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This is the episode transcript for In the Big House.


(The episode opens with Jaosn and Michelle playing with RC planes. During this, their planes bump into each other.)

Jason: Hey, Michelle, watch out! This is Grandpa's stuff! You'll break it.

Michelle: I know, Jason, this is really hard. Aaaahhh!! Hold on, Miss Pretty Pretty! A little help?

Jason: I can't help you now. I'm gonna see if I can get it to fly downstairs. (Michelle's plane flies under him. As he jumps, Miss Pretty Pretty falls off and onto his shoe, making him trip.) Woah! Woah! Oof!

(As he falls into a pile of boxes, his plane flies out of the attic and down into their room.)

Michelle: Aahhh! I'm so sorry. Are you alright? Oh, Miss Pretty Pretty, did Jason step on you?

Jason: What? You don't know anything about flying an RC plane!

Michelle: Well, how am I supposed to know? I asked you for help, but you wouldn't.

Jason: Well, I was busy.

Michelle: Could you please show me how?

Jason: "God helps those who help themselves."

Michelle: That's not in the Good Book. That's Ben Franklin.

(Jason and Michelle head downstairs.)

Michelle: Come on, Jason, I never ask you for help. Don't you think I deserve a little?

Grandmum: Oh, she's right about that, Jason. You know that the Good Book reminds to be helpful to everyone.

Jason: I remember. (Says what he learned in "The Doom Funnel Rescue.") "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." (sees a plate of cookies) Are those for us?

Grandmum: Naturally.

(Jason grabs one.)

Grandmum: Maybe you could show a helping hand right now. I see an opportunity.

(Michelle has got her hands full. Jason hands her a cookie. But Michelle can't take one. Jason is just about to eat the second cookie, but Grandmum stops him.)

Grandmum: Jason, before you enjoy another one of my persimmon nut crunch dandies, I'd like you to think more about how to offer some help, instead of making excuses not to.

Jason: I'm not quite as hungry as I thought, anyway.

(He puts the cookie back on the plate.)

Grandmum: Well, as you wish. But they'll be in the kitchen when you muffins need a snack.

Jason: Gotcha, in the kitchen.

(Jason heads back up to the attic where he sees the Rockhopper waiting.)

Jason: Hi, guys.

Michelle: Jason, can you help me with the plane now?

Jason: Later, Michelle.

Zidgel: Distress call coming in, cadets. We gotta move. Think you can grab them both at once?

Fidgel: I believe so. I saw it in a cartoon once.

(Fidgel does just that.)

Jason and Michelle: Woah!

(As both kids are brought on board, they drop the red plane. Suddenly, the galeezel seems to short-circuit.)

Fidgel: (coughs) Oh dear.

(After the opening theme, cut to the inside of the ship as we find that the galeezel broke while bringing in both kids.)

Zidgel: Captain's blog: on our way to answer a distress signal, we just made a startling discovery. A galeezel isn't built for two.

Fidgel: Hmm, I fear that the problem is--

(Fidgel shows everyone the broken device that makes the galeezel work, even though it looks fine.)

Jason, Michelle, and Midgel: The Metric Magnetic Matter Disperser!

Fidgel: Why, yes!

Jason: Oh, no, not again!

Fidgel: Not to worry, I'm sure another one will turn up, eventually.

(cowbell rings)

Jason: What was that?

Fidgel: That was the distress signal. Shh, we're putting the call onscreen now. I'll get to work on this.

(The screen shows a cow in a spacesuit.)

Zidgel: Greetings! I'm Captain Zidgel.

Cow Captain: Oh, good afternoon, Captain. Thank you for answering our plea.

Zidgel: What seems to be the trouble, cowgirl?

Cow Captain: Well, we're in desperate need of assistance, Mr. Penguin Captain. You see, there was this moon.

Zidgel: Right, and let me guess, you were jumping over it.

Cow Captain: Precisely. We all were.

Cows: (moo)

Cow Captain: When all of a sudden, a shockingly sinister ship just popped out of nowhere.

Fidgel: Shocking!

Midgel: Diabolical!

Zidgel: Sneaky!

Kevin: Chocolate!

Cow Captain: Now, we were terribly startled, you see, and, well, we stampeded. Just ran for it. You understand, of course. Finally, when we calmed down, we had to crash land on this grass-less speck of rock here.

(She is shown to be stranded on an asteroid.)

Rockhopper crew: (gasps)

Cow Captain: Only then, did we find that the villain had rustled our fuel catalyst module.

Zidgel: Miss Space Cow...Ma'am, that sounds bad and all, but how can we help you? We don't have any...thingies.

Fidgel: Perhaps, Captain, if we inspected the damage, we'll find exactly what we need to do to help them with their fuel module.

Zidgel: Right. We'll hoof it over to you, I mean, be there in a jiffy.

(Segue to the ship reaching the meteor.)

Midgel: Approaching bovine ship now, Captain.

Zidgel: Well, let's invite ol' Bessie aboard and find out what the problem is.

Midgel: Engaging transport.

(A straw is lowered from the Rockhopper and into the cow's ship, which looks like a milk bottle. Soon, the Cow Captain is brought on board.)

Zidgel: Welcome aboard, or should I say, moo?

Fidgel: Uh, yes, now, please describe your fuel module, and perhaps we can construct a new one.

Cow Captain: Yes, yes, doctor! The module is like a big, oh, what's it called? It's round.

(Images of items Jason, Michelle and Fidgel bring up are shown on the ship's screen.)

Jason: A battery?

Fidgel: A photoplasma cell?

Cow Captain: No, no, and, and lumpy.

Michelle: Firewood?

Fidgel: An atomic fusion reactor?

Cow Captain: No, and somewhat chewy.

Zidgel: Heh, heh, a cookie?

Cow Captain: A cookie! Yes, that's it! A cookie! Preferably one of those persimmon nut crunch dandies.

Zidgel: Wait a minute, you really run on cookies?

Midgel: That's not so strange, Captain, so does Kevin.

Kevin: And milk.

Cow Captain: Exactly, both milk and cookies. We already have the milk, of course, but--

Jason: You need the cookie.

Cow Captain: Affirmative! Without it, we can't mooooove!

Rockhopper crew: (gasps)

Cow Captain: Sorry, cow thing.

Midgel: Well, let's see if we can find out who stole your cookies.

(The ship flies around to the other side of the milk bottle ship and spots graffiti that reads "Another foul deed by Cavitus, Lord of the Cosmos LLC.")

Midgel: Zoom in! Baron von Cavitus was here. I knew it! We have to stop the villain.

Zidgel: Cavitus. He's a bad guy, remember?

Jason: Maybe we shouldn't get involved.

Zidgel: After all, it's not like he stole our cookie. (Everyone looks back at him.) Okay, fine, but where in the cosmos are we gonna find a persimmon nut crunch dandy at this hour?

Michelle: Jason, what about Grandmum's cookies? That would help them!

Jason: Help them? Then it'll take us longer to get home! We don't have time for that. Anyway, Michelle, the galeezel's broken. Without it to make us big again, back in Grandmum's cottage, we'd be smaller than mice.

Fidgel: Well, we have to make time to help our friends, but, I'm afraid he's right about the galeezel. And without a new metric magnetic matter disperser to fix it--

Cow captain: Oh, what was that? What did you say, Doctor? Magnetic matter disperser?

Fidgel: Yes, ma'am. It's crucial to--

Cow Captain: Oh, what an amazing coincidence. It turns out I've got something very similar. Would this work?

(She hands him an extra device.)

Michelle: We're going home! (The ship heads back to Earth.) We're going home! We're going home! We're going home! We're going home! We're going home! We're going home! We're going home!

Midgel: Don't get all excited just yet, Michelle. We haven't even gotten that cookie.

Fidgel: In anticipation of that, I've devised a scenario for optimum bakery confection retrieval and implementation. (beat) I've got a plan.

Rest of Rockhopper crew: Oh!

Zidgel: Movie time! Kevin, get the lights. Midgel, popcorn!

(The kids and Zidgel are given popcorn. Kevin then turns out the lights and a film projector starts running.)

Fidgel: We fly home, the kids get big. We stay small, the kids get the cookie. The cookie gets small, the kids get small again. We fly to the cows, the cookie gets big, we give the small cows the big cookie, we fly home small, the kids get big, we leave small, the end.

Zidgel: This picture's got everything! Laughter, pathos, adventure, two thumbs up! Let's do it!

Rockhopper crew: Bonsai!

Midgel: Hey, that's my line!

(Segue to the ship making it back to the house.)

Zidgel: Okay, Doctor, are you ready with the galeezel?

Fidgel: Well, yes and no. You see, this metric magnetic matter disperser isn't... metric.

Zidgel: (overdramatic) Not metric?! Why, oh, why don't they catch up with the rest of the world?! Why does disaster follow us at turn?! Why?!

Fidgel: Uh, I wasn't done.

Zidgel: Oh, sorry.

Midgel: So, can you get it to work?

Fidgel: Yes, I can. But it's going to take significantly more power than usual to charge it up.

Midgel: Sounds like we need to split up.

Fidgel: Good idea, Midgel! You and I should work on powering up the galeezel.

Michelle: While Kevin and I take Jason and get the cookie. Right, Doctor?

Midgel: Captain, we've got an even bigger problem. The ladder door to the rest of the house is shut.

(Segue to Fidgel and Zidgel pushing a giant box, the ship carrying a diving helmet and Kevin pushing the globe. They're using all this to open the attic door.)

Jason, Michelle, and Zidgel: (grunting)

Zidgel: Kevin! Come here!

(Kevin, with a mousetrap on his head, goes to help.)

Rockhopper crew: Woah!

(With one push, the door is opened and the attic contents spill out.)

Kevin: Can we do it again?

Zidgel: This! Had better be! A really good cookie!

Grandmum: Jason, Michelle? Mind your step! You're a tad small to be rearranging the furniture.

Jason and Michelle: (giggle)

Zidgel: Let's make it happen, people. Go, go, go!

(Segue to Jason, Michelle and Kevin using hats to parachute down to the living room. Fidgel and Zidgel use the mousetrap to fling themselves back up to the attic.)

Zidgel and Fidgel: Woah!

Zidgel: Uuggh!

Fidgel: Oh!

(Fidgel spots the telescope and gets an idea. Meanwhile, Jason, Michelle and Kevin head for the kitchen. Jason spots the cookies through his binoculars.)

Jason: Target sighted.

(In the attic, Fidgel has decided to use the telescope and sunlight to charge the galeezel. To accomplish this, he has also put a solar panel on the device.)

Fidgel: Alright, Captain, a little more to the left and it will be perfectly aligned with the sun.

Zidgel: Aye-aye, Doctor, just tell me when to stop.

(Zidgel adjusts the telescope, but he adjusts it a bit too far, and the sunbeam starts burning Fidgel's behind.)

Fidgel: Focus, focus.

Zidgel: (sniffs) Mmm, smell that? Who doesn't love barbecue?

Fidgel: Oh, yes. (cries out in pain)

(Fortunately, the sunbeam reaches the solar panel and the galeezel is charged up.)

Fidgel: Success!

(Suddenly, Cavitus' ship enters the attic.)

Fidgel: Oh?

Cavitus: Surprised to see me, penguins?

Zidgel: Well, we don't have extra juice boxes for ya, if that's what you mean.

Cavitus: Well, lucky for you, I didn't come for a juice box. I've come for your galeezel.

(Bert opens the robot head.)

Bert: I have big plans for it! It'll come in handy, when I shrink the galaxy! (evil laughter)

(He closes the head.)

Cavitus: Plus, I want another cookie. The one I took from those cows was quite yummy. (evil laughter)

Zidgel: Well, your taste buds are just going to have to wait, hamster fiend!

Cavitus: (growls)

(The ship runs into a hanging space mobile, causing the planets to drop.)

Zidgel: Look out! Aah!

(They narrowly avoid getting crushed by Jupiter. Suddenly, the galeezel, which has just flown out of Fidgel's hands, lands in Cavitus'. Meanwhile, Midgel tries freeing the ship from the diving helmet.)

Midgel: Come on, you can do it! You can do it! (the ship is freed.) Aha!

(Suddenly, the miniature planets fall towards him.)

Midgel: Jumping Jupiter!

(Jupiter hits the ship, pushing it back into the helmet. Midgel grunts with frustration. In the attic, Zidgel and Fidgel face Cavitus.)

Cavitus: (evil laughter) That was so easy! Like stealing cookies from a cow.

(Zidgel tosses Saturn at the ship.)

Cavitus: Aah!

(Saturn hits the telescope, making it spin and hit Cavitus' ship.)

Cavitus: Woah!

(The ship lands on a piano. Meanwhile, Kevin, Jason and Michelle have made it inside the kitchen.)

Jason: Okay, Kevin, here's the fun part. Operation: Cookie Rack Attack.

(Kevin hands them their remote controls.)

Jason: Watch and learn, Michelle. You and Kevin just get ready to catch it.

(Jason brings the plane into the kitchen. The plane bumps into the cookie sheet, but it doesn't fall. Jason has another go, but again, nothing happens. Jason is discouraged. Fortunately, Michelle brings in her plane. And this time, when hers bumps into the sheet, one cookie falls off and Kevin grabs it.)

Kevin: Got it! Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot!

(Michelle smiles confidently. But she accidentally pushes a button, causing her plane to fall and hit the cookie sheet, making the whole thing fall off the counter. Cookies then start raining down.)

Jason: Run!

(They run for cover under a counter as the cookies fall. Grandmum enters the kitchen.)

Grandmum: Goodness! What was that noise? (gasps) Oh, my cookies! Oh, those raccoons.

Jason: What a disaster! I say, forget the cows and focus on getting back to our normal size.

Michelle: We can't give up. We have to help them!

Jason: Why? I tried being helpful, but it's not working! And we've got our own stuff to take care of.

Michelle: But we're the only ones who can help them with their fuel module! We're the ones with the cookie.

Jason: But we're in way over our heads! Let's just get out of here while the gettin's good.

Kevin: Could be worse.

Jason: Oh yeah, how?

(Grandmum accidentally steps on the red plane, breaking the propeller.)

Jason: Oh, great! That was our only way out of here! Now we're stuck down here!

Michelle: Jason, settle down. I still got mine, but I need your help.

Jason: (laughs) You're serious, aren't you?

(Segue to Cavitus and his minions getting out of their ship, falling off the top of the piano and onto the keys. They then face Zidgel.)

Zidgel: This is your last waltz, Cavitus!

Cavitus: Oh, is that Elvis?

Zidgel: What? Where?

(Cavitus tries to escape, but he pulls on a lever that makes the piano play by itself. Everyone then starts fighting for the galeezel.)

Zidgel: Woah! Woah! (grunts)

(Cavitus takes the galeezel away, but Zidgel tackles him.)

Zidgel and Cavitus: (grunt)

(Segue to Kevin, Jason and Michelle preparing to fly the cookie upstairs on her plane.)

Michelle: Jason, this is the only way.

Kevin: Vroom!

Jason: No way, Michelle! I am not getting on any radio controlled cookies with you behind the wheel!

Kevin: Vroom! Vroom. Broom!

Jason: Kevin, what are you--? (He sees Grandmum using a broom to sweep up the crumbs.) Broom! Michelle, go, go, go!

(Michelle tries starting the plane, but it stalls. But with Jason's help, it starts up.)

Michelle: Oh, there we go! Thanks!

(The plane takes off and leaves the kitchen.)

Michelle: Hold on!

(Cut back to the attic as Cavitus holds down Zidgel with his foot as the keys hit him on the head.)

Zidgel: Oof! Polkas, oof! Give me, oof! A headache! Uugh!

Cavitus: This isn't a polka! It's, it's,...(sniffs) did, someone smell barbecue?

(Cavitus cries out in pain as the sunbeam burns his behind, thanks to Fidgel pointing the telescope at him.)

Fidgel: Oh!

(Fidgel escapes and pulls the music sheet down. Cavitus falls off the piano.)

Cavitus: (screams)

(Segue to Jason, Michelle and Kevin riding the airplane, almost hitting the chicken tea-cover. As the plane dodges, Jason and Kevin fall off.)

Jason and Kevin: Woah!

Jason: It's no use. The cows'll just have to find somebody else's cookie.

(Jason gets up and sees he's standing on a page of the Bible. He then spots the verse Grandmum taught him and reads it.)

Jason: "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." Grandmum was right, so is Michelle. It's not okay to hold back help when someone really needs it. We're the only hope for the cows now.

(Michelle's plane flies around again.)

Jason: Michelle! Bring the cookie around again! It's helping time!

(Segue to the Rockhopper still stuck in the helmet as Michelle's plane flies back up.)

Jason: Much better, sis!

Michelle: Thanks, Jason!

Midgel: Kevin! Help me out of here! Cavitus is here! He's in the attic!

Jason and Michelle: Cavitus?!

Jason: Wait, Kevin, I have a plan.

(Zidgel grabs the galeezel before Cavitus can.)

Zidgel: Doctor, catch!

(He throws the device to Fidgel, but Cavitus catches it.)

Cavitus: (evil laughter) You know, I didn't get my cookie, but there will be one teeny tiny consolation. You are going to be one tiny penguin now! (As he laughs evilly, a blue light appears behind him.) What?

(Cavitus screams when he sees what he thinks is a giant alien, but it's really the Rockhopper with the globe and the diving helmet.)

Fidgel: Captain, Pluto!

(Fidgle hands Zidgel said (dwarf) planet.)

Zidgel: Thanks, Doctor!

(He throws it at Cavitus, knocking it out of his grip and into Jason's hands.)

Jason: I caught it!

Cavitus: Stop them! Stop them!

Jason: You're doing great, sis! Now come around, and strafe Cavitus!

Michelle: That's not helping me!

Jason: Loopdy loop and give him a haircut!

Michelle: Why didn't you say so?

(The plane turns around and does a loop.)

Cavitus: No! No! Stop!

(The minions run into their boss.)

Jason: Here's your cookie, Cavitus!

(The cookie falls on Cavitus, making the robot head open. Bert falls out.)

Cavitus: Aah!

(After they get off, Jason fires the galeezel at the cookie and Cavitus, shrinking them both.)

Bert: No!

(Michelle gives Jason thumbs up. Bert and his henchmen walk back to their ship in defeat.)

Bert: This isn't the end, penguins! You'll see!

(The penguins laugh as their foe leaves the attic for good. Segue back to the asteroid as the crew presents the cookie to the cow captain.)

Jason: Persimmon nut crunch acquired and delivered, ma'am!

Zidgel: And even though several of my crew sat on it, and drove it around a little bit, it should still be clean enough for--

Cow Captain: I'm sorry, Captain, but I thought you understood. It needs to be a very large cookie.

Zidgel: Oh. Yes, of course. We knew that. (to Fidgel) Doctor, you forgot to biggerize it. You know, make it more large-ish.

Midgel: What's wrong, Doc?

Fidgel: I was only able to charge the galeezel enough for two uses.

Midgel: And since the first shrunk Cavitus and the cookie--

Michelle: That leaves only one shot left!

Jason: Only one shot?! Michelle, we need to use it on ourselves! It's our only chance to get home!

Michelle: I wanna go home, too, Jason, but what about the cows? Do we just leave them stranded? Remember, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."

Jason: I know, it means we need to help when we can.

Kevin: If we don't, who will?

(Jason makes up his mind and uses the galeezel to expand the cookie and put it in the milk bottle ship.)

Michelle: Yay, Jason!

Rockhopper crew and Cow Captain: Hooray!

(Segue to the Rockhopper about to put the cow back in her ship.)

Cow Captain: Oh, thank you so much, all of you. And especially you two. I know what this cost you to help us. And there is a way that we can help you. May I, dear? (Jason hands her the galeezel. Now that you've restored our ship to full power, look what we can do. (The cord from her ship charges up the galeezel.) Doctor.

Fidgel: Why, it's completely charged. It's as good as new!

Zidgel: Before we take you home, cadets, just wanted to say, thank you for helping us finally rid the galaxy of Cavitus, well, almost.

(Segue to later that night as Jason and Michelle pray before bed.)

Jason: And thank you for giving us people who help us.

Michelle: And lots of opportunities to help others.

Jason: And may we never forget to help when we see those in need.

Michelle: Especially if we have the power to help them.

Both: Amen.

Grandmum: Just coming up to tuck in you two crickets. Oh, and Jason, I found this in the kitchen, and I'm afraid I stepped on it.

Jason: That's okay, Grandmum. I can fix that easily. Would you like to help, Michelle?

Michelle: You bet.

Grandmum: Oh, you know, crumpets? I'm so glad you two are having a good time at the cottage. When you first arrived, I was a wee bit afraid that you would soon get bored, what with no friends nearby. But I'm grateful to see that you're getting along so well.

Michelle: I guess this is just a special place, with lots of surprises.

Grandmum: Oh, that's what Granddad always said. (sniffs) Huh, pleasant memories.

(Fade to outside the house.)

Grandmum: (O.S) Goodnight, pumpkins.

(The ship flies past the moon one last time.)

Kevin: (O.S) So long.

(End of transcript and the whole series in general.)