March 25, 2016
Crossing Guard is the second half of the eighth episode from the third season of VeggieTales in the House.
Pa Grape is directing the traffic, just as Larry notices him then comes up to him, asking him what he's doing in the middle of the crosswalk. Pa answers that he's a crossing guard and that he keeps the crosswalk safe and makes sure that people follow all the rules, just as Pa allows the traffic to pass by again. Larry is excited at the prospect of acting as a crossing guard, asking Pa if he gets paid, especially in nachos, and asks about Pa's sign, mistaking it for a magic spatula and starts playing with the sign, before Pa takes it from him, telling him that it's his sign and that he controls traffic with it. Pa directs the traffic once again, while Larry asks Pa if he's the bossy traffic guy, but Pa says that he's just a citizen serving the community. Larry decides that he's a serving citizen then asks where he signs up to tell people what to do, Pa telling Larry that there's a sign-up sheet in his store, then tells him that it's not about bossing people around, but sees that Larry has already left. Meanwhile, there is an exercise show on TV that Bob is exercising along with, deciding to take a water break, even though the corn man on TV says not to stop for water yet because this is just a warm-up. Bob then pulls out some weights and starts lifting them, then decides to take another water break.
However, while Bob is taking another drink of his water, Larry suddenly comes in while wearing his brand new crossing guard uniform, scaring Bob so much that he falls backwards, while Larry says, "Larry the crossing guard, at your duty!" When Bob gets back up again, he now has the bottle stuck on his nose, while Larry asks Bob why he has a bottle on his nose, Bob answering that he was trying to exercise, though Larry laughs at him because the bottle on his nose makes him sound funny. Bob tells Larry that he was taking a water break and he startled him then tries to pull the bottle off his nose, but it's stuck tight. Larry tells Bob that while he was bottle-nosed-exercising, he became a crossing guard and that he gets to boss people around. Bob still tries to pull the bottle off but it's still stuck, then asks Larry to help him get the bottle off his nose, which Larry does, but when he tries pulling the bottle off, it still won't come off, before getting sent flying in an attempt to pull the bottle off. Bob then worriedly says that he has to get the bottle off his face because he's supposed to work at Pa's tomorrow. Because of this, Bob starts trying different methods to remove the bottle off his nose, such as using a pipe wrench, a vacuum cleaner, and having Robert the Buffalorange chase after a thrown PBJHD while the rope is tied around Robert and the bottle, and concocting a potion with his chemistry set, but nothing works. Back at the crosswalk, Pa is still directing the traffic and helping the pedestrians cross the street, when Larry comes up to Pa and says, "Guardian Larry reporting for duty! Sworn protector and upholder of law, bossiness, and traffic!" Pa tells Larry that he got here just in time and asks Bob if he made it in to work today, Larry answering that he doesn't know because Bob has a giant bottle stuck on his nose. Pa decides to let Larry take over the traffic and tells him to make sure that public safety is his priority and that he is now in charge of the crosswalk. Larry excited when Pa says him this then yells, "Charge!" before running off, while Pa is uncertain about whether Larry will actually do a good job.
Larry then starts directing the traffic and the pedestrians, though he is doing it in a rather bossy manner, while saying stuff like "turn around and sit down" and "do the hokey-pokey" and tells a carrot boy wearing a propeller beanie to put on a better hat. Larry still directs the traffic and helps the pedestrians cross the crosswalk, blowing his whistle while doing so, while Larry says that he loves being the boss. Larry then blows his whistle and holds up his sign while telling some pedestrians crossing the crosswalk to hustle and move, then allows the traffic to pass by once again. Meanwhile, Bob runs up to his car while he still has the bottle stuck on his nose, whining that he's late and that he's got to get to Pa's. Jimmy and Jerry approach Bob as Jimmy greets Bob, but when he and Jerry see Bob with the bottle on his nose, Jimmy quips "I'm no bottle rocket scientist, but I'd say you got a bottle stuck on your nose". Bob sarcastically thanks Jimmy for his assessment then says that he really has to go. Jimmy tells Bob that he and Jerry get stuck in things all the time and says that one time, Jerry got his tongue stuck in the trunk of their car, and luckily, Jimmy didn't drive very far before he noticed, before Jerry adds, "47 miles!" Bob tells Jimmy and Jerry that he has to get to work because he's already late and that he can manage just fine with the bottle on his face before driving off, leaving Jimmy and Jerry behind before they look down to see Bob driving through town but swerving past other cars. Jimmy tells Jerry that Bob obviously needs their help but isn't willing to accept it and that a true friend would give him a hand, Jerry offering to get the pipe wrench. Back in town, Larry blows his whistle again, just as a crash occurs around him, Larry saying "When I say 'stop', I mean stop!" and that he's citing them all for "ridiculous driving and disturbing the peas", then asks if crossing guards write tickets, which he decides to do.
Larry then starts writing tickets and gives a ticket to corn man with a maximum fine of 12 dollars, a ticket to a corn boy with a maximum fine of a fish stick, a ticket to a pea man with a maximum fine of 30 push-ups, and a ticket to Pa Grape, who comes by, with a maximum fine of 33 push-ups. Pa asks Larry what he's doing, Larry answering that he's writing tickets then quips that the paperwork on this job is unreal. Pa is surprised to hear this and tells Larry that's enough and that he's letting him go, but Larry misunderstands, thinking that Pa wants him to go find other people doing wrong all while telling Pa that he won't let him down. Larry hops down the sidewalk before he runs into Bacon Bill, then asks Larry if he's a policeman now, though Larry tells him that he's a crossing guard "which is like a cop without a mustache" and that he was just guarding the crosswalk but was let go. Bacon Bill asks Larry if he meant 'let go' as in 'set free', which Larry confirms, saying that he's a "crossing guardian of the entire galaxy!" Bacon Bill is excited then asks Larry if he needs help, because it sounds like a lot of guarding, which Larry accepts, because he's got a lot of bossing around to do and that he could use a side of bacon and tells him to just do as he says, because "No crime is too small, no rule too ridiculous! Show! No! Mercy!" which Bacon Bill accepts. Larry asks Bacon Bill if he's ready to write some tickets, but Bacon Bill says that tickets make his 'hands' tired, insisting that they put them on time out instead, Larry complimenting him for the way he thinks. Meanwhile, Bob has arrived at Pa Grape's store then enters the store, apologizing for being late, then becomes surprised when he sees that there's already a line in front of the store counter. Bob manages to man the counter then faces Granny Asparagus, who is at the front of the line, asking her what he can do for her, before Granny acknowledges that Bob has a bottle stuck on his nose. Bob tells Granny that he realizes that, while bagging Granny's groceries, while Granny asks who can keep up with kids, wearing wristwatches, light-up shoes, and nose bottles before leaving the store.
When Bob asks who's next, Jimmy and Jerry come up to Bob again, while Jimmy tells Bob not to worry because they know that him rejecting their help was itself a cry for help, but Bob tells him that it wasn't. Despite this, Jimmy and Jerry quickly jump Bob to try and help him, just as Mr. Lunt comes up to the counter, saying that he wants to buy some chips. Meanwhile, Larry and Bacon Bill have built a large cardboard jail that they call 'Timeout Jail' which they intend to fill with troublemakers. Bacon Bill then says that "the only thing that would be on timeout in this town is justice!" Larry and Bacon Bill then travel through town as Larry starts singing a song about how he's a crossing guard and that he's always on the job with the law on his side, all while arresting various citizens for minor things. After the song ends, Pa has seen what Larry has done, then runs into the store, asking if Bob is here, Jimmy telling him that he is here because he and Jerry are helping him get the bottle off his nose. When Pa asks what happened to his store, Jimmy answers that they tried everything in the store to get the bottle off of Bob and that there's only one thing left, just as Jerry brings out a pirate cannon with Bob in it as he asks if they stuck him in a pirate cannon. Pa admits that he totally forgot that he had a pirate cannon in his store, just as Jimmy then dons a pair of glasses and says that if his calculations are correct, the canonical propulsion times the blast divided by the confectionery curve equals the bottle popping right off of Bob's nose and them having a little celebratory afternoon ice cream, while Jerry enthusiastically says "Science!" Bob is a little bit uncertain about this, before Jimmy then adds that it will work as long as he, Jerry, and Pa hold on to the rope really tight as he puts one end of the rope on the bottle, while he, Jerry, and Pa hold on to the other end. The cannon then blasts Bob right out and into the air, while Jimmy tells Jerry that it just might work, before they and Pa get pulled along with Bob out of the store and into the air until landing on the ground again.
When Bob shakes his head, the bottle falls off his nose, which Bob is happy to see that it actually worked, then sees the Timeout Jail that Larry and Bacon Bill made, asking what Larry has done, while Pa tells Bob that he was trying to tell him that Larry took his crossing guard duties to a whole new level of bossy. Larry and Bacon Bill come up to Bob, as Larry asks Bob to see what he did, then asks if he's the best crossing guard they ever saw. Bob tells Larry that he practically arrested the whole town, which Larry confirms, before noticing the bottle on the ground, then accuses Bob for not recycling the bottle. Bacon Bill tells Larry to show a little mercy to Bob, but Larry accuses Bacon Bill of aiding and abetting Bob and asks him whose side he's on and that they're all lawbreakers. Because of that, Bob, Jimmy, Jerry, Pa, and Bacon Bill all get thrown into the Timeout Jail, while Jimmy says that he wants his phone call while Jerry calls Larry bossy. Bacon Bill laments that he got being a crossing guard all wrong and he now bossed all of them into Timeout Jail. Bob explains that a crossing guard is a public servant and that it's more than just enforcing rules, while Pa adds that we need to be kind and fair to our friends, not bossy. Bacon Bill says that he set Larry and that he has to set him right, before he comes up to Larry and tells him that he has to tell him something. Larry asks Bacon Bill if it has to do with a troublemaking bad guy, which Bacon Bill confirms, telling him that it's about a bossy guy. Larry then picks up a pen and a piece of paper while asking Bacon Bill to describe the bossy guy to him, which Bacon Bill does, describing him as "tall, green, smells of sardines, and he has one tooth". Larry finishes drawing what Bacon Bill described to him, asking him if he's the man. When Bacon Bill sees the picture, he sees that it looks just like Larry, and recognizes the guy that's been bossing everybody around as none other than Larry, then asks Larry if he looks familiar to him. When Larry sees the picture, he realizes that it's him, while Bacon Bill tells Larry that they were super-bossy to their friends, before Jimmy adds that no one likes to be bossed around. Larry realizes that everyone is right and that he'll never do it again, while Bacon Bill congratulates him. Larry says that he has to pick up his tuxedo from the drycleaner, but Bacon Bill calls out to him and asks him to get them out of jail first. This time, Larry obliges as he unlocks the door, letting everyone out of the Timeout Jail. Once again, Larry is acting as a crossing guard, but this time, he is now doing it with a better sense of fairness and citizenship. Pa then tells Larry that he is making a great crossing guard, while Larry says that he's just a citizen working for the community, then continues directing the traffic and helping the pedestrians cross the street.
- Bob the Tomato
- Larry the Cucumber
- Pa Grape
- Jimmy and Jerry Gourd
- Mr. Lunt
- Madame Blueberry
- Granny Asparagus
- Bacon Bill
- Junior Asparagus (does not speak)
- Laura Carrot (does not speak)
- Gary Garlic (does not speak)
- Some of the citizens Larry arrested/warned are:
- A Corn Girl (speeding on a tricycle)
- Madame Blueberry (bad haircut)
- Laura Carrot (talking with a mouthful)
- Junior Asparagus (being dirty)
- Ichabeezer (his pants)
- A Broccoli man (not tucking his necktie)
- A Corn man (slurping root beer)
- Gary Garlic (not smiling)
- Phillipe (his unibrow)
- Bob the Tomato (not recycling his water bottle)
- Bacon Bill (saying to give Bob mercy)
- Jimmy Gourd, Jerry Gourd, and Pa Grape (unknown reasons)
- It's unknown why Officer Wedge didn't stop Larry, or why he didn't appear in the episode, since he's a police officer.
- Granny states wrist watches are something kids wear now, despite they were common when she might've been younger.
- Unless she was eating something else, there was no bite off of Laura's sandwich.
- Pa is no longer seen with his crossing guard hat after Larry sent him to jail.
- Tress MacNeille is not credited.
- The episode's plot is similar to the "SpongeBob SquarePants" episode "Hall Monitor," where the main character becomes a volunteer at something, but takes it seriously. The main differences is that Larry arrests others for little things instead of causing chaos. Also similar in that episode is how Larry patrols the crossing.