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This is the transcript for Bacon vs. Tomato.


(Scene opens to Larry giving Bacon Bill a blue ribbon which reads "BFF" on it.)

Larry: Bacon Bill, I made you this award.

(Larry puts the ribbon on Bacon Bill's chest.)

Larry: Ta-da!

Bacon Bill: It says "B-F-F".

Larry: That stands for "Bacon Friend Forever".

Bacon Bill: I'd like to thank the academy. You like me! You really like me!

(Bob comes down the stairs.)

Larry: Yep! You're my BFF.

Bob: BFF? That stands for "Best Friend Forever", but I thought I was Larry's BFF.

Larry: You're just in time, Bob!

Bob: For my award?

Larry: No, silly. Bacon Bill and I need a third person to play Three-Person Checkers. Threckers!

(Scene switches to a checkerboard being placed on the table.)

Bob: I'll go first.

(Bob makes the first move.)

Bacon Bill: Shouldn't go there, Bob. Larry can easily jump you up one side and down the other.

Bob: Maybe this is what a real best friend forever does. He lets his best friend win.

Larry: But I don't wanna win yet. I'll just go over here.

(Larry places one piece on the floor next to him.)

Bob: Larry, the floor is not a playable square.

Bacon Bill: My turn! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!

Bob: But...

Larry: Nice play, Bacon Bill!

Both: Ha! BFF!

Bob: (growls)

Larry: You look upset, Bob. Turn that scowl upside-dowl!

Bob: No thanks! I need to get some air. It smells too much like bacon in here!

(Bob leaves the house while Bacon Bill smells himself.)

Bacon Bill: (sniffing) I smell nothing.

(Scene switches to on the kitchen sink at night as Bob hops across the kitchen sink.)

Bob: Bacon Bill just jumped in and became Larry's friend in just a few weeks!

(A Cherry Cat comes up to Bob and rubs herself against him.)

Cherry Cat: (purring)

Bob: Hey, little Cherry Cat. 

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

Bob: Maybe you can help me think of how to become Larry's Best Friend Forever once again.

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

Bob: I've got it! I'll buy Larry's friendship back by giving him all his favorite things! Good kitty!

(Bob leaves after that, leaving the Cherry Cat all alone.)

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

(Scene switches to Pa Grape's store, where Pa Grape is about to close for the night.)

Pa Grape: Good night, store.

Bob: Hey, Pa!

(Bob rushes into the store right past Pa Grape.)

Pa Grape: I was just... closing up.

(Cut to inside where Bob is picking up several tins of sardines.)

Bob: Larry is gonna love these sardines! (chuckling) These are packed in mustard sauce! This one's extra stinky! Ooh! Sardines and marshmallow cream!

(Pa comes back into the store.)

Pa Grape: Since when did you take such an interest in canned fish?

Bob: Ha! These are for Larry! I'm super-worried that he's got a new best friend so I'm gonna buy him back with sardines!

Pa Grape: Are you sure that's what's going on?

(Bob quickly rushes past Pa Grape, causing him to get spun around. Bob then comes back and gives him a stack of money.)

Bob: Thanks, Pa!

(Bob leaves again after that, just as Pa Grape regains his composure again and looks down at the money that Bob gave him. Scene switches to Larry asleep in bed in his room, when Bob enters his room while carrying stacks of canned sardines.)

Bob: Rise and shine, my bestest old buddy, old pal!

(Larry wakes up after that.)

Larry: Huh? What?

Bob: I got you some fancy, that means smelly, sardines for breakfast! It's what Best Friends Forever do for each other.

(The doorbell rings after that, prompting Larry to quickly jump out of bed.)

Larry: I'll get it!

(Larry goes to leave, but Bob picks him up and throws him back in bed.)

Bob: You wait right there, BFF. I'll get the door!

(Bob jumps down the chute, leaving Larry behind.)

Larry: BFF? Why does Bob think I'm his Bacon Friend Forever? Last time I checked, I wasn't made of bacon. (licks himself) Yep, still made of cucumber.

(Bob answers the door, but becomes sour when he sees that it's Bacon Bill.)

Bacon Bill: Morning, Bob!

Bob: Larry's still in bed. Come back later!

(Bob slams the door after that. Larry comes down the stairs while carrying the sardines that Bob gave him.)

Larry: Who was that?

Bob: Nobody!

(Larry looks up and becomes happy.)

Larry: Is that Bill?

(Bacon Bill is seen through the window, before Bob suddenly gets in front.)

Bob: Nope! Nobody out there!

Larry: Silly Bob. (opens the door) It's Bacon Bill!

Bacon Bill: Good morning, Larry. Your BFF is in the house!

Larry: You're just in time for breakfast!

Bob: (growls angrily)

(Bob suddenly falls off the door after that. Scene switches to Larry and Bacon Bill at the kitchen table.)

Larry: One thing I love about my BFF is that he eats sardines with me!

Bacon Bill: Yep! (eats a sardine) The stinkier the better!

Bob: I could eat sardines! I love eating things that are disgusting!

Larry: Whatever you say, Bob.

Bob: (taking the tin from Larry) Anything for my Best Friend Forever!

(Bob then eats the sardines, but after he finishes, he suddenly becomes sickened and turns green as a result.)

Bacon Bill: Um, I thought tomatoes were supposed to be red, not green.

(Scene switches to outside the house, while the sounds of Larry and Bacon Bill laughing and chattering are heard, while Bob is sadly standing outside, at the same time that the Cherry Cat is eating a sardine.)

Bob: I don't know what to do, Cherry Cat! Larry keeps calling Bacon Bill his BFF!

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

Bob: If you're asking what BFF stands for, it means Best Friends Forever. It really HMF, Hurts My Feelings.

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

Bob: If you're suggesting that it might mean something else, and that I'm just being quick to anger, I'd say you should mind your own business.

Cherry Cat: (meowing)

Bob: I don't know Cat-ese, but if you're telling me I should do crazy things just like Larry, then that's a great idea!

(Bob dumps the rest of the sardines into the Cherry Cat's mouth, then leaves, as the Cherry Cat eats the sardines.)

Cherry Cat: (meows)

(Scene switches to Larry asleep in bed, when the sound of Bob laughing and whooping and things falling over is heard, which wakes up Larry. Larry reenters the living room, looking around to find the sounds, but can't find anything. Larry then looks up and becomes surprised.)

Larry: Bob, what in the world?

Bob: I know you like to ride your bike on the ceiling, Larry, so I thought I'd be your Best Friend Forever and make it even funner!

Larry: That looks... like a blast!

(Scene switches to Bob and Larry now riding their bikes on the ceiling.)

Bob: (laughing) So now who's your BFF?

Larry: Bacon Bill is my BFF!

Bob: He's still your BFF?

Larry: Bob, you could never be my BFF.

(Bob falls off the ceiling after a few seconds.)

Larry: What's wrong, Bob?

(Bob sadly goes to leave.)

Bob: I'm gonna find my own BFF.

(Bob leaves the house, just as his bike falls off the ceiling after he leaves.)

Larry: You go find a Bacon Friend Forever while I do donuts around the light fixture! Whoo-hoo!

(Scene switches to Bob ringing Ichabeezer's doorbell. Ichabeezer answers the door.)

Ichabeezer: What do you want?

Bob: You want to be my Best Friend Forever?

Ichabeezer: I already have one. It's Rooney

Rooney: (panting)

Bob: Ichabeezer, don't you have any chores I can help with? Give me a chance and I'll show you that I'm a very useful friend!

Ichabeezer: How about you vacuum the carpets for me, and I'll consider it?

Bob: I'll show you I'm a best friend! I'll show you my vacuuming your carpets!

(Bob is vacuuming the carpets before Ichabeezer faces Rooney.)

Ichabeezer: He wants a best friend, Rooney, I think this could come in quite handy. Oh, Bob, I might consider you as a Best Friend Forever if you whipped up a few snacks for Rooney and me.

Bob: Good idea, friend! I'll get right on it!

(Bob runs off, before Ichabeezer turns to Rooney and smiles. Scene switches to back at Bob and Larry's house before Larry and Bacon Bill go riding in their cars.)

Larry: Whee!

Bacon Bill: Whee!

Larry: Synchronized wheelie-popping in three, two...

Bacon Bill: One!

(Larry and Bacon Bill start doing wheelies in their cars. Scene switches to back at Ichabeezer's mansion, while inside, Ichabeezer and Rooney have finished their snacks.)

Rooney: (barking)

Ichabeezer: Me too, Rooney. I'm stuffed.

(Ichabeezer tosses his plate back as Bob catches it.)

Bob: What else can I get you, Ichabeezer, old friend?

Ichabeezer: You can... go study the corner

(Bob heads toward the corner, before Ichabeezer faces Rooney.)

Ichabeezer: Oh, that tomato is driving me crazy! What am I gonna do?

Rooney: (barking)

Ichabeezer: Hide from Bob? Rooney, that's a great idea!

Bob: I've studied the corner. It's 90 degrees and, that's about it.

Ichabeezer: Good job, Bob. Now I need you to go study, uh, study the lawn!

Bob: You want me to study the lawn?

Ichabeezer: That's right, get on my lawn!

Bob: Okay. I am going to study the lawn!

(Bob goes outside, leaving Ichabeezer and Rooney alone.)

Ichabeezer: This is our chance, Rooney! Help me with this bookcase!

(Ichabeezer and Rooney approach a bookcase, as Ichabeezer pulls on one book, which is actually a lever, which causes the bookcase to open up, revealing a door from behind.)

Ichabeezer: Sneak out through here! Hurry!

(Ichabeezer and Rooney go in through the secret door, before the bookcase closes up after that. Scene switches to outside the mansion, as Bob is still on the lawn. Ichabeezer then comes out from a trash can in front of the mansion.)

Ichabeezer: (chuckles) 

Rooney: (barks)

(Ichabeezer and Rooney get out of the trash can and leave. Scene switches to Bob entering the mansion again.)

Bob: You have 640,809 blades of grass!

(Bob looks around and sees that Ichabeezer and Rooney are nowhere to be found.)

Bob: Ichabeezer?

(Bob tries to find Ichabeezer.)

Bob: He must be playing Hide-and-Seek! That's what Best Friends Forever do! Play Hide-and-Seek without telling the other friend! But how do I find Ichabeezer?

(Camera pans out to show some money on the floor, as Bob approaches it.)

Bob: Follow the money!

(Scene switches to outside as Bob comes out of the trash can and resumes following the trail of money.)

Bob: I'm hot on your trail, Ichabeezer!

(Scene switches to Ichabeezer and Rooney entering Pa Grape's store.)

Pa: Can I help you, Mr. Icha-

Ichabeezer: You gotta hide me, Grape!

Pa: Is the IRS after you again?

Ichabeezer: It's Bob! He wants to be my best friend! Never mind!

(Ichabeezer and Rooney go behind a nearby shelf to hide, while Ichabeezer breathes a sigh of relief, before Larry and Bacon Bill show up.)

Larry: (simultaneously) Hey, Ichabeezer!

Bacon Bill: (simultaneously) Hey, Ichabeezer!

Ichabeezer: Shh-shh-shh-shh! I'm hiding!

(Bob enters the store while still looking for Ichabeezer.)

Larry: (simultaneously) It's Bob!

Bacon Bill: (simultaneously) It's Bob!

Ichabeezer: Him.

Bob: Bacon Bill and Larry! Have you guys seen Mr. Ichabeezer?

(Larry and Bacon Bill face Ichabeezer.)

Ichabeezer: (whispering) I'm not here.

Larry: Yep. Aisle nine, right next to the canned meat! Can't miss him!

Bacon Bill: Yeah! He's the guy who keeps whispering, "I'm not here"!

Bob: Ichabeezer!

(Bob finds Ichabeezer behind the shelf.)

Bob: Hey, Best Friend Forever Ichabeezer!

Ichabeezer: Leave me alone, Bob! I don't want to be your Best Friend Forever!

Larry: Best Friend Forever? Bob, I thought I was your Best Friend Forever!

Bob: Nope! Ichabeezer is my new BFF!

Bacon Bill: Ichabeezer is made of BACON!?!

Ichabeezer: I beg your pardon?

(Bacon Bill licks Ichabeezer.)

Ichabeezer: Hey!

Bacon Bill: Just checking.

Larry: He can't be your BFF, Bob! He's a zucchini! So, he can be your ZFF, Zucchini Friend Forever.

Bob: (gasps)

Ichabeezer: Okay, I see what's going on! Larry called Bacon Bill his BFF, because he is a Bacon Friend Forever! And Bob, you heard him call Bacon Bill his BFF, thinking he meant "Best Friend Forever" when he really meant "Bacon Friend Forever"!

Bob: (sadly) Boy, do I feel like a rotten tomato. At first, I was worried about not being Larry's best friend. Then I got jealous and angry.

Ichabeezer: Pa Grape, can you wrap this up for us?

Pa Grape: Hit the lights! (singing) For good advice for every day

James 1:19 has this to say

You gotta be

Ready to listen

Not quick to speak!

You gotta be

Slow to become angry

You gotta be

Ready to listen

Not quick to speak!

You gotta be

Slow to become angry

I don't want to be a blabbermouth

Yakkity yakkin',

Night and day

We gotta be willing to listen to

What others have to say

And before you speak,

Stop and think

About the words

You choose to utter

Don't use words

To hurt someone

Be kind to one another!

You gotta be

Ready to listen

Not quick to speak!

You gotta be

Slow to become angry

You gotta be

Ready to listen

Not quick to speak!

You gotta be

Slow to become angry

You gotta love one another!

(The song ends after that.)

Ichabeezer: Bob, does this mean you'll finally leave me alone?

Bob: I'm going to be slow to anger and wait a while before I answer that

Bacon Bill: Bob and Larry, I can be both your BFF's!

Larry: Group hug!

(Bob, Larry, and Bacon Bill hug each other, while Ichabeezer is caught in the hug.)

Ichabeezer: Everyone get away from me!

(The screen goes dark, ending the episode.)

(End of transcript)