This is the episode transcript for Kennel Club Blues.
Transcript[]
(The episode opens with a ladybug walking across plant stalks. Cut to Jason and Michelle holding ladybugs and a frog inside jars as Jason plays with the ship.)
Jason: Houston, mayday! Our ship is under assault by amphibians. And they're hopping mad!
Frog: (croaks)
Michelle: Look at all these great bugs. (One of the ladybugs tries escaping. The frog tries to eat them.) An a-number one top notch collection.
Jason: Take us to your flies.
Michelle: Oh, that'd be fun, Jason. Let's make our own zoo. Our motto could be, "Every bug under the sun." We could catch butterflies, and bluebirds.
Jason: And crocodiles. And wooly mammoths!
Both: We're gonna need a bigger jar! (laughs)
Grandmum: What a wonderful thing it is to hear the sound of children's laughter on such a glorious day.
Michelle: Look, Grandmum, I caught some ladybugs.
Jason: And an amphibious invader.
Frog: (croaks)
Grandmum: What fun. You know, I believe there's an old fish tank in the attic somewhere. A bit of dirt, a few plants, makes a charming little creature home. It's called a terrarium. This way, you create a place that's just like the bugs' home. It's nicer than a jar.
Michelle: But, Grandmum, they're a bunch of bugs.
Jason: And one bug-eater.
Michelle: Do we really need to make a special place for them? They're just bugs.
(As Grandmum speaks, a butterfly lands on her left hand.)
Grandmum: Oh, bugs are God's creatures, too. If you make them pets, you need to take care of them. The Good Book says, "A righteous man has regard for his animal." That means, a good person makes sure his pets have homes, where their needs are taken care of properly, so they're healthy and happy.
Michelle: Making a garden for them sounds complicated, Grandmum. I just want a good collection.
Grandmum: But is a jar really a home, poppet? If what you offer isn't a home, well, they should live free to find their own.
Jason: I think a terrarium sounds very cool. Come on, Grandmum, let's go find it.
Grandmum: Alright, come along. Let's get started.
(Michelle stays outside.)
Michelle: If I put them in a terrarium with dirt and leaves, they'll just hide. What's the point of having a great collection? I have regard for my animals. I just want to be able to see them. (Opens the jar and quickly grabs what she thinks is a plant.) Ha! Gotcha! Wow, you're a big one.
(It's not a plant, but Kevin in figurine form. As she examines him, the ship roars to life, Fidgel brings her on board and the ship roars off into space. After the opening sequence, fade to the title card. Inside the ship, Zidgel holds the jar with Kevin still inside it.)
Zidgel: Captain's blog, stardate, summer. We've just picked up Michelle, and Kevin is stuck in a jar...again. Of course, (Zidgel tries opening the jar.) we're not really worried. Once, Kevin spent three days stuck in a bottle of lemon juice. (grunts) Sure, he was all puckered up when he finally got out, but boy, could he whistle. (grunts) Well, his bunk can be much smaller.
(Michelle effortlessly opens the jar and Kevin falls out.)
Michelle: There.
Zidgel: I must have loosened it up for you.
Midgel: Well, are you willing to help us?
Michelle: Help you? With what?
Fidgel: Oh, my. Kevin was supposed to show you something. Show her now, Kevin.
(Kevin shows her a poster of a creature that's a cross between a cat and a caterpillar.)
Michelle: Lost cato'pillow. Wait, our mission is to rescue a lost kitty?
Fidgel: A cato'pillow, actually.
Zidgel: And then return it safely to the emperor of Planet Kennel.
Michelle: How fun! I'm great with animals! You should see my bug collection. I keep them in this jar, like the one Kevin was stuck in. Answers to "79". 79? What's that mean?
Fidgel: We believe it's the poor creature's name.
Michelle: 79? Yuck! What kind of name is that for a little kitty?
Zidgel: Pfff, well, it's a whole lot better than "Zidgel".
(Everyone stares at Zidgel.)
Zidgel: I mean, for a kitty. "Zidgel" is a perfectly acceptable name for a penguin, of course. What did you name your bugs?
Michelle: I didn't. Maybe I should have. What's this? "When found, open locket for reward."
Midgel: We figured the emperor must have added the reward later.
Fidgel: And so, we've decided to add the reward notice to the new posters we're making as well.
Midgel: We've been posting them at roadside beacons all along the space ways. We're coming up on another one now.
(When the ship stops at a space buoy, a robotic arm holding Kevin pops out. Kevin puts the poster on the buoy. Little do they know that the Cavituis' gnat-bot is perched on top of the buoy.)
Midgel: Captain, we got an incoming message from Central Command.
Zidgel: Ooh, (clears throat) put it onscreen with HD million point two stereo multi-surround sound and 3D high definition super vision.
Fidgel: How about on fax paper with toner.
Zidgel: Uh, right.
Michelle and Kevin: (giggle)
Zidgel: Hey, paper is very high tech! I've heard of people making airplanes out of this stuff!
Midgel: What's it say?
Fidgel: It says that a mysterious figure was at the lounge this morning.
Midgel: Really?
Fidgel: Yes!
Zidgel: And he bought--
Fidgel: A gold locket from another customer for a golden cato'pillow, the stranger had said.
Michelle: Wow! That sounds exactly like 79! Did they see which way he went?
Zidgel: Toward the Cat--!
Fidgel: Toward the Catnip Nebula.
Zidgel: Stop that! This is my message and I should be the one that gets to tell everyone what it says! Understand?
Fidgel: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Zidgel: Alright, then, now, where were we? Stranger...locket...golden...nebula. Ah! Here we are! (clears throat) Sincerely, Commander Strap. Awww!
Michelle: I bet 79's at the Catnip Nebula!
Fidgel: You know, I believe that you are correct!
Midgel: Then, to the nebula, it is! Bons--!
Zidgel: Now, wait! I'm the captain! I get to yell something around here! Bird's eye!
Rockhopper crew: Bonsai!
(The ship heads for the Catnip Nebula while the gnat-bot reports back to Cavitus' ship. Segue to the Catnip Nebula as a bunch of cato'pillows are shown playing around in the clouds. The crew is watching all this on the tv screen.)
Michelle: There are so many of them! It's like a cato'pillow collection!
Zidgel: I'll bet that there are more than four of them!
Fidgel: There are precisely 157 cato'pillows out there at the present time.
Zidgel: Ha! I was right!
Midgel: How are we ever gonna find number 79 in this swarm?
Zidgel: How about we send Kevin out there as a big cat toy?
Fidgel: Uh, negative, Captain. They're all cats, so they'll all want the cat toy.
Zidgel: Okay, but one of them will be 79, right?
(Michelle looks at the poster and the cato'pillows outside.)
Michelle: I've got an idea!
(The ship stops in the Catnip Nebula. A robotic arm holding Michelle is brought out. Michelle then calls for the cato'pillow they're looking for.)
Michelle: 79! Here, 79-9-9-9-9!
(The one they're looking for appears and jumps into Michelle's arms.)
Michelle: I said I was good with animals.
(Michelle and 79 are brought back into the ship.)
Kevin: Don't worry, 79, we'll take good care of you.
79: (purrs)
Michelle: You know, 79 isn't really a name. It's a number. I'll call you Goldie, for your golden locket.
Midgel: Alright, Goldie, hold on, we're headin' home! Bonsai!
(The ship turns around. Meanwhile, the gnat-bot follows close behind. Cut to Cavitus' ship.)
Cavitus: Everything is going exactly as planned. Soon, the penguins will be penguins no more! (evil laughter) I can just hear those ridiculous penguins now. (in falsetto) Get the reward! Get the reward! Hurry! Open the locket, Smidgel, or Blidgel, (in normal voice) or whatever your name is. Oh, come on, now. You can go ahead and laugh, that was pretty funny.
Minions: (forced laughter)
Cavitus: Good. Good. But not as good as the looks on the penguins' faces when they open that locket, and poof! (in falsetto) Oh, no! Look, I'm a hamster! Oh, no! (in normal voice) That was funny. You can laugh again.
Minion #1: But, master. You are a hamster.
Minion #2: See? Hamster.
(He presses the "C" button, opening the robot head.)
Bert: Of course I know I'm a hamster!
(He closes the head.)
Cavitus: Don't you remember putting that powder into the gold locket? The powder will turn anyone who touches it into a hamster. Remember?
Minion #1: Well, yeah. I bought that golden locket.
Minion #2: To put the hamster powder in!
Cavitus: Right! I knew, because I'm an evil genius, that when the penguins found that cat creature, they'd open the locket for the reward, touch the powder, and poof! Three, two, one, hamsters! No more penguins, no more problems.
Minion #1: Uh, but why hamsters, boss?
Cavitus: Because then, those foolish penguins will finally know what it is to be me. (evil laughter)
Minions: (evil laughter)
Cavitus: No! Stop that. The evil laughter I do by myself. (evil laughter)
(Segue back to the Rockhopper.)
Zidgel: Captain's blog, thanks to Cadet Michelle, we've retrieved the missing pet and are flying just zippity-kazoom to get her back home.
Goldie: (meows)
Fidgel: Very strange. It's almost as if Goldie doesn't wish to return home.
Midgel: That can't be right, doctor. There's got to be something else.
Fidgel: Hmmm, my readings indicate a high level of physical and emotional stress.
Michelle: Oh, I'm sure she's just anxious to get home. Guys, stop worrying, I'm the one that knows animals, remember?
Zidgel: Hey, I just remembered that there's a reward in that locket.
Fidgel: No, no, Captain. Technically, Michelle was the one who recaptured the creature.
Midgel: That's right, you earned it, Michelle.
Kevin: Ooh, open it, open it!
Michelle: I don't want it. I didn't rescue Goldie for a reward. I did it because she's just so cute.
Kevin: Me too.
Midgel: Me three.
Fidgel: Me four.
Zidgel: Me seventeen percent!
Michelle, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin: Five!
Zidgel: (groans) I've always been bad at math.
(Segue to the ship and its crew on the planet.)
Zidgel: For a place called Planet Kennel, there sure aren't very many animals aro--
(They are greeted by a purple bulldog)
Emperor: Welcome! I'm the emperor of--there she is! You were very bad to wander off. The whole collection just hasn't been the same without ya.
Michelle: Collection?
Emperor: Oh, yes. I've got the most extensive collection of cato'pillows in the galaxy. And 79 is an important part of it.
Michelle: Actually, your majesty, I kinda named her Goldie. After her gold locket.
Emperor: How nice. Well, come inside. Come inside.
(Everyone follows him inside his kennel)
Emperor: Impressive, isn't it? (He shows everyone his cato'pillow collection. The cato'pillows, however, don't look too happy.) I'm the only one to have cato'pillows organized into patterns. See? Blue, gold, blue, gold, blue, gold! (Puts Goldie in her kennel.) There. The pattern is complete again.
Michelle: Wow, that's amazing!
Emperor: Yes, well, this kennel houses hundreds of animals, organized into the most remarkable patterns.
(The gnat-bot eavesdrops on the crew.)
Cavitus: I don't understand why they haven't opened the locket. Hamster powder should be everywhere by now. No one can resist a reward.
Minion #2: Can't we just make it open?
Cavitus: You mean, by remote control? Yes, yes, of course! Good call, mindless minion! Say goodbye to the penguins as penguins! Ten. Nine....
(As Michelle looks at the cages, she suspects something is wrong.)
Michelle: Do you really think they're happy locked up in these cages? They don't look like proper homes for cato'pillows.
Emperor: They've never complained.
Michelle: Of course not. They can't tell you how they feel. Can we at least help you exercise them before we go?
Emperor: You mean, play? Outside? Oh, no! They'd make a mess of the yard! Anyway, I think they're right at home in their cages.
Zidgel: But to be stuck in here just to be part of a collection seems--
Emperor: Come on now! I'm the emperor! Obviously, I know what's best! You know, I'm great with animals! Besides, they may not look like it, but they're just a bunch of big bugs, right?
Zidgel: Okay! That's good enough for me!
Michelle: I guess...but they're your bugs. You should care for them, shouldn't you?
(The gnat-bot's timer shows four seconds. Cut back to Cavitus as he prepares to use the dust on his enemies.)
Cavitus: Three. Two. One.
Minion #1: Master, wait! The penguins are no longer there! They've left the planet.
Cavitus: Dowh! Those penguins! You think you're sooooo clever!
(Cut to the penguins at the Comet Lounge.)
Zidgel: To the penguins! Who, I think are sooooo clever!
Penguins: To us! Huzzah!
Fidgel: Actually, our expedient success can be directly attributed to our impressive cadet, Michelle.
Zidgel: To, uh, whatever he said!
Penguins: Whatever he said, huzzah!
Michelle: To Goldie!
Penguins: To Goldie! Huzzah!
Zidgel: Who, once again, is safely back home.
(Fidgel and Kevin high five (or three) each other. Meanwhile, Michelle hears Grandmum's advice in her head.)
Grandmum: A good person makes sure his pets have homes where their needs are taken care of properly, so they're healthy and happy.
Michelle: Captain! We've got to go back to Planet Kennel! We've made a big mistake!
Zidgel: Mistake? What? Did we leave my hair gel back there?
Michelle: No! We left Goldie back there! It's dark and cold and she never gets to go outside and play!
Zidgel: Relax, cadet! The emperor said he was great with animals. Goldie's in fine hands, uh, paws.
Midgel: I've just heard from the admiral. We've got an assignment to Planet Bar-B-Q!
Zidgel: Mmmm, sounds zesty! Okay, everyone! To the ship! Wait, has anyone seen Cadet Michelle?
Cowboy alien: Yesiree, I did! Let her borrow my space bronco, too!
(Michelle is shown riding a space motorcycle back to Planet Kennel. Segue back to the kennel as the Emperor looks over the cato'pillows.)
Emperor: Hello, 79. Did I hear something about you wearing a golden locket? (Removes said locket.) Well, I wonder where this came from. Maybe there's something written inside.
(He opens it and the magic dust is let out. Suddenly, he turns into a hamster. He bumps the latch, opening Goldie's cage, only to bump into the door and shut it, locking him inside with Goldie. Segue to Cavitus' ship as Cavitus watches Michelle on the space motorcycle.)
Minion #2: Master! She's going back to Planet Kennel!
Cavitus: Yes, I see that.
Minion #1: Oooh, that means your plan can still work.
Cavitus: Yes, I know!
Minion #2: So, now you'll probably want me to follow her?
Cavitus: Actually, let's all follow her! (The minions do nothing at first.) Well?!
(They accelerate the ship. Segue to Goldie and the Emperor still caged, even though he could easily slip past the bars. Fortunately, Michelle enters the kennel.)
Michelle: Emperor? Emperor?
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Young lady, I'm here! Locked in a cage!
Michelle: Emperor, I don't see you! Oh, Goldie, look at you! I can't believe I left you in this terrible place!
(Michelle reaches for the locket.)
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) No! Wait! Don't touch the powder!
(Michelle unknowingly touches the dust.)
Michelle: Why have you become (She suddenly transforms into...) a hamster? (now with a high-pitched voice) Oh, no! Jason would just love this! What's with the hamster powder?
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) I don't really know. It burst from the golden locket when I opened it.
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Ah, so that was the "reward"! What villain did this?
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Maybe this is my reward for being a villain.
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) What do you mean?
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) I hate being locked up in this little cage. Now I know how my pets must feel. Poor things. Look around you! I'm responsible for a far worse crime than hamster powder! I was given the great honor of having these creatures in my care. And look how I've treated them! I didn't understand what their lives were like in these cages. This isn't a home--this is a prison!
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) My grandmum told me, "A righteous man has regard for his animal."
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) And I've only had regard for myself. Not like you, dear girl. I assume you've come back to help 79, I mean, Goldie?
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Hm, believe me, I'm still learning this lesson myself! I realize this is no way to treat pets. Goldie needs a proper home. So, I came back to help her.
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Well, there's still time! Up high there's a lever.
(Michelle sees the lever, which is out of her reach.)
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) I see it!
(She climbs up the cages.)
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Trust me--pull that lever and this place will go wild! Hurry!
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Goldie, hold on!
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Just to your right! Hurry!
(Michelle reaches the lever. But before she can successfully push it down with her feet, Cavitus grabs her.
Cavitus: Aha! I see you couldn't resist my "reward" after all! Now, which one of the penguins are you? All you hamsters tend to look alike you know.
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) It takes one to know one, Bert!
Cavitus: Michelle? You're not a penguin at all! And don't call me that! When I'm in the suit, I'm the evil lord Cavi--! Huh?
(Michelle has slipped out of his hand and into the crevices of the robot.)
Cavitus: No! Stay out of there! No! No! No! No! That tickles! Stop it!
Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Go, Michelle!
(Michelle presses the C button, opening the robot head.
Bert: No! Stay out of here! Only one hamster can be in here at a time!
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Then, how about I drive for a while?
(Both hamsters fight over the controls.)
Bert: No! Hey! (laughs) No, no, that tickles! No fair!
(Michelle finally gains control of the robot. She makes the robot grab Bert.)
Bert: (screams)
(Michelle pulls the lever, releasing the cato'pillows. As they escape their cages, Bert falls off the robot and onto the floor. Michelle closes the robot head.)
Michelle: (in deep voice) Emperor, are you alright? Ooh, that sounds cool! Emperor, I will find you!
Zidgel: Oh, no, you won't, Cavitus! Tackle him, guys!
Michelle: (in deep voice) No, stay back!
(The penguins step on the dust and turn into hamsters.)
Zidgel: (in high-pitched voice) You know, he's a lot taller in person.
(Michelle picks up her friends.)
Michelle: (in deep voice) Guys, guys, settle down, it's me! (Reveals herself. ; in high-pitched voice) Michelle!
Penguins: (high-pitched gasp)
Fidgel: (in high-pitched voice) Michelle, so you were changed into a hamster as well!
Midgel: (in high-pitched voice) And, wait a minute! You've got Cavitus' suit! Cool!
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Yes! But wait! Why are there five of you?
Bert: Because one of them is me!
(Bert regains control of the robot as he pushes Michelle out and lets the penguins drop out of his hand.)
Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Woah!
Cavitus: Ah. It's good to be tall. (chuckles) You'd better run.
Midgel: (in high-pitched voice) Okay, run!
Cavitus: (evil laughter)
(The Rockhopper crew runs out of the kennel. Suddenly, they're changed back to normal.)
Fidgel: Remarkable! The sunlight reverses the transformation!
(Cavitus trips and falls into Kevin's lap.)
Kevin: Gotcha!
Cavitus: Well, that didn't go the way I hoped. (struggles) Get me out of here!
(Cavitus' ship appears above the kennel and lowers a magnet.)
Midgel: Hold him! Hold him, Kevin! Hold him!
(Kevin holds onto Cavitus, but the strong magnet pulls him back up into the ship before it roars away.)
Zidgel: Why do I have this strange urge to run in a wheel like crazy, but not actually go anywhere?
(The Emperor, holding a seemingly dead Goldie, brings her outside. Michelle looks over her sadly.)
Fidgel: We're so sorry, Michelle.
Emperor: Actually, Michelle. I don't think that this is an ending. I think it signals a new beginning. For all of us! This is going to be the best animal home in the whole galaxy from now on!
Fidgel: Michelle, it's Goldie!
(Goldie starts moving.)
Michelle: Emperor, what's happening?!
(Goldie transforms into a butterfly.)
Penguins: Oooooohh! Ahhhh!
Michelle and Penguins: (laugh and cheer)
(Goldie flies away. Fade back to Grandmum's cottage at night.)
Michelle: Wow, you sure caught a lot of fireflies while I was gone.
Jason: I almost hate to let these guys go.
Michelle: Well, we can't keep them caged up in a jar.
Jason: But the terrarium I fixed up is so cool!
Michelle: I know. But it's still nothing like their real home.
(Michelle lets the fireflies out of the jar.)
Jason: I guess the adventure you told me about made you think differently about animals, huh?
Michelle: I learned how important it is to make a real home for your pets.
Jason: Well, we still have the best "zoo" ever, right in our garden.
Michelle: You said it, Jason.
Jason: Could use a hamster, though.
Michelle: Jason!
Both: (laugh)
(End of transcript.)