Kilts and Stilts is the 37th Silly Songs with Larry.

Lyrics

Narrator: And now it's time for Silly-

Larry the Cucumber: Hold it!

Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Scottish Larry. The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly Scottish song.

Scooter Carrot: I can't tell ya how proud I am at this moment!

Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts... While he knits quilts...

Scooter Carrot: Nice quilt!

Larry the Cucumber (Scottish Accent): I sing with simulated Scottish island lilt.

Scooter Carrot: Ah, beautiful!

Larry the Cucumber: He plays his bagpipe...

[Bagpipe]

Larry the Cucumber: Eats haggis melts...

Scooter Carrot: Haggis!

Larry the Cucumber: We feel so smart in our red tartan Scottish kilts.

Scooter Carrot: Sing it, lad!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our... red tartan kilts... We feel so smart in our red tartan Scottish kilts.

Scooter Carrot: Technically you stitch a quilt, but otherwise lovely!

Jean-Claude Pea: Top of ze mornin' to you.

Scooter Carrot: I'll have you know that's not in Scotland!

[Rip!]

Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts...

Scooter Carrot: Excuse me, sir!

Larry the Cucumber: He stitches quilts...

Scooter Carrot: What ya doin' wit a shamrock?

Larry the Cucumber (Irish Accent): I sing with simulated Northern Irish lilt.

Scooter Carrot: Irish?

Larry the Cucumber: He plays his whistle...

[Whistle]

Scooter Carrot: What?

Larry the Cucumber: Eat salted smelts...

Scooter Carrot: It's not on the menu!

Larry the Cucumber: We feel so smart in our green tartan Irish kilts.

Scooter Carrot: I've got nothing against me! Irish-

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd and Mr. Nezzer: In our... green tartan kilts... We feel so smart in our green tartan Irish kilts...

Scooter Carrot: But this is a Scottish song!

Jean-Claude Pea: Cheep-Cheep-Cheerio!

[Rip!]

Scooter Carrot (muffled by the thrown kilt at his face): Ugh!

Larry: I dance on stilts... He stitches quilts...

Scooter Carrot: WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?!!!

Larry the Cucumber (English Accent): I sing with simulated English Cortney lilt.

Scooter Carrot: ENGLISH??!

[Boomp]

Larry the Cucumber: He plays his trumpet...

[Trumpet]

Scooter Carrot (desperately): Ugh!

Larry the Cucumber: Eats crumpet melts...

Scooter Carrot: Gimme that crumpet!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our St. George's English Kilts.

Scooter Carrot: Well ya shouldn't!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our, St. George's kilts...

Scooter Carrot: No! Wait!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in-

Scooter Carrot (Briefly): No!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: -our St. George's English kilts.

Scooter Carrot: Oh!

Jean-Claude Pea: Howdy y'all!

Scooter Carrot: Stop it you! You're ruining me moment!

(Accelerando)

Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts... He stitches quilts...

Scooter Carrot: AMERICAN?!?!?!?!?!?!

Larry the Cucumber: I sing with ordinary unaccented lilt.

Scooter Carrot: Oh! Oh! I'm feeling dizzy!

Larry the Cucumber: He plays his banjo...

[Banjo]

Larry the Cucumber: Eats cheddar melts...

Scooter Carrot: Oh, I'm break ya know!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our star-spangled striped kilts.

Scooter Carrot: Stop it!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our... star-spangled kilts...

Scooter Carrot: Stop that!

Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our star-spangled striped kilts. We feel so smart in our star-spangled striped kilts.

Scooter (moaning): Uh!

(Scooter faints.)

Narrator: This has been Silly Songs with Scottish Larry. Tune in next time to hear Larry say:

Larry (joyfully): Just get him some scotch tape and butterscotch. He'll be fine!

Scooter: Oh, my Bonnie lies over the ocean!

Fun Facts

  • Scooter gets offended on Jerry eating a crumpet, even though it's also a Scottish food. However, it's most likely because the Scottish types are different from the English ones.

Gallery

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