King George and the Ducky/Transcript

This is an episode transcript for King George and the Ducky

Transcript

(The episode opens on the Countertop with Jimmy and Jerry Gourd, who are disguised respectively as Bob and Larry.)

Jimmy: Hi, kids! And welcome to VeggieTales! I-I'm Bob the Tomato!

Jerry: And I'm Larry... (Jimmy nudges him) the Cucumber!

Jimmy: And we're here to answer your questions!

Jerry: Right!

Jimmy: Now, we got a letter today, from a kid named, uh... Jimmy, who lives in a place near... texas somewhere.

Jerry: Yeah, texas!

Jimmy: Now, this kid, Jimmy, says that he knows this other kid named, uh...

Jerry: Jerry!

Jimmy: Yeah, sure! Jerry! This other kid named Jerry! Now, Jimmy says that this kid, Jerry, is soooo selfish, one of the most selfish kids in the world, so selfish, i-it just makes ya sick!

Jerry: N-No, he's not.

Jimmy: Who's not?

Jerry: Jerry. He's not selfish, he's nice.

Jimmy: No! He's selfish! Remember? The letter?

Jerry: Uh, no! Jimmy said that Jerry was nice, while that other kid... Hubert was selfish!

Jimmy: Hubert?

Jerry: Yeah, Hubert.

Jimmy: Who's gonna name their kid Hubert? Look, Jerry- er, Larry! In the letter we got today from that kid Jimmy who lives near texas somewhere, he said that his friend Jerry was selfish! That's what it said, remember?

(Jerry is now grumpy as his Larry mask falls off.)

Jerry: You wanna piece of me?!?

Jimmy: Hey, whoa! Aw, man! You're the one that said 'Jerry'! I was gonna-

Bob: (Off-screen) Hey! What's going on in there!?

(Jimmy and Jerry become afraid when they hear Bob's voice. Jerry looks around worriedly before putting his mask back on, albeit upside down. Bob and Larry then show up.)

Larry: Yeah! What are you guys doing?

Jimmy: Uh, hi there! I'm Bob the Tomato!

Jerry: And I'm not selfish!

Bob: You're not Bob the Tomato, I'm Bob the Tomato! Jimmy? Jerry? Is that you? What in the world are you guys doing?

Jimmy: Aw man! We were just trying to help.

Jerry: Yeah, help.

Jimmy: We figured you needed a break.

Bob: Break? I just had a break! I don't need another one.

Jimmy: Aw, come on, Bob! Please let us do this! We've been wanting to host a show ever since Dave and the Giant Pickle!

Bob: I don't know about this. I'm not sure I-

Jimmy: We've got a story!

Bob: You do?

Jimmy: Yeah, we do! Jerry wrote it himself, right, Jerry?

Jerry: That's right, Jimmy. I got a story.

Larry: Well, what's it about?

Jimmy: It teaches kids not to be selfish.

Bob: Oh. Well that's a good thing to teach kids, I suppose. Maybe, if you've got a good story-

Jimmy: Oh, thanks, Bob! You won't be sorry. You'll see.

Larry: What's it called?

Jimmy: Um, it's called, um... I don't know. Jerry, what's it called?

Jerry: It's called "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down With All the Bananas".

(Jimmy nudges Jerry, which makes Jerry's mask become right side up again.)

Bob: Catchy.

Jimmy: Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a show to do.

Bob: Oh, okay.

Larry: Break a leg.

Jimmy: Well, Jimmy from near texas, here's a story to show that other selfish kid.

Jerry: Hubert! Roll film!

(The screen goes dark, but nothing happens.)

Jerry: (Off-screen) Uh, roll film!

(Story begins in the style of an old-fashioned movie, before the story's title comes up as...)

Jerry: (Off-screen) "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down With All The Bananas".

(Camera pans down to show Scallion # 1 wearing an Englishman costume while standing next to a big pile of bananas.)

Scallion # 1: Hello, I am the Englishman who went up a hill and came down with all the bananas, leaving, of course, the inhabitants of the hill with no bananas, and therefore, bestowing the term "selfish" upon myself.

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Scallion # 1: I know, but I've got all the bananas.

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) Well, aren't you going to eat them?

Scallion # 1: Why of course not! You can't eat bananas without strawberries.

(Camera whip pans over to show Jerry wearing a Swedish costume while standing next to a big pile of strawberries.)

Jerry: Hello! I'm the Swede who went up a hill and came down with all the strawberries, leaving, of course, the inhabitants of the hill with no strawberries, and therefore, bestowing the term "selfish" upon myself.

(Jimmy comes up to Jerry.)

Jimmy: You're not Swedish.

Jerry: Shh!

(Jimmy rolls his eyes and exits the stage.)

Phillipe: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Jerry: I know, but I've got all the strawberries!

Phillipe: (Off-screen) Well, aren't you going to eat them?

Jerry: Oh no! You can't eat strawberries without bananas!

(Camera pans out to show a wide view of Scallion # 1 and Jerry.)

Scallion # 1: Pardon me, good Swede, could you spare a strawberry?

Jerry: Uh, no...?

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Jerry: Excuse me, Mr. Englishman, could I trouble you for a banana?

Scallion # 1: Uh, no.

Phillipe: (Off-screen) You're so selfish! You guys are not so bright!

Jerry: (Off-screen) The end.

(The screen goes dark, before fading to Jimmy and Jerry on the countertop again.)

Jimmy: Oh, wow, that was something. I guess it's not good to be selfish, eh, Jerry?

Jerry: Mmm-mmm. Nope. Not so good.

Jimmy: Oh, yeah. Let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us.

Jerry: Yeah, Qwerty!

(Bob and Larry look at each other in disbelief. Jimmy and Jerry approach Qwerty, who is turned off.)

Jimmy: Hi, Qwerty! Got a verse? Qwerty? Qwerty? Uh, Qwerty? Oh, great! Somebody turned off Qwerty! Who turned off Qwerty!?!?

(Bob sighs and shakes his head in frustration.)

Jimmy: Uh, let's see, control, shift, tab, delete. Uh, no, no. Shift, escape, six, option. Uh, no, uh, function, escape, tab, L.

Jerry: (comes back while holding a cardboard sign with "Don't be selfish" scrawled on it) Hey, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Oh, would you look at that! "Don't be selfish"! Heh, that's a good one. Well, we're out of time for today, kids. Remember, God-

Bob: Hold it, hold it! Stop, stop, stop! You can't end a show like that! Well it's way too short, and the story was kinda, little... eh... I don't know. Qwerty's off, and there's not even a verse! No no! This is all wrong, we gotta do it again!

(Bob hops up in front of the camera.)

Bob: My apologies, boys and girls. We're gonna give this another go around. (to Jimmy and Jerry) Jimmy, Jerry! Take off those ridiculous costumes, we got a real story to tell!

(Jimmy and Jerry do as Bob tells them to, while Larry comes up to Bob.)

Bob: Larry, do you remember that letter we got from Lucy Thomas of Bismarck, North Dakota?

Larry: Uh, yeah. The one where she said that she didn't like to play with her little sister because she wanted to keep all her toys to herself?

Bob: That's the one. I say it's time we taught little Lucy a thing or two about being selfish. What do you say?

Larry: I say, aye-aye, Skipper!

(Larry hops off, leaving Bob alone.)

Bob: (sighs) It's good to be back. Action!

(Screen goes dark. Scene opens to an establishing shot of a castle.)

Bob: (Narrating) Once upon a time, there lived a king. Like other kings, he had a really neat castle to live in and a lovely little kingdom to rule, but unlike other kings, this king spent most of his time, in the bathtub. Oh Yes, His name was George, King George.

Louis: Uh, King George? Sire? Do you think you can come out soon? We have an important business to discuss.

King George: What do you think, Ducky?

Ducky: (squeaks)

King George: Oh, I couldn't agree more! Uh, not right now, Louis. We're not finished with our royal bath!

Louis: It's urgent, sir!

King George: Oh, Ducky. Why can't they just leave us alone?

Bob: (Narrating) Yes, because you see, the kingdom was at war. (pies are thrown around) The Great Pie War, to be exact.

(A pea soldier screams before getting hit in the face with a pie.)

Bob: (Narrating) And usually when the kingdom was at war, the king would, uh, help.

King George: It'll have to wait, Louis! First things first! Right, Ducky?

Ducky: (squeaks)

Bob: (Narrating) King George loved to take baths. But most of all, King George loved his Ducky.

King George: Some kings love horses, and some kings love cattle. Some kings love leading their troops into battle. But me, I'm not like that. I find that stuff... yucky! I'd much rather stay in my tub with my ducky.

(Louis waits outside the bathroom, until King George opens the door, the door knocking Louis back.)

King George: Because I love my duck!

Louis: Uh, sir, if I could have a minute?

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: There are some things we must discuss!

King George: I love my duck!

Louis: See, there's a war and, well, we're in it

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: Though I don't mean to make a fuss

King George: Then, don't. Sing with me, Louis!

Louis: Huh? Oh, okay. (clears his throat) Because he loves his duck

King George: And that is why I can't be bothered

Louis: Loves his duck

King George: With the particulars of war!

Louis: He loves his duck

King George: 'Cause quite unlike my dear old father

Louis: Loves his duck

King George: I find it all a bore! Now concentrate, dear Louis, and I think you will agree. The most important person in the whole wide world is me. So please don't drag me down with all the people and their troubles. Go run some water in my tub to freshen up my bubbles.

Ducky: (squeaks)

Louis: Oh boy.

King George: Because I love my duck!

Louis: I don't know why I even try

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: You just can't reason with this guy!

Both: Because he/I loves/love his/my duck!

Louis: It's time to face the facts, I think we're all a little stuck!

King George: So let the army run amok!

Louis: I fear the kingdom's out of luck!

Both: Because he/I loves/love his/my duck!

Louis: Yes, undoubtedly, we're stuck!

King George: So let the army run amok!

Louis: Oh boy, we're really out of luck!

King George: Because I love my-

(King George suddenly sees something, as his ducky hits him on the head.)

King George: Hey, what's that?

(King George looks out over the balcony, but his personal binoculars don't work.)

King George: Give me a quarter.

(Louis gives King George a quarter, before he inserts the quarter into the binoculars, turning them on, as King George zooms in on a house, where a young boy named Thomas is also in the bath with his own ducky, which King George is intrigued to see. Thomas smiles at his ducky.)

Thomas: Because I love my duck, you're always there to make me smile. I love my duck, you're my very favorite toy. (hums while brushing the ducky) Because I love my duck.

(King George is even more enamored with Thomas's ducky.)

King George: It's beautiful.

(King George throws his own ducky aside.)

King George: I want it.

Louis: What? The house?

King George: No, the ducky.

Louis: Oh, but you already have a ducky.

King George: What are you saying? That I shouldn't have what I want?

Louis: Well...

King George: I must have it! I must get it! You must go and get it for me! If you want me to be happy, then you'll show me you adore me! Don't rest another minute 'till it's sitting here before me! If you wanna do your best, I would suggest you go and bring me back that duck!

Louis: But, sir, if I may jog your memory, you already have quite a few duckies.

(Louis opens a cabinet to reveal several duckies.)

King George: Those are yesterday's duckies.

Louis: Huh? But, these are all perfectly good duckies. Why, most of your loyal subjects would love to have one ducky as nice as this.

King George: I don't like these! I don't need these! I don't want these any longer! My affection for these duckies isn't getting any stronger! To say I can't have what I want, you couldn't be more wronger! Don't ask me to explain there will be pain if you don't go and get that duck! (not singing) Our conversation is over.

Louis: Did you say 'wronger'?

King George: What? I don't know. Perhaps.

Louis: It's 'more wrong', not 'more wronger'.

King George: Eeugh... it had to rhyme! Don't question the king's grammar! Now go and get that duck!

Louis: But, King George, we can't just barge in and take Thomas's duck!

King George: Why not?!

Louis: Well, he'll tell people, and then everyone will think that you'll come and take their stuff! You can't run a kingdom that way.

King George: Oh, alright. Well, then, we'll have to do something about Thomas.

Louis: What?

(The door knocks)

King George: Come in!

(Cedric comes in through the door.)

King George: Ah, Cedric! My favorite general! How goes the war?

Cedric: As Louis has told you, the Pie War has grown ferocious!

(Scene cuts back to at the Pie War.)

Pea Soldier: Aaah!

(Pea Soldier gets hit in the face with a pie.)

Cedric: We need more men at the front.

King George: Louis didn't tell me that.

Louis: I was trying to! But he wouldn't come out of the-

King George: Hmmmm, more men, eh?

Cedric: Yes, we need more men.

King George: You know, I believe Thomas would like to help out.

Cedric: Thomas? He's rather small.

King George: He's surprisingly strong for his size.

Cedric: As you wish, sire.

Louis: Your highness!

King George: And one more thing, Cedric. Put Thomas at the front of the battle, then have everyone else step back!

Cedric: But, he'll be... creamed!

King George: Your king has spoken!

Cedric: As you wish.

(Cedric leaves.)

King George: Louis, meet me at dusk at the town square. We have a little job to do.

Bob: (Narrating) It was terrible. Louis didn't want Thomas to get hurt, and he didn't want to take his Ducky, and he certainly didn't want King George to send him to the Pie War too. So, he did as the king asked.

(Louis leaves as the screen goes dark.)

(Silly Songs with Larry: Endangered Love)

(Scene switches to the exterior of the castle at night. Louis is standing outside, before King George comes out while wearing Groucho Glasses to hide his identity and carrying a net.)

King George: All right, follow me. And try to act inconspicuous!

(King George and Louis go into town and enter Thomas's house. King George uses the net to swipe Thomas's Ducky, before he and Louis leave. Scene switches to back in King George's castle, as the bed lifts up, revealing a secret passage.)

King George: We did it! Oh, now, now, now I'm happy! Let's have a look at it!

(King George and Louis set the Ducky on a pedestal. King George's glasses fall off.)

Louis: It looks just like all your other Duckies.

King George: What?! Hold your tongue, infidel! This is the most perfect Ducky the world has ever known! It's time for a bath!

Louis: (gasps)

(Door knocks.)

King George: Oh, who could that be? Come in!

(Door opens to reveal Cedric standing with Thomas, who is covered with pies.)

Louis: Thomas!

King George: Yes, Thomas! (hops in front of the pedestal) Back so soon?

Cedric: It was astounding! There he was, alone in the battlelines, but he never gave up! This little fellow stopped the advancing hordes!

Thomas: (sniffs)

King George: He did?

Cedric: He's a war hero, sire!

King George: Yes. Well, Thomas, I, uh-

Thomas: Incoming! Boysenberry at three o'clock!

King George: Excuse me?

Cedric: I'm afraid he's lost his mind, sire. The trauma of war.

Louis: Oh no! Well, how long will he be like this?

Cedric: No telling, perhaps for the rest of his life.

King George: Yeah?

Thomas: Cobbler in the hole! Hit the deck!

(Thomas jumps and lands on the floor.)

King George: Yes, well, I'm sure that will be all.

Cedric: Yes, if he were conscious, I'm sure he would thank you. I'll take him to his room now.

King George: Thank you, Cedric.

(Cedric leaves.)

King George: Now, finally, I can take that bath.

Louis: Oh, I feel terrible.

King George: Why? Since Thomas has lost his marbles, he won't be needing it anymore.

Louis: What? Are you the only one you think about?!

King George: No, I've been thinking about this Ducky for some time. So, come on, help me out with that bath!

Louis: (gasps)

(The door knocks again.)

King George: Oh, great! Come in!

(Melvin is at the door.)

Melvin: I did.

King George: I see, and who are you?

Melvin: You remember me. I am Melvin, that slightly odd wiseman who shows every now and then to tell you something.

King George: Oh, okay. Now what do you want to tell me?

Melvin: I have to tell you a story.

King George: Not now. I'm gonna go take a bath. Come back at bedtime!

Melvin: It's important!

King George: Oh. What's that?

Melvin: It's a flannelgraph. To illustrate.

King George and Louis: Oooooh! Flannelgraph!

(Music starts to play.)

Melvin: There once was a rich man, a very rich man. He had a lot of sheep, he had a lot of land. He threw a lot of parties, he was dapper, he was tan. Yes, there once was a very rich man.

King George: Okay, great story. I'll see you next time-

Melvin: Wait just a minute, my story isn't done. It's about two men and I only mentioned one.

King George: Oh.

Melvin: There once was a man, a very poor man. He had next to nothing, just a little lamb. But he loved it like a son and he fed it from his hand. Yes, there once was a very poor man. Then one day, there was a guest at the house of the rich man. What did he do, have you guessed, to feed the guest of the rich man?

King George: Well, let's see. He had plenty of sheep, so he could just share one of his sheep. Not a problem!

Melvin: He took the lamb of the poor man.

(King George is shocked.)

Melvin: He took the lamb of the poor man! The rich man took, to feed his guest, the very very poor man's lamb!

King George: What? Is that a- Is this a true story?!

Melvin: As surely as I stand before you today, my story is true.

King George: Who is that man?! Tell me! To take the lamb of the poor man! Why, he had lots of sheep, but the poor man only had one! Man! For his cruelty, he shall spend the rest of his days locked in my dungeon! Who is he?

Melvin: Oh, King George, you are that man!

King George: What?!

Melvin: You are the king. You have many duckies, but Thomas only had one, and he loved it very much. But you weren't thinking about Thomas, you were only thinking about yourself and what you wanted.

King George: But I... I-

Melvin: Your highness, what you have done has made God very unhappy. For whether you are a king or just a kid, God wants us all to think of others first. You have been selfish, King George. and when we are selfish, we hurt the people around us, just like you had hurt Thomas.

King George: I-I-

Melvin: God wants us to love our neighbors, not hurt them.

King George: What do I do? What should I do?

Melvin: Here is what you must do; ask God to forgive you, ask Thomas to forgive you. And then...

King George: Yes?

Melvin: Make it right.

(Melvin goes out the door.)

Bob: (Narrating) Well, King George knew just what to do.

King George: Louis! Draw a bath!

Louis: What?

King George: Trust me!

Louis: O-Okay.

King George: I gotta find Thomas!

(King George goes into the secret passage under his bed. Scene switches to the bathtub, where Thomas is sitting.)

Bob: (Narrating) He figured a nice bath would help Thomas.

(Thomas looks to see King George in front of him.)

King George: Hello! Here, let's clean you up a bit.

(King George cleans up Thomas.)

Bob: (Narrating) And sure enough, he was right.

Thomas: Hey, where am I? Whoa, a big tub. Am I in Heaven?

King George: No, silly. It's just my bath. Here, I got something for you.

(King George presents the ducky to Thomas.)

Thomas: My ducky!

Bob: (Narrating) King George told Thomas what he had done and asked Thomas to forgive him. After thinking it over, Thomas said yes. Then King George prayed and asked God to forgive him too. Yes, sir. King George felt a lot better knowing that God forgave him, and the people he had hurt; Thomas, and even Louis, felt better because they knew that King George was really sorry. Yep, it was a happy day.

(Melvin shows up again.)

Melvin: So, King George, what'd you learn today?

King George: What'd I learn? Let me tell you. Today, I learned... (singing) That being selfish doesn't pay. I tried it just the other day. I wanted to be happy, I thought it was the way, but it weren't!

Louis: I think you mean 'wasn't'. It wasn't the way.

King George: Well now I know just what to do! Before I think about me, I better think about you. So send a message out to every boy and girl! There's no better way to make a really yucky world... than being selfish.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: Selfish, ooooh.

King George: It doesn't pay. I tried it.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: He tried it just the other day.

King George: Uh-huh. I wanted to be happy.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: He thought it was the way.

King George: But it weren't.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wait a minute, you mean 'wasn't'!

King George: But it weren't

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wasn't!

King George: But it weren't

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wasn't!

King George: But it weren't

Louis: Was not!

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

King George: But it weren't

Louis: Wasn't.

(Screen goes dark, ending the story. Scene switches to Bob and Larry on the countertop.)

Bob: Well, that was really something.

Larry: I'll say. King George sure learned a valuable lesson about being selfish, didn't he?

Bob: He sure did. In fact, the next day, he even gave away all his old duckies to everyone around him, so that they could be happy too.

Larry: Wow.

Bob: We're over here by Qwerty, to talk about what we learned today.

(Jimmy and Jerry hop in while singing the "What Have We Learned" song.)

Jimmy and Jerry: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today, and God has a lot to say in his book.

(Jimmy and Jerry stop when Bob is staring angrily at them.)

Jimmy: What? Hey! You wouldn't let us do the show! We gotta do something!

Bob: Oh, alright.

(Jimmy and Jerry resume singing.)

Jimmy and Jerry: You see we know that God's word is for everyone. Now that our song is done, we'll take a look.

Jimmy: Look.

Jerry: Look.

Jimmy: Take it, Bob.

Bob: Ahem. Well, King George learned that when we're selfish, like when we won't share our toys or if we we wanna take things that belong to others, well, it really hurts the people around us.

Larry: That's right, Bob. Hey, let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us today.

Bob: Good idea, Larry.

(Qwerty brings up the verse from Romans 12:10.)

Larry: Hmmm. "Love each other as brothers and sisters, and honor others more than you do yourself. Romans 12:10".

Bob: So the Bible says that instead of trying to honor ourselves or make ourselves happy, we should think about the people around us; about our friends at school or our brothers and sisters. What could we do to make them feel good? Lucy Thomas of Bismarck, North Dakota, I bet it would make your sister very happy if you would share your toys with her!

Larry: I think so too, Bob. Well, we're out of time for today! So, remember, kids...

Bob: God made you special and He loves you very much!

Jimmy: Hey, Bob! If it's okay with you, some friends of ours would like to take the next show.

Bob: What?

(The French Peas arrive, dressed as Bob and Larry)

Jean-Claude: Hello! I am Bob the Tomato!

Philippe: And I am Larry the Cucumber!

(They both laugh and run across the countertop)

Bob: I don't feel good about that.

Jimmy and Jerry: Goodbye!

Bob: Wait. Huh?

Alternate DVD edition

(The episode opens on the Countertop with Jimmy and Jerry Gourd, who are disguised respectively as Bob and Larry.)

Jimmy: Hi, kids, and welcome to VeggieTales! I'm Bob the Tomato!

Jerry: And I'm Larry... (Jimmy nudges him) the Cucumber!

Jimmy: And we're here to answer your questions!

Jerry: Right!

Jimmy: Now, we got a letter today, from a kid named, uh... Jimmy, who lives in a place near... texas somewhere.

Jerry: Yeah, texas!

Jimmy: Now, this kid, Jimmy, says that he knows this other kid named, uh...

Jerry: Jerry!

Jimmy: Yeah, sure! Jerry! This other kid named Jerry! Now, Jimmy says that this kid, Jerry, is soooo selfish, one of the most selfish kids in the world, so selfish, i-it just makes ya sick!

Jerry: N-No, he's not.

Jimmy: Who's not?

Jerry: Jerry. He's not selfish, he's nice.

Jimmy: No! He's selfish! Remember? The letter?

Jerry: Uh, no! Jimmy said that Jerry was nice, while that other kid... Hubert was selfish!

Jimmy: Hubert?

Jerry: Yeah, Hubert.

Jimmy: Who's gonna name their kid Hubert? Look, Jerry- er, Larry! In the letter we got today from that kid Jimmy who lives near texas somewhere, he said that his friend Jerry was selfish! That's what it said, remember?

(Jerry is now grumpy as his Larry mask falls off.)

Jerry: You wanna piece of me?!?

Jimmy: Hey, whoa! Aw, man! You're the one that said 'Jerry'! I was gonna-

Bob: (Off-screen) Hey! What's going on in there?!?

(Jimmy and Jerry become afraid when they hear Bob's voice. Jerry looks around worriedly before putting his mask back on, albeit upside down. Bob and Larry then show up.)

Larry: Yeah! What are you guys doing?!?

Jimmy: Uh, hi there! I'm Bob the Tomato!

Jerry: And I'm not selfish!

Bob: You're not Bob the Tomato! I'm Bob the Tomato! Jimmy? Jerry? Is that you? What in the world are you guys doing?

Jimmy: Aw man. We were just trying to help.

Jerry: Yeah, help.

Jimmy: We figured you needed a break.

Bob: Break? I just had a break! I don't need another one!

Jimmy: Aw, come on, Bob! Please let us do this! We've been wanting to host a show ever since Dave and the Giant Pickle!

Bob: I don't know about this. I'm not sure I-

Jimmy: We've got a story!

Bob: You do?

Jimmy: Yeah, we do! Jerry wrote it himself, right, Jerry?

Jerry: That's right, Jimmy, I got a story!

Larry: Well, what's it about?

Jimmy: It teaches kids not to be selfish.

Bob: Oh. Well that's a good thing to teach kids, I-I suppose. Maybe, if you've got a good story-

Jimmy: Oh, thanks, Bob! You won't be sorry! You'll see!

Larry: What's it called?

Jimmy: Um, it's called, um. I don't know. Jerry, what's it called?

Jerry: It's called "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down With All the Bananas".

(Jimmy nudges Jerry, which causes Jerry's mask to become right side up again.)

Bob: Catchy.

Jimmy: Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a show to do.

Bob: Oh, okay. (leaves)

Larry: Break a leg. (leaves)

Jimmy: Well, Jimmy from near texas, here's a story to show that other selfish kid.

Jerry: Hubert! Roll film!

(The screen goes dark, but nothing happens.)

Jerry: (Off-screen) Uh, roll film!

(Story begins in the style of an old-fashioned movie, before the story's title comes up as...)

Jerry: (Off-screen) "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down With All The Bananas".

(Camera pans down to show Scallion # 1 wearing an Englishman costume while standing next to a big pile of bananas.)

Scallion # 1: Hello, I am the Englishman who went up a hill and came down with all the bananas, leaving, of course, the inhabitants of the hill with no bananas, and therefore, bestowing the term "selfish" upon myself.

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Scallion # 1: I know, but I've got all the bananas!

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) Well, aren't you going to eat them?

Scallion # 1: Why of course not! You can't eat bananas without strawberries!

(Camera whip pans over to show Jerry wearing a Swedish costume while standing next to a big pile of strawberries.)

Jerry: Hello! I'm the Swede who went up a hill and came down with all the strawberries, leaving, of course, the inhabitants of the hill with no strawberries, and therefore, bestowing the term "selfish" upon myself.

(Jimmy comes up to Jerry.)

Jimmy: You're not Swedish.

Jerry: Shh!

(Jimmy rolls his eyes and exits the stage.)

Phillipe: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Jerry: I know, but I've got all the strawberries!

Phillipe: (Off-screen) Well, aren't you going to eat them?

Jerry: Oh no! You can't eat strawberries without bananas!

(Camera pans out to show a wide view of Scallion # 1 and Jerry.)

Scallion # 1: Pardon me, good Swede, could you spare a strawberry?

Jerry: Uh, no...?

Jean-Claude: (Off-screen) You're so selfish!

Jerry: Excuse me, Mr. Englishman, could I trouble you for a banana?

Scallion # 1: Uh, no.

Phillipe: (Off-screen) You're so selfish! You guys are not so bright!

Jerry: (Off-screen) The end.

(The screen goes dark.)

(Silly Songs with Larry: Endangered Love)

(Screen goes dark. Scene opens to an establishing shot of a castle.)

Bob: (Narrating) Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a king. Like other kings, he had a big castle and a big kingdom, but unlike other kings, this king spent most of his time, in the bath. His name was George, King George.

Louis: Uh, King George? Sire? Do you think you can come out soon? We have important business to discuss.

King George: What do you think, Ducky?

Ducky: (squeaks)

King George: Oh, I couldn't agree more! Uh, not right now, Louis. We're not finished with our royal bath!

Louis: It's urgent, sir!

King George: Oh, Ducky. Why can't they just leave us alone?

Bob: (Narrating) Yes, because you see, the kingdom was at war. (pies are thrown around) The Great Pie War, to be exact.

(A pea soldier screams before getting hit in the face with a pie.)

Bob: (Narrating) And usually when the kingdom was at war, the king would, uh, help.

King George: It'll have to wait, Louis! First things first! Right, Ducky?

Ducky: (squeaks)

Bob: (Narrating) King George loved to take baths. But most of all, King George loved his Ducky.

King George: Some kings love horses, and some kings love cattle. Some kings love leading their troops into battle. But me, I'm not like that. I find that stuff... yucky! I'd much rather stay in my tub with my ducky.

(Louis waits outside the bathroom, until King George opens the door, the door knocking Louis back.)

King George: Because I love my duck!

Louis: Uh, sir, if I could have a minute?

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: There are some things we must discuss!

King George: I love my duck!

Louis: See, there's a war and, well, we're in it

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: Though I don't mean to make a fuss

King George: Then, don't. Sing with me, Louis!

Louis: Huh? Oh, okay. (clears his throat) Because he loves his duck

King George: And that is why I can't be bothered

Louis: Loves his duck

King George: With the particulars of war!

Louis: He loves his duck

King George: 'Cause quite unlike my dear old father

Louis: Loves his duck

King George: I find it all a bore! Now concentrate, dear Louis, and I think you will agree. The most important person in the whole wide world is me. So please don't drag me down with all the people and their troubles. Go run some water in my tub to freshen up my bubbles.

Ducky: (squeaks)

Louis: Oh boy.

King George: Because I love my duck!

Louis: I don't know why I even try

King George: Love my duck!

Louis: You just can't reason with this guy!

Both: Because he/I loves/love his/my duck!

Louis: It's time to face the facts, I think we're all a little stuck!

King George: So let the army run amok!

Louis: I fear the kingdom's out of luck!

Both: Because he/I loves/love his/my duck!

Louis: Yes, undoubtedly, we're stuck!

King George: So let the army run amok!

Louis: Oh boy, we're really out of luck!

King George: Because I love my-

(King George suddenly sees something, as his ducky hits him on the head.)

King George: Hey, what's that?

(King George looks out over the balcony, but his personal binoculars don't work.)

King George: Give me a quarter.

(Louis gives King George a quarter, before he inserts the quarter into the binoculars, turning them on, as King George zooms in on a house, where a young boy named Thomas is also in the bath with his own ducky, which King George is intrigued to see. Thomas smiles at his ducky.)

Thomas: Because I love my duck, you're always there to make me smile. I love my duck, you're my very favorite toy. (hums while brushing the ducky) Because I love my duck.

(King George is even more enamored with Thomas's ducky.)

King George: It's beautiful.

(King George throws his own ducky aside.)

King George: I want it.

Louis: What? The house?

King George: No, the ducky.

Louis: Oh, but you already have a ducky.

King George: What are you saying? That I shouldn't have what I want?

Louis: Well...

King George: I must have it! I must get it! You must go and get it for me! If you want me to be happy, then you'll show me you adore me! Don't rest another minute 'till it's sitting here before me! If you wanna do your best, I would suggest you go and bring me back that duck!

Louis: But, sir, if I may jog your memory, you already have quite a few duckies.

(Louis opens a cabinet to reveal several duckies.)

King George: Those are yesterday's duckies.

Louis: Huh? But, these are all perfectly good duckies. Why, most of your loyal subjects would love to have one ducky as nice as this.

King George: I don't like these! I don't need these! I don't want these any longer! My affection for these duckies isn't getting any stronger! To say I can't have what I want, you couldn't be more wronger! Don't ask me to explain there will be pain if you don't go and get that duck! (not singing) Our conversation is over.

Louis: Did you say 'wronger'?

King George: What? I don't know. Perhaps.

Louis: It's 'more wrong', not 'more wronger'.

King George: Eeugh... it had to rhyme! Don't question the king's grammar! Now go and get that duck!

Louis: But, King George, we can't just barge in and take Thomas's duck!

King George: Why not?!

Louis: Well, he'll tell people, and then everyone will think that you'll come and take their stuff! You can't run a kingdom that way.

King George: Oh, alright. Well, then, we'll have to do something about Thomas.

Louis: What?

(The door knocks)

King George: Come in!

(Cedric comes in through the door.)

King George: Ah, Cedric! My favorite general! How goes the war?

Cedric: As Louis has told you, the Pie War has grown ferocious!

(Scene cuts back to at the Pie War.)

Pea Soldier: Aaah!

(Pea Soldier gets hit in the face with a pie.)

Cedric: We need more men at the front.

King George: Louis didn't tell me that.

Louis: I was trying to! But he wouldn't come out of the-

King George: Hmmmm, more men, eh?

Cedric: Yes, we need more men.

King George: You know, I believe Thomas would like to help out.

Cedric: Thomas? He's rather small.

King George: He's surprisingly strong for his size.

Cedric: As you wish, sire.

Louis: Your highness!

King George: And one more thing, Cedric. Put Thomas at the front of the battle, then have everyone else step back!

Cedric: But, he'll be... creamed!

King George: Your king has spoken!

Cedric: As you wish.

(Cedric leaves.)

King George: Louis, meet me at dusk at the town square. We have a little job to do.

Bob: (Narrating) It was terrible. Louis didn't want Thomas to get hurt, and he didn't want to take his Ducky, and he certainly didn't want King George to send him to the Pie War too. So, he did as the king asked.

(Louis leaves as the screen goes dark.)

(Scene switches to the exterior of the castle at night. Louis is standing outside, before King George comes out while wearing Groucho Glasses to hide his identity and carrying a net.)

King George: All right, follow me. And try to act inconspicuous!

(King George and Louis go into town and enter Thomas's house. King George uses the net to swipe Thomas's Ducky, before he and Louis leave. Scene switches to back in King George's castle, as the bed lifts up, revealing a secret passage.)

King George: We did it! Oh, now, now, now I'm happy! Let's have a look at it!

(King George and Louis set the Ducky on a pedestal. King George's glasses fall off.)

Louis: It looks just like all your other Duckies.

King George: What?! Hold your tongue, infidel! This is the most perfect Ducky the world has ever known! It's time for a bath!

Louis: (gasps)

(Door knocks.)

King George: Oh, who could that be? Come in!

(Door opens to reveal Cedric standing with Thomas, who is covered with pies.)

Louis: Thomas!

King George: Yes, Thomas! (hops in front of the pedestal) Back so soon?

Cedric: It was astounding! There he was, alone in the battlelines, but he never gave up! This little fellow stopped the advancing hordes!

Thomas: (sniffs)

King George: He did?

Cedric: He's a war hero, sire!

King George: Yes. Well, Thomas, I, uh-

Thomas: Incoming! Boysenberry at three o'clock!

King George: Excuse me?

Cedric: I'm afraid he's lost his mind, sire. The trauma of war.

Louis: Oh no! Well, how long will he be like this?

Cedric: No telling, perhaps for the rest of his life.

King George: Yeah?

Thomas: Cobbler in the hole! Hit the deck!

(Thomas jumps and lands on the floor.)

King George: Yes, well, I'm sure that will be all.

Cedric: Yes, if he were conscious, I'm sure he would thank you. I'll take him to his room now.

King George: Thank you, Cedric.

(Cedric leaves.)

King George: Now, finally, I can take that bath.

Louis: Oh, I feel terrible.

King George: Why? Since Thomas has lost his marbles, he won't be needing it anymore.

Louis: What? Are you the only one you think about?!

King George: No, I've been thinking about this Ducky for some time. So, come on, help me out with that bath!

Louis: (gasps)

(The door knocks again.)

King George: Oh, great! Come in!

(Melvin is at the door.)

Melvin: I did.

King George: I see, and who are you?

Melvin: You remember me. I am Melvin, that slightly odd wiseman who shows every now and then to tell you something.

King George: Oh, okay. Now what do you want to tell me?

Melvin: I have to tell you a story.

King George: Not now. I'm gonna go take a bath. Come back at bedtime!

Melvin: It's important!

King George: Oh. What's that?

Melvin: It's a flannelgraph. To illustrate.

King George and Louis: Oooooh! Flannelgraph!

(Music starts to play.)

Melvin: There once was a rich man, a very rich man. He had a lot of sheep, he had a lot of land. He threw a lot of parties, he was dapper, he was tan. Yes, there once was a very rich man.

King George: Okay, great story. I'll see you next time-

Melvin: Wait just a minute, my story isn't done - it's about two men and I've only mentioned one!

King George: Oh.

Melvin: There once was a man, a very poor man. He had next to nothing, just a little lamb. But he loved it like a son and he fed it from his hand. Yes, there once was a very poor man. Then one day, there was a guest at the house of the rich man. What did he do, have you guessed, to feed the guest of the rich man?

King George: Well, let's see. He had plenty of sheep, so he could just share one of his sheep. Not a problem!

Melvin: He took the lamb of the poor man.

(King George is shocked.)

Melvin: He took the lamb of the poor man! The rich man took, to feed his guest, the very very poor man's lamb!

King George: What? Is that a- Is this a true story?!

Melvin: As surely as I stand before you today, my story is true.

King George: Who is that man?! Tell me! To take the lamb of the poor man! Why, he had lots of sheep, but the poor man only had one! Man! For his cruelty, he shall spend the rest of his days locked in my dungeon! Who is he?

Melvin: Oh, King George, you are that man!

King George: What?!

Melvin: You are the king. You have many duckies, but Thomas only had one, and he loved it very much. But you weren't thinking about Thomas, you were only thinking about yourself.

King George: But I... I-

Melvin: Your highness, what you have done has made God very unhappy. For whether you are a king or just a kid, God wants us all to think of others first. But you haven't done that.

King George: I-I-

Melvin: God wants us to love our neighbors, not hurt them.

King George: What do I do? What do I do?

Melvin: Here is what you must do; ask God to forgive you, ask Thomas to forgive you. And then...

King George: Yes?

Melvin: Make it right.

(Melvin goes out the door.)

Bob: (Narrating) Well, King George knew just what to do.

King George: Louis! Draw a bath!

Louis: What?

King George: Trust me!

Louis: O-Okay.

King George: I gotta find Thomas!

(King George goes into the secret passage under his bed. Scene switches to the bathtub, where Thomas is sitting.)

Bob: (Narrating) He figured a nice bath would help Thomas.

(Thomas looks to see King George in front of him.)

King George: Hello! Here, let's clean you up a bit.

(King George cleans up Thomas.)

Bob: (Narrating) And sure enough, he was right.

Thomas: Hey, where am I? Whoa, a big tub. Am I in Heaven?

King George: No, silly. It's just my bath. Here, I got something for you.

(King George presents the ducky to Thomas.)

Thomas: My ducky!

Bob: (Narrating) King George told Thomas what he had done and asked Thomas to forgive him. After thinking it over, Thomas said yes. Then King George prayed and asked God to forgive him too. Yes, King George felt a lot better knowing that God forgave him, and the people he had hurt; Thomas, and even Louis, felt better because they knew that King George was sorry for what he had done. Yep, it was a happy day.

(Melvin shows up again.)

Melvin: So, King George, what'd you learn today?

King George: What'd I learn? Let me tell you. Today, I learned... (singing) That being selfish doesn't pay. I tried it just the other day. I wanted to be happy, I thought it was the way, but it weren't!

Louis: I think you mean 'wasn't'. It wasn't the way.

King George: Well now I know just what to do! Before I think about me, I better think about you. So send a message out to every boy and girl! There's no better way to make a really yucky world... than being selfish.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: Selfish, ooooh.

King George: It doesn't pay. I tried it.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: He tried it just the other day.

King George: Uh-huh. I wanted to be happy.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: He thought it was the way.

King George: But it weren't.

Louis, Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wait a minute, you mean 'wasn't'!

King George: But it weren't

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wasn't!

King George: But it weren't

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

Louis: Wasn't!

King George: But it weren't

Louis: Was not!

Thomas, Melvin: Weren't, weren't, weren't, weren't

King George: But it weren't

Louis: Wasn't.

(Screen goes dark, ending the story. Scene switches to Bob and Larry on the countertop.)

Bob: Well, that was really something.

Larry: I'll say. King George sure learned a valuable lesson about being selfish, didn't he?

Bob: He sure did. In fact, the next day, he even gave away all his old duckies to everyone around him, so that they could be happy too.

Larry: Wow.

Bob: We're over here by Qwerty, to talk about what we learned today.

(Jimmy and Jerry hop in while singing the "What Have We Learned" song.)

Jimmy and Jerry: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today, and God has a lot to say in his book.

(Jimmy and Jerry stop when Bob is staring angrily at them.)

Jimmy: What? Hey! You wouldn't let us do the show! We gotta do something!

Bob: Oh, alright.

(Jimmy and Jerry resume singing.)

Jimmy and Jerry: You see we know that God's word is for everyone. Now that our song is done, we'll take a look.

Jimmy: Look.

Jerry: Look.

Jimmy: Take it, Bob.

Bob: Ahem. Well, King George learned that when we're selfish, like when we won't share our toys or if we we wanna take things that belong to others, well, it really hurts the people around us.

Larry: That's right, Bob. Hey, let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us today!

Bob: Good idea, Larry.

(Qwerty brings up the verse from Romans 12:10.)

Larry: Hmmm. "Love each other as brothers and sisters, and honor others more than you do yourself. Romans 12:10".

Bob: So the Bible says that instead of trying to honor ourselves or make ourselves happy, we should think about the people around us; about our friends at school or our brothers and sisters. What could we do to make them feel good? Lucy Thomas of Bismarck, North Dakota, I bet it would make your sister very happy if you would share your toys with her!

Larry: I think so too, Bob. Well, we're out of time for today! So, remember, kids...

Bob: God made you special and He loves you very much!

Jimmy: Hey, Bob! If it's okay with you, some friends of ours would like to take the next show.

Bob: What?

(The French Peas arrive, dressed as Bob and Larry)

Jean-Claude: Hello! I am Bob the Tomato!

Philippe: And I am Larry the Cucumber!

(They both laugh and run across the countertop)

Bob: I don't feel good about that.

Jimmy and Jerry: Goodbye!

Bob: Wait. Huh?