This is the episode transcript for Abe and the Amazing Promise.
Transcript[]
Opening Countertop[]
(Open to Bob and Junior on the countertop)
Bob: Hi, kids! I’m Bob the Tomato…
Junior: And I’m Junior Asparagus! Larry’s on assignment.
Bob: Well, thanks for joining me today, Junior. Uh, we’re here-
Junior: (cutting Bob off, hops over to Qwerty) Uh-We’re over here by Qwerty to talk about what we’ve learned today!
(He sings the first half of What We Have Learned.)
Bob: (as Junior sings) Uhh, Junior? What are you doing? We haven’t learned anything yet.
Junior: Are ya sure? ‘Cuz I feel smarter already! (starts singing the second verse)
Bob: (as Junior sings) O-of course I’m sure. We haven’t even started the show.
Junior: (stops singing) Well, if we’re all done here, may I go?
Bob: Junior, what’s going on? What’s your hurry?
Junior: Hurry?
Bob: Yes, hurry.
Junior: Well...y’see, my mom said she was going to make me cookies.
Bob: Oh, well, that’s kind of her.
Junior: And she said it would be done after the show today. So I want to hurry up and be done!
Bob: Well Junior, just because we finish the show sooner, it won’t make cookies bake any quicker.
Junior: ...No?
Bob: No. You’ll just have to be patient.
Junior: Patient?
Bob: Yeah. Sometimes we just have to wait, even if the waiting isn’t easy.
Junior: I don’t getcha.
Bob: It’s just like this letter we got from Samuel Nofziger from Cairo, Illinois.
Junior: Hi, Sammy!
Bob: Samuel writes, “Dear Bob and Larry, my dad promised to get me a bicycle when I turn five. I’m only four and a half but I can’t wait. I want the bike now. What should I do? P.S. Please hurry with your answer.”
Junior: I know just how you feel, Sammy. It’s just like me and the cookies. I can practically taste those chocolate chips now…oh boy…
Bob: Junior, you’re not helping.
Junior: Sorry.
Bob: Sammy, your question reminds me of a man in the Bible named Abraham, to whom God promised something. And Abraham had to wait...just like you.
Junior: And I bet you have a story all ready…don’t ya?
Bob: Actually...not yet.
Junior: Not yet? But the kids, Bob, they’re waiting!
Bob: Patience, Junior. It’ll be done just in time, you’ll see.
(Bob hops away for a moment, and comes back with a camera.)
Bob: Here. Hold this.
Junior: What are we doing, Bob?
Bob: Oh, this is exciting, Junior! We’re gonna make a film ourselves!
Junior: About what?
Bob: We’re gonna interview Abraham and make a show.
Junior: Abraham?! How are you gonna do that?
Bob: Close your eyes and use your imagination...
Abe and the Amazing Promise[]
(They close their eyes and the wind blows. The countertop blows away a la Josh and the Big Wall!. A director’s hat blows onto Bob’s head, and Junior gets his signature hat. They open their eyes to see a filming set in the desert.)
Junior: Whoa...Bible times...You thought of everything!
Bob: Yep! We have a catering tent...and a nurse’s station...and a film crew.
(A pea with a boom mic spins and knocks over several lights with a crash. A clapperboard rolls past Bob and Junior like a tumbleweed.)
Junior: Wow! What are we waiting for? Let’s go!
(Junior takes a megaphone.)
Junior: (amplified) Okay! We’re burnin’ daylight here, people! Chop chop!
Jean-Claude: Ze daylight eez not all zat is BURNING! Eet’s TOO HOT!!
Phillipe: I am melting!
Bob: Uh, Junior, I’m the director.
(Bob takes the megaphone.)
Bob: (amplified, aimed right at Phillipe) No complaining, guys!
Phillipe: AAH!!
(Phillipe flies offscreen and knocks over a stage light in front of a frightened Junior.)
Bob: Trust me, when we’re done with this, we’ll have the best show ever!
Jean-Claude: I cannot wait.
Bob: Just have some patience.
Achmetha: (poking her head out of the nurse’s tent) PATIENTS?
(She grabs Jean Claude and stretches a blood [or juice] pressure taker around him, and pumps it a few times, inflating it like a tire.) (Jean-Claude screams in pain)
Achmetha: (singsongy) He’s fiiiiine!
Jean-Claude: (muffled) Not…really.
Bob: Not that kind of patients….
Achmetha: Hmph!
(She pulls out the tube and hops away, and Jean-Claude flies away like a deflating balloon.)
Jean-Claude: Whoooaa!!
Phillipe: (holding a clapperboard reading "Bumbling Bob") Take ONE!
Bob: Bob the Tomato here, and right now I’m in the middle of the desert-
Jean-Claude: (O.S. interrupting) Where eet is zo HOT!
Phillipe: (O.S. before Bob can speak) And zer iz zo much ZAND!
Bob: ...where I’m about to get to the bottom of the amazing story of one of my personal heroes: Abraham. A man of incredible patience.
Achmetha: (randomly appearing) Where’s the patient?
Bob: No! Not that kind of-
Junior: Maybe we should skip this part and hurry up and find this Abraham guy. I have cookies waiting! Remember?
Bob: (as Achmetha starts chasing him around the director’s chair) WHOAA!!
Achmetha: (overlapping) You look kind of red. Do you have a fever? Come here and let me take your temperature!
Bob: (overlapping) Hey! I-I’m not the patient! I’m the director! I’m not sick!!
Phillipe: Take two!
(Cut to Abe, played by Pa Grape, in a chair.)
Bob: Jean-Claude, move that light over!
Jean-Claude: (O.S.) Oh-ho-ho-ho…
(A light falls.)
Bob: And Mr. Abraham’s nose is shiny. Could I get some makeup here?
Phillipe: MAKEUP!
(Phillipe slams a powderpuff in Abe’s face. He sneezes.)
Phillipe: God bless you!
Bob: And that background, it looks a little bit too desert-y. Ah...Phillipe?!
(Phillipe places a potted plant by Abe.)
Bob: Oh- beautiful!! Okay, let’s do this! (to Abe) Ahem...Mr. Abraham, you are the father of a great nation. What is the secret to your leadership?
Abe: Well, frankly, I’m as-
(The film goes static.)
Junior: Bob!!
Bob: What happened?
Junior: Um... we ran out of tape.
Bob: Well, get another. I brought plenty.
Junior: Actually, you’re down to one, Bob.
Bob: One?!
Junior: Uno. Just have to get through this kinda quickly then, huh? Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Bob: (sighs.) Alright everyone. Take three!
Phillipe: Take three!
Abe: I said, frankly I’m as surprised as you…(distracted by a camel eating the potted plant)
Bob: Cut!!
Phillipe: Take four!
Abe: As I said, frankly I’m as-
(The camel spits on the camera.)
Abe: ...so...these are spitting camels.
Bob: Cut! Cut! Cut! Ah, very sorry, Mr. Abraham. I’m so embarrassed...
Abe: Well, you are blushing.
Bob: Wha...I-I’m red.
Abe: That’s what I said.
Bob: (nervous laugh) You are definitely a man of great patience-
Achmetha: (singsongy and giddy) PATIENTS?!!
Bob: (finally losing his temper) NO! NO! NO! Paaaaatience- not patients!!
Achmetha: Ooooh, that makes perfect sense.
Junior: Cookies waiting. Abraham interview, take five.
(He shuts the clapperboard on Bob’s nose, flattening it.)
Bob: Ow!
Junior: Sorry! Moving right along.
Bob: (nasally)...Alright, then. Back to your- (nose pops back to normal) ...ah...story, Abe.
Abe: Well, to tell you the truth, Bob, it’s all about hope, and trusting that God is gonna do what He says He’s gonna do, haha, e-even if it takes some time!
Bob: Well…(Junior jumps in the director’s chair beside him) Hey!!
Junior: But waiting is really hard!
Abe: Sure it is. But sometimes you gotta wait, even if the waitin’ ain’t easy.
(Cut to Ur)
Abe: (V.O.) You know, my name wasn’t always Abraham. It used to be Abram. That was back when I was livin’ the high life with my wife Sarah...in the town of Ur.
Bob and Peas: (O.S.) “Errrrr?!”
Abe: Ur! U, R. Ur!
Phillipe: (O.S.) We are Ur?
Jean-Claude: (O.S) We’re not Ur!
Camel: URRRRRRRRRRR.
Peas: (O.S.) Ohhh! Urrrr!
(cut to Abe’s family members frolicking in Ur)
Abe: (V.O.) Ah, Ur! Always somethin’ fun to do, plenty of refreshments...and loads of family!
(Cut to Abe’s family dancing)
Abe: (V.O.) But, when I say “family”-well--I mean my brothers and sisters. You see, Sarah and I had not been able to have any children of our own. And that’s what we wanted...a child.
(A green ball bounces in front of Sarah [Ma Grape]. She hops up to a group of child peas holding it.)
Sarah: Here’s your ball.
Pea Kid: That’s Harold!
Harold: Aunt Sarah, that tickles!
(Sarah and the kids laugh)
Sarah: (to Abe) I think I’d make a good mommy…
(Cut to Lot, played by Jimmy Gourd, in a kiddie pool with a glass of lemonade. A caption reads “Lot/ Abe’s Favorite Nephew.”)
Bob: Ah, this is Lot, Abraham’s favorite nephew!...(reads the caption) oh...yeah. (Ducks out of frame.)
(A ball hits Lot. Child laughter offscreen)
Lot: HEY, YOU KIDS! (looks at the camera) Heh- Oh, sure- I think maybe Abe and Sarah wanted kids. But sheep are like kids, eh-plus you can set pizzas on their backs like a little table. So, you know. Extra awesome!
Abe’s family: (singing) We love it in Ur, we love it in Ur, HEY!
It’s really, really nice in Ur…!
Camels: URRRRRR! URRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
(Cut to Abe on a cliff at night.)
Abe: (V.O.) And then one day, God spoke to me!
(A light shines on Abe. He gasps.)
Abe: (V.O.) He told me to leave my country, my father’s home, for a land that He would show me! It was very surprising.
Abe: This is very surprising!
Abe: (V.O.): God said one day my children and my children’s children would become a great nation! And He was going to bless me. (Abe sneezes.)
Phillipe: God bless you!
(Abe goes back to Ur and meets Sarah.)
Abe: Finally, a child of our own! Haha! I can’t wait!
Abe’s family: (in a circle around the fire pit) Right arm, left arm, right foot, left foot, chin up, turn around, sit down, WHOA!!
Lot: I sat on somethin’ sharp…
(Cut back to Bob and Abe)
Junior: That’s fantastic, uhh, movin’ right along here…
Bob: Yes, let’s talk about…
(Bob looks behind to see Achmetha pacing and holding a giant syringe like a gun.)
Bob: (whispers to Abe) Patience.
Abe: Ha, I was still young. Seventy-five, practically a seedling! But, but I was at peace, and ready for the adventure ahead.
(cut to Sarah in a tent)
Sarah: “Peace?!” It was a mess! Packing! Change of address forms! Plus, I have to plan for a baby! He knew I preferred to live near my mother-
Jean-Claude: WHOOOAA!!!
(Jean-Claude falls with a set light. Short pause.)
Bob: So...Sarah…
Sarah: Are you sunburned?
Bob: ...I’m red.
Sarah: That’s what I said. You know, I’ve got an ointment for that. (pause) So anyway- God said to go, but where? Abe says, “He didn’t say.” “He didn’t say?!?” It’s like making my insides all crazy...like...like a smoothie!
Abe: You know what I could go for right now? A smoothie. I love those!
Junior: (to Bob) Bob, we’re runnin’ low on tape! (to Abe) Sir, could you make your answers a little more short and peppy?
Abe: But, uh, it didn’t happen short and peppy.
Junior: Then just skip to the part where we learn about patience.
Achmetha: PATIIIIIEEENNTTSSS!!!!!!!! (She tackles Bob)
Bob: WHOA!! OOF!!! (gets back up) A-As you were saying…
Abe: (V.O.) So, we obeyed God, leaving our homeland of Ur immediately.
Sarah: (V.O.) Lot tagged along too.
Abe: (V.O.) We took a lot of sheep.
Sarah: (V.O.) Lot took a lot of pizza.
(cut to entire line of sheep with pizza boxes on their backs)
Abe: (V.O.) A lot…
Sarah: (V.O.) We finally arrived in Canaan…
Abe: (V.O.) Where life was good!
Sarah: (V.O.) But still, no children.
Abe: (V.O.) Then, famine hit!
Sarah: (V.O.) Lot ate ALL the pizza.
Lot: What? It was cheese in the crust! (A ball hits him. Child laughter offscreen.) Hey, you kids!!
Abe: (V.O.) So we decided to move again, this time to Egypt...to weather it out. And though we didn’t have our own home--
Sarah: And STILL did not have a child…
Abe: We were patient! It wasn’t easy, but we waited for God’s promise.
Sarah: I spent time thinking about all the things I would do with my baby.
Abe: And I started thinkin’ up names for ‘im! Larry, Moe, Shemp!
Sarah: God had made us a promise and we had hope. When waiting got hard, it helped me to think about how wonderful it would be when we got our promise.
Junior: So that’s how patience paid off. The end! Okay, let’s go home, Bob! Cookies await!
Bob: Junior! What about the child they were waiting for?
Junior: The child?
Sarah: We wanted a child...haven’t you been listening-?!
Junior: Sorry. Cookies on the brain.
Sarah: Anyway, we were at the part when Abe’s shepherds and Lot’s shepherds started fighting.
Bob: Fighting?!
Abe: Yeah, you do NOT wanna wear wool in the desert. It makes ya grumpy.
(cut to Phillipe with a sheep on his head)
Phillipe: You’re telling meeee…
(baaaa)
Abe: (V.O.) Lot and I love each other like brothers, but our SHEPHERDS--Huh! Well, that’s another story.
(The shepherds knock over each other’s sheep like dominoes)
Abe: (V.O.) So, I allowed Lot to choose which direction he would go. And that land would belong to him. East or west.
(Lot looks between east [birds chirping, lots of vegetation] and west [buzzards squawking, rocky desert] a few times.)
Lot: Uh... I think I’m gonna go east.
Abe: (V.O.) And my dear nephew went his own way. (sniff) My last bit of family, left. (sigh) That was a sad day.
Sarah: But that’s the time when God spoke to him again and reminded him of His promise.
(cut to Abe on a cliff again with a heavenly light)
Abe: (V.O.) God told me to look around-- ALL around: East AND West. He promised me that all the land would be mine, and that my descendants would outnumber the sand.
Abe: But I can’t count the sand!
Sarah: I think that’s the idea, honey.
Abe: (V.O.) It was a wonderful promise. And then, right when we thought our answer was about to arrive…
(record scratch)
Abe: WAR broke out!
Junior: (exasperated) YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! This is never gonna end!!
Abe: You can’t rush God’s promises.
Junior: (throws the camera) Would you please hurry up and get to the lesson in patience!?
Abe: Patience? That’s what I’m talkin’ about!
Junior: (collapses on the ground) I can’t do this anymore, Bob!
Jean-Claude: Yeah! What he said! I’m burning HOT out here!! (A camel spits on him) Zat helped a leetle.
Junior: Bob, I’m tired of waiting. I wanna go home. I want my cookies...now!
Bob: Junior, c’mon. This is why we’re here.
Junior: For WHAT, Bob? So I can miss the cookies my mom promised me??
Bob: No, Junior. You’re eventually gonna get the cookies your mom promised you.
Junior: Well...But what can I do in the meantime?
Bob: Well, do you trust that your mom’s gonna do what she says she’s gonna do?
Junior: Yeah…
(Bob smiles warmly.)
Junior:...You’re right, Bob. I’ll get my cookies eventually. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset... but we’re still out of tape!
Bob: Oh, no.
Abe: I got an extra if you want it.
Bob: You mean it?
Abe: Sure. It’s the second season of “Dancing with the Stars.” You can tape over it.
(Junior starts filming again)
Junior: Ready to roll! So, Abe... I, too, know how hard it is to wait calmly for something you really, really want. Tell us what happened next.
Abe: Then I got a new name: Abraham, which means “Father of Many Nations.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
(cut to Abe pacing outside the nurse’s tent)
Abe: (V.O.) Then God made good on His promise. And sure enough, Sarah gave birth to a baby boy!
(Abe takes the baby to the same cliff.)
Abe: (V.O.) The baby God promised 15 years earlier! (He holds up the baby.) “Isaac.”
(Heavenly light shines on the child.)
Abe: (V.O.) The boy that would become the Father of Israel-- the nation that would bless the whole world all the way through King David to Jesus.
(cut back to the set)
Junior: Wait...That’s the end? You’re done with the story?
Abe: Oh, there’s a lot more, actually. But as far as patience goes, it’s a good place to stop.
(Isaac rushes in with a golf bag.)
Isaac: Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Can we shoot a few holes?!
Abe: Haha! You got it, son. Come on!
(Abe and Isaac exit)
Junior: (sighs) What a nice story.
Sarah: Aren’t you glad you waited?
Bob: So there you have it. Patience- it’s not always easy to wait, but God always comes through with His promises. Are you ready for your cookies now, Junior?
Junior: What? Already?! Oh, boy! Cookies, here I come!!
Jean-Claude: Do you suppose zer might be some cookies for us?
Phillipe: Oui, oui! Mon ami! Hehe-- snickerdoodle for me!!
Jean-Claude: Woohoo!!
(The camera runs out of tape as the story ends.)
Sneeze If You Need To[]
Announcer: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Bob the Tomato, unable to sneeze. visits the Sneeze Doctor.
Bob: Please, can someone help me? I need to sneeze.
Mr. Lunt: Wait for the Sneeze Doctor.
Just take a seat, he'll be right with you.
Larry: Sneeze if you have to!
Sneeze if you need to!
Don't hold it in, just be sure that you cover your mouth with a tissue.
I will assist you.
Sneeze all your troubles away at up to a hundred and fifty miles an hour!
Mr. Lunt: Interesting fact: The average sneeze travels at a rate of one hundred miles an hour. In 2003, Dirk Evert of Grunholz, Germany clocked in at one-fifty. Way to go, Dirk!
Dirk Evert: Danke! (Translation: Thank you!)
Larry: I think I have a remedy, perhaps in my potpourri,
I bought it from a merchant in Spain!
For ultimate sneeze satisfaction try allergic reaction.
Take a deep breath, if it helps you can squint at the sun.
Or here's some pepper.
Let's see, I know!
Try this feather!
Don't be afraid!
Set it free!
Let it go!
Go!
Go!
Go, go, go, go!
Mr. Lunt: Interesting fact: The photic sneeze reflex, or sneezing when exposed to bright light is a genetic trait found in twenty-five percent of the population. Including Dirk.
Dirk Evert: Achoo!
Cat: Meow.
Bob: Ah. Ah-ah-ah.
Ah-ah-ah.
Ah-ah-ah ah ah-ah-ah.
Ah-ah-ah ah ah ah-
Larry: Spain!
Bob: Achoo!
Mr. Lunt: Gesundheit. Which interestingly means "good health" in German.
Dirk Evert: Ja! (Translation: Yeah!)
All: Sneeze if you have to!
Sneeze if you need to!
But apologize if you accidentally sneeze on your neighbor,
do them a favor,
offer them coffee and crumb cake, or maybe a small side of french fries,
soon they will realize it was an accident...
(Bob continues sneezing and knocks over the entire set in the process)
Bob: Ah-choo! A-ah-achoo! Agh! Make it stop! Oh, eh-ehh-choo!! Ow... that–that kinda hurt... Eh... ohhh... daah! Egeh-egeh-ehh-aigehgeh-AHHH-CHOO!!!
Annoucer: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Dirk say:
Dirk Evert: Ich bin ein sneezer! (Translation: I am a sneezer!)
Blunders in Boo-Boo Ville[]
(Cut to Blunders in Boo-Boo Ville title card. Pan around the slow, quiet town of Boo-Boo-Ville...then quickly zoom in on Jacques’s house)
Jacques (Larry): I need more cardboard, Maurice! Hand me that old shoebox!
Maurice (Bob): Shoebox? Shouldn’t you use the plywood, Jacques?
(Cut inside to Jacques reading a book)
Jacques: Let’s see…”Put on goggles! Turn on saw! Wear safety mask! Ear protection! Cut carefully. Turn off the saw.” Nope. Waaaaay too much work. Cardboard it is!
Maurice: But Jacques-
Jacques: No buts, Maurice! I’m following in the footsteps…
Both: Of the great Leon Meringue, the most beloved inventor in the world.
Jacques: He was born right here in Boo-Boo-Ville, y’know. My hero!
Maurice: Yes, I know. But…
Jacques: Where’s the glue, Maurice?
(Maurice goes to get glue. Jacques blows a gum bubble.)
Maurice: Your glue, Jacques.
Jacques: What took ya?
(Jacques indistinctly reads the tube to himself, then gasps.)
Jacques: Maurice! This stuff needs hours to dry! I don’t wanna wait!
(Jacques spits out his bubble gum on a piece of cardboard, then sticks it to another piece.)
Jacques: There! That’ll do. Lickity split. Ah, spit.
Maurice: Gum? Instead of glue??
Jacques: This’ll be my greatest invention ever! The one that would make Mama proud…
(He plays a music box and sighs happily.)
Maurice: Pretty.
(Jacques shuts the music box.)
Jacques: No time for pretty! This is the one, Maurice! The invention that’ll set the world on its ear! Think of all the people I’ll help! I can’t wait to show the guys at PIE today!
Maurice: PIE? Today?
Jacques: The Philanthropic Inventions Enthusiasts Club! Inventions for the good of all! That’s “PIE.” I love pie.
Maurice: Jacques, did you forget about our “practice” today?
Jacques: Practice?
Maurice: Yes, practice. We need to get ready for the town’s annual Boo-Boo-Bird Festival. We signed up as partners in the baguette relay race...remember?
Jacques: Ohh, don’t worry, we’re best buddies! I didn’t forget. We’re practicin’ durin’ lunch, right?
Maurice: Right. Did you make the sandwiches?
Jacques: Over on the workbench.
Maurice: Ah...there’s only one. Did you forget mine?
Jacques: I ate mine last night to save time.
Maurice: And there’s no peanut butter...just bread.
Jacques: Yeah, I was in a rush soooo I skipped that part.
Maurice: Skipped the...Jacques, really. You need to try a little patience or, or everything just leads to disaster.
Jacques: Disaster? (A bucket of nuts and bolts lands right in front of Maurice.) I dunno what you’re talkin’ about.
Maurice: I’m talking about taking the time to do things right, Jacques. Like your brilliant idea for a steam-powered washing machine. You were so impatient to show your friends that you didn’t fix the leaks.
Jacques: I changed it to a steam-powered lawn sprinkler. It’ll help everybody in town during the next drought.
Maurice: And your automatic knitting machine?
Jacques: Yeah...got tired of waitin’ for the parts to be delivered. Besides, it makes fine waffles by poking dents in pancakes...if you don’t mind the diesel flavor.
Maurice: Jacques...you know...You don’t even take time to be friends anymore.
Jacques: Maurice...You gotta understand…
From Paris to Toledo, inventions that are neat-o
Become ideas in which the world believes
Meanwhile I’m impeded from success that would be sweetened
If my genius wasn’t faster than my means
My keys, please!
Maurice: Oh, brother.
(The two rush out of the house, Jacques on a skateboard behind a large cart with Maurice atop a large covered object)
Jacques: Gotta hurry, gotta worry, gotta step on it and scurry!
Maurice: You just skipped a step and short a cut
Jacques: To get to town by noon!
Gotta make it fast and cheap, gotta take a turn and-
Maurice: Sheep!
Jacques: Gotta venture random alleys til my pallet's turning blue!
My brain is so full, it's overflowing, but I'm sweating when I should be making wow!
Maurice: How?
Jacques: Before my memory fails, I just skip past all the details
I don't need to get it right unless it's right, right now!
Maurice: He won't ever get it right unless it's right, right now!
Do you think maybe we could SLOW DOWN?
Jacques: Of course!
(Jacques anchors the cart and it stops just behind Henri, played by Jimmy Gourd, flinging Maurice off.)
Henri: Is that underwear?
(Cut to the PIE meeting)
Jacques: We're here! Attention, fellow PIE lovers! Please recite the motto stated clearly at the bottom of the pie chart!
| We vow
And how |
|
All: To mentor and invent our every whim and fancy true!
| Jaques:
So now Allow... |
|
All: ...me to introduce to you my latest patent-pending do... thingy!
Jacques: You first, Alphonse.
Alphonse (Mr. Lunt): I thank my financial backer for this robot arm egg stacker
Henri: You can't stack eggs
Alphonse: I can
Henri: You can't
Alphonse: I can because they're square!
Henri: Well get ready to scream "Oh no" at my fancy telephono!
Alphonse: Who you calling?
Henri: Well I built just one, so no one else is there
Alphonse: I pride myself on the only wall of cube-shaped breakfast in the town!
Phillipe: In the town!
Henri: At least it doesn't smell bad
Alphonse: It's a better plan than you had
Both: We don't need to get it right because it's right, right now!
Maurice: They don't need to get it right unless it's right, right now
Alphonse: Hey, what do these pinwheels do?
Henri: They don't do anything, but they look awesome!
(quacking. Cut to the Peas with a device comprised of a platypus wearing a colander like a hat strapped to an upside-down open umbrella.)
Jean-Claude: Ahh...not ready! We're still working out the kinks in this one!
(The umbrella closes, launching the platypus into the egg stacker machine, which throws eggs at the telephono, breaking it.)
Alphonse: Man, I took a whole twenty minutes to build that thing!
Henri: Oh, my precious telephono!
Jean-Claude: Jacques! What are we going to do now?
Phillipe: Oh, great! He's daydreaming again!
Jacques: Years ago, I dreamed of, oh
Inventions built inside my head
But time goes slow, impatience grows
It takes less time and turns out fine
To chuck the plan and get it done instead!
Others: We vow!
Jacques: To mentor and invent our every whim true
Others: And now!
Jacques: To introduce what's patent pending to you
Before our memory fails, I just skip past all the details
I don't need to get it right
Unless it's right
Others: Right!
Jacques: Right
Others: Right!
Jacques: Left
Others: Wrong!
Jacques: Right now!
Others: Right, right now!
(the surrounding crowd cheers. Jacques unveils what's under the tarp- a plane stuck together by bubble gum and with mismatching wheels.)
PIE: Oooooh!!
Henri: Impressive!
Alphonse: But where will you find a volunteer foolish enough to try it?
(Cut to Maurice in the plane. Jacques controls it from below.)
Jacques: Wow!
Maurice: Oh, dear! Ah--Jacques? Jacques?! Uh--I think this is high enough, Jacques!
Jacques: You call that HIGH?! I'll show ya HIGH!
(The plane goes higher, and Maurice shouts alarmed.)
Maurice: Don't fly me over the mad scientist's castle!
Jacques: Luxemdonia Estate? It's empty! There's no mad scientist! He's a myth! MYTH!!
Maurice: I thought he was a mister…
Jacques: What does the book say to do next? Hmmm...where'd I put it?
Maurice: Are you looking for this? (the plane spins) AAAAAAHHH-!!
Jacques: Careful! I need that book!
(Maurice drops the book onto Luxemdonia Estate)
Maurice: Oops…
(Jacques breaks the controls)
Jacques: Oops!!!
(The plane starts flying out of control, and Maurice screams.)
Jacques: DON'T PANIC! I'M IN COMPLETE CONTROL!!
Maurice: STOP THIS CRAZY THING!
(The smoke behind the plane spells out "SOS". A wing falls off, and the plane starts spiraling toward the ground.)
Maurice: HEEEEEEELP!! NEXT TIME, USE THE GLUUUUUE!!!!!
Jacques: Nah, that would've taken too long.
Maurice: (flying straight at Jacques) JAAAAAAAACQUES!!!
(Jacques ducks, and the plane just misses him…)
Jacques: Whew! That was a close one!
(...and crashes and explodes. Jacques gasps.)
Jacques: Oh, no! This is horrible! My poor flying machine!
Alphonse: Hey, look!
(Maurice, beaten, floats down in a makeshift parachute.)
Jacques: Oh good...Could you fall a little faster? We need to get back to the lab!
(Maurice lands in front of Jacques.)
Jacques: Thanks. Brush yourself off, let's get goin' over to-
Maurice (irritated): That's it! I quit!
Jacques: Whaddaya mean, you quit?
Maurice: (blowing up) QUIT! Retire! Taking a permanent hiatus! I've had enough of your impatience, it almost KILLED me!!!
Jacques: But I made you that parachute.
Maurice: You didn't make that! It was a prize in a CEREAL BOX!!
Jacques: Oh, yeah...Frosted Cocoa Fluffs. Yummy. But you can't quit, you're my friend!
Maurice: I can't afford to be friends anymore. Your impatience is hazardous to my health!!
Jacques: Is this about the relay race? Cuz I can-
Maurice: You don't understand. And until you do, you can find a new assistant!
(Maurice starts walking away)
Jacques: Wait!
(Jacques catches up)
Maurice: Well?
Jacques:...Ya still have my book?
Maurice: I dropped it.
Jacques: (gasps) Where?
Maurice: In there!
(Cuts to Luxemdonia Estate. Jacques gets visibly uneasy...but suddenly trumpets play.)
Alphonse: Hmm, sounds like something important is about to happen.
Henri: Or lunch is about to be served.
(Cut to the center of town, where two peas play trumpets on both sides of Mayor LaBleu, played by Madame Blueberry.)
Jacques: It's Mayor LaBleu!
LaBleu: My good citizens of Boo-Boo-Ville! As you know, we are approaching the annual Boo-Boo-Bird Festival!
(The crowd cheers)
LaBleu: But as you also know, zere has been no Boo-Boo seen in zeez area for years and years.
(The crowd murmurs disappointed)
LaBleu: And because ze Boo-Boo stay away, ze peoples no longer come to see ze Boo-Boos. Nobody comes anymore...eet ees an empty festival! So eet ees with a heavy heart that I must announce that we must cancel ze Boo-Boo Bird Festival.
(Crowd murmurs shocked)
Jacques: Cancel the festival? And the baguette relay with Maurice?
LaBleu: Unless! Unless, someone, an inventor, perhaps, can find a way to make ze Boo-Boo reappear.
Jacques: An inventor? That's me!
LaBleu: If an inventor can invent such a device, I will appoint him ze Minister of Inventions! And, he will get to wear zis fabulous hat.
(Crowd oohs and ahhs)
Henri: Oh! I'll look stunning wearing that baby!
Jacques: The Minister of Inventions!? Mama would be so proud. Think of all the things I could do! Maurice! Maurice! Let's get started! (realizes he isn't there) Oh...yeah…(realizes something else, gasps) I need my book!
(Cut to the dark, rainy Luxemdonia Estate. Jacques wanders whimpering.)
Jacques: Here, booky booky booky booky! Whoa...oh, where could it be…? Oh...find my little booky...where are you??
(Thunderclap; Jacques yelps when he sees the building surrounded by a gate. He enters, and sees his book on a light by the door. He gasps.)
Jacques: There you are!
(He tries a couple times to jump up and grab it, but when he does the light flips over, bouncing him inside. He lands facedown with his hat on his rear.)
Jacques: (gets up, collects himself) Hellooooo..? Anybody here who's not creepy and owns a stepladder?
(Thunderclap, the door slams behind him.)
Jacques: (scared spitless) I'll take that as a no.
Scientist: Going so soon?
(Jacques turns to see a figure in the darkness. He gasps horrified, and tries to run but trips, sending the candelabra he was holding out of his "hand.")
Jacques: YOU! Y-y-y-y-YOU'RE the MAD SCIENTIST!!!!
(The figure turns on the lights...and reveals himself to be the Scientist, Charles Pincher.)
Scientist: Eh, I get a little grumpy, but I’m generally amiable.
(A small robot dusts Jacques off, and another stands him up. He gasps in awe as he looks around at the various eccentric inventions.)
Jacques: Oooohhhh….oh, wow….
Scientist: Not bad for a mad scientist, ey?
Jacques: I thought you were a myth.
Scientist: I’m a mithter, actually.
Jacques: So, are you an inventor?
Scientist: Oh, I used to be--back when I lived in Boo-Boo-Ville. Hot beverage?
Jacques: Sure!
(He sits, and a robot gives him two potholders. It then puts a tray with a cup in his “hands” and breathes fire on it, warming it up.)
Jacques: Nifty.
Scientist: We all have the capacity for great inventions.
Jacques: Oh, yeah! I’m an inventor too!
Scientist: Really? What have you invented?
Jacques: Tons of stuff! And really fast too. Except that, well...they sometimes don’t end up working the way I planned.
Scientist: Really?
Jacques: Yeah...My flying machine crashed with my best friend in it...He didn’t like that so much.
Scientist: And you came up here looking for answers.
Jacques: Yeah. My book. (gets up) So, why’d you leave Boo-Boo-Ville, anyway?
Scientist: One word: Leon Meringue!
Jacques: Leon Meringue?! Wait, that’s two words…
Scientist: Leon became rich and famous when he invented that flying machine.
Jacques: Oh yeah, he was the best!
Scientist: Oh, he wasn’t so great. Not an ounce of patience in that man--He nearly ruined me. I vowed to make the discovery that had always eluded Leon Meringue. (flips a switch on a machine) So, I set up shop here. After all these years, I’ve finally made that discovery.
(The machine chugs and whirs, and the two look on in excitement...then it produces a small object from its tube.)
Jacques: ...What is it?
Scientist: That’s it.
(Jacques picks it up with tongs.)
Jacques: What, the sunflower seed?
Scientist: Yes!
Jacques: That’s not a discovery! It’s a snack!
Scientist: (chuckles) Take this home--plant it--you’ll see.
Jacques: See what? What does this have to do with anything?? I thought we were talking about inventing.
Scientist: A lot of people put great stock in Leon Meringue’s book. But the Bible, a much greater book, if you ask me, holds the answer you seek.
(A robot brings Jacques a Bible.)
Jacques: “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” Haste makes mistakes?
Scientist: Impatience can lead to disaster.
Jacques: That sounds familiar…
(The scientist plays his organ)
Scientist: It takes time to get it right...
So be patient day and night...
And eventually you'll see...
By working patiently.
La la la la la la laaaa! (mumbling)
Something....(X3)
Oh.. about patience and waiting and... (hops away from his organ, stops singing) Ah never mind. I’ll make you a deal: if you plant that seed, care for it, then bring it back to me when it’s full grown, you’ll get what you desire most.
Jacques: Becoming the Minister of Inventions!?
Scientist: It’s a fabulous hat.
Jacques: Deal! Let’s shake on it!
(The two shake their bodies.)
Jacques: This is the best short-cut in the whole world.
Scientist: (chuckles) If that’s the way you want to look at it.
Jacques: See ya later! Minister of Inventions, here I come!
(Jacques leaves)
Scientist: Don’t forget your book!
(Cut to Jacques entering his home in the daylight. He then is playing with his inventions)
Jacques: Clunk and a whir, clickity clack, hum ding purr whee!
Gizmos and gadgets are music, to me
When my ratchets are spinnin', I can't help but grinnin'!
My tchotchkes and flotchkes and blue doohickeys! Whee!
My funnels and droppers and small rubber stoppers
Are closer than brothers can be! See?
My gizmo devices are pleasant surprises
When they all sing hum, ding, purr, whee!
What am I doin’? I don’t have time for this...I got a seed to grow! (trying frantically to grow the seed)
Clunk and a whir, move it along, hum ding purr whoa!
Thingamabob, get on the job, on with the show!
I'll ramp up the speed now, I'm watering this seed now!
A liter, a gallon, it's ready to go! Hey!
Enough fertilizing, I'll try magnetizing!
This plant’s got no get-up-and-grow! HUH? (The magnet does nothing.)
This plant's got no get-up-and-grow! Huh?
I can't help but see now, the problem is me now... So much for the hum, ding, purr...
Ohh...This is taking forever!
(The door opens, and PIE walks in. Alphonse and Henri hold blueprints. )
Alphonse: Hello and bonjour, Frere Jacques!
Henri: Look what we’re working on.
Jacques: Really, guys... not now.
Henri: Y’see, I was thinking all we need to get a Boo-Boo Bird is a giant trap. Y-You know, a cage or something.
Jacques: How’re you gonna get him in there?
Jean-Claude: Oh-ho-ho-ho, zees ees where Alphonse comes een!
Alphonse: By building a giant GIRL Boo-Boo. HA! It’s gonna be 50 feet tall.
Jacques: How long is it gonna take you to build that?
Alphonse: Oh, I dunno. One, maybe two hours. It’s a big job.
Henri: So, what are YOU working on?
Jacques: Oh...it’s a secret...yeah, a secret.
(PIE appears surprised and offended.)
Alphonse: Uh-huh.
Henri: We get the message.
Jean-Claude: You don’t want us around, I see!
Alphonse: It’s okay, we have better things to do.
Phillipe: Au revoir!
(PIE leaves.)
Jean-Claude: (O.S.) And I thought PIE was for sharing!
Alphonse: (O.S.) I guess you thought wrong…
Jacques: Aw man! Now I don’t have any friends. I got zilch, nada! Nothin’ but a bucket of dirt…
(Jacques sets the flowerpot with the seed in the window.)
Jacques: This is useless! Looks like it’s back to the drawing board…
(Jacques draws on a blueprint, then crumples it up and drops it. Fade to Jacques drawing at night. He sadly looks at the “Maurice Scale,” then looks up at a picture of his mother...and falls asleep. Cut to the morning; the seed has sprouted. The door opens behind Jacques.)
Maurice: (O.S.) So, you’re becoming a farmer now?
Jacques: (wakes up) Huh? Wha? Huh? Wha?
Maurice: (entering, looks at the sprout) I asked if you were becoming a farmer. You know, that takes a lot of...patience.
Jacques: (sees the sprout) Hey! Lookie there! It’s working! (twirls around excitedly) Woohoo, it’s working! It’s working, it’s working! (sees Maurice)...Are you still mad at me?
Maurice: I just came by to pick up my hammer. Here it is. Well...Keep up the good work. I gotta go.
Jacques: Yeah.
(He looks down as Maurice leaves, then picks up the picture of his mother. He puts it down, the winds up the music box. During the song, we cut to a 2D flashback of Jacques and his Mom.)
Jacques' Mom: My dear son, the road through your life moves slow, filled with twists and turns mysterious
If you take your time, and you pray this rhyme, you will take your days more serious.
If you're willing to wait, your work will be great!
Be patient, and do things right.
If you're willing to wait, your work will be great!
Be patient, and do things right.
(Cut back to present Jacques walking around Boo-Boo-Ville.)
Jacques: But I forgot this song, so I rush along through my days and plans more hastily
And I soon lose track, of the friends I lack, and I lose what means the most to me
So if I'd just slow down and I'd look around, I would see there's more important things
Than what I create, and I'd learn to wait, and enjoy the joys that life will bring!
I am willing to wait, my work will be great!
With patience, I'll do things right.
I am willing to wait, my work will be great!
With patience, I'll do things right!
(for the rest of the song Maurice whistles along)
La la la la...la la la, la la, la la la...la la la
La la la la...la la la, la la, la la la...la la la
I am willing to wait, my work will be great
With patience, I'll do things right...
(Cut to the center of town, with a crowd gathered around two large covered objects and Mayor LaBleu.)
LaBleu: Madames et Monsieurs, ze time has come. Ze unveiling of ze inventions to bring back ze Boo-Boo.
(Crowd cheers)
Henri: (uncovering his invention, an open cage.) Behold! The Boo-Boo trap!
(Crickets. The crowd is silent and confused.)
LaBleu: Great. But how does it work?
Henri: Simple, really. Once the Boo-Boo lands inside, it snaps shut, trapping him forever for our enjoyment.
LaBleu: But how do you get ze Boo-Boo inside?
Alphonse: That, my purple mayor, is where I come in. You see, I thought to myself, what better way to attract a Boo-Boo than with a Boo-Bette! (uncovers his invention...it’s a very crudely built female Boo-Boo statue with visible tape. The crowd oohs.) Just wait till I start her up! (to Jean-Claude) Quick, give her a nudge.
Jean-Claude: Oui, monsieur.
(He hops up and hits the Boo-Bette, and it starts swinging. Alphonse sets a bucket of water in front of it so it looks like it’s drinking. The crowd ahhs. LaBleu looks to the sky.)
Alphonse: Any moment now.
(Cut to Jacques with the fully-grown sunflower.)
Jacques: Perfect! Maurice’ll be so proud that I stuck with it! Maybe we can still do the baguette relay! I’ll show this to him first before I take it to the mad scien...ahh, I-I mean the scientist.
(Cut back to town...still no Boo-Boos.)
Alphonse: (frustrated) This is never gonna work! That’s two hours and a box’a rubber bands WASTED!
(He angrily whacks the Boo-Bette’s foot. It suddenly shakes and starts falling in his direction.)
Alphonse: AAAAAAHHH!!! SHE’S AFTER ME!
(Maurice barely avoids getting crushed by its head as it falls to the ground.)
LaBleu: ...I have no alternative now, but to cancel ze Boo-Boo Festival.
(The crowd awwws in disappointment.)
Alphonse: Hey, where’s Jacques? Maybe his invention will work!
Jacques: (hopping up behind Maurice with the flowerpot behind his back) Maurice! Maurice! I did it!
Maurice: You did what?
Jacques: You know how you said I didn’t have patience, and couldn’t finish things right?
Maurice: Right…
Jacques: Well…(shows off the flowerpot) I did it!
(A Boo-Boo bird flies up and takes the flower with its beak. The crowd gasps as it flies away.)
Jacques: Ohhhhh...I get it…(stands in the center) Alright, everyone! I think I have a plan! But I’m gonna need your help, a little bit of patience, and a whole lotta seed!
(Cue montage of Jacques, Maurice, PIE, and LaBleu helping to make another flying machine- the right way this time. Jacques flies the machine, and shows off its new feature: spreading seeds! The veggies below tend the seeded land, and the Scientist watches from afar.)
Scientist: Would you look at that! I knew he could do it!
(Jacques lands the plane.)
Jacques: This would be the perfect moment for a high-five.
Maurice: Yup…
(Pan up from Jacques’s house to text in the sky: “3 Months Later…” Pan down to Jacques’s property blooming with sunflowers. The Boo-Boo Birds fly over Boo-Boo-Ville and call as everyone watches from below. Jacques takes his hat off as he sees they are all holding sunflowers. One lands on Alphonse’s hat. The town square is filled with Boo-Boos, sunflowers, and joyful people, Jacques and Maurice included.)
Maurice: You did it, Jacques!
Jacques: No--we did it, Maurice! All of us!
(Mayor LaBleu puts the fabulous hat on Jacques’s head.)
LaBleu: Well done, Jacques!
Scientist: (O.S.) Congratulations, m’boy!
LaBleu: It’s Leon Meringue!
Jacques: What? You’re Leon Meringue?!
Leon: Yes. I was. I used to be that impatient old inventor--until I learned what was truly important.
Jacques: Well, but--you said Leon Meringue almost ruined you.
Leon: Yes, Jacques. Being Leon Meringue almost ruined me.
Jacques: Ohhh...clever.
Leon: And now, I’m so happy to see you’ve truly learned one of the most important lessons toward becoming a great inventor--patience.
Jacques: Thank you, Monsieur Meringue! Thank you!
Leon: Mind if I take it for a spin?
Jacques: It would be my honor!
(The crowd cheers as the Boo-Boo Bird Festival banner is hung. Jacques stands with Maurice in racing attire. Maurice holds a baguette.)
Jacques: Ready for the race, buddy?
Everyone: I am willing to wait, my work will be great!
With patience I’ll do things right!
Are you willing to wait? Your work will be great!
With patience, you’ll do things right!
(fades to black)
Closing Countertop[]
(fade in to Bob and Junior on the countertop. Junior is eating a cookie.)
Junior: Wow, Bob, that was great!
Bob: I’m glad you liked it, Junior. And I hope you liked it, too. We’re over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today.
(The What Have We Learned song begins)
Singers: And so what we have learned applies to our lives today,
and God has a lot to say in His book.
Bob: Ah, did you bring a cookie for me?
Junior: In a sec. Be patient.
Singers: You see, we know that God’s word is for everyone,
and now that our song is done we’ll take a look.
Bob: Let’s see if Qwerty has a verse for us today.
(Qwerty pops up a verse that says...)
Bob: “And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. Hebrews 6:15".
(Qwerty pops up another verse)
Junior: Wow! Bonus verse! Nice one, Qwerty! Did you upgrade your RAM? (Qwerty’s screen changes to a bouncing smiley face) Huh, buddy? Did ya? (baby talk)
(Qwerty’s screen goes back to the verse which says...)
Junior: “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes. Proverbs 19:2".
Bob: In our first story we learned that Abraham and Sarah had to wait a looong time to get what God promised them.
Junior: And even though the waiting wasn’t easy, they knew that God would keep His promises.
Bob: That’s right, Junior.
Junior: And in the second story, Jacques learned that being impatient leads to mistakes.
Bob: But when you’re patient and take the time to do things right, great things can happen!
Junior: So Samuel, I guess the best thing you can do is to wait patiently for your bike and trust that God gives us exactly what we need, when we need it.
Bob: Right again, Junior! Um...about those cookies…
Junior: Oh, yeah! (calls offstage) Okay! He’s ready!
(Larry enters with a plate of crumbs.)
Larry: Ready for what? These were yummy cookies. They didn’t belong to anybody, did they?
(Bob sighs and looks down sadly.)
Junior: Uh...s-soooo that’s all the time we have for today, kids! (nervous smile)
Bob: (looking up) Hehe… Well, remember, God made you special…
Junior: ...And He loves you very much.
Bob, Junior, and Larry: Goodbye!
Larry: I can make you some more. Can you wait?
(fade to black)
(end of transcript)