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This is the episode transcript for Compassion Crashin'.


(The episode opens in the cottage as Grandmum comes into the house with an umbrella and mail.)

Grandmum: (humming)

Michelle: Hi, Grandmum. Anything special in the mail this morning?

Grandmum: Nothing at all, crumpet. Unless you think tire advertisements are special.

Michelle: Oh. I hoped I might get a postcard from my friend Claire today.

Grandmum: Oh, don't worry your mop top about that, dearie. Why don't you sit down and tell me all about it?

(Jason runs out of the kitchen excitedly.)

Jason: You gotta see this!

Grandmum: Maybe now's not the best time, Jason. Can't you see that Michelle's not feeling very happy right now?

Jason: Yeah. Sure. She'll get over it. Come on, you gotta see this! (Jason shows them a clay volcano.) I read about this in one of Granddad's science books! It's way cool! Watch! I made this volcano out of clay and put a little baking soda inside. Now watch what happens when I add vinegar.

(Jason pours vinegar into the volcano. Soon, foam spews out of the volcano. Michelle just sighs)

Jason: What's wrong with her?

Grandmum: In case you haven't noticed, your sister's feelin' a bit down in the mouth. And your excitement isn't helping much.

Jason: But the foaming! The lava! This was the coolest thing ever!

Grandmum: You know, there's a verse about that.

Jason: Why am I not surprised?

Grandmum: "Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart."

Jason: What does that mean?

Grandmum: If you act happy in front of someone who is sad, it just irritates them, like when you poured the vinegar on the baking soda, sometimes they can even erupt in anger.

Jason: Well, how else are you supposed to cheer someone up?

Grandmum: Well, you could try listening to their troubles. It's one way to show care and compassion.

Jason: I'm compassionate! I helped her up when she fell in the mud, I don't make fun of her when she tries to throw a baseball, and--

Grandmum: And those are all fine examples, but how you show compassion depends upon the situation.

Jason: So, what do you want me to do?

Grandmum: In this case, you need to ask her what's wrong, listen to what's bothering her, and show her you care. Compassion, Jason. It will give her a lift. Now think about that whilst I whip up some lunch.

Jason: Compassion. I'd rather do something fun.

(As Jason exits the kitchen, he sees the Rockhopper. Without being ordered, Fidgel galeezels him into the ship. Cue the opening theme. After the title card, Jason and Michelle try to watch where they're going in complete darkness.)

Michelle: Is that you, Jason?

Jason: Michelle?

Michelle: What's going on?

(The lights turn on. And we see all kinds of birthday party decorations. Zidgel, Midgel and Fidgel are wearing birthday hats, but Kevin is wearing a Christmas hat. Also, he's holding a cake.)

Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: Happy birthday!

Kevin: Merry Christmas!

(Fidgel hands the kids their presents.)

Fidgel: Happy birthday, Michelle. Happy birthday, Jason. We've been planning this for weeks. I bet you never suspected a thing.

Michelle: It's not our birthday.

Jason: Our birthday was two months ago.

Zidgel: Surprised, huh?

Fidgel: Ooh, come open your presents and then we'll have some cake!

Michelle: I'm not really in the mood.

Fidgel: Hmmm, what's wrong with Michelle?

Jason: She's in a bad mood. But don't act happy or it'll make her even more unhappy. Or something like that.

(Jason unwraps his present.)

Zidgel: You like it? Huh?

(His present is a blue tie.)

Jason: (laughs nervously)

(Kevin gives Michelle a box of cereal.)

Kevin: Mmmmm! Tastes like fish!

Michelle: Uh, thanks, Kevin. Why don't you hold onto them and we can share?

(Kevin eats from the box.)

Fidgel: Hoo, hoo! Wait, wait, it gets better. (clears throat) I mean, Michelle, this is from Midgel and me.

(Michelle opens her present.)

Michelle: A Miss Pretty Pretty vanity set! Too bad I left her back at the cottage, along with someone to play with. Thanks just the same.

Fidgel: You're quite welcome. Sorry Miss Prettty Pretty's not here. (hands another present to Jason) And this is for you.

(Jason unwraps this present. This one appears to be a set of rockets.)

Fidgel: Rocket wheelies. Just slide them onto the heels of your shoes, and go.

(Jason puts them on his shoes and a helmet on his head. They turn on and Jason flies around the ship.)

Jason: Weee-heee! These are great! Thanks, Fidge! Woo-hoo!

Midgel: Say, I'd like a go at those, mate.

Zidgel: Don't be silly, Midgel. You're an officer. Since I'm captain, I'll go next.

Jason: Don't worry, we'll take turns. That's what friends are for, right?

Fidgel: Michelle? What's the matter? Why--?

Michelle: Nothing, I'm fine. Really.

(Jason continues flying around the ship while shouting excitedly. Fidgel notices the untouched presents.)

Fidgel: Excuse me. Excuse me. Did anyone notice that Michelle left her own party? Or the fact that she's not happy?

(Zidgel starts to think before noticing the cereal box Kevin is holding.)

Zidgel: Tidy bites? What kind of gift is that?

Jason: I told her, she's been moping around all morning. I'm supposed to show her some compassion. But I'd rather play with my cool new rocket wheelies.

Zidgel: Well, we can't have her dragging around like an old gloomy Gus. Compassion, huh? That's like being cheery, right?

Jason: Naw, it's...well...listening and that kind of stuff...I think.

Zidgel: I've got it! We'll throw her an even bigger party at the Comet Lounge.

Fidgel: Splendid notion!

Midgel: But what if that doesn't work? I mean, she didn't seem too happy about the first one we threw.

Fidgel: I believe I have an idea.

(Segue to the crew looking at a strange looking chair.)

Midgel: Woah!

Zidgel: What is it?

Fidgel: The x-51 behavior modifier!

Jason: What does it do?

Fidgel: It modifies behavior. It will make Michelle happy! Even happier than a birthday party!

Kevin: Mmm, I love birthday parties!

(Fidgel turns it on and the device above the chair lights up.)

Jason: Woah! Is this thing safe?

Fidgel: Yes, yes, quite. Nothing could be safer. Allow me to demonstrate. Here you simply type in whatever emotion you wish, joy, anger, love--

(Said emotions appear on the machine's computer screen.)

Kevin: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I want love. I want love.

Fidgel: Kevin. We are going to help Michelle with her problem.

Zidgel: Say, can I get a perm with that thing? I've been thinking about changing my look.

Fidgel: Happiness. (a smiley face appears) There. We increase the modifier to the appropriate level, I believe seven should do the trick.

Jason: What happens if you turn the dial the other way, to the red zone?

Fidgel: Oh, believe me, you don't want to do that. It would have the opposite effect! All right then. We are ready for modification. Now all we need is--

(Michelle enters.)

Michelle: What are you guys doing?

Jason: Oh, nothing. Wanna try something?

Michelle: No, I just came back for my present.

Jason: But if you just have a seat here, you will be happy again.

Michelle: I don't want to sit in that thing, forget it. I'm going to play by myself. As usual.

Midgel: I don't get it, Cap'n. Seems like Michelle is always off playing by herself.

Zidgel: Maybe we should cancel her party and celebrate my birthday instead. I have a short list of presents you could give me.

(He unrolls his list, which is not that short. Everyone gives him an unamused look.)

Zidgel: Or not.

Jason: We asked her what's wrong and listened to her. That was supposed to make her happy. At least that's what Grandmum said.

Fidgel: I just had another idea. If we can't get Michelle to sit in the x-five one, what about us?

Zidgel: But we're already happy, as in happy birthday to me!

Kevin: (blows noisemaker)

Fidgel: No, I mean, what if we set the x-five one to give us...uh, what was it, Jason? Compassion? (Computer shows two stick people, with the one on the right showing compassion to the one on the left.) Right, here we go. Captain, you first.

Zidgel: I'm not sitting in that dusty old thing.

(Kevin quickly dusts the chair.)

Zidgel: That's better.

(Kevin dusts the dial and accidently turns it to the red bar. Before Kevin can turn it back to the green bar, it pops off. He tries to put it back on, but it's no good. The device lights up and makes Zidgel more "compassionate." He gets out and starts behaving like an alien and holds his arms out like a zombie.)

Zidgel: Take me to your leader.

Jason, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin: (gasp)

Zidgel: Ha, ha, had you goin', didn't I? (Grabs himself a piece of cake.) Well, I got stuff to do. Later.

(Fidgel decides to find out if his machine really worked.)

Fidgel: Oh, Captain! I am so hungry! It's been so long since I've had a bite. (Pause) I'm absolutely famished!

(Zidgel swallows the slice.)

Fidgel: Strange, he doesn't seem overly compassionate. Still seems rather...self centered.

Midgel: Whad-ya expect? Mother Theresa? Me next, professor.

(Midgel gets in the chair, Fidgel turns it on and Midgel is made more "compassionate.")

Fidgel: Well, how do you feel? (Pause before purposely falling down.) Whoa! Oh, give me a hand, Midgel!

Midgel: (claps hands)

Fidgel: No, I mean help me.

Midgel: Help yourself, mate!

Fidgel: But I've fallen and I can't get up!

Midgel: That was funny, doc, in the eighties.

Fidgel: How rude!

Jason: Me next.

Fidgel: What?! Oh, oh yes. Ah, ah, go ahead.

(The machine makes Jason more "compassionate,")

Jason: If you need me for anything, I'll be below deck!

Fidgel: Hmmm...I know the x-five one is a little dusty, but I'm finding the effect that it's having to be a bit--

Jason: Bye!

Fidgel: Curious.

(Kevin is shown in the seat.)

Fidgel: Well, Kevin, are you ready for a healthy dose of compassion?

(The machine turns on.)

Kevin: Feels...tingly.

(Kevin hops out of the chair and dusts Fidgel's head. Fidgel gets in the chair himself and makes himself more "compassionate.")

Fidgel: Humph! Well, I've done all I can do. The rest of you are on your own.

(Segue to Michelle moping in her room as Jason enters.)

Jason: Hey, Michelle, whatcha doin'?

Michelle: Nothing. Why aren't you zippin' around on your new rocket wheelies?

Jason: Nah, bored.

Michelle: Oh yeah? Well, you can hang around here and play with me, if you want.

Jason: Nah, I was looking for something fun to do.

(Michelle hangs her head down as Jason heads for the door.)

Jason: Oh, yeah, are you still feeling down?

Michelle: Well, it's just that I--

Jason: Well, I hope you feel better soon. Bye!

Michelle: Nobody really listens to me. I miss my friends and just want somebody to play with, to play my games.

(The Rockhopper hits an asteroid.)

Zidgel: (clears throat) Captain's blog, with a healthy dose of compassion from the x-five one, we have all become the picture of caring for each other.

(Of course, this is not true. Zidgel is shown looking at himself in a mirror and Midgel is shown playing a video game when he should be driving.)

Midgel: Oh, oh, woah!

(The ship hits another asteroid.)

Midgel: Woah! Cool! That almost seemed real!

(Zidgel sees where they're heading.)

Zidgel: Ahhhh! Asteroids!

Midgel: Yeah! It's great!

Zidgel: No! No! No! No! Asteroids!

(They both grab onto the steering wheel as they pass the asteroids.)

Zidgel: Why weren't you watching our for us instead of playing video games?!

Midgel: You could've warned me if you weren't more concerned with your hair!

Zidgel and Midgel: (scream)

Fidgel: Midgel, what's the meaning of this?! What's going on?!

(Kevin picks up the game console.)

Kevin: Ohhh!

Michelle: Where are we?!

Zidgel: Asteroid belt! Another one? Woah! Watch it!

Rockhopper crew: (screams)

Midgel: Will you let go?!

(They fight over the steering wheel so much that it detaches.)

Zidgel: Emergency crash positions!

Zidgel and Midgel: (grab onto each other and scream)

(Kevin hands the console to Jason.)

Kevin: Here, you try.

Jason and Michelle: Ahhh! Aahhh! Woah! Aaah!

Zidgel: Since this is the end, I'd like to say I've enjoyed working with you all.

(Midgel puts the steering wheel back in its place.)

Midgel: Hold on! We're going down!

(The ship crash-lands on a really huge asteroid.)

Zidgel: Everybody all right?

Midgel: A-okay over here.

Jason: I'm good.

Michelle: Well, since you asked, I've been feeling kind of--

Zidgel: Good! Glad to hear it.

Fidgel: Begging the captain's pardon, but in case you haven't noticed. We have just crash landed on an asteroid.

Zidgel: Actually on a scale of one to ten, that was more of a bounce than a crash.

Midgel: I'd call it a flub.

Jason: A slight wipe out.

Fidgel: Is anyone listening to me?

Michelle: Believe me, I know how you feel.

Kevin: I'm hungry.

Fidgel: Ugh! I'm going to check the damages outside the ship.

Michelle: Hey, he's right. This is serious.

Zidgel: (mumbles) Ole Miss Gloomy Gus is back.

Michelle: I'm going to help Fidgel.

(She leaves the ship.)

Midgel: I'm not entirely sure, but I wouldn't say she's feeling any better.

Zidgel: Well, we tried that compassion stuff with no luck. Maybe we should try that party idea again.

Kevin: (blows noisemaker)

(Michelle exits the ship and sees Fidgel trying to fix a hole in the side of the ship.)

Michelle: Fidgel, I don't know what's wrong with everybody.

Fidgel: I quite agree. I've never seen them act so rude. Give me that.

(She hands him a tool.)

Michelle: Is there anything I can do to help?

(As they talk, something purple approaches.)

Fidgel: Not unless you have a degree in electrical engineering, or can scrounge up a hundred pounds of reinforced tirillium alloy sheeting in storage. And for goodness sake, it wouldn't hurt you to smile.

Michelle: Uh, I'll see what I can do.

(Before she can help, she's captured by the purple thing. Jason and Midgel exit the ship.)

Jason: Hey, Fidgel. Where's Michelle?

Fidgel: I sent her to get some sheeting to patch up the hole.

Midgel: She's just a kid! That stuff weighs a ton.

Fidgel: Then I suppose you'd better make yourselves useful and go and see if she needs some help, shouldn't you?

(They turn around to see the strangest looking aliens approaching them. The aliens, which appear to be giant ears, capture them as well.)

Fidgel: Honestly, I don't know what's come over you. Now if there are no further interruptions--

(Zidgel leaves the ship too.)

Zidgel: Who are you talking to?

Fidgel: Oh, uh, I sent Jason and Midgel to help Michelle get some sheeting.

Zidgel: Good thinking! I'll go see what's keeping them.

(Zidgel gets captured too. Kevin returns with a metal sheet and a helmet.)

Fidgel: That was quick. Here I am, working myself sick, while they're all traipsing around. How utterly inconsiderate.

(Kevin sees the ear-shaped aliens approaching the ship. Fidgel turns and sees them too.)

Fidgel: Oh my.

(They look on worriedly as the aliens approach them. Segue to their cave.)

Jason: What are those things?

(We see the aliens talking to each other. As they talk, all they say is "budda.")

Zidgel: Shhh! They might be listening! Did anyone bring a cotton swap?

(Fidgel and Kevin are thrown into the cave.)

Fidgel and Kevin: Aaaaah!

Midgel: Nice of you to drop in.

Jason: What about Michelle?

Zidgel: Great mother of muffins! That's right! Where's Michelle?! Fidgel, you're the language expert. Go talk to these...whatever they are.

Fidgel: I believe they're called the Lobes. They work in the baking soda mines in this asteroid belt.

Lobes: Budda budda budda......

Midgel: Well, ask them if they know where Michelle is.

Fidgel: (sighs) Must I do everything? (he goes to talk to the Lobes) Budda-budda-budda! Budda-budda budda?

Lobe #1: Budda-budda-budda-budda.

Fidgel: He said, "Budda, budda, budda!" Uh, ahem. We are strange creatures. They have seen no child and that you have funny hair.

Zidgel: Hmm, jealous.

Lobe #2: Budda, budda, budda! Budda, budda, budda!

Zidgel: Hey, hold it right there, budda, budda-buddy!

Lobes: (long string of buddas)

Midgel: Get yer dirty mitts offa me!

Fidgel: He says we're going to see the great overlord!

(Segue to their throne room. It turns out their great overlord is Michelle.)

Lobes: Meeee-shah! Meeee-shah! Meeee-shah! Meeee-shah!

Jason: Michelle?!

Michelle: Enter slaves.

Zidgel: Did she just call us slaves?

Michelle: They made me their queen. They don't want me to go.

Jason: You? Why?

Michelle: Maybe it's because they enjoy my company. I like it here. They're all girls. They don't think playing with Miss Pretty Pretty is boring. Like some people do.

Jason: Hey, we like your company, too. I mean most of the time. Anyway, we tried to make you happy.

Zidgel: Yes. We threw you a party. Nobody threw me a party. Hint. Hint.

Midgel: And we got you a present.

Fidgel: We went through behavior modification on the x-five one!

Jason: Yeah, you know, compassion!

Kevin: (blows noisemaker)

Lobe #3: Budda, budda, budda, budda.

Fidgel: says that's not what compassion is.

Lobe #2: Budda, budda, budda, budd-budda.

Fidgel: Compassion is when you care enough to help someone with their problem and take time to find out what's bothering them.

Michelle: It was nice of you to think of a party, but you can't make me feel better with parties. Or obnoxious machines.

Jason: Well, what can they do that's so special?

Michelle: They listen!

Zidgel: Uh, what was that?

(Jason remembers what Grandmum said as he hears her voice in his head.)

Grandmum: Well, you could try listening to their troubles. It's one way to show care and compassion.

Jason: Okay, I'm listening now. Tell me what's wrong, Michelle?

Michelle: You really want to know? (Jason nods.) I've just been missing my friends recently. And since I'm the only girl around, and there's nobody for me to play with, I guess I was just feeling lonely.

Jason: Oh, that's what you've been trying to tell us. I'm really sorry I didn't listen. What can I do to help?

Michelle: Well, this is a start, Jason. I feel better just knowing you're listening to me.

Fidgel: Well, this is something the x-five one could never do!

Kevin: I broke it.

Jason, Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: You what?!

Jason: That explains it! The machine was supposed to make us compassionate, but it did the opposite! That's why Midgel didn't help Fidgel even when it looked like he fell and hurt himself. And why Zidgel wouldn't give any cake to Fidgel even when he cried out that he was hungry. And, it's why I didn't listen to my sister when she needed me. Don't you see?! Nobody cared about anyone else!

Zidgel: Speak for yourself, bucko!

Lobes: (chatter)

Michelle: Stop! These are my friends! Stop! I've had fun with you lobe girls, but I have to leave with my friends.

Lobe #4: Budda, budda, budda!

Michelle: Of course they're real friends. Look how much compassion they showed me!

(Later, once the ship is fixed, it flies off the asteroid as the lobes say goodbye.)

Lobes: Budda, budda, budda, budda!

(On the ship, the chair makes Jason more compassionate.)

Jason: Sorry, sis.

Michelle: That's alright. I'm glad to see you all back to normal.

(Kevin runs around throwing flower petals.)

Zidgel: So, Michelle! You are now honorary captain of the Federation Starship Rockhopper! But just for a couple of minutes, okay?

(Michelle gets into Zidgel's seat.)

Fidgel: Oh! Like a queen on her throne.

Michelle: Oh no, this is much, much better. Because I'm with my friends who know me and care about me. Take us home, Midgel!

Midgel: Aye-aye, cap'n!

(Midgel flies the ship back to Earth. Segue back to Grandmum's house as Jason and Michelle are looking at a postcard.)

Michelle: And I like this one I got yesterday from Claire. That's a pretty waterfall, don't ya think?

Grandmum: Well, now, it's good to see my nippers so chipper. What's come over you?

Michelle: I'm feeling better now, Grandmum. Thanks to Jason.

Grandmum: Jason? Now how do you suppose he did that?

Jason: All I did was listen.

Grandmum: Ahh, what a beautiful way to show compassion to your sister! You see, luv, when you just act happy in front of someone who's sad, it doesn't usually help. It's like--

Michelle: Taking away their coat on a cold day--

Jason: Or pouring vinegar on baking soda.

Grandmum: That's exactly right, love. Compassion is when you care enough to help someone with their problem and take time out to find out what it is.

(Michelle notices the cake in Grandmum's hands.)

Michelle: What's that for?

Grandmum: Jason's experiment reminded me of an old recipe I used to make for your granddad!

(She pours vinegar in the cake, which makes it explode in a frosty mess.)

Grandmum: (sighs) Pleasant memories.

(Later that night, Jason and Michelle get ready for bed.)

Jason: And keep Mom and Dad safe on their trip.

Michelle: And thank you for a brother who knows how to listen with compassion.

Jason: Michelle, you don't have to go on about it.

Michelle: (giggles) Amen.

(End of transcript.)