Big Idea Wiki

This is the transcript for Captain LarryBeard.


(Larry is laying on the edge of the lake, while playing with a boot in the water.)

Larry: The fearsome pirate sailed through the 17 seas. Avast ye, matey.

(Larry then imagines himself as a pirate.)

Larry: Yarg! It is I, the feared pirate, Captain LarryBeard. With me, as always, is my first mate, First Mate Bob. Bob?

(First Mate Bob shows up with two eyepatches covering both of his eyes.)

First Mate Bob: I can't see anything. Captain LarryBeard?

Captain LarryBeard: Over here, Bob.

First Mate Bob: I still can't see anything.

(Captain LarryBeard presses First Mate Bob's nose with the handle of his sword, flipping the eyepatches up so that he can see.)

First Mate Bob: Oh, that's better. Hi.

Captain LarryBeard: Bob, that's not how pirates speak.

First Mate Bob: (bored) Yarg.

Captain LarryBeard: That's better. And we are in search of treasure!

First Mate Bob: Captain.

Captain LarryBeard: Aye, first mate?

First Mate Bob: I spot treasure at three o'clock.

Captain LarryBeard: Well, it's a quarter past two right now, so that means you'll see-

First Mate Bob: No, treasure, right there.

Captain LarryBeard: (excited) Treasure!

(Captain LarryBeard picks up a sock and holds it up proudly.)

Captain LarryBeard: And there's more where that came from. Raise the mast! Raise the anchor! Hoist the main sail! Pin the tail on the donkey!

First Mate Bob: We don't have any of that. This is a shoe.

Captain LarryBeard: You scurvy puppy, do as I says! Go!

(The boot starts to sail across the ocean, before Captain LarryBeard becomes surprised when he sees what looks like a pirate ship drifting off in the distance.)

Captain LarryBeard: Shiver... my... timbers!

(Back in reality, Larry takes the boot out of the lake, before rushing off to see a model pirate ship in the water.)

Larry: Lost model pirate ship? No way! No way. No way. No way. I shall call you the Sea Cucumber. I gotta show Bob.

(Larry rushes off, but leaves the ship, before he comes back, grabs the ship and leaves again. Back home, Bob is working with his chemistry set, when Larry comes up from behind him, surprising him.)

Larry: Bob!

Bob: Larry, can't you see I'm using my chemistry set?

Larry: Yes! Lookit!

(Larry holds the pirate ship in front of Bob.)

Bob: It's a model pirate ship. Very neat.

Larry: I can finally play pirates properly.

Bob: What were you playing with?

(Larry drops the boot in front of Bob.)

Bob: My shoe?

Larry: And your sock, too.

Bob: Where did you get that ship?

Larry: I found it. I'm gonna go play.

Bob: Shouldn't you find out who it belongs to?

Larry: Finders keepers.

Bob: Yeah. And losers weepers.

(Scene switches to Larry who is in the bathtub with the pirate ship.)

Larry: As captain of the greatest pirate ship to ever sail the seas, nothing can stop Captain LarryBeard from finding his treasure!

(Larry's imagination takes over, showing Captain LarryBeard looking over the pirate ship that he has now gained possession of.)

Captain LarryBeard: At last, a vessel worthy of me piratin'. We won't be seeing Davy Jones Foot Locker anytime soon, aye, First Mate Bob?

(First Mate Bob is standing on one of the ship's masts as he swings on a rope, but runs into another mast before landing on the ship's deck rather dizzily.)

First Mate Bob: Aye!

Captain LarryBeard: Still lookin' for ye sea legs? I don't blame ye. I'm still lookin' for me real legs! (laughing) And where be my trusty parrot?

(Camera pans over to Parrot Jerry laying against the side of the ship, before he becomes excited.)

Parrot Jerry: Huh? Polly want cracker?

(Parrot Jerry hops over to Captain LarryBeard and jumps onto his back, but is much too heavy for him.)

Parrot Jerry: (squawking)

Captain LarryBeard: No! Bad giant parrot! Bad!

(Parrot Jerry jumps off Captain LarryBeard's back.)

Parrot Jerry: Chirp.

Captain LarryBeard: Long ago, I buried a great treasure. This map is the only way to find it. It is reclaim what's mine.

First Mate Bob: Uh, Captain, I know we're pirates.

Captain LarryBeard: Yarrg!

First Mate Bob: But I wonder, have we gone too far?

Captain LarryBeard: Yarg?

First Mate Bob: We stole a whole ship. We don't even know whose it is.

Captain LarryBeard: I tell you what, once we get my treasure, we'll return the ship to its owner. Happy?

First Mate Bob: I guess so.

Captain LarryBeard: Set sail!

(First Mate Bob then starts chasing after Parrot Jerry all over the ship.)

First Mate Bob: Shoo, shoo!

Parrot Jerry: (squawking)

First Mate Bob: Go on, get out! You're not really a parrot!

(A Radish pirate appears on the deck, before he starts sneaking around the ship, looking for the map to Captain LarryBeard's treasure.)

Captain LarryBeard: (O.S.) A stowaway!

(Captain LarryBeard turns around to show that he is holding up a sardine.)

Captain LarryBeard: A delicious stowaway. Your punishment is to be eaten.

(Captain LarryBeard eats the sardine, while the Radish pirate is relieved that he hasn't been discovered, before he spies the treasure map laying on the deck. The Radish pirate starts to come towards the map while Captain LarryBeard is at the wheel, when he steers the ship to the left.)

Captain LarryBeard: Hard to starboard! Wait, that's port.

(The Radish snatches the map and runs down the stairs and across the edge of the ship, before becoming surprised to see Parrot Jerry come up in front of him.)

Parrot Jerry: Parrot.

(The Radish pirate is relieved once again before he runs past Parrot Jerry, who waves, before jumping off the ship, now that he has the treasure map. Meanwhile, Ichabeezer is carrying a stack of posters, before he slaps one of the door of Bob and Larry's home. Bob opens the door to see what's going on, before he sees that the poster is a missing poster of a pirate ship, before he starts to approach Ichabeezer.)

Bob: Ichabeezer! I think I can help.

Ichabeezer: No time to listen. Only time to hang signs.

Bob: I've seen your ship.

Ichabeezer: I'd only listen if you've seen my ship.

Bob: That's what I'm trying to say.

Ichabeezer: Don't try, just say it.

Bob: I'm trying to.

Ichabeezer: I just said don't do that.

Bob: The person who has it-

Ichabeezer: Better not be on my lawn.

Bob: What?

Ichabeezer: Huh?

(Ichabeezer slaps another missing poster onto Bob's face.)

Ichabeezer: Call me if you have any info, Bob.

(The poster falls off of Bob's face, before it blows away in the wind. Back in Larry's imagination, the Sea Cucumber still sails across the ocean, while Captain LarryBeard is looking all over the ship.)

Captain LarryBeard: Hmm, where did I put that map?

(Captain LarryBeard looks around a bit more before sniffing the inside of his hat.)

Captain LarryBeard: Hmm, I don't need it. I've got it memorized.

(Captain LarryBeard steers the ship once again, as First Mate Bob approaches him.)

First Mate Bob: Captain, how do you know the treasure is still there?

Captain LarryBeard: No scallywag would hornswoggle from this picaroon!

First Mate Bob: Uh, scally-woggle-roona-what?

Captain LarryBeard: It's pirate talk, Bob. Get with the program. No person would steal from moi.

(Parrot Jerry hops up the stairs before coming up to Captain LarryBeard and First Mate Bob.)

Parrot Jerry: Radish. Map. Stolen. I mean... (squawks)

Captain LarryBeard: I don't speak parrot. And now we sing. (singing) La-la-la la-la-la-la-la


I am Captain LarryBeard

LarryBeard the pirate

I wear a nifty pirate's hat

And everyone admires it

And if you ask what kind of legs

Would I have if I had legs

I'd tell you I prefer two pegs

I'm LarryBeard the pirate

La-la-la la-la-la-la-la


Oh I am Captain LarryBeard

LarryBeard the pirate

I got a sword and cannon too

Can't hardly wait to fire it

I can't tell a hole from a hatch

Cause I'm wearing my designer patch

Both booed and cheered

The great, the feared

LarryBeard the pirate

"Arg" and "matey" I often say

I say "shiver me timbers"

60 times a day

And though these are old

Tired pirate cliches

I love to say them anyway

Cause I'm LarryBeard the pirate


LarryBeard the pirate


Parrot Jerry: (squawks)

(Scene switches to Ichabeezer irritably entering his mansion, with Bob following him.)

Bob: For the millionth time...

Ichabeezer: Whatever you're trying to say, I'd say it's only the 13th to maybe 16th time, not the millionth.

Bob: Will you listen?!

Ichabeezer: What's the point? I've lost my pirate ship. Do pirates listen? No! Ha ha! Arg!

(Ichabeezer starts jumping all over the room before landing on top of the piano as he picks up a candelabra and uses it as a sword.)

Ichabeezer: Have at you, then! En garde! Ha ha!

Bob: I didn't know you were a pirate fan.

Ichabeezer: Oh, I love everything about pirates. I love the way they talk... Arr! ... the way they dress, the way they commit to- what's the word- take things that aren't theirs?

Bob: Piracy?

Ichabeezer: That's the one!

(Ichabeezer jumps off the desk and lands behind Bob once again.)

Ichabeezer: If you know anything, please tell me.

Bob: Whew. Good. 'Cause I know who-

Ichabeezer: Aha!

(Ichabeezer jumps all around the room, as Bob starts to leave, realizing that Ichabeezer is not going to listen to him. Scene switches to the Sea Cucumber now beached on the side of a desert island, as Captain LarryBeard and First Mate Bob land on the sands.)

First Mate Bob: How far away are we from the treasure?

Captain LarryBeard: First Mate Bob, just try to say it in pirate. "How many leagues away be we from the treasure?"

First Mate Bob: Well, how many are we?

Captain LarryBeard: None.

(Captain LarryBeard and First Mate Bob look down before becoming surprised.)

Captain LarryBeard: (shocked) My treasure!

First Mate Bob: Your treasure is a big hole in the ground?

Captain LarryBeard: No! My treasure is gone! It's been stolen!

(The sound of laughing is heard, before Captain LarryBeard and First Mate Bob look to see that Motato and his Radish pirates have stolen the treasure.)

Captain LarryBeard: That's my treasure! Back to the Sea Cucumber.

(The Sea Cucumber suddenly starts to rise out of the water and into the sky, much to the shock of Captain LarryBeard.)

Captain LarryBeard: First my treasure, now my ship?

(The pirate ship fills the screen, before it is revealed that Bob has taken the ship from Larry.)

Bob: This is Ichabeezer's ship.

Larry: Ichy likes pirate ships?

Bob: Like you like sardines. And you need to return it to him.

Larry: But I'm a pirate.

Bob: You're a cucumber in a bathtub.

Larry: (gasps) You take that back.

Bob: You take back the ship. Ichabeezer misses it.

(Larry takes the ship back from Bob.)

Larry: Finders keepers!

Bob: Yeah, but losers weepers. And Ichabeezer is weeping over the loss of this.

(Larry still refuses to give the ship back, which causes Bob to leave in frustration. After Bob has left, Larry resumes playing with the ship.)

Larry: Oh, no, LarryBeard! Motato's got your treasure!

(The Sea Cucumber sails across the seas, in hot pursuit of Motato.)

Captain LarryBeard: Ahoy, full steam ahead!

First Mate Bob: We don't run on steam.

Captain LarryBeard: Full wind ahead!

(Motato and his Radish pirates continue escaping on their lobster steeds with LarryBeard's treasure.)

Motato: You'll never catch me, HairyBeard. Wait, that's no good. Beards are hairy.

Radish #1: LarryWeird.

Motato: Much better. LarryWeird! Glad I thought of it. Radishes... pirates!

(The Radishes ride on their lobsters as they start to surround the Sea Cucumber.)

Captain LarryBeard: Yarg!

(The Radishes start to climb up the side of the ship before surrounding Captain LarryBeard. Despite being surrounded, Captain LarryBeard picks up a nearby board.)

Captain LarryBeard: Time for you to dodge the plank!

Radish #2: Don't you mean walk the plank?

Captain LarryBeard: Nope.

(Captain LarryBeard whacks the Radishes away with the board. Three more Radishes come up the stairs where First Mate Bob is.)

First Mate Bob: Get off our pirate slip!

(First Mate Bob throws a banana peel on one of the stairs as the Radishes slip and fall down the stairs and into the cannon. Parrot Jerry then aims the cannon as it shoots the Radishes out, sending them flying off the ship. Captain LarryBeard climbs up the crow's nest with two more Radishes climbing up after him.)

Captain LarryBeard: Something that rhymes with "hat"!

(Captain LarryBeard throws his hat as it knocks the Radishes off the mast before the hat boomerangs back to Captain LarryBeard once again. Captain LarryBeard then sees Motato escaping with the treasure, before he jumps off the crow's nest and slides down the mast before landing on the front bow of the ship.)

Captain LarryBeard: Give me my treasure!

Motato: Never!

Captain LarryBeard: It's mine!

Motato: Finders keepers!

Captain LarryBeard: That sounds familiar.

(This snaps Larry out of his imagination.)

Larry: (gasps) Finders keepers? I'm a thief, just like Motato. Thou shalt not steal. I need to give this boat back.

(Motato and his Radish second-in-command still ride on their lobster, when a giant Larry suddenly shows up behind them and picks them up. Giant Larry then starts shaking Motato, causing him to drop the treasure chest as it lands in front of Captain LarryBeard and First Mate Bob. Larry then throws the imaginary Motato away.)

Motato: No fair!

First Mate Bob: Ha ha ha ha! Hooray! Avast ye, burly buccaneer! The booty is ours!

Captain LarryBeard: Now, that's pirate talk.

(Captain LarryBeard opens up the treasure chest, revealing a huge pile of gold doubloons before he pulls out a rubber ducky and starts squeaking it. Scene switches to back in reality, where Larry comes up to Ichabeezer's mansion while carrying the pirate ship. Larry knocks on the door, as Ichabeezer answers it before becoming surprised to see his pirate ship.)

Ichabeezer: (gasps) My ship! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Larry: I'm really sorry for keeping your ship, Mr. Ichabeezer.

Ichabeezer: That's okay. I'm just glad it's back. I didn't know you were a pirate enthusiast.

Larry: I love those crusty sea cats.

Ichabeezer: You want to play pirate?

Larry: Do I? Yarg!

(Larry enters Ichabeezer's mansion, before coming up to a shelf that has three more pirate ship models.)

Ichabeezer: Take one of these replicas.

Larry: Yarg?

Ichabeezer: Yarg.

Larry and Ichabeezer: Yarg!

(Scene switches to the two pirate ships sailing across the ocean.)

Larry: (singing) La-la-la-la-la-la-la


Ichabeezer: (singing) And IchaBeard

Larry and Ichabeezer: (singing) The pirate

Larry: Arg!

(The screen irises out, revealing a treasure map with the words "The End" written on it, before the screen goes dark, ending the episode.)

(End of transcript)