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Frog Wars

Cindy Kenney
Doug Peterson


January 30, 2005 (original)
June 26, 2012 (re-release)



Frog Wars is a book that combines both the story of Moses and the "Star Wars" series by Lucasfilm.

It was originally released in 2005 and then re-released on 2012.


Junior is trying to learn how to play the tuba, but all he made it sound like a sick buffalo with a pail on its head. After trying many times, he gave up and threw his tuba onto the floor. His mom told him that it was the fourth instrument he tried, and despite his love for music, Junior can't get the hang of it. Mom stated it's because he is using "The Advanced Guide to Playing Tubas", and even if he's gifted, Junior has to persevere, which Junior doesn't get. Later, Junior wanders into the Treasure Trove Bookstore, asking the bookkeeper, an Irish potato named Mr. O'Malley, if he has any books on how to play the violin. Mr. O'Malley tells him that he thought that he was learning to play the tuba, before Junior answers that apparently, tubas and him weren't made for each other. Mr. O'Malley then tells Junior that he has the perfect book for him, saying that it's in the 'Never-Say-Die' section, next to the Self-Help Comic Books, before finding the book in question; Frog Wars. Junior opens the book, seeing a beautiful palace in the middle of a desert, and workers lifting giant statues that looked like huge stone frogs.

However, at that very moment, four giant words float up from the first page of the book, four simple words: ONCE UPON A TIME. The words swirl around Junior before he starts to slide down the giant page, at the same time that the words move up. The words read:

A long time ago, in a land far, far away...

Episode VI:

A Really, Really New Hope

Dark Visor and his evil empire are

forcing the people of Salon to be

his slaves. He's making them build temples

to the great frog god, Ribbit. But the one

true God is rising up a hero to rescue them...

After sliding down the words, Junior crash-lands inside the Frog Wars book. He meets up with a cucumber slave who asks him where he came from. A blueberry slave answers that Junior came from space, before the blueberry introduces herself as Princess Hair-Spraya and the cucumber as Cuke Sandwalker. Junior stares at Cuke Sandwalker's wig and looks at Princess Hair-Spraya with a baffled look on his face, telling her that she has cinnamon buns on her ears, though Princess Hair-Spraya asks where she's supposed to carry them because she doesn't have hands. Cuke Sandwalker tells Junior that they won't hurt him, explaining that they were captured from Salon, which is on the other side of the Big Frog Pond, brought in to be Dark Visor's slaves. Two more slaves, two peas, peek out from behind a frog statue, as one of the peas asks if it's safe to come out. Cuke Sandwalker tells the peas to come out, introducing them to Junior as Sweet-Pea-3-Oh and Achoo-Bless-U, and that they're slaves too.

Princess Hair-Spraya asks Junior if he's the one who's come to free their people, but Junior is a little confused, saying that he's not. Cuke Sandwalker then tells Junior that they've been asking the one true God to send someone who lead them out, and that Junior must be the one, telling Junior to follow them while calling him 'Space Boy'. Meanwhile, the king, a zucchini named Dark Visor, is sitting on a green throne, his visor making his breathing sound funny. Achoo-Bless-U tells Junior that Dark Visor hates the sunlight, and when Junior asks about all the frogs, Princess Hair-Spraya answers that Dark Visor believes in a frog god called Ribbit and that he doesn't believe the true God will send someone to help the people of Salon. Cuke Sandwalker nudges Junior to tell him to tell Dark Visor to let God's people go free. Trembling with fear, Junior moves towards the king, who asks him what he wants. Junior squeaks out to Dark Visor to let the people of Salon free, but Dark Visor refuses, thundering so loudly that it causes his visor to snap shut. Junior turns to leave, saying that he gave it a shot, while Cuke Sandwalker tells him that he hardly tried at all. Junior answers that trying isn't really his thing as he runs for the door.

At that very moment, a tomato named Mo storms into the room while carrying a walking stick, on a mission. Mo tells Junior to stick with him and that they won't give up until Dark Visor gives in. Mo then turns to the king and introduces himself, all while telling the king that God wants him to let his people go. Dark Visor only snarls at Mo with a heavy breath, but is muffled by his visor, which everyone is confused by, until Sweet-Pea-3-Oh suggests to Dark Visor that he lift his visor and try again. The king flings back his head to open his visor before roaring that when he's through with them, they will all turn to the dark side. Mo does not give up because he has hope and would not give up, because he put his faith in the Lord. Mo then warns Dark Visor that God would not be pleased, but Dark Visor doesn't care, so Mo threatens to turn all the water in the kingdom to juice, and soon, purple liquid starts bubbling from every drinking fountain in the city. Cuke Sandwalker whispers to Junior that Mo is really good. Day after day after day, Mo threatens the king with God's anger but the king still refuses to let the people go, while Junior just wants to quit and go home. Mo encourages Junior to stay, telling him that God wants us to have faith in him, which means doing our best and not giving up.

Mo then shouts his name to Dark Visor and tells him that God wants him to let the people go, but Dark Visor still refuses while sipping at his juice. Mo then warns the king that God would send plagues on lands, plagues being scary things like, days and days of doing the hokey pokey, swarms of dust bunnies, a drought of pizza and ice cream, and the invasion of frogs. Even though the king worships the frog god Ribbit, unwanted real frogs turn up everywhere, the king finding them in his cereal bowl, in his pajamas, and even in his throne. Despite this, Dark Visor still refuses to let God's people go free. Many days later, Cuke Sandwalker asks Mo if it's time to give up, before Mo asks Junior what he thinks. Junior then thinks about it, God wants us to put our hope in him and keep trying! Junior then asks Mo if there's anything else they can try, before Mo then prays to God for help. God sends a deep darkness to fall upon the land, while Achoo-Bless-U teases the king if it's what he meant when he talked about turning to the dark side. Finally an amazing thing happened, Dark Visor then hears the familiar voice of Mo telling him that God wants him to let his people go. Dark Visor says that he can't see anything in the dark, flipping his visor up just as he is about to sit on a frog, before saying that Ribbit has turned against him in his time of need. Because of this, the king finally allows the people to go free all while telling them to take the frogs with them.

The clouds begin to part as the people march out of the land, with Junior riding in a wagon with his new friends, though there is no room for Cuke Sandwalker. Of course, Princess Hair-Spraya tells him, "Use the horse, Cuke", which Cuke Sandwalker thinks is a good idea. But before the slaves could get away, Dark Visor slams down the lid of his visor and sends his army to chase after the slaves, saying that he changed his mind and for his army to go after the slaves, the Empire having struck back. The slaves end up trapped in front of the Big Frog Pond with no way to get across, in front of them was the treacherous pond muck. The king's army were quickly approaching them, while the people were afraid. Junior is also scared too, but he did not give up because he had hope, seeing how God continued to watch over the people again and again, knowing that he had to trust God in a mighty way. Junior shouts to the people not to give up before Mo also calls out to the people that they will see how the Lord will save them. Suddenly, the lily pads in the pond come together and turn to stone while the waters parted to each side, God having created a pathway so the slaves could get to the other side, though Dark Visor's army was right behind them. Of course, Junior and Mo did not give up because they had hope.

As the sun began to rise, the slaves arrive on the other side of the pond and the lily pads return to normal, the pond filling with water and muck, while the soldiers sink into tons of mud and water and clamor back to shore. The king says that it's not easy being mean as he pulls himself out of the muck. With the army defeated, the slaves cheer on the opposite shore. Then it happened, two suddenly pop out of the sand, along with several frogs, two simple words; THE END. Mo thanks Junior for not giving up, while Junior replies to Mo, thanking him for teaching him not to give up. Princess Hair-Spraya also bids goodbye to Junior, calling him "Space boy", while Cuke Sandwalker tells him to be strong and never lose and that the Lord will be with him. The two giant words then swirl around Junior like a desert whirlwind, and the next thing he knew, he was back in the Treasure Trove Bookstore, shaking sand from his hat. In the store, Mr. O'Malley shuffles out of the back room when he hears the bell above the door jingle. Junior then tells Mr. O'Malley about his adventure with Dark Visor, the frogs, and Mo, before Mr. O'Malley asks Junior what he learned. Junior answers that God wants us to have hope in him and that we shouldn't give up, even when things get difficult, before asking Mr. O'Malley if he has "The Beginner's Guide to Playing Tubas". Mr. O'Malley confirms that he does, letting it be a gift to Junior, who beams Mr. O'Malley a thank you and hops out of the store, while Mr. O'Malley says to himself, "New hope you have. Happy that makes me."

Fun Facts

Real-World References

  • Dark Visor's retractable visor is similar to Dark Helmet from the 1987 space opera parody film "Spaceballs", who is also a parody to Darth Vader.

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