Kilts and Stilts is the 37th Silly Songs with Larry and was featured in MacLarry & The Stinky Cheese Battle. It was sung by Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Nezzer, Jimmy and Jerry Gourd.
Larry and Scooter interrupt the narrator to begin a segment of "Silly Songs with Scottish Larry". The song begins with Larry standing on stilts while singing in a Scottish accent, while Scottish food, music, quilting, and kilts are also mentioned. However, the French Peas interrupt the song to change the background, prompting Larry and his friends to sing similar verses about Ireland, England and the United States, much to the dismay of Scooter, who eventually faints.
Lyrics
Narrator: And now it's time for Silly-
Larry the Cucumber: Hold it!
(Larry puts a likt cutout on the illustration of himself while Scooter puts a sign reading "Scottish" beside "with."
Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Scottish Larry. The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly Scottish song.
Scooter Carrot: I can't tell ya how proud I am at this moment!
(Larry, Jimmy, Jerry and Mr. Nezzer are shown sporting a quilt, haggis, a bagpipe and kilts.)
Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts...
While he knits quilts...
Scooter Carrot: Nice quilt!
Larry the Cucumber (Scottish Accent): I sing with simulated Scottish Highland lilt.
Scooter Carrot: Ah, beautiful!
Larry the Cucumber: He plays his bagpipe...
[Bagpipe]
Larry the Cucumber: Eats haggis melts...
Scooter Carrot: Haggis!
Larry the Cucumber: We feel so smart in our red tartan Scottish kilts.
Scooter Carrot: Sing it, lad!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our... red tartan kilts...
We feel so smart in our red tartan Scottish kilts.
Scooter Carrot: Technically you stitch a quilt, but otherwise lovely!
(The French Peas are shown. Jean-Claude sports a green top hat.)
Jean-Claude Pea: Top of ze morning to you.
(With the pull of a lever, he changes the scenery from Loch Ness to a castle in Ireland.)
Scooter Carrot: I'll have you know that's not in Scotland!
[Everyone removes their red kilts and put on green ones.]
Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts...
Scooter Carrot: Excuse me, sir?!
Larry the Cucumber: He stitches quilts...
Scooter Carrot: What ya doin' wit a shamrock?
Larry the Cucumber (Irish Accent): I sing with simulated Northern Irish lilt.
Scooter Carrot: Irish?
Larry the Cucumber: He plays his whistle...
[Whistle]
Scooter Carrot: What?!
Larry the Cucumber: Eat salted smelts...
(Jerry eats said food.)
Scooter Carrot: It's not on the menu!
Larry the Cucumber: We feel so smart in our green tartan Irish kilts.
Scooter Carrot: I've got nothing against me Irishmen-
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd and Mr. Nezzer: In our... green tartan kilts...
We feel so smart in our green tartan Irish kilts...
Scooter Carrot: But this is a Scottish song!
(Jean-Claude now sports a royal guard hat.)
Jean-Claude Pea: Chip-Chip-Cheerio!
(The scenery changes to London.)
[Everyone removes their green kilts and put on ones that resemble England's flag.]
Scooter Carrot (muffled by the thrown kilt at his face): Ugh!
Larry: I dance on stilts... He stitches quilts...
Scooter Carrot: WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?!!!
Larry the Cucumber (English Accent): I sing with simulated English Cockney lilt.
Scooter Carrot: ENGLISH??!
[Boomp]
Larry the Cucumber: He plays his trumpet...
[Trumpet]
Scooter Carrot (desperately): Ugh!
Larry the Cucumber: Eats crumpet melts...
Scooter Carrot: Gimme that crumpet!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our St. George's English Kilts.
Scooter Carrot: Well ya shouldn't! Let me tell ya!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our, St. George's kilts...
Scooter Carrot: No! Wait!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in-
Scooter Carrot (Briefly): Ah!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: -our St. George's English kilts.
Scooter Carrot: Oh!
(Jean-Claude now sports an Uncle Sam hat.)
Jean-Claude Pea: Howdy y'all!
Scooter Carrot: Stop it you! You're ruining me moment!
(The scenery changes to Mt. Rushmore.)
(Accelerando)
[Everyone removes their kilts and put on ones that resemble the American flag.]
Larry the Cucumber: I dance on stilts...
He stitches quilts...
Scooter Carrot: AMERICAN?!?!?!?!?!?!
Larry the Cucumber: I sing with ordinary unaccented lilt.
(The scene shows pictures of famous American landmarks.)
Scooter Carrot: Oh! Oh! I'm feeling dizzy!
Larry the Cucumber: He plays his banjo...
[Banjo]
Larry the Cucumber: Eats cheddar melts...
(Jerry eats a cheeseburger.)
Scooter Carrot: Oh, I'm breaking up!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our star-spangled striped kilts.
Scooter Carrot: Ah! Stop that right now!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: In our... star-spangled kilts...
Scooter Carrot: Let me tell ya! Ah!
Larry the Cucumber, Jerry Gourd, Jimmy Gourd & Mr. Nezzer: We feel so smart in our star-spangled striped kilts. (x2)
Scooter (moaning): Uh!
(Scooter faints.)
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs with Scottish Larry. Tune in next time to hear Larry say:
Larry (joyfully): Just get him some scotch tape and butterscotch. He'll be fine!
Scooter: Oh, my Bonnie lies over the ocean!
Fun Facts
- Scooter gets offended on Jerry eating a crumpet, even though it's also a Scottish food. However, it's most likely because the Scottish types are different from the English ones.
- The last two pitches of this song play over the credits.
Gallery
