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This is the episode transcript for Gideon: Tuba Warrior.


Opening Countertop[]

Bob: Hi kids, I'm Bob the Tomato.

Larry: And I'm Larry the Cucumber.

Bob: Welcome to VeggieTales. Today we got a letter from Rachel-

(Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape, in their pirate attire from Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie, show up and interrupt the intro)

Bob: Huh? What?

Mr. Lunt: Prepare to be boarded!

Pa Grape: Avast, ye regular hosts! We're pirating this broadcast!

Mr. Lunt: Surrender now!

Larry: Hi guys.

Bob: Wait a minute, you're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. You're not supposed to actually pirate anything.

Pa Grape: We've changed our ways.

Mr. Lunt: We've been convicted. Actually, we've been bored.

Pa Grape: Not doing anything is boring. Argh!

Mr. Lunt: Argh! Prepare to be not bored!

Bob: Do you know anything about this?

Larry: I knew that they were getting antsy.

Pa Grape: Antsy! Argh!

Mr. Lunt: Antsies in me pantsies!

Bob: Look, I'm glad to see you guys are finally doing stuff, but couldn't you just swab some barnacles or something? Do you have to go this far?

Pa Grape: C'mon, Bob. We're new at this.

Mr. Lunt: Yeah, give us a break. We couldn't think of nothing else.

Pa Grape: Well, scrapbooking. But that's hardly appropriate.

Mr. Lunt: That wasn't an actual suggestion. I'm just saying, you can't lose the memories, man.

Bob: So, you want Larry and me to just step aside while you take over the show?

Pa Grape: Well, Larry can stay if he puts on his eye patch.

(Larry does just that)

Larry: Argh!

Bob: Oh, yeah. Right. You're a pirate, too. How silly of me to forget. Look, I don't know.

Mr. Lunt: C'mon, Bob. Give us a shot.

Pa Grape: Before we sink back into inactivity.

Mr. Lunt: Interminable slothfulness.

Bob: (reluctant) Oh, alright. But I'm staying right here and supervising.

(The pirates cheer while Bob gives an unamused look.)

Larry: Alright! Woo-hoo! This is gonna be great! You won't be sorry, Bob.

(Larry and Mr. Lunt stop cheering and jumping, but Pa Grape continues.)

Larry: the letter.

Pa Grape: Ah, thanks. Right. Hold on a minute. (he puts on a pair of reading glasses, because he is elderly.) This is a letter from Racheal Paxton of Muscle Shoals, Alabama. Racheal asks: "Dear Bob and Larry, I'm in the second grade." Ah, isn't that cute? She's in the second grade. I bet she's adorable. "There's a new girl in my class. She's kind of peculiar, and my friends don't like her. I know God wants us to be friends to kids who have no friends, but if I'm nice to her, I might lose my old friends. What should I do?"

Mr. Lunt: Has she tried throwing a scrapbooking party? That might loosen everybody up.

Pa Grape: Uhh, maybe you can wait until your friends aren't looking and then smile at the new kid.

Bob: That's it? That's all you've got?

Pa Grape: This is harder than it looks.

Bob: How did you expect to host the show?

Mr. Lunt: We didn't think ahead this far. We only got up to the part where we swipe the letter.

Larry: Maybe you should help them out a little, Bob.

Bob: Oh, alright. I think Racheal is asking if God can help her in this situation or if she'll be worse off by doing what He asks. She's really wondering if she can trust God.

Pa Grape: Oh, yeah. "P.S. Can I trust God?"

Mr. Lunt: Man, you are so insightful.

Pa Grape: Wait a minute! I just thought of something. What if we tell Racheal a story? (Bob rolls his eyes.) That might help.

Bob: That's worked in the past.

Mr. Lunt: I like it! Let's tell her a story!

Larry: Good one, guys.

Pa Grape: I got it! A true story my granddad once told me. It's an amazing tale of a man named George Mueller.

Bob: George Mueller? I've heard of him. He trusted God for everything.

Pa Grape: Shh! Don't interrupt. This was a man who trusted God for everything.

Bob: I'll be over here if you need me.

Pa Grape: He lived a long time ago, in a land far, far away called Bristol, England.

The Story of George Muller[]

(The story opens with Simon (played by Pa Grape) walking up to 6 Wilson Street.)

Pa Grape: My great grandfather, Simon, was a reporter for the Bristol Snoop, a newspaper of questionable integrity.

(Simon knocks on the door and George Mueller (played by Archibald) answers.)

George: May I help you?

Simon: You George Mueller?

George: Indeed.

Simon: Simon, Bristol Snoop. Is it true you're running a school for alien dolphins?

George: What?

Simon: If my sources are correct, this would be startling news, on par with the turkey born with the head of a cat. (he pulls out a newspaper with a photo of such)

George: What??

Simon: So you're not denying the fact that you're training extra-terrestrial porpoises for less than ideal purposes? (pause) I'm considered among my peers to be a genius with a headline.

George: Look, Mister...Simon, is it? We have no dolphins. This is a home for orphans. We look after children who have no parents.

Simon: Oh, so it's possible their parents are dolphins?

George: What?!

Simon: I mean, you never know.

George: Good night, mister...

(George is about to close the door, but a girl named Emily (played by Annie) stops him.)

Emilly: Uhh, Mister Mueller?

George: Oh, hello, Emily.

Emily: Are you going to play the piano?

George: Why, certainly, Emily. I'll be there momentar--

Emily: (noticing the weird headline) Is that a turkey with the head of a cat?

Simon: Why, yes it is.

Emily: That's purrty strange.

Simon: You know, I thought so myself.

George: Emily, dear, I was just seeing Mr. Simon off. Go ahead and start. I'll be right there.

Simon: She's adorable.

George: She is, indeed.

Simon: Has a good eye for news.

George: Yes, I suppose she does. (as they continue talking, the children start singing) Is there anything else, Mr. Simon?

Simon: Ah, no. Not if you're sure there's nothing extraordinary going on here.

George: There's plenty extraordinary going on here, Mr. Simon, but I'm not sure it's the sort of thing your paper would be interested in. Good night, Mr. Simon.

Simon: Good night.

(As he's about to leave, he hears George singing with the children.)

George and the children: I sing because I'm happy.

I sing because I'm free.

For His eye is on the sparrow.

And I know He watches me.

(Simon enters and sees George singing with the children (played by Percy, Junior, Gourdon, Laura, Aaron and another girl carrot.)

Simon: Ah ha! I knew it! I knew it! That's the first sign of a cover up: speaking in codes! An eye is watching? Who is "Sparrow?" Special forces? Covert ops?

George: There's no conspiracy, Mr. Simon. We're singing a song about God providing for us.

Emily: God even looks after the sparrows, so we can trust Him to look after us.

Simon: Oh.

George: We believe God called us to start this orphanage with nothing. All you see here has been provided by God, through our prayers and trust in Him.

Simon: And, I imagine, by asking people for lots of donations.

George: Oh, there's nothing wrong with asking for donations, but we've never asked anyone for anything.

Simon: Never asked anyone....for anything?

George: That's right. I felt God wanted me to demonstrate how He could meet our needs without anyone even knowing. So we never asked anyone for anything.

Simon: Wow. What a wacky way to start out. I bet you're glad that phase is over, huh? Things seem to be humming along now.

(Before George can speak, his wife Mary enters.)

Mary: George?

George: Hello, dear.

Mary: We're out of food again.

George: Really? We have nothing to feed the children for breakfast tomorrow morning?

Mary: Nothing at all. Not a crumb.

George: Well, we'll have to handle it like we always do.

Simon: So, how do you handle this?

George: We pray.

(He walks over to the piano.)

Simon: Pray? You can't just assume breakfast is gonna fall outta the sky. Think about these kids.

George: God will meet our needs. If you like, you may join us for breakfast and see for yourself. Good night, Mr. Simon.

(As George plays a few notes on the piano, Simon walks to the front door.)

Simon: Good night, Mr. Mueller. Poor kids.

(He leaves the Mueller residence. The next morning, he returns.)

Emily: Good morning, Mr. Simon.

Simon: Good morning, Emily. I brought you something.

(He shows her a newspaper showing a stapler attacking a carrot and a headline reading "Simon Says: Stapler Attacks On The Rise.")

Emily: Gee, thanks.

Simon: These are dangerous times.

Emily: Uh huh.

George: Mr. Simon, so good of you to come. Do come in.

Simon: This could be an interesting story. Besides, I'm really hoping those kids get something to eat.

(The children are all seated at the table)

George: Children, we must be on time for school. Are you hungry?

Children: Yes, sir.

Simon: So, where's the food?

George: Mary, do we have anything to give them? (Mary shakes her head) So what do we do, children?

Children: We pray.

(Everyone bows their heads and prays. As they do, Simon removes his hat)

George: Dear Father in heaven, we thank Thee for what Thou art going to give us to eat. Amen.

(Simon looks and sees nothing has happened.)

Simon: Look, maybe I can run out and...

(Suddenly, a baker (played by Jimmy) enters with a bread basket.)

Baker: Uh, Mr. Mueller, I couldn't sleep last night. Somehow, I felt you didn't have bread for breakfast and the Lord wanted me to send you some. So I got up at 2AM and baked some fresh bread.

(A completely shocked Simon gasps.)

George: (O.S.) Oh, thank you so much. You're an answer to prayer.

Mary: (O.S) And a speedy one at that.

Emily: I'm a bit thirsty, sir.

(Suddenly, after a loud crash, a milkman (played by Jerry) enters with two milk crates.)

Milkman: Uh, excuse me, my milk cart just broke down. Mind if I unload some milk so I can fix my wagon? You can have all you want.

George: Have some milk, children.

(the children cheer)

George: And this same God who takes care of me can supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. That's Philippians 4:19, I believe. You can use it in your story if you'd like.

(As the children give thanks for their morning meal, Simon writes in his journal about all that's been going on.)

Pa Grape: Now, great-grandpa Simon reported some big stories in his day, but this by far was the biggest, and the only one up to that point, I might add, that was independently verifiable. That means it was true. (As Pa Grape narrates, Emily and George pick up a newspaper that reads "George Mueller: The man who gets things from God.") And George Mueller would go on to receive money and food to build many more orphanages and help thousands of kids, all without ever asking anyone for anything. He just trusted God to meet their needs every single day. And every single day, God did.

George and the children: And I know He watches me.

Countertop Scene[]

(Cut back to the countertop. Larry is now in his full pirate attire.)

Pa Grape: The end.

Larry: That was real nice.

Mr. Lunt: It was touching, yet lighthearted. I was moved. True story, was it?

Pa Grape: True story. (pulls out a photo of George Mueller.) See?

Mr. Lunt: I think George Mueller should have prayed for a hi-def TV.

Larry: I'm pretty sure George Mueller knew the difference between a need and a want.

Mr. Lunt: Yeah, I could see that.

Pa Grape: Well, Racheal, I hope that helps you out. That's all the time we have for today.

(Larry stops Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt from signing off as the show's not even over yet.)

Larry: Hold on. I think it's a little too early to call it quits.

Pa Grape: Huh? I told the story.

Larry: Yeah, but it was kind of short. If this were a regular show, we'd do a silly song and then tell another story.

Mr. Lunt: Well,...this isn't really a regular show...per se...

Pa Grape: Hey, why don't you do the Silly Song? That's right up your alley.

Larry: Yeah, but I'm dressed like a pirate.

Pa Grape: Then do a pirate Silly Song.

Larry: Been done, remember?

Pa Grape: Oh, yeah. Did that already.

(The French Peas enter the scene)

Jean-Claude: (offscreen) Phillipe, the time has come.

Phillipe: Mai oui, Jean-Claude. At last.

Jean-Claude: We have written a Silly Song.

Phillipe: And have been waiting for just the right moment to bring it out.

Jean-Claude: And the moment has arrived.

(The pirates cheer)

Pa Grape: Wait, it's not in French, is it?

Phillipe: The language of love?

Jean-Claude: Sadly, no.

Phillipe: The song is not for us to sing.

Pa Grape: Who else can sing around here?

Lance the Turtle[]

(They all look to their left as Ukulele Karaoke with Bob begins. The title card shows Bob playing a ukulele.)

Announcer: And now it's time for Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. The part of the show when Bob comes out and sings an Ukulele Karaoke.

Bob: Uh, what's going on? (Jean-Claude comes in)

Jean-Claude: You're doing the Ukulele Karaoke, no?

Bob: No, I'm on a break. This is the Pirates'—

Jean-Claude: They are busy with the rest of the show.

Bob: B-But I don't even know the song. (Jean-Claude gives Bob lyrics)

Jean-Claude: Your lyrics, monsieur. (to Phillipe) Bring in the props!

Bob: But-

Phillipe: Waikiki! (A palm tree prop, volcano prop, and lamp fall in. Phillipe comes in with fan) Your island breeze, monsieur!

Bob: Hold on a sec! I'm totally unprepared to do a solo! (The Wiggly Turtle Toobies come in)

Jean-Claude: Your backup singers.

Bob: What? Isn't that the-

Jean-Claude: Oui, they are the Wiggly Turtle Toobies.

Bob: The Wiggly Turtle Toobies? They look taller on TV.

WTT: So do you, tomato!

Bob: But really, this is Larry's gig! I can't just—

Jean-Claude: The show must go on, monsieur! (music begins) Quick, that is your cue! Just follow along, you will be fine.

Bob: But—

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Bob: Well, I keep a little turtle at my Uncle and my Aunt's.

My auntie's name is Myrtle, and my island turtle's name is Lance.

He doesn't wander far, even if he has a chance.

He just plays his ukulele and he does the hula dance.


WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Bob: He threw a luau barbecue one breezy summer night. (Phillipe turns on fan)

Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a wiki bite.

The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing.

The one who lived across the street arrived there in the Spring.

(as the WTT are singing) Oh, I get it! Turtles are slow, so it took him a long time. That's pretty good.

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Bob: But Lance just kept on cooking, he was grilling full of glee. (sits on chair)

He was marinating ribs cause he liked— (lyrics unintentionally shred through fan, along with his newspaper)

Uh... (reading pieces of lyrics) Syrup with his feta cheese?

I-I'm sorry, I— (Jean-Claude and Phillipe tape up lyrics and newspaper as two sheets and give them to Bob)

Lance's purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please.

Pineapples are shiny! Spotted tiki bumblebees?!

Oh, man!

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Bob: Wait a minute. Guys, I don't think this is right. It doesn't make any sense.

Phillipe: It works for us! Ha-ha!

Bob: But-

Jean-Claude: The song! The song!

Bob: Uh...

There are luscious chocolate fingers, spinning slowly in the school.

Mele Kalikimaka. Fluffy bunnies diving in the pool.

Uh, Larry?!

Thousand igloos wax the beach, spray luggage in the tree.

Raining puppies, flying clowns. Flossing punahele- (hula dancer falls on Bob)

Ow! Oh, forget it. (Bob leaves)

Phillipe: Oh-ho! Lapoka sneezes coconuts. Tahiti yo-yo leg.

Wahine with spaghetti sauce, don't make the fuzzy parrot beg.

Jean-Claude: Paper, plastic porcupines. The horsey makes his bed.

The humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apua'ua wasn't fed.

Jean-Claude, Phillipe, and WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. (continuing under dialogue)

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.

Lance the Turtle...


Announcer: This has been Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. Tune in next time when Bob says:

Bob: I'll be in my dressing room.

Gideon: Tuba Warrior[]

(The next story begins with a parade in an unspecified city. Cut to Jimmy and Jerry wearing headphones.)

Jimmy: Welcome back to the big event!

Jerry: The victory parade for Gideon!

Jimmy: And what an event it is! (During this, we see a marching band and a balloon that represents the Ten Commandments) The music, the floats, the spectacle! It's all here to celebrate one thing; Gideon's extraordinary victory over the previously undefeated, excessively hairy Midianites.

Jerry: He's--he's coming.

(A huge tuba-shaped float made of flowers and being pulled by two gourds on motorcycles approaches with Gideon (played by Larry) on board)

Jimmy: Yes! The man of the hour! Riding on a tuba float covered with 10,000 roses. The red ones were shipped in from Jerusalem, the white from Bethlehem, and the purple roses came from Cairo!

Jerry: That's a lotta flowers!

Jimmy: Indeed it is! But that's a lotta hero! Yes, Gideon-- a man who overcame his complete lack of military experience to become not only the hero of the day, but perhaps the greatest Hebrew warrior of all time!

(As Jimmy and Jerry continue, Gideon's smile disappears, as he doesn't agree with everything they're saying.)

Jerry: I wish I was him.

Jimmy: This is a man who laughs at danger. Who doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." This is a man who single-handedly defeated an army of more than 30,000 enemy troops!

Gideon: Wait, stop! Stop the parade!

(The bikers stop and Gideon falls into the mouthpiece. After the big float lets out a small toot, he's pushed out of the mouthpiece and gets himself back up.)

Gideon: I'm sorry. What you're saying is nice and all, but that's just not the way it was. This is how it really happened.

(The flashback begins with Gideon playing his tuba, much to the annoyance of his brothers (played by the French Peas).)

Gideon: (V.O) I was minding my own business, practicing my latest marching band moves when my life was changed forever.

Jean-Claude: Gideon! Hey, pipsqueak! Do you mind!?

Gideon: Nope, don't mind at all! You guys work on the football and I'll practice my part in the marching band. We're all on the same team. (as he continues, his brothers huddle.) Yeah! And the game's back on. And the drums would be over here going rat-a-tat-tat, and the horns would be over here going do-doodlee-do. And then, I'll jump up with my tuba, going...

(He plays one big note. As he does, one of his brothers throws the football into his instrument, blocking it and knocking Gideon off the wall. The brothers laugh as they head back into their house. Gideon is not amused by their antics.)

Phillipe: Good job, brother.

Gideon: Hey! Ha ha! Yeah, that's real funny, guys! You wanna come and get you ball?

(Gideon tries to blow the ball out of his tuba, but it doesn't budge. The second time, his face turns purple. As he gasps for more air, he stumbles back and falls back from tripping over a pot. This causes him to knock over garden tools, which, in turn, hit a bench with a bag on it. The bag is launched, lands on Gideon and he blows so hard, the ball is dislodged from his tuba. The ball flies out and breaks something in the house.)

Jean-Claude: (O.S.) Hey!

(Gideon tries hiding behind a tree.)

Jean-Claude: (O.S.) When I find you, you're going to be sorry!

(As Gideon hides, an angel (played by Pa Grape) appears.)

Angel: Hail, mighty man of valor!

Gideon: Shh! I'm hiding! Wait, what did you say?

Angel: Hail, mighty man of valor!

Gideon: Oh, you must be looking for my brothers.

Angel: Nope, I'm lookin' for you. I'm an angel.

Gideon: The Angels, huh? Well, I'm a Warrior. Maybe we'll play your team this year.

Angel: No, no, no. I'm a real angel. Sent from the Lord above with a message.

Gideon: The LORD, Lord?

Angel: The same.

Gideon: Huh. Pretty cool!

(The angel pulls out a book with Hope on the cover entitled "Angelic Visitations for The Not So Bright.")

Angel: "Now, human," that'd be you, "it is perfectly normal for you to be terrified and confused. Having an Angel appear before you is not exactly an everyday occurrence." (chuckles slowly)

Gideon: Why'd you laugh like that?

Angel: It says here I'm supposed to make you feel comfortable. Take a load off. This may take a while.

Gideon: Okie dokie.

Angel: "I am sure you have many questions for me."

Gideon: No, not really.

Angel: "And while there are many things I can do to prove I come from the Almighty, I must note that I can do nothing without God's approval. However, He will allow me to show you a small sample of His splendor. E.G.: answers to personal questions, minor miracles, appearing and/or disappearing at will."

Gideon: Did you just say "EG?"

Angel: Yeah. It means "for example."

Gideon: Well, then why didn't you just say "for example?"

Angel: Because this says "EG?"

Gideon: Okay.

Angel: "Frightened human, what kind of sign do you need to prove I am from He who is above all things?"

Gideon: Nothing. I already believe you.

Angel: Really? Because I've got at least five more pages here.

Gideon: No, I'm good.

Angel: Don't need me to fly around?

Gideon: Well, you can if it makes you feel better.

Angel: To be honest, I just flew all the way from Heaven. I'm a little winded.

Gideon: Then relax. Can I get you something good to drink?

Angel: Oh, a lemonade would be fine.

(Gideon goes into his house to fix a lemonade and brings it to his visitor.)

Gideon: Here you go.

Angel: Thanks. You have no idea what a relief your reaction is. Folks usually freak out and I end up spending the first week just trying to calm them down. (takes a sip.)

Gideon: That must be real tiring.

Angel: You don't know the half of it. You don't need any proof at all?

Gideon: Nope. If you say you're from God, I believe you.

Angel: 'Cause I got credentials. Check this out.

(He shows Gideon a badge that reads Angel Corps Seraphim Fi.)

Gideon: Cool. Can I get one of those?

Angel: Well, we don't give these out to just anyone, but I'll see what I can do.

Gideon: So, Mister Angel, what's your message?

Angel: Here's the skinny. (As he explains, a cloud of smoke showing an armored zucchini is shown) I've been sent from the Lord above to tell you that you have been chosen to lead Israel's army against a ferocious enemy that is even now at your doorstep.

Gideon: Wait, I've been chosen? To lead an army? I think there's been a mistake.

Angel: You're a warrior, aren't you?

Gideon: (looks at his attire) This? Oh, no! My brothers are the real warriors. I'm just the guy you call when you want a victory parade after the battle. I'll go get them.

(As he walks toward his house, the angel quickly teleports in front of Gideon, stopping him)

Angel: God hasn't chosen them. He wants you.

Gideon: But I'm not trained in weapons of war, I'm trained on the tuba. How many wars have been won by marching in formation?

Angel: You'd be surprised.

Gideon: My brothers are bigger and stronger!

Angel: He wants you.

Gideon: I'm afraid of the dark!

Angel: To tell you the truth, so am I.

Gideon: (higher pitch) I scream like a girl.

Angel: Put me in the dark and I do too. He still wants you.

Gideon: Sorry. I just can't do it.

Angel: You trust that I'm an Angel, you trust that I was sent from God. So what's the big problem with doing what He says?

Gideon: I thought you were coming to give me a pep talk. A little "well done, good and faithful servant." But this is way out of my league.

Angel: If you wanna hear the Lord say "well done," then you'll have to do what He asks.

Gideon: You're absolutely sure God has chosen me?

Angel: Yep. He wants you to defeat the invading Midianites.

Gideon: Well, how many Midianites are we talking about here?

(The angel and Gideon head to a canyon, where they see a single Midianite pea. Gideon thinks this shouldn't be a problem.)

Gideon: That's it? One guy? No problem! When do we start?

(The pea Midianite whistles and a huge dust cloud rolls in. When the dust clears, a whole Midianite camp is shown.)

Gideon: Hold that thought.

Angel: (holding out a spyglass) Take a gander.

(Through the spyglass, Gideon sees more Midianites laughing gruffly and one putting up a sign showing the number of days until their next attack. Gideon starts to chicken out.)

Gideon: Well, it's been nice talking to you. (Angel stops him again) That's beginning to get irritating.

Angel: Well?

Gideon: Well, what? I'm not fighting them! There's no way I can defeat an army that large!

Angel: It's not your job to defeat them; it's God's. It's your job to trust He'll do what He says.

Gideon: I'm sorry, but you've just got the wrong guy.

Angel: God never chooses the wrong guy.

Gideon: Well, this time, He made a mistake.

Angel: God never makes mistakes.

Gideon: Not once? Not one single mistake in all of recorded history?

Angel: Never. Well, as far as I'm concerned, the jury's still out on spiders. (shudders)

Gideon: Understand I'm not saying I'll do it. But if I did, I'd need a sign first.

Angel: A sign?

Gideon: I've gotta know absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in this.

Angel: Me, you believe. But from God you need a sign? Hit it, boys.

(Focus on a big band of angel peas. The Great "I Am" begins. On the screen, we see the solar system and Pa Grape as a moon.)

Angel: You can trust that God exists.

Just open up your eyes.

He did it all with no assist.

Don't tell me you're surprised!

He made the stars!

Peas: There's no doubt!

Angel: Sun and moon

Peas: Gotta shout!

Angel: The universe

Peas: Inside out!

Angel: Do not doubt He's real, my friend,

Just because He can't be seen.

Like the breeze blowing through the trees,

He's working it offscreen!

Solar system's kinda big, but it fits inside His hand!

(A huge hand is shown)

He cares for you and so it's true, you can trust the great I am.

Peas: Say what?

Angel: You can trust the great I am. (talking) So what'll it be, Gideon? What kind of sign do you need before you'll trust God? Do you want time to go backwards? Mountains to fall down? (breaking the fourth wall) Talking vegetables to tell Bible stories?

Gideon: No, I'm thinking I'll lay out a small piece of lamb's wool on the ground. Then tomorrow morning, if the wool is wet but everything around it is dry, I'll know God is in this!

Angel peas: Crazy man!

(Gideon lays a piece of wool on the ground. As he goes to bed, the song continues. Now the screen shows a garden with flowers, with the Angel as one of them.)

Angel: The world insists that God exists.

He's everywhere you look.

The rocks cry out, the heavens shout.

It's even in His book! He made the seas

Peas: Yes, sir.

Angel: All the trees

Peas: Oak and fir.

Angel: Birds and bees!

Peas: We concur.

Angel: Hubba...ha bubba, ha... bubblah bubblah.

Helped your father Abraham,

And Isaac and Jacob too!

(cutouts of said people are shown)

From Jericho to Bethlehem.

And now He's helping you!

He'll keep on helping those He calls

From Paul to Billy Graham.

So step right up and join because

you can trust the great I am.

Peas: No lie?

Angel and People: Put your faith in the great I am.

(The next morning, Gideon wakes up to find that the fleece is wet. He then uses the wet fleece to wash himself.)

Angel: So Gideon, now do you trust that God will do what He says He's gonna do?

Gideon: Yes, absolutely. After just one more test.

Angel: The Midianites are attacking in just two more days!

Gideon: That's why I'm only asking for one more test. This time, make the fleece dry, but everything around it be wet.

Angel peas: Crazy man!

(As the sun rises, the song continues.)

Angel: People always want a test.

Yeah, they always want a sign.

It's good that God's got patience, man,

Cause you're sure testing mine!

He made the sky.

Peas: And oceans blue!

Angel: The deserts dry.

Peas: Those islands too!

(For one second, the Angel is shown in fish form before going back to angel form.)

Angel: He can't lie!

Peas: You know it's true!

Angel: I'm talking 'bout the great I am.

Peas: He's talking 'bout the great I am.

Angel: Don't you doubt.

Peas: Time to shout!

Angel: Figure out

Peas: What it's all about

Angel: In a stew?

Peas: Here's what to do!

Angel: God's a friend through thick and thin.

Peas: You're safe in any boat He's in.

Angel: As sure as the hair on my chinny chin-chin!

Here's your telegram!

Peas: He's got the plan!

Angel: When you're in a jam...

Peas: Go see the man!

Angel: We're out of time

Peas: There's no more rhymes!

Angel: You can trust the great I am.

Peas: You bet!

Angel: Have faith in the great I am.

Peas: Big finish!

Angel: I'm talking 'bout the great I am!

I love it! Did I make my point?

(As Gideon exits his house, he slips. As he gets up, he sees a dry fleece.)

Gideon: Hey, what's the big idea?

Angel: Is it dry?

Gideon: Is what dry? The fleece? (Gideon picks it up.) Oh, hey, it is!

Angel Peas: Crazy man!

Gideon: The fleece is dry, but the ground is soaking wet. It's amazing! It's...a miracle! Hey, guess what? God has chosen me!

Angel: You don't say.

Gideon: He wants me to lead the troops to victory over the invading horde!

Angel: As I live and breathe.

Gideon: So let's get going!

Angel: And just in the nick of time.

Gideon: Say, where do we pick up our troops?

(Later that day, the Angel and Gideon have set up camp and a stand giving out free flashlights.)

Gideon: Join God's army and get a free flashlight. Here you go, here you go. Batteries included, there you go. Have another one. Here's one for you.

(Through his spyglass, Gideon sees the Midianites lifting a boulder and the sign which now reads: "Days until next attack: 1." After that, he and the Angel look over their army)

Gideon: Men, I want to thank each of you for joining our army.

(Suddenly, the boulder lands in the camp, startling them. One Midianite (played by Mr. Nezzer) shows up.)

Midianite: Uhh, a little help, please.

(Some members of Gideon's army try lifting the boulder, but it's no use. The Midianite picks it up instead and takes it back to his camp. Gideon gives the audience a confused face before continuing his speech.)

Gideon: We have a very big job to do, but together, and with God's help, I'm sure we'll be victorious!

(The Angel whispers to Gideon.)

Gideon: You've got to be kidding.

(Angel shakes his head and Gideon sighs.)

Gideon: Alright, here's the thing. Evidently, there's too many of us. So whoever doesn't want to be here-- (to Angel) You're sure about this? (Angel nods) Okay. (To army) Whoever doesn't want to be here can go home.

Carrot #1: Can we keep the flashlights?

Gideon: Yes, you can keep the flashlights.

(Twelve people leave the camp.)

Gideon: All right, then. We're now a smaller, but still mighty crew. And I'm sure that with God's help, we'll be...

Angel: Ahem.

Gideon: What?

(Angel whispers to Gideon again.)

Gideon: You gotta be kidding me! (Angel shakes his head again.) All right. Everyone take five and have a slushy.

(All the remaining soldiers grab a slushy.)

Gideon: So this is a test too? I don't get it.

Angel: There are still too many.

Gideon: But we're outnumbered by more than ten to one.

Angel: Your point?

Gideon: (O.S.) Well, shouldn't we at least tell them that this is another test?

Angel: No, that's the point of this particular test.

Gideon: But how's drinking a slushy going to show us who should or shouldn't be in God's army?

(Gideon gets his answer. Those who drank their slushies too fast get brain-freeze, and those who drank theirs slowly don't.)

Archibald: Ah, brain-freeze! Ow, ow!

(He and the other soldiers fall over.)

Gideon: Oh, okay, I get it.

(Later, those who got to stay are given brass instruments.)

Gideon: All right, men. Tonight, we go to battle.

Carrot #2: Not to cause problems, but do we get any weapons?

Gideon: You've already got 'em. We will defeat the Midianites with our horns and flashlights.

Soldiers: Huh?

(One pea soldier groans and falls over, knocking the other soldiers over like dominoes. Later, the army is in a tent looking over a model map of the battleground. Gideon uses a stick to point to where each of his soldiers shall be located.)

Gideon: Okay, we'll split up into three different groups and surround the enemy here, here and here. Now bring the enemy's troops in.

(Two peas bring in a basket filled with pebbles, which are meant to represent the Midianites. But they pour a bit too much on the table and it breaks. Later that night, Gideon, in his marching band attire, walks over to the canyon and looks over the enemy camp.)

Angel: Sure are a lot of them, aren't there?

Gideon: That's just what I was thinking.

Angel: You doing okay?

Gideon: Me? Sure.

Angel: Okay, just checking.

Gideon: Do you ever have a hard time trusting God?

Angel: Me? No. I see Him every day. I know how glorious He is. I know He never breaks His promise. I also know how much He loves you, 'cause He told me.

Gideon: Thanks.

Angel: You know what I think? I think you're doing great. It's easy for an angel to trust God. But you have faith in something you've never even seen. I admire that. Trust Him, Gideon. He'll never let you down.

(As the Angel hops away, Gideon looks up at the sky.)

Gideon: Hey, God, it's me. You and I both know I can't do this on my own. But you can. And that's good enough for me. I pray You'll be with us tonight and that Your will be done. That's it, I guess. Oh, one more thing. You could have chosen anybody, but You chose me. Thanks. Amen.

(Gideon looks over the camp again, and, using his tuba, manages to pick up radio frequency.)

Radio announcer: Welcome back to WMID. Music for the attacking hordes.

Caller: Yes, hello, I'd like to request Samson's Bringing Down the House.

(Gideon listens in on the Midianites' conversation.)

Midianite #1: I'm telling you, it was the strangest dream. Somehow, we were defeated by the Hebrew army. I mean, wiped out!

Midianite #2: Yeah, right! Like that's ever gonna happen!

Midianite #1: Yeah, crazy, huh?

Midianite #2: It's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Nobody can beat us, can they?

Gideon: I didn't need another sign, God, but thanks! (He heads back to the campsite.) Men, this is it! The Lord has delivered the enemy into our hands. He will do the work. All we have to do is trust Him that He'll do what He says. Are you with me?

Troops: Yes, sir!

Gideon: I want three groups around the rim of the valley. Wait for my signal. (to the carrots) You men come with me, (to the peas) you go to the south end, and so we don't split the peas, you go up the middle.

(The army heads to the canyon)

Percy: Did he just make a split pea joke?

(As they head to the canyon, Gideon looks back at the Angel, gives him a wink, and follows his troops. And now, Gideon's army has the Midianites surrounded. After looking over the camp, Gideon plays his trumpet and the rest of the army follows. This wakes up the Midianite pea.)

Midianite pea: Huh? What?

(The army taps their flashlights on the ground, making a drumming noise.)

Midianite pea: We're under attack! AHH! (He runs around the camp panicking. The bigger Midianites are woken up by all the noise. As Gideon's army continues playing their instruments, more Midianites are woken up.)

Soldiers: The sword of the Lord and of Gideon!

(The band continue playing their instruments. As they do so, they turn on their flashlights, scaring their enemies. Midianite #1 comes out with hair curlers and a face mask on.)

Midianite #1: We're under attack! Wake up! Wake up, everybody!

(As Gideon's army shines their flashlights on the camp, the Midianites run around, frightened and yelling for their mommies.)

Midianite #2: They're everywhere!

(The Midianites flee from the camp. As this goes on, we cut to Egypt, where the same two gourds from Babysitter in De-Nile watch the lights from afar.)

Gourd #1: Hey, looks like a big premier.

Gourd #2: I wonder what's playin'.

(Cut back to the canyon, as the whole Midianite army leaves the camp.)

Army: The sword...of the Lord...and of Gideon!

(Now the fight is over. The following morning, the army cheers for their hero.)

Troop: Gideon, you saved us!

Gideon: Whoa, hold on! Come on, guys. You know that's not true. God chose me for this time and this place. All I did was trust Him-- that He'd do what He said! And He did!

(the army cheers more as the Angel brings Gideon a Bible.)

Angel: Good job, Gideon. Here, I got you a little something.

(Gideon picks up the Bible, opens it and sees a page that reads what the Angel said to him when they first met.)

Gideon: "Hail, mighty man of valor." I'll treasure it always. And I know just where I'll keep it; in my nightstand, right next to my bed.

(Fade back to the parade as Gideon finishes his story.)

Gideon: And that's how it really happened.

(As the parade continues, the crowd cheers and Jimmy and Jerry turn their attention back to the audience.)

Jimmy: And there you have it. Today's parade is celebrating Gideon, perhaps the most humble soldier in Israel's history!

Jerry: A man who learned how to trust God.

Jimmy: Indeed he did! And when we trust God and put aside our fears...

Jerry: That's when we're victorious, too!

(As they continue, a cart full of Midianite helmets rolls by.)

Jimmy: I couldn't have said it better myself.

(The story ends as a Bob-shaped balloon floats by)

Closing Countertop[]

(Cut back to the countertop.)

Pa Grape: Whoa.

Mr. Lunt: Holy mackerel, that was cool!

Larry: Good one! Nice job!

Pa Grape: Uh, that wasn't my story. I didn't really know much about Gideon before this.

Mr. Lunt: You didn't?

Pa Grape: Well, I knew that he left Bibles in hotel rooms, but that's about it.

Mr. Lunt and Larry: Oh, yeah.

Mr. Lunt: But how does he get into the rooms without a chimney?

Larry: There's that, too.

Pa Grape: That was an awfully nice story.

Larry: But whose was it?

(Bob returns)

Bob: Hi, guys. I figured you might need a hand. I'm glad you liked it.

Mr. Lunt: Oh, it was the tomato. He's always good for a story.

Bob: Glad to help. All in all, you guys did a pretty good job. Not bad for never having done anything.

Pa Grape: I'm feeling a renewed sense of vigor.

Mr. Lunt: Not not doing anything has never felt better.

Larry: (to Bob) Hey, way to go on the Silly Song.

Bob: I don't wanna talk about it.

Larry: Why not? It was funny. Those cute, little wiggly turtles.

Bob: (unamused) Yeah, hilarious. Let's drop it and move on.

Larry: I'm telling you, you're a natural!

(Bob grunts)

Bob: It's time to talk about what we learned today.

(What Have We Learned plays, but in the same Hawaiian style as the Silly Song.)

Wiggly Turtle Toobies: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today. God has a lot to say in His book. His holy, holy, holy, holy holy holy, holy book.

Bob: (unamused) Nice.

Wiggly Turtle Toobies: You see we know that God’s word is for everyone and now that our song is done we'll take a looky, looky looky looky looky looky looky look.

Yellow turtle: We are different colors.

Blue turtle: Isn't that incredible?

(They all slide away)

Bob: (still unamused) Super.

Pa Grape: Okay, here goes. In the story of George Mueller, we learned that if we're doin' what God asks us to do, He'll meet all our needs.

Larry: Way to go.

Mr. Lunt: Well put.

Bob: And in the story of Gideon, we learned that if we're doing what God asks us to do, we can trust Him with the outcome.

Mr. Lunt: He's a pro.

Bob: Let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us today.

(Qwerty turns on and shows a verse that reads....)

Bob: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6." So Racheal, I think you should show kindness to the new girl in your classroom. Being kind to everyone is something God asks all of us to do. And if your old friends don't like it, then you can trust God that He'll help you find new friends who will.

Pa Grape: He makes it look so easy.

Bob: Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Pa Grape: Wait! Hold on a sec, Bob. I wanna thank you for allowing us to do something.

Bob: You're welcome. It's been nice seeing you guys show some initiative.

Pa Grape: Speaking of which, now that we've got one story under our belts, I was thinking...(he hops offscreen and brings back a poster showing him, Larry and Mr. Lunt that reads "Our Pirate Movie.") Ta-da!

Bob: You wanna make a movie?

Mr. Lunt: (unsure) That looks hard.

Larry: (also unsure) Yeah, I don't know. That's a lot of work.

Pa Grape: Oh, come on! Doesn't it get your pulse going? Don't you wanna be up there on the big screen? Sailin' the high seas, fightin' scalawags and ne're-do-wells!

Mr. Lunt: That's all the time we have for today.

Larry: Remember, kids, God made you special.

Mr. Lunt: And He loves you very much.

Both: Bye!

Bob: Are you serious?

Pa Grape: If I can get the funding.

(end of transcript)