around since show one and I still don't have a name!

Larry and Chorus: Now what do you think of that?

(Cuts to black)

Lyle the Kindly Viking

Archibald: Well, that was interesting.

Bob: (O.S.) You okay, Archibald?

Archibald: Oh, just fine thank you. Ha. Ahem. You’ll be glad to know folks that we have saved the best for last. It has long been rumored that Gilbert and Sullivan- the brilliant musical duo- penned one last musical before their deaths. This musical, legend has it, was lost before it could be staged. Well, if my cohorts Phillipe and Jean-Claude are correct, we have that lost musical! Fellows?

Jean-Claude: Ah.

Phillipe: Oh, ho!

Jean-Claude: We have it right here!

Phillipe: Right here!

Jean-Claude: The lost musical of this Gilbert and Sullivan.

Phillipe: Mais oui.

Archibald: Oh, splendid! Ha! Let me have a look at it. Here it is, “Gilbert and Sullivan present Lyle the Kindly Viking: a musical pop-up book”. Well, get ready for a truly historic event!

(Archibald opens the book, pan in on the book during his line.)

Archibald: Once upon a time, there was a little village by the sea, where there dwelt a band of Vikings…

(Fade into a scene at a dock by the sea, where Mabel stands waiting. Start “We’re Vikings.” Penelope approaches singing.)

Penelope: Good morning, Mabel...

how are you, dear?

Mabel: Oh, just fine and dandy...

is Harold round here?

Penelope: I haven’t seen him,

but that’s no surprise…

Mabel: Olaf’s gone too?

Penelope: Mm-hm…

Both: They’re out with the guys!

Mabel: We should have listened to our mothers, and married more judiciously…

Penelope: But we picked men with metal hats…

Both: Who sail across the sea!

Penelope: You live and learn…

Mabel: We married Vikings!

Penelope: What do you know, the terrors of the sea…

Mabel: They’re Vikings!

Penelope: Wherever they go, pillaging happily…

Mabel: They’re Vikings!

Penelope: Let there be no,

Penelope/Mabel: Ambiguities, cuz/Vikings cuz

Both: This is my life as a viking wife,

we have to admit that it's rife with strife

but that's the lot we got when married we!

The terrors of the sea!

(The two see a Viking ship sailing toward them.)

Penelope: Oh, look what the cat drug in.

Mabel: Wonder what they brought back this time…

(Cut to the Viking ship, where the Vikings are sailing close enough to see their wives.)

Otar (Bob): Hey, there’s your wife, Olaf!

Olaf (Mr. Nezzer): Hmmm, yep! And there’s your wife, Harold!

Harold (Jimmy): Ohh, boy, do they love us or what?

Bjorn (Mr. Lunt): Well, what’s NOT to love? I mean, after all…

We’re Vikings!

Sven (Larry): Whaddaya know, the terrors of the sea!

Bjorn: We’re Vikings!

Harold: Wherever we go, pillaging happily!

Bjorn: We’re Vikings!

Otar: Let there be no,

Otar/Bjorn: Ambiguities, cuz/ Vikings cuz

Bjorn: Who doesn’t like a pile of loot?

Harold: Some gold and jewels and a shiny suit!

Olaf: And a giant screen TV to boot!

Bjorn: A Viking life for me, yo-ho!

(The Viking ship approaches the dock where the wives are waiting.)

Vikings: We’re Vikings!

Wives: What do you know, the terrors of the sea!

Vikings: We’re Vikings!

Wives: Wherever they go, pillaging happily!

Vikings: We’re Vikings!

Wives: Let there be no,

Wives/Vikings: Ambiguities, cuz/ Vikings cuz

(The Vikings disembark the ship one by one, carrying various types of loot.)

Vikings: Who doesn’t like a pile of loot?

Wives: This is my life as a Viking wife!

Vikings: Some gold and jewels and a shiny suit!

Wives: We have to admit, it is rife with strife!

Vikings: And a giant screen TV, to boot!

Wives: But that’s the lot we got, when

Vikings/Wives: Married ye/we…

(The wives and all Vikings but Sven form an ending pose.)

Vikings: The terrors of the sea!

Wives: We married Vikings…

(Sven joins the group.)

All: That’s the life for me!

(End “We’re Vikings.” All except Sven exit as Archibald narrates.)

Archibald: (O.S.) So that was the life of a Viking, pillaging and plundering!

(Cut back to Archibald with the book.)

Archibald: Those are fancy words for, well...for taking other people’s things. They were STEALING! Their boats were so fast that no one could catch them, so they could get away with it. But not all the Vikings were part of this unfortunate practice, no. There was one in particular; his name was Lyle…

(Cut back to the story, with Lyle (played by Junior Asparagus) approaching Olaf and Mabel with a bag of potholders.)

Mabel: Good morning, Lyle!

Lyle: Good morning!

Olaf: You missed another raid, Lyle.

Lyle: I know. I was makin’ stuff.

Archibald: (O.S.) Lyle never went on the raids. Instead, he’d stay home and make crafts--ah, potholders, to be exact.

(Lyle approaches Harold and Penelope, Olaf glaring at him suspiciously.)

Penelope: Whatcha got in the bag, Lyle?

Lyle: Potholders. (takes one out) You want one?

Penelope: Oh, you gave me one last week, but thank you.

Harold: (holding a small bag) Here’s your share of the loot, Lyle. (throws it at him) Don’t worry, it’s the least we could give ya.

Lyle: (picks up the bag) Thanks!

Archibald: (O.S.) Now, Lyle was definitely an unusual Viking. Whenever the other Vikings returned from a raid, he would take his small bag of loot, plus a bunch of potholders, and head out to sea on his own expedition.

(Lyle sees a confused Sven and Otar.)

Lyle: Hi, Sven! Hi, Otar!

Archibald: (O.S.) As you can imagine, this puzzled the other Vikings quite a bit.

(Cut to Olaf, discontentedly staring at Lyle’s boat from afar.)

(Start “What’s Up with Lyle”)

Olaf: What's up with Lyle? What's up with Lyle?

I'm telling you that boy doesn't fit the Viking Style.

(Lighting darkens, spot on Olaf.)

Olaf: Since 793 our strategy's been clear,

Go get stuff from over there and bring it over here.

(agitated) You know that little guy, he’s got me feelin’ all contempt-y!

He takes his boat all loaded up, and brings it back in empty

What? What? What is up with Lyle?

(Lighting returns to normal, Olaf exits. End “What’s Up with Lyle”. As Archibald narrates, Sven and Otar enter; while looking back at Lyle’s boat, Sven trips over Otar. Otar scowls at him, and he stands.)

Archibald: (O.S.) Yes, well... No one could figure out what Lyle was up to! So two of the other Vikings, two fellows named Sven and Otar, decided to follow him, and find out.

(Start “You Guys Go Ahead”)

Sven: (off-key acapella) You guys go ahead...

We’ll catch uuuuuuuup!!

(Otar cringes.)

Otar: Ah, Sven? You don’t have to sing.

Sven: (still singing cheerfully) But it’s a muuuusicalllllll!!!

Otar: Yeah, I know, but you don’t have to sing every line in a musical. Talking is okay, too.

Sven: (now talking) Oh. Okay.

(End “You Guys Go Ahead”. The two start hopping away.)

Archibald: (O.S.) So very stealthily, they followed Lyle across the sea.

(Fade to the two’s boat, where Sven keeps lookout.)

Sven: No, you’re too close. He’s gonna see us!

Otar: (rowing) No, no, Sven, I-

Sven: Not close enough.

Otar: Would you just let me-

Sven: We’re gonna lose him!

(Wide shot; Otar rows the boat forward and backward at Sven’s insistence while Lyle sails on completely unaware.)

Otar: I’m just trying to-

Sven: Little closer…(panics) no, no, too close! No, no!!

Otar: (irate) Would you just-?!

Archibald: (O.S.) And much to their surprise, he led them right back to the monastery they had raided the night before!

Otar/Sven: What?/Huh?

(Cut to Sven’s perspective as he looks through binoculars to see Lyle with a monk.)

Sven: What is he doing?

(The binoculars shift.)

Otar: Uh, can I see? Um, Sven-

Sven/Otar: (overlapping) No hold on, hold on, just a minute, I- c’mon-/No, I- I just wanna- I- wouldya just-?!

(The two have a tug of war with the binoculars.)

Sven/Otar: (overlapping) No, let go, I’ve got ‘em, I’ve GOT ‘em...just-/NO, just GIVE me the- (grunt of effort)

(The binoculars fly out of their “hands” and splash into the water.)

Sven: Um...those were Olaf’s.

(Cut to the island where Lyle stands with a monk and several pea kids. Start “Dear Monks.”)

Lyle: Dear monks, dear monks, what can I say?

My friends have taken your things away.

Dear monks, dear monks, what can I do?

I’ve come to bring some back to you.

I cannot make it all come back,

For they are bigger and older.

But I’ll share what I have in my little sack,

And a few of my own potholders!

Monk (Pa Grape): (taking a potholder) Aye...It’s the thought that counts.

Dear little Viking boy…

Lyle: You can call me, “Lyle.”

Monk: Oh. Okay. (clears throat)

Dear Lyle, dear Lyle, we like your style,

For we were all despairing,

But you rowed your boat for many a mile,

To practice an act of sharing!


(The pea kids step forward.)

Peas: Thank you, thank you, Viking friend, no longer are we blue…

Rest assured that we intend to someday soon help you!

(End “Dear Monks.” The kids laugh and surround Lyle. Cut back to a bewildered Sven and Otar.)

Archibald: (O.S.) Sven and Otar were very confused.

Sven: I’m confused.

Archibald: (O.S.) They returned home and waited to confront Lyle.

(Start “Not So Fast.” Cut to the dock as Lyle rows up to it and leaves his boat. He hops up on land, where Sven and Otar confront him.)

Sven: Not so fast, don’t take another hop!

We know where you’ve been, and we think it’s gotta stop!

Lyle: Huh?

Otar: We Vikings rule the seas! We pillage and attack!

We never say “please,” and we never give stuff...back!

Sven: Not to mention the potholders!

(End “Not So Fast.” Lyle looks down thoughtfully, then smiles as “My Share” begins.)

Lyle: You both care, about your share, of gold so rare, and big TVs!

But when, I share, I get, my share of friends!

Do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do!

(Lyle gets in both Vikings’ faces.)

Lyle: What’s the use, a golden goose, is no excuse, for being mean!

When, I share, I get, my share of friends!

Do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-doooo! YEAH!

(End “Share of Friends.” Sven and Otar smile down at Lyle, then look thoughtful.)

Archibald: (O.S.) Well...Sven and Otar had never thought about it that way! Could sharing actually give them more of what would make them really happy? Even they had noticed that watching that big screen TV wasn’t all that fun by yourself.

(Sven and Otar realize they were almost leaning on each other, and jerk away.)

Archibald: (O.S.) They needed to give that a little more thought. In the meantime, though, they knew Lyle would be in big trouble if Olaf learned what he was doing.

Sven: If Olaf finds ooooout,

you’ll be in big troooooubleeeeeee!!

Otar: can just talk.

Sven: Oh. Right. (clears throat) If Olaf finds out...y’know…

Otar: Well, Olaf’s not gonna find out. This will be our little secret.

Lyle: Thanks, guys.

(Sven and Otar share a wink.)

Archibald: (O.S.) So they resolved not to let Olaf find out.

(Cut to Archibald with the book.)

Archibald: Unfortunately, this was easier said than done. 

(Cut to the Viking ship at sea. Olaf supervises the rest, who are rowing, but Otar steps out of line and sees something.)

Archibald: (O.S.) Just a few days later as the Vikings were headed out to raid the monastery once again--it was the only monastery in the area--Otar spotted something.

(Cut to Otar’s perspective; he sees Lyle with the monks!)

Otar: (gasps) Oh, no!

Sven: What is it?

Otar: It’s Lyle! He’s at the monastery!

Sven: (gasps)

(Olaf shakes some water from his binoculars, then looks through them.)

Otar: If Olaf sees him, he’s in big trouble!

Sven: What do we do?!

Otar: We gotta distract Olaf!

(Start “Look, Olaf.” Otar frantically looks around in thought, then runs up to Olaf and pushes him to the sides, trying to distract him. Sven peers over the edge too, trying to see what Otar is describing.)

Otar: Look, Olaf, there’s a fish with a pretty yellow circle at the bottom of the backside of his fin!

Look, Olaf, there’s another, and another, and another! That little one has got a funny grin!

Olaf: (confused) But I don’t see any-

Otar: Look Olaf, Olaf, Olaf, way down underneath the water, it’s the biggest fish I think I’ve ever seen! (He holds up a Larry-Boy shield.)

Look Olaf, he’s got purple spots and orange and yellow markings and a dorsal fin that’s iridescent green!

Olaf: (confused) What???

Sven: (whispers) Otar, I don’t see any of that!

Otar: (hushed/panicky) Sven! We’ve gotta distract him! Help me out!

Sven: (gets an idea) Ohhhhh…

Look, Olaf, there’s a turtle and he’s wearing pink pajamas and he’s got a cowboy hat upon his lid!

Look, Olaf, very close, and see he’s riding on a llama and he’s chasing down a herd of giant squid!

Look, Olaf, Olaf, Olaf, Olaf!

Otar: Olaf, Olaf, Olaf, Olaf!!

(Sven hops on the oars.)

Sven: There’s a whale that’s dancing with a bear!

Otar: (frantically trying to block Olaf's view) Look Olaf, it’s a mermaid!

Sven: It’s an ostrich!

Otar: (hysterical) It’s a bunny! Look, Olaf, please look ANYWHERE but-

Olaf: I don’t see anything…(spots something in the distance) What?

Otar: (defeated) But there…

(End “Look Olaf.” The other Vikings look the same direction.)

Harold: Hey...Isn’t that Lyle?

Olaf: (looking through binoculars) Mmm-hmm. And he left something with those monks.

Bjorn: What is it?

Olaf: It’s...potholders! And the little bag of loot we gave him!

(All Vikings gasp.)

Harold: Hey, that goes against the code of a Viking!

Bjorn: You can say that again!

(Sven and Otar exchange fearful glances.)

Olaf: Why, that little Viking is in biiiiiiig trouble!

(A storm rolls in behind Olaf. Start “What Do You Think Your Doing.” Lyle sails away from the island...but gets bumped by the Viking boat. As Olaf sings, all Vikings but Sven and Otar stare at Lyle menacingly.)

Olaf: What do you think you’re doing?

Lyle: I was-

Olaf: Givin’ them stuff back?!

Lyle: Um, yeah…

Olaf: Well now there’s a storm a-brewing

and you’re the one that’s under attack!

(End “What Do You Think Your Doing.” Score swells with the storm as Olaf jumps onto Lyle’s boat and tears the sail off. Lyle braces fearfully.)

Harold: Ah, Olaf, this storm is blowin’ up pretty quick. (throws him a rope) Maybe you should head back-

Olaf: (throwing Lyle’s paddles into the sea in a rage) First, I need to make an example out of this EX-Viking!

(The monks look on in horror.)

Bjorn: You know, I think Harold is right! We’ve got to get out of here!

Olaf: Almost done! (grabs the rope, swings back onto the Viking ship) You’ll see that NOTHIN’ good comes from givin’ things back!

(Lyle’s boat bobs aimlessly as the Viking ship floats away; Sven and Otar look at each other sadly as the others still glare at Lyle. A huge wave suddenly rises, and the Vikings scream.)

All six Vikings: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(They fall out of the boat. The Viking ship goes under as they sadly watch. Another wave washes over Lyle’s boat, and he flies out on impact and goes man overboard)

Monk: Ah! Lyle’s in trouble! We gotta help him! Where’s the life ring?!

Pea 1: (bringing him the life ring) Right here!

Monk: Hang on, Lyle! (throws with a grunt of effort) Help is on the way!

(Pan out to show the life ring still right beside him.)

Monk: Huh? What’d I throw?

(He has accidentally thrown one of the young monks into the ocean.)

Pea 1: Aaaaaahhh!!

Monk: Oy vey! Hang on!

(Pea 1 surfaces next to Lyle. Now the life ring is actually thrown, and Lyle gets in. Pea 1 hops on top The other pea kids pull the rope.)

Monk: Pull, boys, pull!

(The ship-less Vikings all bob in the water.)

Bjorn: Hey, look, the monks saved Lyle!

Olaf: What?...oh…

Bjorn: I guess if we had shared, there’d be somebody to save us, too…

(Lyle and Pea 1 are safely on shore.)

Lyle: Thanks, guys!

Pea 2: We knew we could help you someday.

Lyle: But...what about my friends?

Monk: Uh… they were mean to us.

Lyle: I’m pretty sure God wants us to help everyone, not just the people who are nice to us.

Monk:’re right. We’re monks, we should know that, huh? Alright! C’mon boys! Let’s save the Vikings! (aside to Lyle) Ah, can we put away the good silverware first?

(Lyle shakes his head.)

Monk: Oh, alright.

(The peas pull in Olaf, then Sven and Otar. Sven and Otar help pull in Bjorn, who’s in the life ring like an innertube.)

Archibald: (O.S.) So not only did the monks save Lyle, they saved ALL the Vikings from the storm!

(The storm stops as the sun comes out, and all the thankful Vikings are safely on land with the monks.)

Archibald: (O.S.) And just because Lyle had made friends with them by sharing.

(Start “Dear Monks / My Share Reprise.”)

Vikings: Thank you, thank you, our new friends, you saved us from the sea.

Rest assured that we intend to share proficiently…

We used, to care, about, our share,

Of gold, so rare, and big TVs.

But when, we share, we get, our share of friends!

(The peas hop around Sven singing.)

Peas: Do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do!

Olaf: So what’s the use? A golden goose, is no excuse, for being mean!

When we share, we get, our share of friends!

(End “Dear Monks / My Share Reprise.” Ad-lib the Vikings cheering and rejoicing at their newfound friendships.)

Sven: Does that mean we can’t be Vikings anymore?

Monk: Not necessarily, but I do think you need to change your song!

(Start “We’re Vikings Reprise.” The Vikings and wives all sing triumphantly on the somehow recovered ship.)

All: We’re Vikings!

Sven: Whaddaya know, the sharers of the sea!

All: We’re Vikings!

Erik: Wherever we go, sharing happily!

All: We’re Vikings!

Otar: Let there be no,

Otar/All Others: Animosities, cuz/ Vikings cuz

All: Our pillaging ways we will amend

by sharing and caring and making friends,

And fin’ly our singing is at its end!

(Cut to the Viking ship slowly floating away into the sunset as its passengers rejoice.)

All: The sharers of the sea!

We're Vikings!

The sharers of the sea!

(Music stops for a moment.)

Sven: I need to go to the baaaaaathroooooom!!!

Otar: Ah, Sven, you can stop singing now.

Sven: Oh. Right.

(Final music cue, then iris out.)

Closing Countertop

Archibald: Well, there you have it, the lost musical of... “Gilbert Jones and Sullivan O’Kelly"? What?! That’s not right. That’s the wrong Gilbert and Sullivan! This wasn’t their lost musical at all!

Jean-Claude: We liked it.

(The French Peas laugh)

Archibald: Oh, that's what I get for working with peas! I could have your union cards for this, you know!

(He chases the French Peas)

The French Peas: You can’t catch us! You can’t!

Archibald: You'll never work on the West End again!

Phillipe: Oh, does he look silly, or what?!

Bob: We’re over here by QWERTY to talk about what we've-

(Fireplace prop falls onto Bob's head)

Bob: Uh,

Singers: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today,

and God has a lot to say in His book.

(As the song plays, we can still hear Archibald trying to catch the French Peas, who are still laughing)

Larry: Do you think they’re gonna be okay?

Bob: I think, they’ll be just fine.

(Bob tries to say something but stops when the song continues, while Larry nods his head to the ditty)

Singers: You see we know that God's word is for everyone,

and now that our song is done we'll take a look.

Bob: Well, Prince Omelet learned that God wants us to share, and that sharing can actually feel pretty good!

Larry: Yup! And Lyle taught all the Vikings that even though sharing doesn’t get you more “stuff”, it does get you more friends, and that’s even better.

Bob: That’s right, Larry! Well, let’s see if the Bible says anything about sharing.

(QWERTY shows Bob and Larry a verse)

Bob: “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for which such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16." Hmm, so, God likes it when we share!

Larry: Yep, and so do the people we share with.

Bob: Well, we’re out of time for today. So remember, God made you special and He loves you very much.

Both: Goodbye!

(A crash is heard off-screen)

Archibald: (O.S) Oops, sorry!

(The French Peas are still laughing at Archibald, still chasing them, as a plate of eggs rolls past Bob and Larry.)

Larry: Bob, don't look.

Bob: Just roll the credits, Larry, roll the credits.

(End of transcript)