This is the transcript for Bob and the Awesome Frosting Mustache.
Transcript[]
(The episode opens with Bob and Larry coming up to Pa Grape's store, before Larry notices a flyer on the wall.)
Larry: Bob, look. Pa Grape's big karaoke contest is happening again. It's our opportunity to win a Karaoke Gumball Machine.
Bob: Yeah? It's also an opportunity to embarrass myself in front of the whole town again.
(A flashback shows Bob on stage while looking too nervous and scared to do anything, while the audience just stares at him, expecting him to do something. Bob only screams and runs off-stage, just as the flashback ends.)
Bob: I don't know what it is, Larry, I just can't keep it together when I get on stage. I'm not just a... brave guy, I guess. Are you gonna enter?
Larry: Yep. I'm gonna yodel a song while gargling root beer.
Bob: But you did that last year, and the year before.
Larry: No, I didn't. I gargled purple berry bubble tea last year, and the year before that, I gargled hot chocolate. (pause) Really hot chocolate.
Bob: Ah, well, Madame Blueberry will probably win again, anyway. She always sings some bluesy-berry song that has everybody in tears.
Larry: Oh, I'll have 'em in tears this time, just you watch. That Karaoke Gumball Machine will be all mine.
(At Bob and Larry's home, Larry is practicing his gargling and yodeling act, before he finishes, while Bob stares angrily at him.)
Bob: Larry, you said you'd only practice during commercials.
Larry: Sorry, I'm just super-excited to try this.
Announcer: Tonight's program was brought to you by the new Tom Celeriac movie, "Not Without My Mustache".
Bob: A commercial for the new Tom Celeriac movie.
Larry: So, can I practice now?
Junior: Hold on, we gotta see this.
Announcer: Tom Celeriac is back, and this time, he's tougher, braver, and mustachier than ever. Tom Celeriac is Tom Celeriac in "Not Without My Mustache". And that's not all. Tom Celeriac wants you to join the mustache army, and try his all new Mustache Frosting! Smear this frosting on your face, and grow amazing, thick, bushy mustache hair instantly.
(Wolf whistle from off-screen.)
Tom Celeriac: You can be as awesome as I am, and even win a local karaoke contest.
Announcer: To order, visit our website, or call!
Bob: All my life, I felt like something was missing. Now, I see. It was a mustache, all along. With a mustache like Tom Celeriac's, I bet I could do anything. I'm ordering a batch of Mustache Frosting before they run out!
(The camera then zooms out on Larry's mouth while he is yawning.)
Larry: (yawning) I'm ready for some sleep. Are you gonna go to bed, Bob?
Bob: I'm going to watch the door intensely until my package arrives.
Larry: Package?
Bob: The Mustache Frosting. I put "As Soon As Physically Possible" shipping on it.
Larry: Oh, OK. Good night, buddy.
(All through the night, Bob continues waiting eagerly for his Mustache Frosting to come, but after a while, he soon drops off to sleep. After Bob has gone to sleep, a pair of hairy tentacles suddenly come out from the TV screen and grab hold of the chair that Bob is sleeping in before pulling the chair up to the TV. The tentacles turn out to be Tom Celeriac's mustache.)
Tom: Wake up, my friend. Are you ready for a rockin' stache?
Bob: Yes, absolutely, I am.
Tom: Prepare your face. This is happening.
(Tom then pulls out a spare mustache and puts it on Bob's face.)
Tom: Now, go be amazing, and be scared... (whispers) ...of nothing. (voice echoes)
(Bob looks at himself in the mirror as rock music starts to play.)
Bob: (singing) All my life, I felt a piece was missing
I felt a need for more, no matter what I chose
Then I realized the emptiest place upon me
Was just above my mouth and right under my nose
I have a m-m-m-m-mustache now
All: (cheering)
Bob: (singing) I have a m-m-m-m-mustache now
(Everyone continues cheering)
Bob: (singing) M-M-M-M-Mustache, yeah
(The song then ends as everyone cheers and applauds for Bob's performance. Pa Grape then approaches Bob afterwards.)
Pa Grape: Bob wins the Karaoke Gumball Machine, in a landslide victory. (laughs)
(The doorbell then rings, which snaps Bob out of his dream and wakes him up.)
Bob: Oh, man, it was a dream! That figures.
(The doorbell rings again.)
Bob: OK, OK, I'm coming!
(Bob goes to answer the door but the door quickly opens up which pins Bob against the wall, before a package is then thrown through the doorway. Bob approaches the package.)
Bob: It's here! Ah!
(Bob takes the tube of Mustache Frosting out of the box, before he spreads the Mustache Frosting onto his face, just as Larry approaches him.)
Larry: Bob, what's happening?
Bob: This is happening.
(After a few seconds, a mustache suddenly springs up onto Bob's face.)
Bob: Ha-ha!
Larry: Whoa. Mustache Bob. Does this mean you're gonna be competing in the karaoke contest?
Bob: (laughs) No, it means I'm gonna be winning the karaoke contest. Let's roll.
Larry: Wait up, Mustache Bob.
(Soon, Bob and Larry are walking down the street, before approaching Petunia, who takes notice of Bob's new appearance.)
Petunia: Why, Bob, have you slimmed down?
Junior: Dude, Bob looks just like Tom Celeriac.
Mr. Lunt: Larry, what happened to Bob?
Larry: Oh, that's Mustache Bob. He's like the old Bob, but brave.
(The sound of tires screeching is heard, as Laura is out of control on her bike.)
Laura: Oh no! Whoa!
(Bob catches Laura before she could get seriously hurt.)
Bob: Don't worry, little baby carrot. Mustache Bob's got your back, like a chiropractor.
Laura: Thank you, Mustache Bob.
(Inside Pa Grape's store, Bob approaches Petunia, giving her a flower.)
Bob: I don't know if you dropped that, but it looks like it belongs in your hands.
Petunia: Oh, Bob. Sign up here, if you're entering.
Madame Blueberry: Hello, Bob. It's a great day for a karaoke contest, isn't it?
Bob: It's a great day for winning!
Madame Blueberry: (gasps)
Pa Grape: We're about ready to get started.
(Scene switches to Larry doing his act.)
Larry: (gargling and yodeling)
(After Larry finishes his act, he swallows the root beer he was gargling as everyone applauds. Pa Grape then approaches the microphone.)
Pa Grape: OK, that was Larry, yodeling for the third year in a row, this time, while gargling root beer. And now, Laura Carrot, with "Shine, Shine, Shine".
(Laura approaches the microphone as everyone cheers and applauds. Backstage, Bob is all hyped up.)
Bob: Doobity, doobity doo!
Madame Blueberry: Bob, what are you doing? Are you alright?
Bob: I'm just getting myself amped up. I gotta win this! I'm picturing myself already holding that Karaoke Gumball Machine.
Madame Blueberry: I understand your desire to win, but you know this is supposed to be fun, right?
Bob: You've won so much, and I've won so little. I just want to be considered a winner at something!
Madame Blueberry: I've lost enough competitions in my life to know that winning isn't everything.
Pa Grape: (Off-screen) And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bob the Tomato.
(Bob approaches the microphone and everyone cheers and applauds for him.)
Bob: Please hold tightly onto your faces, because I am about to rock them right off their veggitaskulls!
(Everyone cheers again, before rock music starts to play.)
Bob: (singing) I'm a tomato. Yeah, that's what I am
I don't have feet, no and I don't have hands
'Cause I'm a tomato and though I'm not a yam
I'm one hot potato. I'm really great, yo
A tomato I am
(The microphone pulls Bob's mustache off of his face, which everyone is shocked to see, before they start laughing at Bob.)
Bob: Wh-what? What's so funny? (screams)
(Bob runs away as everyone continues laughing. Madame Blueberry watches as Bob runs out of the store, as Pa Grape approaches the microphone again.)
Pa Grape: Wow, Bob's act had it all. (chuckles) Now, sure to be a feast for our ears, is Madame Blueberry, singing the blues.
Madame Blueberry: You can skip my turn. Let someone else go.
Pa Grape: OK. Well, then, here's the French Peas and Jerry Gourd, with a barbershop quartet rendition of "Hamsters Have No Love For Ham, But I Love Hamsters Still".
(Everyone cheers and applauds as Jerry, Jean-Claude, and Phillipe start their act.)
All three: (singing) Hamsters have no love for ham
But I love hamsters still
(Outside, Bob is still sulking, before Madame Blueberry approaches him.)
Madame Blueberry: Bob, may I sit with you?
Bob: Shouldn't you be inside, singing?
Madame Blueberry: Maybe I'd rather come out here and talk to my friend.
Bob: Why would you want to be friends with a guy who doesn't even have a real mustache?
Madame Blueberry: Do you really think you are incomplete without a mustache?
Bob: Yes. Yes, I do.
Madame Blueberry: Psalm 23:1 says, "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing." Do you know what it means to lack nothing?
Bob: Does it mean that if God is with me, I don't need a mustache?
Madame Blueberry: Even a mustache.
Bob: Thanks, Madame Blue.
Madame Blueberry: Come on, Bob, why don't you come sing with me?
Bob: But we've never sung together. Wh-what if no one likes it?
Madame Blueberry: Who cares? It'll be fun.
(Back inside Pa Grape's store, Jerry, Jean-Claude, and Phillipe are about to finish up their act.)
All three: (singing) Not the hamsters, but the ham
And I think hamsters are grand
(After the three finish their act, everyone cheers, before Pa Grape approaches the microphone once again.)
Pa Grape: All right, this has been a lot of fun. I'll let the judges tally up the scores, and we will-
Madame Blueberry: Wait! I'm ready to go on! Bob and I are going to do a duet.
Pa: Oh, oh! OK. We have time for one more.Take it away, Madame and Bob.
(Blues music starts to play, just as Madame Blueberry starts to sing.)
Madame Blueberry: (singing) From the day he was born, Bob couldn't grow no mustache
So he got this tube of Mustache Frosting
But it turned out to be a tube of low-down dirty tra-a-a-ash
(Backstage, Junior notices that Bob does not have his mustache anymore.)
Junior: Bob, your mustache is gone. What are you gonna do?
Bob: I don't think I need it anymore.
(Bob then hops onstage next to Madame Blueberry before he also starts to sing.)
Bob: (singing) Well, the Lord is my shepherd and I know one thing
I don't need a mustache
To prove I'm something I've changed my tune
Now here's what I sing the only thing I lack is... nothing
One, two, three, four
M-M-M-M-Mustache on my face
No, I don't need no mustache to rock
M-M-M-M-Mustache made of frosting
I'm glad you m-m-melted off
Don't need no Mustache Frosting
Crowd: (singing) He don't need no Mustache Frosting
Bob: (singing) I know that I lack nothing
(Larry joins Bob and Madame Blueberry.)
Crowd: (singing) He knows that he lacks nothing
Larry: (gargling and yodeling)
Bob: (singing) I don't lack it
Madame Blueberry: (singing) No
Bob: (singing): I don't lack it
Crowd: (singing) He doesn't need it
He lacks nothing, Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, nothing, nothing
(Pa Grape, Jean-Claude, Phillipe, Laura, and Jerry also join Bob, Larry, and Madame Blueberry.)
All: (singing) Don't need no musta wusta musta wusta busta busta musta mustache
Don't need a, need a mustache
Bob: (singing) Musta wusta frosta frosting frosting frosting
Yeah!
All: (singing) Mus-mus-mus-mustache
Bob: Yeah!
(The song ends, before the screen irises out.)
(end of transcript)