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This is the episode transcript for Git Along Little Doggies!.


(The episode opens with Michelle watching a romance movie.)

Princess Kate: Oh, Prince Harold, will I ever see you again?

(Jason grabs the remote and changes the channel.)

Michelle: Hey, I was watching that! Give that back! Now, I don't know if Harold and Princess Kate are gonna get married. And what about Sparky the Pup?

(Jason uses a yo-yo to grab the remote again.)

Michelle: Ah! Hey, give it here!

Jason: Sure, take it.

(Michelle is about to change the channel, but Jason pulls it away again.)

Jason: (laughs)

(Michelle tackles him and they both fight over the remote.)

Michelle: Let go, you T.V. hog!

Jason: Me? You're the T.V. hog.

Michelle: I was watching first!

Jason: You've watched long enough! Give it here!

(Grandmum enters the scene and shuts off the TV.)

Grandmum: Oh, there's entirely too much arguing going on in here.

Michelle: He started it.

Grandmum: It doesn't matter who started it, poppets. I'm more concerned with how you react.

Jason: But, she--

Grandmum: Remember what the Good Book says, "A gentle word turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger."

Michelle: But, I--

Grandmum: Just because someone says something nasty doesn't mean you have to be nasty in return. If you can learn to answer nicely, things will go better for you. Now, I'm making haggis for supper. And if I don't stuff that sheep's stomach just right, our dinner will be ruined.

Jason: Sheep's stomach?! Ugh, my dinner's already ruined!

Michelle: Nice going, Jason. Now what are we gonna do?

(Michelle throws a pillow onto the ship, which immediately roars to life. After removing the pillow, the ship's glass dome opens. Zidgel is shown wearing the same clothes he wore in The Legend of Galaxy Gus.)

Zidgel: Howdy, kids! Time's a wasting, partners. We've got new orders from the Federation. Are ya ready for an adventure?

(Fidgel appears wearing a tall hat, holding the Galeezel.)

Jason: Anything but haggis.

(Both kids are brought onto the ship. After the opening theme, we see Kevin and Midgel playing with a hobby horse. Midgel gives the kids cowboy hats.)

Midgel: Here you go, buckaroos.

Jason: Cowboy hats! Cool!

Michelle: What is all this?

(The big screen shows a planet that's colored like a cow.)

Fidgel: We're going to Planet Roo-Tin Too-Tin, a peak yonder, cow folks.

Midgel: I believe that's cowpokes.

Fidgel: Poking cows? Well that's not very nice. How would you like to be poked?

Jason: What's the problem with Planet Roo-Tin Too-Tin? Besides looking like a cow's hide.

Zidgel: Seems some rustlers are rustling all their cows. We have to help guard the cattle and get them into town.

Michelle: Wouldn't cows be happier out on the range?

(The screen shows a pumpkin-headed kid with a cow.)

Fidgel: Oh, no. You see, on Planet Roo-Tin Too-Tin, cows are their pets.

Michelle: Pets?

Zidgel: Sure! Ever played fetch with a cow? Loads of fun. And after a hard day out in the farm, who doesn't love to reach down and squeeze out a tall glass of milk? Can a dog do that? I don't think so.

Fidgel: We must help get their cattle to town before the entire planet becomes petless.

Zidgel: (John Wayne impersonation): So that's where we're going', little lady. Huh, yup!

(The kids give a confused look.)

Zidgel: I'm doing John Wayne! Big western star, from the movies.

(They both shrug.)

Zidgel: I'll be right here, running the ship if you need me.

(Fidgel removes a bowling ball, a rubber chicken and a ladder from his hat.)

Fidgel: Whoops.

(He comes across a green device.)

Fidgel: Ah, here it is.

Jason: What's that?

Fidgel: It's a universal translator. My Western dialect is a bit rusty, so this machine will help translate whatever colloquialisms we hear into words we can all understand, and vice versa.

Jason: What's a collo...colloquialism?

Fidgel: Colloquialism, you know, different ways of saying something, like a cowboy says howdy instead of hello. Want to give it a test run?

(Jason and Michelle argue over who gets to try it first.)

Fidgel: Hold on there, cow folks. Is that any way for cadets to talk to one another?

(As they talk, Kevin walks by with the ladder Fidgel pulled out of his hat.)

Jason: Yeah, Michelle, you should ask nicely. Remember, a gentle word turns away wrath.

Michelle: I didn't hear you talking so nicely.

Fidgel: (clears throat) Pay attention. I'll show you how this works. Well, let's see. I'm rather famished. Perhaps a walk to the local bistro would be in order.

Universal Translator: I'm powerful hungryfied. Reckon I'll mosey on down to the chuckwagon for some vittles.

Fidgel: (clears throat) I'm most powerfully hungry and fried. I'll re-con I'll mo-say over to Charles' wagon for some vitals. Oh my, this may take some time.

(Kevin hands Jason and Michelle two devices.)

Michelle: What's that? An Auto-Lasso. I wonder what it does.

(She presses a button, a lasso pops out and ties up Jason.)

Jason: (muffled cries)

Michelle: A gentle word turns away wrath, but a muffled Jason is even better.

(Segue to the ship arriving at the planet.)

Midgel: Landing stations, everyone, we're here.

(The ship lands on the surface and stops skidding before it hits a cow.)

Cow: Moooo!

Zidgel: Boy, that cow can really moooooove! (laughs) Get it? Mooooove. It's a cow joke. (laughs) Ah, I crack me up. Midgel, that was your best landing yet. It's a omen, a sign! This assignment's going to be a piece of cake!

(A lizard named Wild Bill greets them, but not in a very friendly way.)

Wild Bill: Who's the biggest toad in yer posse?

Zidgel: If you're looking for toads, you've come to the wrong place. Clearly, we're penguins.

Wild Bill: Who's the big bug?

Fidgel: (clears throat) Well, let's see.

(Wild Bill grabs Fidgel.)

Wild Bill: I'm gonna knock galley west whoever's the biggest toad or bug here.

Universal Translator: I am going to beat senseless the leader of this entourage.

Zidgel: The leader? (gulps) Heh, heh. I'm not exactly the leader. Uh, that would be Admiral Strap--Woah!

(Wild Bill grabs Zidgel too.)

Wild Bill: Are you on the shoot?! 'Cause of you, my cow's balled up and running for sundown!

Universal Translator: Are you looking for trouble? Because of you, my cow was confused, frightened, and stampeding.

Zidgel: Would saying, "I'm sorry" help?

Wild Bill: Sorry don't cut the mustard, hombre! I'm about as all fired up as a hat full of hornets and someone's gonna pay for it.

Universal Translator: You are all in a heap of trouble.

Zidgel: Somebody do something before we die of wedgies!

Midgel: Howdy, mate. I'm Midgel, this is Kevin, Jason, Michelle, and that's Fidgel in your left fist and Captain Zidgel in your right.

Wild Bill: Yeah? Don't mean beans to me, cowboy.

Midgel: I, uh, didn't catch your name.

Wild Bill: Handle's Wild Bill Quasar. My friends call me Billy, but I ain't got no friends.

Zidgel: Well, Billy--

Wild Bill: It's Mr. Wild Bill to you.

Zidgel: Okay. Mr. Wild Bill, I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot. We're here to help.

Wild Bill: Help? Yer bout as much help as a fox in a hen house.

Fidgel: We're terribly sorry and we came to help you drive your herd into town. Where is your herd, anyway?

Wild Bill: You scared it off.

Zidgel: Your herd is one cow?

(Wild Bill pulls out a "wanted" poster.)

Wild Bill: That's all that's left after Gopher Gus and his gang stole the rest. And now you done scared off my last cow. Big help, thanks a lot.

Midgel: Just point which way he went. We'll get him back for you.

Wild Bill: You better.

Rockhopper crew: (gulps)

(Segue to a campsite.)

Wild Bill: Looks like the path of destruction heads off this-a-ways. Good luck to you. I dunno how ya' gonna do it.

Kevin: (whistles) Moooooo!

(Suddenly, a cow comes running up to Kevin. The cow sits like a dog while Kevin pets her head.)

Kevin: I speak cow.

Wild Bill: Ah coulda grown a beard by the time you quit loafin' and finished the round up.

Universal Translator: Took you long enough.

Midgel: A simple thanks would have been nice.

Wild Bill: Well, I ain't nice. And we ain't done yet neither. This here cattle still needs to get to town, and since Gopher Gus is still out there lurking, we's gonna be needing somethin'.

Zidgel: I don't know if you penguins have noticed, but Wild Bill's not the most pleasant man we've ever encountered. He speaks rather harshly. Even for a cowpoke.

Fidgel: I'm wondering how we can get on his good side.

Midgel: I'm afraid this is his good side.

Jason: I bet his herd wasn't stolen. I bet they ran away.

(Wild Bill comes out of the tent carrying wood mallets.)

Wild Bill: Shut your big bazoos! You'll spook the cow again. We run into Gopher Gus and his gang, you'll be needing these. Come on, you greenhornes. We got a cattle drive to go on.

Midgel: Somebody needs to tell him to speak more nicely. Captain?

Zidgel: Why do I have to talk to him? He'll just yell at me.

Michelle: Maybe we should just stay away from him.

Zidgel: Excellent idea, Michelle. People, avoid Wild Bill.

(Cut to Wild Bill, his cow and the Rockhopper crew carrying their hammers. Kevin, however, rides his like a hobby horse. Zidgel stays far behind the posse.)

Wild Bill: What's he doin' way back there?

Jason: Avoiding you. You talk so mean.

(Wild Bill lassos Zidgel to the front of the posse.)

Zidgel: Hey! What's the big idea?

Wild Bill: I hear you can't take a little screaming and yelling. Gonna have to toughen you up. Ya hear what Ah'm sayin'?!

Zidgel: Clear as a bell.

Michelle: Well, avoiding him didn't work.

Jason: I don't think anything's gonna work.

Midgel: How much further, Wild Bill?

Wild Bill: Dah! Ya'd think I was on a cattle drive with the old biddies club. Lunch!

(Segue to the posse having hot dogs and fries.)

Fidgel: Children, I am sorry for the unpleasant nature of this mission.

Jason: It's okay, I'm kinda getting used to it.

Michelle: Yeah. And the cow's cute.

Midgel: I just wish there was some way we can soften Wild Bill up. He's just making things worse when he speaks so harshly.

Michelle: There may be a way.

Fidgel: Please, I'm all ears.

Michelle: Well, it's like our Grandmum says, a gentle word turns away wrath--

Jason: But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Midgel: Wait a minute, you're saying we should be nice to him? Come on, lass, he's torturing us.

Fidgel: No, no, no, Midgel, they may be on to something. If our attitude towards Wild Bill is one of kindness, he may well change his spurs.

Michelle: Exactly. So, from now on, remember, gentle words, soft answers.

(Everyone nods in agreement. Zidgel angrily approaches his crew.)

Zidgel: That's it! I've had it!

Fidgel: Uh, Captain, if I may--

Zidgel: You may not, Fidgel. I'm sick and tired of the way Wild Bill treats us. I'm sick of being yelled at, bullied, treated with disrespect. I'm very sensitive, you know.

Fidgel: What do you suggest?

Zidgel: Tell that old western windbag what we really think of him.

(Zidgel spills his lunch.)

Jason: I don't know if that's such a good idea. We were just saying a gentle word turns away wrath.

Wild Bill: Let's go, city slickers. Daylight's burnin'.

Zidgel: Not me. I'm finishing my meal. You want something? You speak to me with respect, exactly do you spell respect?

Wild Bill: Are my ears lying? 'Cause if they ain't, someone's about to start crying.

Zidgel: You're rude, crude, (sniffs) and your personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired.

Wild Bill: Ooh, you asked fer it!

(Suddenly, an earthquake occurs.)

Michelle: Ah!

Jason: What's happening?

Wild Bill: Grab yer hammers, boys! We's under attack!

(Some holes are formed in the ground.)

Wild Bill: Yee ha!

Midgel: Wild Bill! What is it?

Wild Bill: Gopher Gus and his gang. Space gophers!

Jason and Zidgel: Ah!

(Fade to black. Fade back to the camp.)

Wild Bill: Space gophers!

Zidgel: Never fear, we can handle a few puny space goph--(A gopher pops up and Zidgel screams.)

(Another gopher appears before diving back down into the hole.)

Wild Bill: I want my cattle back, Gopher Gus.

(Gophers keep popping out of the ground.)

Wild Bill: Gotcha! Aw!

(Zidgel and Midgel try bonking them on the head with their hammers, but they miss. Fidgel tries to hit one as well.)

Fidgel: Oh, here's one. Ugh, ahhh!

(Everyone keeps trying to hit the gophers with their mallets, but the gophers are just too fast.)

Wild Bill: Dah! I'm working with a gaggle of deadbeats!

Zidgel: I don't see you hitting anything.

Wild Bill: I could, ifn' I wasn't so fired concerned that y'all're nuthin' but crowbait.

Zidgel: Them's fighting words!

(Zidgel and Wild Bill prepare to fight, but Michelle stops them.)

Michelle: Everyone, stop it! You're both upset. You're mad about losing your herd, and don't feel you're getting the help you need.

Wild Bill: Yer fine as cream gravy, little lady.

Michelle: And you feel you're putting out a great effort, but aren't being appreciated.

Zidgel: Finally, someone understands!

Michelle: You shouldn't use harsh words no matter what. It only makes the problem worse. Yelling, using harsh words, and being mean to each other never solves anything.

Wild Bill: Uh, he started it.

Zidgel: Did not.

Michelle: I don't care who started it. You're responsible for how you react. And just because he's harsh, doesn't mean you have to speak that way. I've got an idea how to get your cows back, but first you have to make up with each other.

(They both shake hands and apologize.)

Wild Bill: Awww, I should've pulled in my horns. Had no right to treat ya' that-a-ways. You're no crowbait.

Zidgel: Sorry I snapped. I'm under a lot of pressure.

(They both hug.)

Midgel: I think I liked them better when they were fighting.

Wild Bill: So, what was your idea fer gittin' my git-alongs back, little lady?

Michelle: Maybe you could speak nicely to Gopher Gus. You know, ask for your cows back politely.

Wild Bill: I'm not sure that's gonna work on Gopher Gus.

(Wild Bill's cow is pulled under the ground.)

Wild Bill: See what I mean?! Land o' Goshen! They stole my last cow! Let's get them space gophers!

(Kevin pulls out his automatic lasso device and pulls the cow out of the hole, but he pulls so hard, the cow flies out of the hole.)

Zidgel: Kevin, go long!

(Kevin catches the cow.)

Wild Bill and rest of Rockhopper crew: (cheer)

(Kevin is about to throw the cow, but Midgel stops him.)

Midgel: Kevin, no spiking!

(Kevin puts the cow down. Wild Bill examines the lasso device before using it to pull his whole herd of cows out of the ground.)

Wild Bill: My herd! This new fangled Auto-Lasso is really somethin' special! In my book, you're all in apple pie order.

Zidgel: And you're a slice of lemon meringue yourself!

Wild Bill: Well, we best get a wiggle on before Gopher Gus and his gang try to snag them doggies back. Ain't no way to hide my herd from them varmints.

(Segue to the posse leading the cows which are very poorly disguised as Rockhopper crew members.)

Zidgel: Nothing to report here, just a gaggle of penguins out enjoying an afternoon stroll. Yep, not one of us is a cow.

Midgel: Very subtle, sir.

Zidgel: Thanks. See, I'm throwing the space gophers off the trail. If they think the cow is really a penguin, then--

Midgel: I, uh, get it.

Wild Bill: I've got to hand it to you, little lady. Yer someone to ride the river with.

Universal Translator: I can count on you, and call you friend.

Michelle: Thank you, Mr. Wild Bill.

Universal Translator: Much obliged, partner.

(As they reach the town, another earthquake occurs and more holes are dug around them.)

Wild Bill: I reckon this is the end of the road. Looks like them kids ain't gonna get their pet after all.

(The cows are pulled under the ground again. Kevin follows after them.)

Midgel: Kevin!

Wild Bill: Them space gophers will clean his plow!

Fidgel: Ooh, poor Kevin! (sniffs) Went with his boots on, or, at least he would have if he wore boots.

(As everyone removes their hats, Kevin climbs out of the hole.)

Midgel: Kevin, you're alright!

Wild Bill: What did y'all do down yonder?

Kevin: I speak gopher.

Wild Bill: What'd they say?

Kevin: You're mean. Be nice. Okay? Maybe.

Wild Bill: What'd he just say?

Universal Translator: Wild Bill was mean. I promised he'd be nice. He said okay. But there's one thing.

Kevin: After a showdown at high noon.

Jason: Cool. In a western, the hero always faces the outlaw. Only one survives.

Zidgel: (John Wayne impression) Well, partners, I'm heading for boot hill, the big tamale. Or is it the big enchilada?

Wild Bill: You ain't dueling Gopher Gus. He wants me. He's gonna get me.

Zidgel: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I didn't want to face Gopher Gus. I'm so happy. Good luck. If there's anything I can do, let me know. Talk about a close call, whew.

(Fade to later that day as Wild Bill prepares to face Gopher Gus. Everyone watches from the Saloon as Wild Bill approaches Gopher Gus. Wild Bill hesitates to hit him with the hammer, but he puts it down.)

Wild Bill: Listen, you ol' varmit. You and me, we've been feuding for years. Time we stop. Can we all just get along?

(Gopher Gus squeaks before turning away from Wild Bill.)

Wild Bill: Missy, can I whack him a goodun' just once? It's all his kind understands.

Michelle: (shakes head)

Wild Bill: Dawh! Look, I'm real sorry for bein' ornery. I got the saddle sores. But that's no excuse. I won't be mean no more. Okay?

(Gopher Gus faces Wild Bill and squeaks happily.)

Fidgel: Well, what did he say, Kevin?

Kevin: He says, you may leave. No more fighting. And he's sorry for making things worse by saying mean things back to Wild Bill. He won't do it anymore. Oh, and he says, take your cows. They eat too much.

Universal Translator: And you could have had them before if you just asked nicely in the first place.

Wild Bill: Well, I'll be hog tied in my Sunday best! If that don't beat all!

(Fade to later that day as the cows are adopted by the pumpkin headed kids.)

Wild Bill: We did it, boys. I'm mighty beholden to y'all. Much obliged! Kids are gonna have their pets.

Fidgel: Aw, shucks, t'wern't nuthin'.

Wild Bill: I didn't catch that.

Fidgel: Uh, it was purely our pleasure.

Wild Bill: He was right, a gentle word done turned away their wrath.

(Segue to the ship leaving the planet.)

Zidgel: Not such a bad guy, really.

Michelle: He's like anyone, treat him right, he'll treat you right.

(The ship flies above the town, spooking the cows.)

Wild Bill: Dawh! Constarn you, penguins! Ya got my doggies all balled up again! I mean, please don't go spookin' my herd, little feathered partners. I don't understand why those penguins gotta wear spacesuits anyhow.

(Soon, the kids are brought home. Later that night, they pray before bed.)

Jason: And God bless Mom and Dad and Grandmum.

Michelle: And thanks for reminding us that a gentle word turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.

Both: Amen.

Grandmum: Oh, my, such a grown up prayer. Sometimes I think my words are falling on deaf ears, then you little crumpets come along and surprise me.

Jason: (talking like a cowboy) Well, we're gonna get us some shut eye 'fore we get the mornin' dew, Grandmum.

Michelle: (talks like a cowgirl) Yup! Sun-up comes mighty early in the mornin'!

Grandmum: What? Jason, Michelle, you must be watching too many westerns on T.V.

Michelle and Grandmum: (laugh)

Grandmum: Well, happy trails, yung-uns!

Jason: Goodnight, partner.

Michelle: Hit the trail, little buckaroo!

(End of transcript.)