God Wants Us to Make Peace/Transcript

This is the episode transcript to God Wants Us to Make Peace.

Transcript

Bob's Pitch

Mr. Nezzer: So, why do you wanna use my theater?

Bob: Well, sir, you know I've made a lot of vegetable shows.

Mr. Nezzer: Yes you have. That's sorta your thing.

Bob: Yes, it's my..."thing". And I've got a new idea! It's something really exciting!

(A plant in the corner of Mr. Nezzer's office starts shaking, while Bob is trying to ignore it)

Plant: (whispering) Oh yeah, Bob. This is super exciting! I can't wait! It's gonna be great! Get all the guys!

Mr. Nezzer: Who are you talkin' to?

Bob: What? I don't...um...uh....I wanna make a new show!

Mr. Nezzer: Will the veggies be in it?

Bob: Well, I was kinda thinking about doing something else.

(The plant moves towards Bob, while whispering gibberish.)

Bob: (whispering) But I have my own idea for the show!

Mr. Nezzer: Why are you talking to a plant?

Bob: Uh...

(Larry the Cucumber pops out of the plant.)

Larry: He's talkin' to me, Larry the Cucumber! What Bob is trying to tell you is, we wanna do a new show, in a theater, live!

Bob: Larry, you said you'd stay outside!

Larry: It's just too exciting, Bob! A new show!

Bob: But you have a habit of making messes.

(Larry turns to leave, but knocks into a lamp and runs into a bookshelf, knocking over a few books)

Larry: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

(A bowling ball rolls off the bookshelf and bounces off of the lamp Larry ran into. It bounces all around Mr. Nezzer's office, destroying it in the process. The bowling ball then slowly comes to a stop behind Bob.)

Larry: ...was that me?

Bob: Oh, Mr. Nezzer, I'm so sorry!

Mr. Nezzer: (growls) Get out of my office!

Larry: Does that mean there's..no show?

Bob: Of course it means there's no show!

Mr. Nezzer: I didn't say that.

Bob: What?

Mr. Nezzer: You can use my theater on one condition!

Larry: Aw, you name it! Anything!

Mr. Nezzer: Everybody's in the show. All the veggies.

Bob: (chuckles) That's really not the kind of show I was going for.

Mr. Nezzer: Everybody's in the show, or there's no show!

Bob: Ohhhhhh......

Larry: Bob, we're putting the band back together!

Bob: Ooooooohhhhhhhhh........

Mr. Nezzer: What's it gonna be, Bob?

(Bob has a disappointed look on his face, as we transition into..)

The Band's Back Together

(Bob still has the same disappointed look on his face, except now he's in Mr. Nezzer's theater. Everyone is on the stage auditioning their ideas, while Bob and Larry are the judges down in the seats.)

Bob: Alright, we're gonna do a show! And what's your idea again, Madame Blueberry?

(Madame Blueberry is dressed in an operatic viking costume.)

Madame Blueberry: Classic French opera! I will bring the great world to life in front of an adoring crowd!

Bob: And Mr. Lunt?

(Mr. Lunt is on a unicycle holding a chicken.)

Mr. Lunt: I will juggle live chickens, on a unicycle, on fire!

(Mr. Lunt loses control of his unicycle and crashes offstage.)

Larry: Are the chickens on fire, or are you on fire?

Bob: Uh, Archibald Asparagus?

(Archibald is dressed in a colonial sailor costume)

Archibald: I propose we delve into the history of the British Empire, pre and post-colonial days, to the music of ABBA.

(A disco ball lowers to the stage, and Archibald dances to a short disco tune.)

Bob: (unimpressed) Uh-huh, right. Uh, Junior Asparagus, is he here?

Junior: Here!

(Junior pops out from behind Archibald)

Larry: Aren't you supposed to be in school?

Junior: I'm home-schooled.

Larry: Ah, cool!

Bob: And what would you do for the show?

Junior: I'd sing simple songs to teach children valuable lessons!

Bob: Right... Okay, I'm afraid none of that is going to happen!

All: Huh?!

Madame Blueberry: What do you mean?!

Bob: This needs to be a good show! So if you wanna be in it, you're going to need to follow my directions.

Larry: But Mr. Nezzer said they all have to be in the show, or there's no show!

All: (cheering) Hooray!

Larry: The only thing we're missing is Goliath. Has anyone seen a really big pickle?

(Pa Grape hops onto the stage.)

Pa: Hey, there's a really big pickle trying to deliver a pizza. Did anyone order a pizza?

(Jimmy and Jerry Gourd smile at each other.)

Jimmy: Uh, yeah! That was us!

Jerry: Pizza!

Bob: Did you say a...really big pickle?

(Everyone hops backstage, as someone is knocking at the door. The door opens to reveal Goliath in a pizza delivery outfit, holding a pizza.)

Goliath: Pizza fast and pizza now! Please do pay me, tell me how! Cash or credit?

Bob: (gasps) Goliath?!

Archibald: It's Goliath! Have you been delivering pizzas all these years?

Goliath: Hard to get work for giant pickle. Good tips!

(Everyone starts laughing offscreen.)

Mr. Nezzer: No more pizza delivery for you, big fella! You're gonna be in a show!

Goliath: (excited) Mmm? Show?

Mr. Nezzer: Looks like everybody's here!

Larry: We did it, Mr. Nezzer! The band is back together!

Bob: (chuckles) It's not exactly the show I had in mind, but if you give me 8 to 10 weeks, I'm sure I can come up with something workable.

(Mr. Nezzer thinks about this for a few seconds.)

Mr. Nezzer: How about tomorrow night?

All: (gasps)

Bob: ...what about tomorrow night??

Mr. Nezzer: The show. It opens tomorrow night. I'm already selling tickets!

Bob: Ehh...that's not even possible!

Mr. Nezzer: It is if you wanna use my theater! (chuckles)

Pa: Welp, looks like we've got work to do!

(Bob whines worriedly.)

A Letter From a Kid

(The next day, everyone is busy preparing for the show. Bob enters the theater while looking at notes.)

Bob: How's the theme song coming, Larry?

Larry: Hey-dee-ho, say there mister, here's a show for your sister! Blah-blah-blah... So on.

Bob: ..for your sister? The show isn't just for sisters, Larry.

Larry: But it rhymes with mister!

Bob: Let's try that again, okay buddy?

(Larry thinks and walks off writing in his notes.)

Bob: Petunia, what kind of themes were you thinking of?

Petunia: Letters!

Bob: Letters?

Petunia: Ever since we made our last show, I've been the president of the VeggieTales fan club, and every week kids send us more letters!

Bob: Okay, interesting..

Archibald: It'd be more interesting if we had those letters.

Petunia: We do!

(Petunia throws a giant stack of letters onto the table.)

Petunia: Let's try this one; "Dear Bob and Larry, my brothers and sisters fight all the time. We fight over toys, we fight over TV shows. I want to make peace, but I don't know how. Can you help me? Your friend, Stewart."

Bob: I think you're onto something. Our show always tried to help kids with their problems. Real kids with real problems! That's what this show should do too.

Mr. Lunt: Does that mean I can't juggle things that may or may not be on fire?

Bob: Let's stick with the big problems.

Archibald: The attack of the Spanish Armada?

Bob: No, peace! Where does it come from? How do we live at peace with the people around us?

Petunia: I think that will make a great show, Bob. For Stewart!

Madame Blueberry: For Stewart!

Bob: Okay, everyone, time to brainstorm! How do we teach Stewart about peace? We need some ideas!

Larry: I fixed the theme song, Bob!

Bob: What? Oh, let's hear it!

Larry: Hey-dee-ho, say there brother, here's a show for your mother! Blah-blah-blah... So on.

Bob: Larry, it isn't a show just for sisters or just for mothers. It's for the whole family! Everyone!

Larry: Even uncles?

Bob: Even uncles.

Larry: sigh You should've told me that in the beginning! Alright, take three!

Mr. Nezzer: Everybody ready? Curtain goes up in one minute!

Bob: What?!

Mr. Lunt: Time to put on the show!

Petunia: I guess we'll have to..um...wing it!

Larry: Theme song's ready!

Bob: I'm feeling ill...uh, places everyone! Ready with the curtain!

(Everyone hops towards the stage.)

The VeggieTales Show Theme Song

(Cut to Bruce Onion, the conductor, starting the theme song. As it begins to play, the theater's curtains are drawn to show the cast.

Larry: Get your sister,

Bob: Get your brother,

Jimmy: Call your uncle

Pa: And your mother

All: If you're missing any other of the people that you know. We’re going to start the show! It’s the VeggieTales Show!

Bob and Larry: Live on stage!

All: It’s the VeggieTales Show!

Junior: For ev’ry age!

All: It’s the VeggieTales Show!

Mr. Lunt: I’m in a cage!

All: It’s the Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, Veggie, VeggieTales...!

(The show’s logo is lowered from the rafters and breaks from its ropes, crashing onto the stage Bob and Larry look at each other nervously.)

All: It’s the VeggieTales Show!

(The audience applauds. The backstage of the theater is then cut to.)

Bob: Great job, everyone. And nice work on the theme song, Larry!

Larry: I forgot second cousins! Can we do it again?

Bob: Uh, no. I think second cousins are implied.

Junior: Mr. Bob, what are we putting on stage next? There's nothing out there!

Bob: Oh, right! I've got a few ideas, but they're not quite ready yet.

Junior: Maybe I could just sing a song?

Bob: Too simple. Not entertaining enough for my show.

(The French Peas enter)

Jean-Claude: We have what you're looking for, Tomato!

Phillipe: A dramatic, fantastic, exotic musical presentation about world peas!

Bob: (not understanding their accents) Well that sounds great, but did you say world peace or world peas?

Phillipe: World peas!

Bob: (confused) World peace?

Phillipe: Oui! World peas!

Bob: (even more confused) Peace??

Jean-Claude: Oui! Peas!

Bob: Uh..okay...get out there and teach them about world peace!

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: Oh-ho-ho! Here we go!

(Both Jean Claude and Phillipe hop onto the stage.)

Bob: They did say world peace, right?

Junior: No idea.

World Peas

(The camera cuts back to Bruce beginning to conduct Khalil, who's wearing a beret and holding an accordion. World Peas starts, and the curtain rises to show both Jean-Claude and Phillipe onstage in French outfits.)

Jean-Claude: The world is full of wonders! Some good, and some are bad.

Phillipe: Birthdays make us happy!

Jean-Claude: But wars, they make us sad.

Bob: (whispering) Okay, okay. This is good!

Phillipe: If we all could get along, wouldn't that be great?

Jean-Claude: What's the secret?

Phillipe: Don't you know? It's right there on your plate!

Bob: (whispering) Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no......

(The camera cuts back to Khalil, playing both the piano and the accordion. Then it cuts back to Jean-Claude and Phillipe on the stage, as moving images portray what they're singing.)

Phillipe: Tiny balls of happiness, happy you can eat!

Jean-Claude: Peas are the answer! A vegetable so sweet!

Phillipe: Wild peas; That's what all the Romans ate!

Jean-Claude: European garden peas; Those were really great!

Phillipe: Holland gave us sugar peas, snap peas came from China!

Jean Claude: Toss them in a wok, and dicing sets you will find a lot of ways to love peas. All the world around!

Phillipe: Tiny balls of happiness springing from the ground!

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: (Oh) Tiny balls of happiness springing from the ground!

Bob: (whispering) This is a disaster...

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: There's field peas, dried peas, garden peas, sugar peas, split peas, snow peas..

Jean-Claude: Don't put them in your nose, please!

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: Dried yellow peas make peace porridge hot!

Jean-Claude: Try them if you can, you might like it a lot!

Jean-Claude and Phillipe: Green, yellow, purple peas! Have a bite of all of these! Peas are really great, but they're not so very tall, but French peas are the very best of all! (Oui!) French peas are the very best of all!

(The audience applauds.)

My Ideas First!

(Cut to backstage.)

Jean-Claude: Woo-hoo!

Larry: That was great, guys! And Bob, a whole song about peas? Hilarious! What a great idea!

Bob: That was not a great idea! (to Jean-Claude and Phillipe) I thought you said world peace!

Jean-Claude: Oui, world peas! This is what we said!

Bob: ...OHHH! Obviously the only way to get something done right is to make sure your own ideas go first, so from now on, it's MY ideas first!

(Bob hands Archibald, Jimmy, and Jerry scripts.)

Bob: Here, it's the story of Abraham and Lot! We're gonna teach kids about peace whether you like it or not!

(Archibald, Jimmy and Jerry all grumble angrily, as Pa hops in with a plate of cookies.)

Pa: Hey, anybody need a snack?

All: No!!

Pa: Well, aren't we chipper.

Bob: We can't be chipper because we have to teach kids about peace! Here, you're Abraham. Get on stage!

(Bob hands Pa a script.)

Pa: I just tried to bring you a snack.

Abraham and Lot: Act 1

(Cut to the stage, as the curtain opens to reveal Pa and Jimmy as shepherds. The stage is set in a daytime setting, with a grassy field, several palm trees, and a few sheep.)

Archibald: Long, long ago in the time of the Bible, there was a man named Abraham.

Pa: I am Abraham! I am in the Bible!

Archibald: Abraham had a nephew named Lot.

Jimmy: I am Lot! I am... also in the Bible!

Archibald: Abraham and Lot traveled together in the land of Canaan, they each had some sheep.

(Jerry and Goliath hop on stage in sheep costumes.)

Pa: We have some sheep.

Jimmy: We have some sheep.

Pa: We have some sheep. Not a lot. (chuckles) A lot, get it?

Jimmy: (dryly) Yeah, hilarious.

Archibald: But God blessed them with more sheep!

Jimmy: We are sheepful!

Pa: Uh, that's not a word.

Jimmy: Full of sheep. Sheepful.

Bob: (whispering) Just read the lines.

Archibald: So many sheep that there wasn't enough land! Without enough land Abraham's shepherds and Lot's shepherds start pushing each other around. Competing for food and water for their sheep!

(Pa, Jimmy, Jerry, and Goliath start pushing and shoving.)

Pa: This isn't good...

Archibald: If they couldn't find more land, fights would break out between Abraham's men and Lot's men. Fights that could even lead to.. war! Abraham didn't want war with his nephew, Abraham wanted peace.

Pa: What can I do to make peace? When we have too many sheep, what can I do?

Jimmy: What can he do?

Pa: What can I do?

Jimmy:: What can he do?

Pa: What can I do?

Archibald: Alright, that's enough! What can he do to make peace with his nephew? We'll find out right after this break!

(The audience applauds as the curtain closes.)

Our Own Show

(Cut to backstage)

Larry: Great job, everybody!

Jerry: Um, shouldn't there be something on stage?

Jimmy: Like cake!

Archibald: What the audience wants is a deeper understanding of the Geopolitical implications of the War of 1812. But here I am talking about sheep...

Mr. Lunt: At least you get to be in this show. I didn't get nothing!

Bob: I told you all; We need this show to be good, and the only way to make sure it's good is to make sure my ideas come first!

Archibald: Perhaps we should make our own show.

Jimmy: Yeah, with cake..and 1812!

(Archibald, Jimmy, Jerry, Goliath, and Pa hop back towards the stage.)

Bob: Well, that show would be terrible!

Petunia: Are you sure this is how you wanna treat your friends?

Bob: Well, if it's the only way to get what we need. Okay, curtain up!

Abraham and Lot: Act 2

(Cut back to the stage, as the curtain opens to reveal a setting split between two lands; a bad, desert-like land, and a good, grassy land. Archibald, Pa, Jimmy, Jerry, and Goliath are back on stage.)

Archibald: Abraham and Lot needed to go their separate ways. They each needed their own land. Enough land for all their sheep and shepherds.

Pa: We need our own land, you and I, a land that's as big as the sky!

Jimmy: It's true! We do! Need land for me and you!

Archibald: Fortunately, there was two big pieces of land available. But unfortunately, the pieces of land were not the same. One piece was wonderful, with lots of grass and trees and water! The other one...not so much. Kinda dry and icky.

Pa: This land is good, that land is bad.

Jimmy: If I get that one, I'll be mad!

Pa: A land for me, a land for you. But which for which? And what for who?

Archibald: Who gets the good land? In the ancient world, it was very simple; The oldest person had the right to pick first.

Pa: Hey, I'm the oldest!

Jimmy: Aw, man...

Archibald: So Abraham would choose the good land.

Jimmy: Aw, man...

Archibald: Abraham's flocks would flourish!

Jimmy: Aw, man...

Archibald: It would be the smart thing to do, but is that what he did?

Pa: That land is good, it's plain to see. My flocks would flourish wonderfully! Although I love my flocks and fleece, more important: I love peace! And though I could, give Lot the worst. I think that I'll let him pick first!

Jimmy: Wait, what did you say?

Pa: You can pick first.

Jimmy: You'll let me pick the good land?

Pa: You can have the good land. Having peace sometimes means letting other go first. It means making what they want more important than what you want.

(Cut to Bob, realizing what he did was wrong, and being ridden with guilt.)

Archibald: So Abraham let Lot choose the good land and Abraham took the bad land, and there was peace between them! And God blessed Abraham with more land, and more sheep, and kids, and goats, and camels, and... you get the idea. Like Jesus said: "Blessed are the peace makers, for they are the sons of God!" The end.

(The audience applauds, as the curtain closes.)

Bob's Apology

(Cut to backstage, as the veggies come in with angry expressions on their face. Bob turns to congratulate them, but stops in guilt. He then hops over to apologize.)

Petunia: Great job, guys! That was really nice!

Larry: Yeah, super good!

Bob: Um, I'm afraid I owe you all an apology.

Larry: What? What do you mean?

Bob: I've been trying to teach peace, but I've been putting myself first. I made my ideas more important than your ideas. I made me more important than you.

Larry: That's not how Abraham made peace.

Bob: No, it's not. Can you forgive me?

Petunia: Of course we can forgive you.

Bob: Junior, what do you think about singing a little song?

Junior: (excited) Could I?!

Bob: I think that'd be a great idea!

Peace

(Cut to the stage, as the curtain opens to reveal Junior standing by himself, in front of a blue background with a giant dove.)

Junior: If you can't get along, with your nephew, with your niece. When you tell them they're wrong, and the fighting doesn't cease. What to do? What to say? Should you get your own way? Wouldn't happiness increase, if you had a little peace?

(Pa hops on stage.)

Pa: All I wanted in life was some land for my sheep.

Junior: But it lead him to strife, and the peace he couldn't keep. And then Abe had a thought for his favorite cousin Lot.

Pa: Instead of making things worse, I'll let you go first.

(Everyone joins Junior and Pa on stage.)

All: Don't be a peace breaker, blessed are the peace makers. Won't you at least take our advice, sir? Peace makes your life so sweet, spread peace around your street. Peace makes the world a whole lot nicer. Peace makes the world a whole lot nicer.

Junior: Peace makes the world a whole lot nicer!

(The audience applauds, as the veggies bow.)

What Have We Learned

Larry: So, Bob, seems like we all learned a lesson today!

Bob: Yeah, especially me. I thought putting myself first would get me what I want. But what I really want is peace, and sometimes that means letting others go first.

Larry: Just like the letter we got from Stewart. If everyone wants to pick the game on game night, that's gonna lead to a fight.

Bob: So let your brother or your sister pick the game this week, let them go first. They'll be so surprised, they might even let you go first next time.

Larry: Seems like a good time for a verse, right Bob?

Bob: Oh, I completely forgot about a verse! I don't have one!

Jean-Claude: (O.S.) No problem, Tomato!

(Jean-Claude lowers down onto the stage in an angel costume.)

Jean-Claude: I am here!

Bob: Who? What? Huh? Jean-Claude, what are you doing?

Jean-Claude: I am not Jean-Claude, I am an angel bringing you a verse from Heaven!

Larry: Wow!

Bob: I'm pretty sure you're Jean-Claude. Where's the verse?

(Jean-Claude drops a fortune cookie down on Bob.)

Bob: They have fortune cookies in Heaven?

Jean-Claude: They have everything in Heaven. It is Heaven!

Bob: Right. Huh, let's see. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18".

Jean-Claude: That is Paul talking.

Bob: Yes, I knew that.

Jean-Claude: Paul knew sometimes, peace is hard. Sometimes, you can't make peace, but always try to be a peacemaker!

Larry: A peacemaker! I'm gonna try hard to do that, angel!

Bob: It's not an angel, it's Jean-Claude with wings.

Jean-Claude: I must now return to Heaven!

(Jean-Claude gets levered up.)

Bob: You're just going up to the rafters!

Jean-Claude: Remember to make peas!

Larry: Goodbye, angel!

Bob: Wait, did you say peace or peas?

Jean-Claude: (O.S.) Peas!

Bob: Well, we're out of time for today.

Larry: Until next time, remember kids...

Bob: God made you special, and he loves you very much! Now go out there and make some peace!

All: Goodbye!

(The audience applauses, and the curtain closes, and we cut to black.)