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This is the episode transcript for 12 Angry Hens.


(The episode opens with Jason playing hockey indoors.)

Jason: One second to go. He maneuvers around the goalie and scores!

(He hits the puck into the pot holding the cactus. Michelle removes the puck.)

Michelle: Jason, you could break something.

Jason: Thanks, Grandmum. It's soft, see? (squishes the puck)

Michelle: Yeah, but this is wood. (gasps) Oh, no, Jason Conrad, look what you did! (The Rockhopper has been dented.) Grandmum's going to be really upset with you. She told us to take care of Granddad's old stuff.

Jason: I didn't do it.

Michelle: It just got dented all by itself?

Jason: Listen to me.

Michelle: I don't need to listen. It's obvious what happened.

(Grandmum enters the living room with a vacuum.)

Grandmum: My, my, pickles. What are you two fussing about?

Jason: Michelle says I did something, but I didn't. And she won't even let me explain.

Grandmum: Well, pets, remember what the Good Book says. "He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame." That means--

Michelle: That answering too soon is, um...

Grandmum: It means that making a decision before you listen to everything is foolhardy.

Michelle: Fool what?

Grandmum: Not at all bright. Now, Michelle, luv, would you mind--?

Michelle: Sure, Grandmum.

(She presses a button on the vacuum cleaner, which makes it eject all the dust it picked up.)

Grandmum: (coughs) Actually, dear, I was going to ask you to empty the bag, seeing as it was full. The extras are in--

Michelle: I know, upstairs. I'll get 'em.

(Michelle goes upstairs and trips on the carpet. As she gets up and puts on her glasses, the ship roars to life. Jason comes upstairs as this happens.)

Michelle: Hi, guys! (punishes Jason) I wouldn't take Jason this time after what he did to the Rockhopper.

Zidgel: We'll take your word for it.

(Michelle is brought onboard the ship. Jason is left behind upon Michelle's insistence.)

Jason: That's not fair! I'm innocent! LISTEN TO ME!

(The ship leaves the house without Jason. After the opening theme, we get the title card. Cut to the inside of the ship as Kevin plays with a maze toy.)

Fidgel: We're approaching the beacon signal, Captain. I say, where's young Jason?

Zidgel: In the penalty box. Michelle says he dented our ship.

Fidgel: Doesn't sound like Jason. Did he say what happened?

Michelle: Uh, well, no, not exactly.

Fidgel: Did you ask him?

Michelle: No, I mean he was gonna make up some excuse, but--

Fidgel: But you didn't listen to his answer.

Michelle: I didn't have to. It was obvious what happened.

(Computer beeps.)

Fidgel: Captain, the ship flashing the beacon. We're right on top of it.

Zidgel: On top of it? Oh, no. We probably crushed it. What am I gonna tell Commander Strap?

Fidgel: I don't mean--it's just an expression. I mean we're very close.

Zidgel: Oh, right. Of course. Like a code.

(A ship that resembles an Easter basket approaches.)

Kevin: What a pretty Easter basket.

Michelle: Yeah, an empty basket. Looks abandoned. I say we leave it.

Midgel: But aren't you the least bit curious what's inside? There's gotta be more to it than that, right?

Michelle: Yeah, but look at it. What more could there be? I don't see any candy.

Fidgel: All we know is that it was putting out a distress signal, and our mission is to investigate. Orders, Captain?

Zidgel: I'll take a double cheeseburger, large fries...oh, you mean, that code speak again. Uh...extend robotic arm, retrieve object.

(The ship's robotic arm reaches for the Easter basket ship and grabs it. Meanwhile, inside, Kevin fools with the levers.)

Fidgel: No, Kevin. This is delicate equipment. Let go, Kevin. Stop. Give me those controls.

(The basket is brought onto the ship.)

Zidgel: No telling what's inside, guys. So be ready to run, I mean, to confront whatever dangerous alien is in there.

(Kevin slowly approaches the basket and is about to touch it until the glass dome opens.)

Zidgel: Ahhh!

(Zidgel hides. Suddenly, a chocolate brown egg appears, opens, and out pops a robotic chicken without a head. Immediately, a holographic head turns on.)

Chicken: (clucks)

Zidgel: That's kind of a letdown. I mean, except for that holographic head. That's pretty cool!

Michelle: Awww, she's so cute.

(The space chicken goes crazy.)

Zidgel: Ah! She's attacking! I knew it. A hostile alien chicken! After her!

(Zidgel pulls out a weapon that's really an egg-beater.)

Fidgel: Wait, Captain, I believe she's trying to tell us something.

Zidgel: Whatever she's saying, it's fowl. Heh, heh. Get it? Humor in the face of danger.

Midgel: No, Captain, Fidgel's right, she's trying to tell us something.

(The chicken clucks until she lays a metal egg. Fidgel picks it up and finds a note inside.)

Michelle: What's it say, Fidgel?

Fidgel: I can't read it. Must be some sort of hieroglyphics.

Zidgel: I think it's just bad handwriting. Chicken scratch, you might say. Heh, heh.

Midgel: Whatever it is, we should help her.

Michelle: Right, we should help.

Fidgel: But what if she's merely a decoy, a trap sent by Cavitus?

Michelle: Oh, you're right, we shouldn't help.

Zidgel: But she brought breakfast!

Michelle: Good point. Let's help her! I mean, wait, what should we do?

Fidgel: Perhaps finding out more before we answer.

(The chicken clucks and lays another egg.)

Kevin: Happy Easter!

(Segue to Fidgel trying to translate what the message reads.)

Zidgel: How's it coming, doctor?

Fidgel: Slowly. Nothing is working. Only the most advanced, cutting edge, state-of-the-art decoder can help us decipher this.

Fidgel: I have an egg timer. Would that help? It's digital.

Kevin: (blows whistle)

Michelle: Neat ring, Kevin. Where'd you get it?

(Kevin shows a box of the same cereal originally seen in More is More. Kevin hands Michelle the whistle and she blows it.)

Fidgel: Kevin, you're a genius!

Kevin: No, I'm a penguin.

Fidgel: That's a decoder ring. It's exactly what I need to break this cipher. May I?

Kevin: (nods head)

Zidgel: Can I blow the whistle when he's done cracking the code?

Kevin: (shakes head)

Zidgel: Awww, come on. Oh, what if I let you (whispers)

(The ship is shown playing with a giant yo-yo.)

Kevin: Wheeeeee!! Yoo-hoo!! Ho, ho, ho! Whee!!

(Fidgel gets to work decoding the message.)

Fidgel: I've got it! I broke the code. "Sugar frosted black hole cereal is the best." Oh, wait, that's what written on the ring. Urgent from Planet Henpeckedalot. Need help. Come quick. Please pick up milk and bread if you pass a market.

Zidgel: Midgel, set a course for the nearest convenience store.

(Midgel accelerates the ship.)

Chicken: (clucks)

Zidgel: Yes, ma'am. You heard her, Midgel. Make it snappy.

(Segue to the ship arriving at a spaceship that resembles a chicken coop.)

Midgel: There it is, Captain. Planet Henpeckedalot.

Fidgel: This is where the chickens lay candy eggs for Easter.

(The ship enters Henpeckedalot too fast and crashes. The crew exits the ship and finds twelve angry hens clucking.)

Midgel: Captain? Want to give it a go?

Zidgel: (clears throat) Chickens of Henpeckedalot. We are from the Federation and have heard your cry for help. Let me just say that your coop here is awful--

(They throw chocolate eggs at the crew.)

Michelle: What'd you say that for?

Zidgel: I was just trying to say, your coop is awfully nice.

Michelle: What? Ah, we should have listened to the whole thing.

Midgel: What's the strategy, Captain?

Zidgel: Retreat! You know how hard it is to get caramel stains off a uniform?

(They get back onto the ship. Fade to the crew as they watch the chickens still throwing chocolate eggs at the ship.)

Zidgel: When are they gonna run out of ammo? It's like they have a never ending supply.

Midgel: If we could only get them to stop for a moment to listen to us.

Michelle: But how?

Kevin: Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!

(The crew sees Kevin talking to the inhabitants through a microphone.)

Midgel: Wow, I guess it's good to learn a second language.

(Segue to the crew listening to a chicken talking about her missing egg.)

Chicken #1: As I was saying, the royal egg was sitting up there, but this morning we discovered that it had been--

Zidgel: Eaten?! How despicable!

Chicken #1: No, if you wait till I'm finished, (clucks) it was stolen!

Zidgel: Finished?

Chicken #1: (nods head)

Zidgel: Stolen?! How despicable!

Chicken #1: Right out from under us. (clucks) We always have someone sitting on it.

Fidgel: And without the royal egg, your once and future prince can't be born to his rightful throne.

Michelle: Do you know who stole it?

Chicken #1: Yes, caught the thief trying to escape. Gizmoid!

(Two chickens bring in a robotic fox.)

Gizmoid: I didn't steal anything, I tell ya! I'm innocent! Go ahead. Search me.

Chickens: Gizmoid is guilty! Guilty! Gizmoid is guilty!

Fidgel: So, why do you need us, if you've already had the trial?

Chicken #1: Trial? What trial?

Fidgel: Well, you have to have a trial, right?

Zidgel: The doctor is right, my fine feathered lynch mob. You have to give the poor fellow a fair trial. Federation regulation.

Michelle: But why?

Fidgel: A trial would give us a chance to listen to what Gizmoid had to say, so we can decide if he's innocent or guilty.

(Segue to a trial taking place. The chickens glare at Gizmoid as he's brought forward.)

Midgel: The trial of Gizmoid Fox is now in session, Judge Zidgel presiding.

(Zidgel, wearing a white wig, takes a seat. Kevin shows him a drawing of him.)

Kevin: That's you there, Zidgel.

Zidgel: Excellent job, Kevin. You got my best side.

Michelle: Henny Penny, where were you--?

Zidgel: Guilty! Throw him in prison.

Michelle: You haven't even heard the question yet.

Zidgel: Is that really necessary? He's a fox, they're hens. It's an old story.

Michelle: Shouldn't you listen to all the evidence before making a decision?

Zidgel: But why?

Michelle: Because, well, Fidgel?

Fidgel: Because he who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame.

Michelle: Grandmum said the very same thing this morning when I accused Jason of denting the ship. I wonder...

Gizmoid: And besides, I'm innocent!

Zidgel: Not guilty then. Can we go home now?

Michelle: Captain.

Zidgel: Fine. But I'm still playing rollie ball.

(Pulls out the same toy Kevin had earlier.)

Michelle: Henny Penny, tell us what you saw the day of the theft.

(Flashback to Henny Penny vacuuming the coop.)

Henny Penny: Well, I was just going to clean up the coop. I was so busy, it was such a mess. We chickens are a messy lot. (Gizmoid is shown sneaking up behind Henny Penny.) I didn't notice him at first. I only heard him at the last minute, but he threw a sack over my head. (Henny Penny tries to remove the bag from his head.) By the time I got that sack off my head, Gizmoid was on the perch holding the royal egg.

(Flashback ends as Gizmoid takes off with the egg.)

Zidgel: Guilty! You're really in a lot of trouble there, Gizmoid. Take the prisoner away.

Michelle: Your honor! You have to hear from the fox before you can decide innocent or guilty.

Zidgel: Yeah, but I already heard the story. I don't want to hear it again. I know how it ends. Oh, very well.

Michelle: Gizmoid, you've been accused of stealing Henpeckedalot's royal egg.

Zidgel: I object!

Michelle: You can't object. You're the judge.

Zidgel: I know, but I always wanted to say that. (clears throat) I sustain my objection. Mr. Fox, how do you plead?

Gizmoid: Not guilty. You have to believe me.

Zidgel: Very well, not guilty!

Michelle: Not so fast, your honor, captain, sir.

Zidgel: I thought this was what you wanted.

Michelle: I want you to listen to everything before you answer. Like Grandmum said--

Zidgel: Ah, that folly and shame bit, huh? (sighs)

Michelle: Your honor, let Mr. Fox tell what really happened.

Zidgel: Fine, fine. But you mind if I--? (Before he can play with the toy, Michelle glares at him and he puts it away.)

Gizmoid: Well, see, I was looking for shelter from a cosmic dust storm. When I entered, I spotted the royal egg sitting on its perch. Suddenly, a shadow fell across it.

(Cavitus' shadow looms over the egg and the egg is taken away. Cut back to the court.)

Zidgel: Not guilty!

(Michelle gives an unamused look as Zidgel plays with the toy again.)

Chicken #1: But there's more to the story. He's guilty!

Michelle: Captain Zidgel, you're not even paying attention!

Zidgel: Call me your honor, okay? I'm a judge and everything. See my robes?

Michelle: Then act like a judge and listen.

Zidgel: No need to. He's guilty.

Chickens: (cluck angrily)

Zidgel: Order! Order! Order in the court! Now where were we? Oh, right, guilty!

Michelle: You didn't even listen to his testimony.

Zidgel: Yes, I did. I liked Henny Penny's story better. Had more drama. Although, his did have more intrigue.

Michelle: Your honor, I want to cross examine Henny Penny. (Soon, Henny Penny is seated next to Zidgel.) Okay, Henny Penny--

Henny Penny: No, I didn't do anything!

Michelle: But I didn't ask you anything yet.

Henny Penny: Oh, sorry.

Michelle: Henny Penny, are you a chicken--?

Henny Penny: No.

Michelle: What?

Henny Penny: Dah! I'm sorry. Uh, what was the question?

Michelle: I was going to ask, are you a chicken who keeps the coop clean?

Henny Penny: Oh, uh, yes. I mean, I clean.

Michelle: But why did you say no before?

(Michelle takes a look at Henny Penny's feet and suspects something wrong.)

Michelle: Your honor, I request permission to unmask this imposter!

(Michelle removes the chicken head, revealing one of Cavitus' minions. Everyone gasps.)

Michelle: This is one of Cavitus' henchman. I recognized his feet.

(The minion runs for the door, but the crew stops him.)

Zidgel: Wow. What tipped you?

Michelle: When he answered my question before he heard it all. He said no, that he wasn't a chicken.

Minion #1: That was foolish of me and now I feel ashamed.

Michelle: But what's he doing here? And why would he steal the royal egg?

(Segue to Cavtis and Minion #2 on an unspecified purple planet. Minion #2 is shown sitting on the royal egg.)

Minion #2: Uh, can I get off now?

Cavitus: No, it must hatch soon. Then I will have a friend. A royal friend. I'll be invited all the best parties! (evil laughter)

(Cut to the ship as the crew searches for Cavitus with Minion #1 tagging along.)

Midgel: How much farther to where Cavitus has the egg?

Minion #1: I'm not sure. It's around here somewhere.

(Zidgel gets distracted at first, but gets back on track.)

Zidgel: Why did Cavitus send you back to Henpeckedalot after you stole the royal egg anyway?

Minion #1: He wanted to make sure Gizmoid got the blame.

(The ship stops suddenly.)

Kevin: Flat tire?

Fidgel: Engine malfunction?

Midgel: Fork in the road.

(Cut to such an obstacle in the ship's way, even though it could easily fly around the fork.)

Fidgel: Hmm, which way?

(Minion #1 and Midgel think about this for a bit.)

Midgel: This is getting us nowhere.

Zidgel: Whoopie! I did it! When you veered right, I got the ball into the hole. I win! I win!

(On the ship's screen, a small asteroid with corn plants and a scarecrow is shown.)

Michelle: Look, there's a scarecrow pointing that way. Let's go!

Fidgel: I don't think he's actually pointing. We should ask.

Michelle: No, he's pointing. Let's go that way. (pause) You're right. I guess we better find out before we decide what to do. Let's ask the scarecrow.

(The scarecrow doesn't say anything. All it does is offer corn on the cob.)

Fidgel: Uh, no thank you. Have you seen an arch villain go by here with the royal egg?

(The scarecrow points in the same direction he was pointing in earlier.)

Michelle: Left. He's pointing left, let's go.

Fidgel: Michelle, wait.

Michelle: You're right. Sorry. I gotta work on that.

(The scarecrow points to the right.)

Fidgel: Thank you. Now, we have to get there before the egg hatches.

Rockhopper crew: Bonsai!!

(Segue to Cavitus and Minion #2 still watching over the egg.)

Cavitus: It's about to hatch. Then, I'll have my royal friend. The fox told me that the new prince will bond with the first person he sees, me.

(The egg cracks open and out comes a chick who almost resembles Tweety, but with rounder eyes.)

Cavitus: There he is, the little prince, and my ticket to high society.

Chicken prince: Mama! Mama!

Cavitus: No, not Mama. Cavitus. The great and powerful evil Cavitus. And your new best friend for life.

Chicken prince: Mama. Mama. Food. Food.

(The prince climbs on Cavitus.)

Cavitus: No, no, no. You don't get it. I can't go to high society parties as your mother. We're friends, get it?

(The prince tries hugging Cavitus, but Cavitus keeps backing away from him. Soon, Cavitus shakes him off. But the chicken prince keeps following him. Soon, Cavitus runs into a rock and Bert is launched from the control panel. The chicken prince gives Bert a hug.)

Bert: (screams)

(The chick keeps chasing after his "mom.")

Chicken prince: Mama! Mama! Mama!

Bert: Dahh! This is a nightmare!

(Segue to the Rockhopper finding Cavitus thanks to the help of Minion #1.)

Minion #1: There it is. Cavitus is down there, between all those asteroids.

(The ship goes down a vortex filled with asteroids.)

Midgel: Taking evasive action, watch out.

Minion #1: Cavitus set this up to stop a rescue ship.

Fidgel: Uh! Very effective.

(Meanwhile, Bert is still running from the chick.)

Bert: Help! Someone! Anyone!

Chicken prince: Mama! Mama! Feed me! Feed me!

(The Rockhopper arrives.)

Minion #1: There it is.

Michelle: Oh, no. Look. We're too late. The prince hatched.

Fidgel: I'd say we're right on time, Michelle.

Zidgel: Yes, we're just in time to rescue the little fellow.

Midgel: From the look of things, the prince isn't the one who needs rescuing. That looks like Bert the hamster.

Fidgel: Bert? Where?

Michelle: There. Let's save him.

(The ship lands on the planet. Bert is greeted by Michelle, Gizmoid and Minion #1.)

Bert: Dah! Thank goodness you're here! What took you so long?

Minion #1: Um, I'm not in trouble for leading them back here, am I?

Bert: Just rescue me from the prince! He won't leave me alone! He's relentless! (To Gizmoid.) You! You said he would bond with me.

Gizmoid: You didn't let me finish. I said he would bond with the first person he saw, like his mother.

Chicken prince: Mama! Mama! Feed me! Feed me!

Bert: I am not your mother! (referring to Gizmoid) He's your mother!

(Bert runs off to his robot suit. Everyone then realizes the truth.)

Fidgel: What's this? Bert and Cavitus--

Michelle: Are one and the same.

Midgel: Get him!

(Cavitus reactivates and runs back to his ship.)

Cavitus: Ahhh! Get me out of here!

(The ship immediately takes off.)

Chicken prince: Mama?

(Gizmoid backs away.)

Michelle: Don't worry, prince. We'll take you home. To your real mama.

Chicken prince: Oh, okay. Hee, hee.

(The chicken prince runs up to Gizmoid.)

Chicken prince: Mama?

Michelle: Don't jump to any conclusions until you listen to everything I have to say, okay?

Chicken prince: Hee, hee.

(Segue back to Grandmum's house. As Jason sulks over missing the mission, Michelle apologizes.)

Michelle: I'm really sorry, Jason. I didn't listen to everything you had to say, and I jumped to a conclusion. I'll listen now.

Jason: Yeah, great. Does me no good. Mission's over. Hope you had fun.

Michelle: I'm sorry. How did the Rockhopper get dented?

Jason: Beats me. Only we're both in trouble. You know how Grandmum says to be careful with Granddad's old stuff.

Grandmum: Hello, squash blossoms. Why so glum?

Michelle: Granddad's spaceship...

Grandmum: Oh, yes, right. I was getting ready to tell you before I started the vacuum. I dented it when I was vacuuming earlier. I wasn't careful. So sorry, pumpkins. My fault. Now, I hope you didn't get angry with each other before you heard the whole matter.

Michelle: Come on, Jason. You'll never guess what I found out about Bert and Cavitus.

(They both run upstairs. Fade to later that night as they pray.)

Michelle: And thank you for a grandmum who listens and teaches us to do the same thing.

Jason: And who admits when she does something wrong, and for bringing Michelle home safe.

Jason and Michelle: Amen.

(They both get into their beds.)

Michelle: Jason, you were worried?

Jason: I didn't say that.

Michelle: Well, what did you say?

Jason: Yes, no, well, maybe a little.

Michelle: Thanks, Jason. Goodnight.

(End of transcript.)